Welcome to our Samoan Humor Page
Talofa lava and welcome to our Samoan Humor page.
Included on this page is stuff that was sent to us from people like you. We have collected
stuff that we thought was especially funny and true about us, Samoans, so that we can all laugh
together about what makes us special and different from other people in this world.
Samoan humor, at its best, is like no other kind of humor. It is unique, truthful,
and can really make your stomach hurt from laughing so hard. At its worst, of which examples
abound on the other Samoan sites, it is nothing more than petty attempts at trying to get
attention. But hey, you won't find that here because this is a family site and only
good-natured "stuff" will be posted.
Enjoy the humor and visit us again. We would like to thank Sina Solomona for sending the
first of these interesting bits of Samoan humor.
If you would like to contribute a funny joke or story or any other humorous bit of information, please click
HERE.
From: K Smith
Date: Sat, Mar 4 2000 2:20:54 PM -0800 (PST)
You are Samoan if:
your dad can tell you to clear the dishes by
slapping the table and
waving his hand
your dad watches TV lying on the floor even when
there are plenty of
chairs
your dad changes the TV channel with a pink eraser
tied to the end of
a
ruler
your parents think a Ritz cracker box and foil make
a TV antenna
your dad leaves a note in the shower saying don’t
move the showerhead
because it’s adjusted to the correct height (his and
it hits your
stomach)
and then he signs it with his full name, like no one
knows who would do
such
a thing?
your dad makes you scrub the toilet bowl with your
hand and a rag
because
the American brush can’t do the job right
your dad thinks a hamburger is really 2 pieces of
white bread with
all
kinds of leftovers in between. You like?
there is no lock on the bathroom door and all kinds
of people keep
coming
in and you pretend you’re just relaxing
when your parents sing and play ukulele songs on the
toilet
when your dad thinks the pamu (enema) cures
everything even a
headache
when you hang toilet bowl deodorant from your car
mirror for air
freshener
when you hang cemetery flowers on your dashboard for
decoration
when you hang shell necklaces around photos on walls
when you mix spaghetti with rice
your grandma’s bedroom is full of old cocacola
bottles and coconut
oil she
uses to fo’afo’a you
when your grandma looks like a peaceful sweet old
lady on Sunday but
she is
really twisting your ear and pinching your auaga and
every other day
she
watches wrestling on TV and yells "fusu fusu loa"
while boxing the air
your grandma air dries her underwear on bushes and
sidewalks in front
of
your house
your parents make you drink tree bark when you are
sick and put axle
grease
on a gaping wound (you don’t need no stinkin doctor)
your grandma tells you any problems you might get
happen because of
your
wickedness like you get mugged and robbed because you
must have sinned
sometime
you smile at white people then talk bad about their
anatomy behind
their
backs
you make your own birthday cake and still get a sasa
on your birthday
you and all your bros and sis get a sasa just cos
your dad is mad and
he
says its good anyway because you probably did lots of
bad things he
doesn’t
know about
haircut days are good for a lot of head slapping and
crooked hair
your head looks like a duck’s muli when your dad is
done cutting your
hair
you have to sit outside in your underwear while your
dad yells, slaps
and
cuts your hair and keeps tapping the scissors on the
comb just before
he
slaps you with it
your dad buys you housedresses to wear to your first
job as a J.C.
Penney’s
salesgirl
your dad says you look like a gorilla when your hair
is dry (because
it is
bushy) but it looks just like his because that’s where
it came from
your parents forbid you to look at boys and you must
always put your
hair
in a pangi but you cannot ever cut it or wear it down
your parents expect you to dance some sexy hula with
your eyes closed
so
you still can’t look at boys
when your legs are bigger, stronger and faster than
an NFL lineman
when you’re a woman and you weigh more than an NFL
lineman but you
look
smaller
when you help yourself to your neighbors donuts
when your dad can hit your head sitting 6 feet away
during the prayer
at
church
when your dad chains the fridge closed to keep your
500 pound brother
on a
diet and your brother never loses weight because he
knows how to slip
the
chain off and on
when your white friends come to your house and
wonder why your dad is
wearing a sheet?
when every shoe at the front door is as big as a
boat
when the chairs are covered with plastic
whenever you walk past a dog you have an
uncontrollable urge to kick
the
dog for no reason (just genetic)
when the dog cringes and goes "ow ow ow" before you
even get near it
when you see a Samoan man beating up 4 rednecks and
they all crawl
away and
the next day the Samoan says he’s sorry he kicked the
guys so hard cos
his
foot hurts
when you go to McDonald’s drivethru in a towel and
still jump out of
your
truck to fight cos someone called you a meauli
when your mom buys ballgowns to wear to church
even your dog has that superior, get your muli out
of here look
when a dog bites your leg and the doctor is
stitching it up, the
doctor
feels sorry for the dog not you.
love you all
Ia fanks a lot K Smith...MALO!
