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Page Created on Oct. 31, '98
Homer J. Simpson (incl. mmm's)
Main Simpsons page (Abe to Willie, incl. songs, links)
My Non-Simpsons pages (Only the homepage is up, the Simpsons are too much fun!)
Brewcrew's Homerpage Other wavs Autos, Trucks/4x4 Music/Bon Jovi Nasa/Space

All Simpsons* sounds are in .wav format so the Media Player on Windows will play these, but if you need a player try Tucows.  I am always looking for more of the Wiggums' so if you have any to offer, please e-mail them to me.  If you don't see what you like, don't give up.  I have alot, but there's tons more on the 'net, check out my  links.  If you find any problems w/broken links or the server please notify me.
   Chief Clancy Wiggum
Description Size
555 Wiggum: "Eddie, did you trace the phone number?" 
Eddie: "Sure did, Chief" 
Wiggum: "Five-five-five, oh geez, that's gotta be phony"
912 "Ah, no you got the wrong number, this is 91...2" 30k
aquarium Lou: "There's a couple of guys fighting at the aquarium, Chief" 
Wiggum: "They still sell those frozen bananas?" 
Lou: "Yeah, I think so" 
Wiggum: "Let's roll"
arrest "Hey, hi, can I arrest any of you people for anything?" 75k
baby "No jury in the world's gonna convict a baby.  Mmm, maybe Texas" 51k
bookemlu "Book 'em, Lou!" 7k
bribe Wiggum: " -sigh-  Listen carefully and watch me wink as I speak, ok?"  Homer: "ok" 
Wiggum: "The guy I'm really looking for, wink,  is Mr. Bribe, wink, wink" 
Homer: ".........It's a ring toss game" 
Wiggum: "That's it, I'm shutting this game down"
closet "You know you're not supposed to go in there.  What is the fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?" 52k
comeout "All right!  Come out with your hands up, two cups of coffee, an auto freshener that says Capricorn and something with coconut on it" 261k
court "See you in court Simpson! Oh and ah bring that evidence with you, otherwise I got no case and you'll go scott free, ya know?" 148k
cuffem Wiggum: "Cuff 'em boys, we're puttin' this dirt bag away" 
Snake: "Ha!  I'll be on the streets in 24 hours" 
Wiggum: "We'll try and make it 12"
dedicate Quimby: "Alright, I'm in charge here" 
Wiggum: "Oh, run along, Quimby.  I think they're dedicating a phone booth somewhere"
doa (ringing phone) Marge: "Hello?" 
Wiggum: "Ah yeah Mrs Simpson, I have some bad news, your husband was found DOA" 
Marge: "Oh my God he's dead!!?" 
Wiggum: "Oh wait I mean DWI..hahaha..I always get those two mixed up" (hangs up...footsteps). 
Lady: "Hello, my name is Mrs. Phillips you said my husband is DWI" 
Wiggum: "Ahhhhhhh.......why don't you talk to that officer over there, I'm goin' out to lunch".
dusting Marge: "Chief!  You're getting powdered sugar all over my floor" 
Wiggum: "No I'm not, no I'm not.  I'm, uh, dusting for prints"
egghead Guy: "Here is an ordinary square" 
Wiggum:  "Woah, woah slow down egghead"
emerg911 "If anything goes wrong, just dial 9-1-1.  Unless it's an emergency" 118k
explode Lou: "That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place?" 
Wiggum: "Forget it, that's two blocks away" 
Lou: "Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney" 
Wiggum: "I am proceeding on foot.  Call in a code-8" 
Lou: "We need pretzels, repeat pretzels!"
greek *gasp*  "Good Lord!" 
Wiggum: "Put out an A.P.B on a Ustwes R. Dewo.  Ah, better start with Greektown" 
Investigator: "That's Homer J. Simpson, Chief.  You're reading it upside down" 
Wiggum: "Uh, cancel that A.P.B.  But, uh, oh, bring back some of them, ah, gyros" 
Investigator: "Chief, you're talking into your wallet"
illbedmn TV static, beep, chief moans, announcer: "Your cable TV is experiencing difficulties, please do not panic, resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones.  Do not attempt sexual relations as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless" 
Wiggum: -Checks under covers- "Well, I'll be damned"
jebediah Wiggum: "Jebediah Springfield has been replaced by a skeleton!" 
Historian: "No, that's the skeleton of Jebediah" 
Wiggum: "Gotcha, gotcha"
kidsays Bart: "Take 'em away, boys!" 
