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Chapter Title: Hanging By A Moment
Author: Chad
E-mail: chad_m_@hotmail.com
Rated: R
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine, but the story is.
Summary: After all the heartache and four years of marriage, Buffy and Angel’s relationship finally comes to and end when he cheats on her. B/A, B/S, and A/C.
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~Hanging By A Moment~
*Lifehouse*
//Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you//
“Angel,” Buffy said, her smile wavering as she stared at the man who had made her heart sing . . . and shatter it with his words and with his actions.
“Buffy . . . “ he repeated again, eyes still wide, mouth agape.
“Mommy?” a curious voice behind asked in a hopeful tone.
Buffy tore her eyes away from the man who stood before her and towards the little boy who was gazing up at her in wonder, large brown eyes as wide as his father‘s, mouth turned up in a happy grin that caused a large smile to grow on Buffy’s own face before she dropped down onto her knees with her arms wide open. Connor lunged into them happily, laughing as she lifted him up and kissed his forehead and his cheeks with a chuckle, tears threatening to spill from her eyes at consuming feelings that had taken over her.
“I knew you’d come back, Mom! I knew it!” he yelled as he stared at her face, his memories clearing once again. Beautiful hazel eyes, blonde hair, and the prettiest face he ever saw. “I told Dad that you’d come back to us and you DID!” he exclaimed, his face full of exhilaration.
Buffy just smiled, not wanting to burst the young boy’s bubble at the ultimate truth. So she just kissed his forehead, her eyes closed as she tried to hold back the tears of joy and sadness. She hugged him to her and looked at Angel over his shoulder.
“I’m the interior decorator,” she told him, a forced smile on her face.
//I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you//
Angel only nodded and opened the door wider. Buffy set Connor down on his feet and grabbed his hand as they walked in through the door.
Buffy looked around the apartment lavished in simple yet elegant Victorian furnishings. She tried to concentrate on that and the work that had to be done instead of her ex-husband’s piercing gaze and Connor’s bright excitement.
She gulped and held her breath for a moment, trying to keep her composure in check before she turned and looked into Angel’s deep brown eyes. They held so much intensity and fire, holding so many emotions of love that she had to look away in fear of jumping into his arms and kissing those lips she had dreamed of tasting for five long and grueling years.
//Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely and complete
I'll take your invitation
you take all of me//
“How-how are you?” she stuttered awkwardly, trying to force a smile on her face.
“Fine . . . I guess,” he replied, his voice cool and collected.
Buffy nodded, not knowing if that was either good or bad. But she didn’t want to ask as she looked down at Connor, grown up into such a big handsome boy at the age of ten with spiky brown hair, dark brown eyes, but with Darla’s fair complexion. He was so handsome, so very similar to her own twins.
“How have you been?” Angel chocked as he watched her gaze brighten when it landed on his son. It used to be that way when she looked at him as well . . . but all that had changed when the most stupidest decision he ever made ruined it all and caused her to leave . . . and loose that light and admiration she held towards him.
She looked up at him with clear hazel eyes. “I’m fine,” she sighed, “Shall we begin?” she asked, looking around his apartment as though that was the only thing she was there for.
“Wait,” Connor frowned, “Begin what?”
“I’m the interior decorator your Dad hired,” she answered lightly with a smile.
His frown deepened. “You’re not staying.”
Her smile turned sad. “I would love to, but I can’t.”
“Why not?” he countered stubbornly.
Buffy and Angel’s eyes met. She looked away first. “Because . . . “
//Now . . . I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you//
“No,” Connor said angrily, pulling back away from her. “You left me and Dad with barely any reason at all! And then you come back and you’re not staying for good?” he questioned like a lawyer to the guilty.
Buffy closed her eyes, “Connor . . . “
He gave her a disgusted look and quickly ran towards his bedroom, the sound of the door slamming making her wince as she took a deep breath. Angel never told him why she left and couldn’t stay. She didn’t know whether to be happy that Connor would never know of his father’s betrayal, or angry because she suddenly became the villain in all of this.
“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” Buffy whispered, clutching her bag and heading towards the door, but before she could take another step, Angel grabbed her arms and stared down at her.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized, his voice hoarse, his eyes gloomy.