Date: Tue, 03 March 2000 16:20PM EDT
From: vaa-t@ezysurf.co.nz
SAMOAN HUMOUR (in New Zeland?)
WHAT DO YOU CALL A DEER WITH NO EYES?
ANSWER:.....NO EYE DEER....(NO IDEA)
Ia fank you Vaa!!!
Date: Tue, 03 March 2000 16:20PM EDT
From: C. S. Leschhorn
Differences between a normal Samoan and an FOB:
-normal Samoans may sometimes use ie lavalavas as curtains, FOBS may use window curtains as ie
lavalavas!
-normal Samoans are known for hearty appetites, while an FOB can clean out a
refrigerator...including the ice cubes and that little bulb that goes on and off ("chuss fill like a light
shnack!")
-normal Samoans these days speak Samoan and English, while FOBS shpeak Shamoan ant shomefing
dat lesembles Enklish putt ish incomplehenshtable to mosht peple.
Actual names given to Samoans by their parents (These taken from the Internet, mostly the
Polynesiancafe, where some people have started complaining about some of the names. There are no
Hamos were I live!)
-Maile' (Dog)
-Telefoni (phone)
-Mata (Eye)
-Meaola (Animal)
-Kerisimasi (Christmas)
-Isumu (Rat)
-Sosomo (That stuff you may have on your eyes when you wake up???)
-Fa'afetai (Thanks)
-Laufa'i (Banana Loaf)
-Moli (Orange)
-Fala (Pineapple or Mat)
-Paugutu ("promiscous one" you know what I mean)
-Seattle
-Amelika (America)
-Washington
-Army
-Navy
-Lole (Candy)
-Osovale (Out Of Line)
-Ese (Move)
-Pua'a (Pig)
-Aifai (Banana eater)
-Fiapoto (Smart aleck)
-Va'alele (Airplane)
-Pan Am (yes, I'm talking about that airline here)
Ia fank you LESCHHORN!!!
Date: Thu, 19 Aug 99 07:47AM EDT
From: puligipopo@hotmail.com
A Samoan Man Goes to the Mall
One day a Samoan man drove his 15 passenger family van to the local shopping
mall. He drove his van into a parking spot when he was approached by the
parking attendant saying "Excuse me sir you can't park your car there. This
space is for compact cars only." And the Samoan man replied, "Yeah I know,
I go and I com pack."
Siaki Goes to the Luau
One day Siaki was invited to a Hawaiian Luau. The host asked him, "So howz
everyting Siaki, you having good time?"
"Oh yes I like all you can eat kine' party," he replies.
"How you like da' maha'i maha'i?", the host asked.
"Oh, I like that kin' chicken, so good." Siaki replied as he continues
devouring his food.
Although confused by Siaki last comment the host continues to ask, "Howz the
kahlua pig?"
"Oh so good I going take some home, kay." Siaki exclaims.
Finally the host ask, "So howz' the poi?"
"Oh yeah the boy(poi), he doing good, he in da' the fhird grade now."
Ia fank you PULIGIPOPO!!!
Date: Mon, 26 Jul 99 06:29AM EDT
From: SHAMA
Q: what do you call a puppy on a grill??
A: PUPPY-Q!
se u know how them F.O.B's say it!!...okay tai lava mo le avanoa..Tofa
Ona O Iesu......AAAAAMENE!!.....HaWaii In the HiZZouse!!!..EwaBeach!!..hehehe!
Ia fank you SHAMA from Ewa Beach!
Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 05:51:20 EDT
From: R.A.T.
How do you know when a Samoan family is not at home?
When you go to their house and all of the curtains from their windows are
gone.
Answer: It is because they are wearing it....get it....ie lava lavas!!
Ia fank you!
Date: Sun, 30 May 1999 22:17:48 EDT
From: V.MIKAELE
YOU KNOW YOU'RE SAMOAN IF:
Your mom makes your egg sandwhiches and puts it back in bread bag so you can
take it to school.
When go to school fieldtrips and everyone is drinking can sodas and you have
a 2 liter.
When you have to wear your older bro/sis old clothes on the first day of
school.
When you hang an ie lavava with puka holes for your curtain.
When you have to borrow ketchup from your white neighbors.
When your foreheads shines from all the babyoil your mom put in your hair for
picture day.