Wiggum: "Hey, I'm the Chief here.  Bake 'em away, toys!" 
Lou: "What'd you say Chief?" 
Wiggum: "Do what the kid says"
lou Lou: "Cecil just voluntarily confessed, Chief" 
Wiggum: "Well, that's some nice work, Lou.  You'll make Sargeant for this" 
Lou: "Ah, I already am Sargeant, Chief" 
Wiggum: "Perhaps you are.  But I say Bob goes back to jail" 
Sideshow Bob: "But surely!  I mean...I..caught Cecil" 
Wiggum: "Maybe so, but Lou here says you were resisting arrest" 
Lou: "No I didn't, Chief" 
Wiggum: "Quiet Lou, or I will bust you down to Sargeant so fast it'll make your head spin"
margcop -knocking- Marge: "Excuse me" 
Wiggum: "What, what, what, what, what, what what, what!  This better be about pizza!" 
Marge: "Actually, I'm interested in becoming a police officer"  -lots of laughing-
nicework "That's nice work, boys" 17k
nobribe Homer: "Carnies took over our house, you gotta help us!" 
Wiggum: "Well, well, look who's here, Mr. Nobribe, sure we'll help ya, just sit down and wait for Detective Like I. Giveadamn!" 
Homer: "Thank you so much"
nolock Wiggum: "These prestigious wrought iron security gates are bulletproof, bombproof, and battering ram resistant, now" 
Skinner: "Then what happened to Johnny D?" 
Wiggum: "He forgot to lock 'em"
nose "Look Ralphie, if your nose starts bleeding it means you're picking it too much, or not enough" 52k
plncrsh "Ok folks shows over nothin' to see here show's o-oh My God! A horrible plane crash!  Hey everybody get a load of this flaming wreckage, come on crowd around...crowd around, don't be shy... crowd around."  (One of my personal favs) 93k
pretty "Ya know fingerprints are just like snowflakes, they're both very pretty" 37k
push -comotion- "All right people, listen up!  The harder you push, the faster we will all get out of here!" 69k
swim "Do not be alarmed, continue swimming naked.  Ah, come on, continue. Come on, aww" 79k
tailligh "Huh, the left taillight's a little smaller than the right one.  I guess I'd better pull him over" 38k
takethat "Enough of you Borax, Poindexter!  A mans' life is at stake, we need action!" -gun firing- "Take that you lousy dimension!" 102k
type Wiggum: "Well, your story is very compelling Mr. Jackass, I man, uh, Simpson.  So I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter hmm, hmm, hmm, hmmm..." 142k
wiggum2 "Ah, just get one of those inflatable women.  But make sure it's a woman though, cuz this one time, I......huh" 28k
wiggumcb Marge: "My husband is on a murderous rampage!  Over" 
Wiggum: "Oh, well thank God that's over, I was worried there for a second"
  Ralph Wiggum
Description Size
area "Help!  She's touching my special area!" 35k
babies "Mrs. Krabaple and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me" 96k
caps "I ate all my caps!"  -POP-  "ooo" 30k
cat "My cats breath smells like cat food" 47k
dress Lisa: "Now put your left leg into the left side of the pants and you're done" 
Raplh: "I dressed myself!"
fire "Oww, my face is on fire!" 18k
idaho "I'm Idaho" 12k
iluvu "When I grow up I want to be a Principal or a catapillar.  I love you Principal Skinner" 95k
laugh Ralph: "My parents won't let me use scissors" -children laughing- 
Ms. Hoover: "The children are right to laugh at you Ralph,.  These things couldn't cut butter"
milk Ralph: "Can you open my milk, mommy?" 
Ms. Hoover: "I'm not mommy, Ralph, I'm Ms. Hoover" -children laugh-
mittens "My cats' name is Mittens" 33k
nosebleed "The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there" 26k
rlphval3 "Ms Hoover?  I glued my head to my shoulder" 34k
rwcookdn "Will you cook my dinner for me?  My parents aren't around and I'm not allowed to turn on the stove" 69k
rwunderw "A change of underwear!" 16k
special Flander: "Ralph, you'll be on special teams" 
Ralph: "I'm special!"
tongue "Ooo, ow, ow, I bit my tongue!" 26k
tribute Ms Hoover: "And for the tribute, I need a volunteer to present an oral report on Principal Skinners' life" 
Ralph: "Ms Hoover, which on is oral?" 
Ms Hoover: "Out of your mouth, Ralph.  Volunteers?  Thank you, Lisa" 
Ralph: "No, Ms Hoover, I'm Ralph" 
Ms Hoover: "I only need one volunteer, Ralph" 
Ralph: "Ms Hoover, which one is one?" 
