Chapter 35: I drive Myself Crazy
Days, hours, and minutes had passed. I went through entire
days not eating or doing anything..I just couldn't
knowing that I couldn't be with Justin. After the 2nd month
I allowed my mom to talk to me.
"Ashley, you've lost a tremendously amount of weight," she commented looking at my now frail body.
"Well, If I felt like
eating then I would, but I don't..but then again what do you
care? You only love making my life miserable.. I can't see
Justin. Do you even know how much he means to me, he's
already back in Florida and I didn't even get to tell
him goodbye.." I started crying.
"Ashley, I know you think
I'm the most meanest mom in the world..but I want you to
have your life to, all of it is spent with
Justin or Nick." my mom said patting my back.
"Don't even touch me, I just want to be alone." I said jerking myself away form her and crying into my pillow.
"Ashley--" she started.
"Just get out!" I yelled out. She left.
My life was horrible. Amanda asked if anything was wrong, I told them what had happened and they gave me some encouraging words. But how did they know?
Amanda had AJ, She had her special someone, I didn't...In fact all I ever heard was "it's going to be okay", "your mom is doing this for your own good," oh my personal favorite "it'll all be over in 3 months," But it doesn't work that way.
They don't know how it feelsto lose someone special to you. Someone where you could tell what they are thinking, and someone you could imagine being with for the rest of your life...but I don't have that someone he's gone!! And I try to count the days when I will see him again but it's like know the day is forever lasting..each second, each minute is going too slow...as if time has decided to go slower because I'm hurting.
"Ashley honey, there's someone hear to see you," my mom said.
"Tell whoever it is to go away," I said.
"Are you sure? I thought I could be of some use," the voice said, I stood up.
"Brian?" I asked.
"Hey Ash, I heard about what happened, so I decided to bring along a friend!" Brian said. In the package was little Tyke.
"Oh, Brian.. he's just what I needed" I said picking him up.
"You can't keep him, but I thought you would like him for a couple of days!" Brian suggested.
"Of course," Isaid I put Tyke down and he immediately jumped on the bed.
"I guess he feels right athome," Brian said laughing.
"Thanks so much," I said to him giving him a hug.
"I can tell you know what I'm going through," I told him sitting down.
"Yeah, this has happened tome before, it happens all the time with Leighanne, I can only see her when I'm not on tour, doing promos, and just relaxing and as you can tell it's not very often. But I ask myself all the time 'Do I want to put myself through this, and Leighanne through this?" he said thinking. "But lately it's been Leighanne is always gone!" he said looking into my eyes.
"I know how you feel, and it's comforting to know that there's someone who understands me!" I said. Then it just happened... we kissed. It was soft, slow and nice.
"Maybe I should go," Brian said.
"Yeah, I don't want to start something I can't finish," I said looking up at him.
"Bye Ashley, take care of him for me," he said giving me one small kiss on the lips.
And he left. I touched my
lips as if to still feel his imprint on it... I played with
Tyke.. still thinking about Brian and Justin..and Nick.. my
life is so confusing..but at least I am know going to face
my problems instead of run from them.
"Hey Justin, how are you coping?" JC asked.
"Not to well, I miss her ya know?" Justin said holding his basketball.
"Yeah I know," JC said.
"It's okay.. all of us are going to a club, do you want to come?" JC asked.
"But it won't be the same without her," Justin said sighing.
"Come on, man you need to have some fun!" JC urged.
"Tonight at 8:00 we'll meet you there," he said and left Justin playing basketball.
~*~
"Brian, man where were you?" Nick asked..drying his Durango he had finished washing.
"I went to go see someone!" Brian said picking up a basketball.
"Who?" Nick asked.
"Uh Ashley" he said silently.
"Why were you over Ashley's?" Nick asked calmly.
"I wanted to give her Tyke, she liked him and well I thought he would rise her spirits." Brian said.
"Isn't that Ashley's lipstick?" Nick asked peering closely at Brian's face.
"No, why?" he asked looking away.
"Because I know Ashley and she only wears one kind! You kissed her didn't you?" Nick asked.
"Nick look--" he started.
"Answer the question..." he said sternly.
"Yeah I do admit it to you, I did it was not intentional and I didn't mean for it to happen," Brian said.
"I trusted you man, I can't believe you would do this" Nick yelled.
"Just go now, I can't talk to you!" Nick said.
~*~
"Chris.. Have you seen Justin?" JC asked concerned.
"No, man I haven't! Do you want a drink?" Chris asked yelling over the loud music.
It was 8:50 and Justin still isn't here.
"I'm gonna go call him," JC yelled to Chris.
"Hey guys," Justin said.
"Justin, I thought you weren't going to show!" JC said.
"I'm happy you're here!" JC said.
"Well come on, let's go dancing," JC said.
2 hours Later...
"Who's the blond chick Justin is talking to?" Chris asked.
"I don't know," JC answered back.
"Yo, Justin, we are about to head out!" JC said walking up to him.
"Hi, I'm JC," he said introducing himself to her.
"I'm Melissa" she said.
"Go on ahead, me and Melissa want to talk," Justin said.
"Okay check you later" JC said. Hmm... I hope he doesn't forget about his beautiful girlfriend in LA...