When your grandpa or grandma cuts the front yard with scissors.
When your waterhose is only 3ft long....cause your mom keeps cutting it so
she can hit you with it.
When your family sells panikeke at your football games.
When you go to church only for toana'i.
When you take foilpaper to ALL YOU CAN EAT restaurant.
When you go to someones B.B.Q and you come back with THIER pots and
pans.......with food in it.
FANK YOU VETY MUTCH...Malo lava, fanks!
V.MIKAELE
Date: Fri, 14 May 1999 01:02:41 -0700 EST
From: MP in Denver
You Know you're a Samoan when:
*YOU ARE READING THIS!!!
********grins*******
*You work for United Air just to get buddy pass, and not to worry about the $6.45/hr pay
*You go to a movie just to watch a palagi laughs then you laugh with him to make people around you think you understand
what's going on
*Your brother in Samoa only writes you and starts praising (sweet talking) you when he NEEDS something (especially toward
X-Mas time and birthdays)
*You and your friends try to mimic what you guys have seen on TV/Movie (Ninja ma le kaufaga)
*The only exercise you do is walking from the couch to the refrigerator
*Cops try to hand cuff you with chains cos your wrists are too big.
*You're 2 blocks away, and your mother picks up the binoculars and tries to whisper to you (Siaki, magakua se pepa lulu a si
ou kiga)
*You wear the same underwear 4 times a week
*You use a kipolo (lemon) as a hair gel, and a deodorant
*You think you smell good when you use your sister's perfume
*You chew a piece of gum for more than 12hrs
*You sing to your child...(O siaki se tama leaga e 'ai pisupo ma 'ai mea leaga e fagufagu aku e gofo i luga 'ae fai mai ua ki'o i le
aluga)
*You see food on the ground, look around to make sure nobody's watching, then quickly pick it up and shove it in your mouth
*You get change for a dollar and put 'em in your pocket (fa'a kagikagi) so people think you have money
*You wear nice dress shoes to church w/o socks (faiga a le 'au po'a)
*You won the lottery last week and filed for bankruptcy today
Ia ua lava ga ke'i oke mai le koeaiga!!!
Ia fank you MP from Denver
Sat, 24 Apr 1999 02:01:48 EDT
From: Faifaieasy
You know you're Samoan:
When your boyfriend comes to ask your mom if he can take you to the movies,
and your mom says, "su'e mai o'u se'evae".
when you ask, "How are you? and they answer, "I'm 20 years old.
when you see some keine or fafige at the supermarket with leggings or pants
with a puletasi top from you church kogiga.
when you see a man with a checkaboard suit and flower pants at church, with
whitewall shoes.
when you go to someone's house for a faalavelave, and you leave with someone
else' shoes.
when your mom says at 25,you're are too young for a boyfriend. (sounds like
taupou sa time to me).
when five brothers fight over who took who's underwear in the morning, when
actually they all wear the one 3 pack of underwears that mom bought last
month.
ia fanks tele lava, Faifaieasy.
Wed, 07 Apr 99 10:08AM EDT
From: Cat Fa'agutu
You know they are samoans when:
There is an accident and they are the only ones laughing
You ask them for the time, and they say "free firty" (3:30)
They see a FBI warning sign at the beginning of a video tape and they say...Se shammit!, I seen dish one already!
You open the car and roaches come running out
They go to Footlocker and look at the display and see only one shoe, then leaving in dismay thinking they didn't
have the other pair.
You see them hanging out at any airport all day...and night
They wear a puletasi to go church, school, jogging, to the store.....oh and the infamous one....clubbing
The mother has a better throwing arm than the father
You can see the toes screaming to breathe cause the shoes too tight...but they still say "it fits!!"..hahaha
Ia Fanks....Caffy
From: KynJin in California
Sat, 27 Mar 99 16:24PM EST
You know they're Samoan when:
You see the whole clan at the beach with fishing poles and a pot-full of boiled green bananas.
You see a beat-up station wagon full of uncombed hair, unclothed kids, and four adults with Hawai'ian print shirts at a super market parking lot.
You encounter a pretty Polynesian girl and ask her something in Samoan and she asnwers you in backward English with a mamafa lava Samoan ac'cent.......fob
Everyone wears a white straw hat and white dress on Sundays.
You see a lot of head slapping and pinching during the sermon.
You invite 2 people and the whole family with grandma and grandpa show up.
You see two over-grown kids bullying a palagi kid to show-off their braveness
because a girl is watching....e tafefe....
