I didn’t do it! Ewe did!
(X-men fanfic)
Cast:
Gambit: Daniel
Rogue: Kei
Psylocke: Zion
Spike: Luana
Nightcrawler: Draco
Jean Grey: Reluna
Cyclops: Andrew
Beast: Aki
Wolverine: Raven
Storm: Marejia
Xavier: Schlegal
Wolfbane: Naze
Shadowcat: Gwen
Jubilee: Sparkles
Archangel: Steve
Boom-Boom: Toni
Forge: Gumby
Cecilia Reves: Deanna
Daniel: “Aw, dammit!!”
Kei: “What the hell are you doing?”
Daniel lounged on
the couch making attempts at flicking cards into a red, plaid hat on the
coffee table. Kei stood there with a confused look on her face.
Daniel: “I’m…(flick card)…trying…(flick card)…to…(flick card)…get…(flick
card)…this…(flick card) …into…
(flick card)…that…(flick
card)Whoo!!!!! I got
it!!”
Kei: “Er… okaaaay?”
Daniel got up from
the couch and began to pick up the cards. Kim and Rachael walked into
the room.
Zion: “Hi!”
Luana: “Hiyo!”
Kei: “Hi!”
Daniel: “Hey!”
Zion: “Do you know where I could find Bethy and Andrew?”
Kei: “Er…”
Daniel: “Uh…I think they’re outside…”
*---*: “Yep, they’re outside!”
Zion(startled): “Ah! Draco! Stop doing that!!”
Draco: “Doing what?”
Zion: “Stop popping up out of nowhere!”
Draco tried to hold
in a laugh.
* *
*
Reluna and Andrew
were taking a walk together in the garden. They passed Aki who was reading
a book on a bench. Sparkles was showing off the fireworks that sprung from
his hands and was captivated by their glow. Gwen sat underneath a tree, trying
to read one of her books. Naze worked on her landscape painting that stood
on an easel beneath the shade of the deck. Steve just watched the clouds
pass by with his wings spread out.
Reluna: “It’s so peaceful, today.”
Andrew: “Uh-huh…”
They stopped at
a clearing where Raven was doing some self-training. Her metal claws shot
out of her knuckles and she swung her arms in a swiping motion at a rose
bush. Her leather jacket shined in the sunlight.
Reluna: “More training, Raven?”
Raven: “Yep…”
The top half of
the rose bush fell over in a clean cut.
Andrew: “What the hell?”
Raven: “Y’know, I gotta stop doing that…”
Reluna: “Y’think?”
Andrew: “Maybe instead of cutting the bushes in half, you could use those
claws to trim
the hedges.”
Raven(sarcastically): “Ha-ha. Shut-up! Smack!”
Toni appeared from
behind a bush.
Toni: “Hey guys, y’wanna see something?”
Reluna: “If it’s about your power, then no because we’ve already seen it…millions
of times!”
Toni: “Oh c’mon! Doncha’ wanna see it again for the million and first time?”
* *
*
Marejia: “Schlegal, there’s something wrong, here….”
Schlegal: “There is, isn’t there?”
Gumby: “What is it?”
They crowded around
a security screen. Mike held a screwdriver from working on something new.
Marejia: “We need to call everyone…”
* *
*
The gang stood there
in the metallic high-tech room of the lab and waited for the urgent news.
Kei(arms folded and pissed/disappointed look): “This better be good! I’m
missing Incubus!”
Daniel began to
sing a verse or two of an Incubus song. Kei started to get caught up in it
and almost began to sing along when the Professor(Schlegal) approached them.
Schlegal: “Yes, there is a reason why we gathered you here…there’s a huge
problem…”
Marejia: “The problem…”
The rest: “Yes?”
Marejia: “..is…”
Rest: “Yes, yes?”
Marejia: “…that…”
Rest: “YES!?”
Marejia: “…our…”
Rest: “Just tell us, already!!”
Marejia: “…sheep is gone!”
Rest: “*gasp!*”
Naze: “No! Not Scruffy!!”
Gwen: “Wait, we have a sheep?”
Aki: “Apparently we do.”
