#35. "Going Backwards" (07.12.2003)
It's hard to believe
that I look on the past
and want it back.
I know I've been
suffering forever.
Fading memories
lead to wishful thoughts.

I should know that
no matter what happens
I'll still be the same;
the girl who craves
attention and can't
stop crying in the dark.

I was here when
I still had friends;
when I felt good
about myself.
I was still here crying.

So why should I
expect any different?
When I'm alone
and I hate myself.
I keep going backwards
to catch the past,
but I've already
been left behind.

So why then go on
living without dry eyes?
The future will be
just like the past
and everything
in between.
Why not slit my
wrists right now?
Well I can't get
rid of this hope
that refuses to die
inside of me.

I can't figure out
whether it's good or
bad to hope for better.
Will I go insane
before the hope fades?

It's hard to believe
I'm romanticizing the past.
But despite myself,
I want it back.
Because even though
I was ignorant and
neglected, there was
something more back then.

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