Buffy shrugged and pulled her arms away, trying not to drown in his chocolate brown eyes or reach up and touch his cheek. “I’ll figure something out,” she sighed, “I just hope he can forgive me,” she said and looked towards Connor’s bedroom door.
“No,” Angel shook his head, wanting nothing more than to pull her in his arms beg for her to come back to him and never let her go ever again. “I mean . . . I’M sorry. For everything . . . I . . “
She smiled. “It’s fine,” she croaked, “I’ll call in another designer for your home.”
//I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you//
“No . . . you don’t have to do that,” he urged. This was his opportunity to make things right and hopefully win her back. This was his second chance to NOT screw it up, and he wasn’t about to let it go. He was going to make it up to her, and hopefully win her in the end. He was going to fight for her, fight for her trust, fight for everything.
“I should,” she told him, afraid that if she ever got close to him again, her heart would be broken for the last time, and she didn’t think she would able to survive that. Having Angel in her life was the most amazing yet dangerous thing to live with. She loved him so much, and got hurt so bad because of it. “It’s not . . . “ she sighed, trying to look for the right words, “I can’t do this,” she admitted and looked up at him.
Angel’s jaws clenched when he saw the pain clearly written on her face. Her smile was gone, the twinkle in her eyes had vanished, and her form had become slumped. This was what he always reduced her to no matter how many times he promised to himself, as well as her, that he would never hurt her ever again.
“I . . . “ but the sudden shrill ringing of her cell phone interrupted her. She grabbed it from her bag as she turned away from Angel. “Hello?”
//There's nothing left to lose
Nothing left to find
There is nothing in the world that can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else . . . //
“Hi, Mom!” two young voices yelled into the phone.
Buffy smiled, but that suddenly faded when she realized where she was and who she was with. “Hey, guys,” she said, trying to keep her voice down as she moved further away from Angel, hoping he couldn’t hear the twin’s voices and that he wasn’t following.”
“Hey, Momma? When’re ye comin’ home?” Austin asked curiously.
“When work is done,” Hayden replied for her.
She couldn’t help but laugh at the tone the oldest of the twins used. “What did I tell you guys about calling Mom . . . me when I’m working?” she asked, cursing herself for her slip.
“It’s just that we want some McDonalds,” Austin told her.
“Japanese,” Hayden cleared.
“McDonalds!” Austin argued.
“Japanese!”
“McDonalds!”
“Guys!” Buffy laughed, “I’ll take both home. Okay?”
“Kay,” they replied in unison.
“Are you two being good for Deidre?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Now. Can I get back to work?”
“Uhu.”
“Thank You. Behave.”
“Bye, Momma.”
“Bye.”
“Jinx!” the two yelled at each other before hanging up the phone.
//Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer where I Started
Chasing after you//
Buffy turned towards Angel. “I’ll have Bob sign in another designer for you,” she told him softly.
“No,” Angel said, trying hard not to sound desperate. “Don’t. Please,” he sighed, closing his eyes and trying to get a grip on his jumbled emotions. “You’re here to do a job. I won’t hold you back from anything.”
Buffy sighed, but nodded before looking at Connor’s closed door.
“I’ll talk to him,” Angel said, following his gaze.
“About the truth?” Buffy countered.
Angel closed his eyes again, pain consuming his insides from the memories of WHY Buffy left in the first place.
“No,” Buffy smiled bitterly, “I guess not.” She took a deep breath and let it out, looking around the apartment, anywhere but him. “I’ll come by again tomorrow. I don’t think I’ll get any work done now.”
Angel said nothing.
“Tell him that I love him,” she said, looking into his eyes as she fought away the tears that threatened to spill. “I wouldn’t have left him. I couldn’t take him away from you. He’s the only thing in your life that makes you happy.”
“And you . . . you make me happy,” he said softly.
“But not enough,” she whispered sadly before turning on her heels and walking towards the door, gently closing it behind her.
Angel stood there, silently suffering in his internal pain that he had caused.
//I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
Just hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment . . .
Hanging by a moment . . .
Hanging by a moment here with you . . . //
Continue to Chapter 6: All You Wanted
Back to Chapter 4: Crawling