Lisa: "Ralph and I could do the report together" 
Ms Hoover: "Your funeral" 
Ralph: "Ms Hoover?"
worm2 Ralph: "Oww, Ms Hoover?" 
Ms Hoover: "Yes, Ralph, what is it?" 
Ralph: "My worm went in my mouth and then I ate it, can I have new one?" 
Ms Hoover: "No, Ralph, ther aren't any more.  Just go to sleep while the other children are learning"
barf "I'm gonna jump until I barf!" 20k
battle Chaumers: "Are they as smart as they look?" 
Skinner: "Well, let's uh pick one at random, ah, ummm how 'bout that one?" 
Chaumers: "You mean this boy here?" 
Skinner: "No! No!  Lisa Simpson!" 
Chaumers: "When was the Battle of New Orleans?" 
Lisa: "January 8, 1815, 2 weeks after the war ended." 
Chaumers?: "First rate" 
Ralph: "What's a battle?"
bee "Let's be friends.  It says bee and there's a picture of a bee on it, huhaha." 77k
berries Lisa: "All we found were the oozing berries and they look pretty poisonous" 
Ralph: "I ated the purple berries!    Owww, ooooooo, mmmaaaahhhh" 
Bart: "How are they Ralph, good?" 
Ralph: "They taste like...burning!"
bovine "When I grow up I'm going to Bovine University!" 34k
boy "I'm a boy!" 12k
choochoo "It says choo-choo-choose me, and there's a picture of a train" 69k
dog "Um, Miss Hover, there's a dog in the vent!" 41k
dontknow "Aaaahhh, I don't know" 26k
fumes Ralph: "Mr. Simpsons, the fumes are making me dizzy!"
Homer: "Yeah, they'll do that"
moon -flipping of film reel-  Ralph: "Miss Hoover, the movie's over" 
Lisa: "Where's Miss Hoover?" 
Girl: "Hey, her car's gone!" 
Ralph: "Maybe she drove to the moon"
gofish Bart: "Got any three's?" 
Ralph: "Go fish!" 
Bart: "Ohh, see here's the problem Ralph, you have several three's" 
Ralph: "Go fish!"
hags Ralph: "Bye witches, thanks for not eating me" 
Chief: "Yeah, you hags are all right"
haha "He's still funny, but not haha funny" 28k
heaven Nelson: "Listen here, daddy's boy, you cost us one more game and you're dead!" 
Ralph: "You're going to heaven!"
juice "Somebody stole my juice money!" 27k
knob Ralph: "My knob tastes funny" 
Survey Guy: "Please refrain from tasting the knob"
moonrock Ralph: "I found a moonrock in my nose" 
Bart: "Chh, Houston, we have a booger"
nowetpan Ralph: "I'm scared, daddy!  Too scared to even wet my pants!" 
Chief: "Ok, son, just relax and it'll come"
pedal "I'm pedaling backwards!" 19k
r_marry "I love Lisa Simpson and when I grow up I'm going to marry her!" 46k
redcrayn Ralph: "Miss Hoover?" 
Miss Hoover: "Yes, Ralph" 
Ralph: "I don't have a red crayon" 
Miss Hoover: "Why not?" 
Ralph: "I ate it"     -children laughing-
trowel Ralph: "Princtipal Skippal! Or Prindipal Stimpkar!  I-I found something!  It's a spear head!" 
Miss Hoover: "That's your trowel blade, Ralph, it fell off the handle" 
Ralph: "And I found it!"
tar Ralph: "Mr. Simpson, the tar fumes are making me dizzy" 
Homer: "Yeah, they'll do that"
salmon Counselor: "Here's you scientifically selected career" 
Ralph: "Salmon gutter?!"
sandbox "This is my sandbox.  I'm not allowed to go in the deep end!" 45k
snaggle Miss Hoover: "Ralph, remember the time you said Snagglepuss was outside?" 
Ralph: "He was going to the bathroom"
special Flanders: "Ralph, you'll be on Special Teams" 
Ralph: "I'm special!"
streat Ralph:"Dad, when I grow up, I wanna be just like you" 
Skinner: "Better start eating, kid" 
-snickers- Chief: "Start eating!" 
-laughing- Ralph: "I didn't mean it that way"

    Wiggum .wavs wanted:  -The boy in the well episode where the Chief says he's too important to go down the well
                                        -Episode where they want to impound boat due to barnacles and a wet deck