When I wake up in the morning, I recall the lover's words. Strictly, or more, each time when I wake in my futon, I can imagine the lover's words he has yet to utter. Everyday is like this, the cycle repeats itself, I am faced to such a chilly (!) morning over and over again. The cycle shall repeat itself as it did and does this morning.
Dance to music,...I gave up the moment last year, such a special moment shall never come to me. The last happiest moment was Kula Shaker's live in Tokyo. I went there with my ex-boyfriend, but I had to decide to resign the happiest experience that could only enable me to forget the reality. Sad to say, but, I felt spining round and round then and the feeling of faint suffered me much together with the hard ache inside my ears. Ah...even music shall run away from me! God was terribly miserable, I thought. Is there any solution to this? What should I stop now? What? Rather, what can I DO to get the happiest moment back to me?
No answer was out there. Just sits still patiently waiting for the time will come I could stand normally and the pain was much better. Or should I go out to such a place on my own? Awful. I am afraid to do that, I am not prepared to lose myself all alone with the strangers. Or is it better for me to forget or not imagine I faint? NO. I MUST NOT bother the happiest moment of my long-time soul mate as well. Absolutely I need to avoid the unhappiest not only for him but for me. And that kind is to be the unhappiest thing in my life.
"Tango" always reminds me of the steps the tap dance includes. The stoic rhythm/steps could make ourselves up away from the floor, which brings us the time(period) experiencing our being in the air even though we are not sure if we can stand up or make steps strongly with our foot on the earth. Not Wandering but Floating, Not Wondering, rather Feeling. That is JAGATARA to me. In fact, to tread on the floor in such a regulary rhythm could trace our footsteps which turns out to be our being --substance like time and space. Time remembers, Space wraps the inevitable but unstable reality 'we are alive or we are human'.
Sorry, I am now feeling spining round and round once again listening to "Shonen Shojo (boys and girls)" that is one of my greatest love of JAGATARA's tracks. As well as "Tango". Yes, Cry baby. On my breasts. ('Atashi no mune de morai naki'). Yes, boys, you can cry on your lover girls' breasts. (6/Feb./00)