Someone claims being Hawai'ian or Afakasi when it's plain as the mole on your
nose that they're as black as a meauli and doesn't speak a word of English or
Hawai'ian except 'u no da kind'.....auoi....
You lived next door to your neighbors for 10 years, and the only time they
leave the house is on the first and the fifth of the month....1st is welfare
check...5th is food stamps......
The shopper in front of you has 4 cart-full of pisupo, spaghetti, pilikaki,
cabbage, 5 gallon oil, 25 lb. bag of rice, soy sauce, and two more carts with
kids in it.
Everyone seems to wear the same cologne....fried fish or pilikaki....whooooosh
You see that the shopper buys nothing but 'Springfields'
You see the young girls at the convenient store wearing a church dress,
pantyhose and slippers...
You visit your friends house and the only thing in the refrigerator is plain
paper bologna and half block of cheese.
You find a loaf of hard Samoan bread on the couch...
You are invited by your neighbors to dinner and they serve you a bowl of
white sweet watery gravy with raw bubble dough.......they call it 'kopai'
You ask for a dust-pan and they hand you a magazine or a newspaper.
You find a 6 year old kid still in diapers playing in front of the house.
You encounter grandma at the store wearing one white and one red sock with
samoan flip flops.....
You're in a diner and the people at the next table are scooping up their food
with their fingers....good eating...hehe
Someone that looks like they just got off the boat wearing neon bright green
pants and bright orange shirt.
You see big glob of vaseline on a kid's hair.....
After you sing at a funeral, they serve you hard crackers and a loaf of
Samoan bread with butter and jelly spread.....
Enjoy at your own peril.....Ia fank you veli mutch.....haha....KynJin in
Calif.
Ia fank you, KynJin...malo lava!
From: Samoakurl,
Thurs., 18 Mar 1999 11:59:05 EST
YOU KNOW YOU'RE SAMOAN WHEN:
Your parents think that all your Black friends are drug dealers.
Being whipped with the belt is considered discipline not child abuse.
No matter where you go in the United States, you got a "cousin" there.
At any major function, your food comes in a box that used to hold a 24-pack
of sodas instead of a plate.
At an "all you can eat" restaurant, the owners lock their doors when they see your family coming.
When your friends come over they wonder why your dad is wearing a skirt (ie lavalava).
Everytime you do your grocery shopping, you buy eight cans of corned beef, 12
cans of spam, and a 20 lb. bag of calrose rice.
Hahaha! Hahaha!!! Manaia tele lava, ia fank you Samoakurl
Tue, 16 Mar 99 19:12PM EST
From: KynJin in California
You can tell a Samoan family lives there when:
You see 'ie 'afus with lots of hibiscus flowers hanging half on and half off
the windows.
You see their laundry hanging in front of the house, and on rails, instead of
at the back of the house. Especially when the laundry contains of 5 'ie
lavalavas and 3 mu'umu'us, 2 pule tasi, and a bermuda shorts with hole in it.
You visited the neighborhood for the first time and the first things you smell
is a falai pilikaki with lots of onions and black pepper.
You knock on the door at your friend's house and you hear a woman yelling, "e,
le faikoko'a!!".....and then you hear little kids race to open the door.
You drive by a house and you see kids running and playing in front of the
house with no clothes on....(still going native)
You see that they beat any other nationality by amount of lapisi and uncut
grass on the front yard.
You see women doing 'da ting' you know, va'iliga ukus on their
porch....yyyuuck...but typical.
You see someone chasing a kid around the house with the se'evae......brings
back memories, haha....
You can bribe your mom with $20 for her bingo.....(for reals, ha ha ha)
You see a woman beating up 2 men on the street. (of a different nationality,
of course...everyone knows that one blow from a Samoan man would give you an
instant face lift!!)...hehehe
Q: Why don't you ever hear a case of a Samoan girl being raped??
A: Because, while the rapist is contemplating his adventure, he's also
sniffing the neighborhood for the house that doesn't smell like fried
fish, and the garbage can that isn't full of green banana peels.
You can spot a mountain of shoes blocking the front door.
You see everyone wearing ie lavalava, no shoes and a broken down van in the
drive way.
You see an old lady beating the heck out of a 'fala moe' . (sleeping mat to
you,ha ha)
You find a life-time supply of saimigi (top ramin) in the cupboards.
You find out your last name is the same as everyone else's.
Enjoy at your own risk...hahaha..Ia fank you veli mutch....KynJin
If you have any Samoan Humor you would like to
share with the rest of the world, please
click:
HERE:
webmaster@samoaweb.zzn.com
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SAMOAN HUMOR ARCHIVE
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