Steve: “Scruffy? Who names a sheep Scruffy?”
Xavier: “*clears throat* We don’t know who’s the culprit and we don’t have
any suspects in this crime. First, you
need to find clues, X-men.”
Andrew: “C’mon, let’s go check out the sheep pen.
* * *
The crew gathered around
the sheep pen and stared blankly at the hoof prints.
Jubilee(Sparkles): “I can’t believe we have a sheep…”
Beast(Aki): “I know, really…wiggity-wiggity.”
Wolfbane(Naze): “Hey…are sheep supposed to have different sized hooves?”
Spike(Luana): “Whatta whatta?”
Wolfbane: “Look! One set of prints are way smaller than the other.”
Wolverine(Raven): “A sheep musta’ done it!!”
Nightcrawler(Draco): “Evil sheep!”
Rogue(Kei): “Is it just me or is it weird for sheep to kidnap sheep…?”
Shadowcat(Gwen): “Sheep can kidnap sheep?”
Archangel(Steve): “What’s that?”
He pointed to an object
that was mostly covered with hay. He walked over to it, then came back
to the group with the recovered object.
Psylocke(Zion): “A badge..?”
Gambit(Daniel): “A cop badge…?”
Nightcrawler: “See! Cops are bad!!”
Psylocke stepped back
and tripped.
Psylocke: “Dammit! What the hell did I trip over?”
Boom-boom(Toni) bent
down and picked it up.
Boom-boom: “It’s a billiard ball.”
Jubilee: “Is there something written on it?”
Boom-boom: “Uh… there’s an ‘8’! Wait…uh…there’s a name!”
Cyclops(Andrew): “So, there’s a sheep, a cop, and a guy that plays pool…
okaaaay? Let’s split up!”
Jubilee: “Do you think Deanna’s seen Scruffy?”
Cyclops: “Uh…we can check… okay… split up and remember…beat the shit out
of them!”
* *
*
Cyclops, Jean(Reluna), Wolverine, and Jubilee went off to visit Deanna.
Cyclops: “Okay, so this is where she works? She’s a doctor?”
Wolverine: “Yep. She turned down Bagel(Schlegal)(Schlegal: “That’s not my
name!”)because she’s not ready to
come out of the
closet, yet. Like Gumby. Only out of a different closet.”
Jean: “Oh, I get it. And now she’s a doctor?”
Wolverine: “Yep!”
Jubilee: “Are we just going to stand outside the hospital building all day?”
* *
*
Gambit, Rogue, and Boom-boom
took off to find the guy who owned the billiard ball. They finally found
him and broke into his own private pool club where he was busy playing pool.
Gambit: “Alright! What’d you do with our sheep!?”
Rogue: “Yeah, asshole!!”
Boom-boom: “Give back Scruffy!!!”
Guy: “Wha-?”
Boom-boom: “Y’know! Our sheep!!!! Big and poofy!!”
Rogue: “Yeah, big and poofy!”
Guy: “Sheep? What would I do with a sheep?”
Rogue and Boom-boom: “Eat it!!?”
Guy: “Uh…vegetarian?”
Gambit: “That’s it! We want our sheep and we want it now!! Dammit!”
Rogue began to take
of her left glove.
Gambit: “Uh…Rogue… I think you should wait for the…uh…life-sucking-memory-draining…thing….”
Rogue(disappointedly): “Fine….”
Gambit and Boom-boom
charged towards him and attacked him. Rogue, on the other hand, walked over
to the wall and sat down crossed-legged with her chin resting on her hand
and her elbow resting on her knee. The room was illuminated by charged cards
and thrown explosives from Gambit and Boom-boom. Finally, they were finished
and the room was completely destroyed. A weak, bruised, and burned up pool
player lay motionless on the ground.
Gambit(rubbing his hands together): “Well, it turns out… he doesn’t have
Scruffy.”
Rogue(Getting up): “Then why’d you keep beating him up?”
Gambit: “Just for the hell of it!”
Boom-boom: “Yep!”
Rogue: “Then why’d you leave me out of it!?”
Rogue stood there facing
them with her arms crossed and a pouty look on her face.
* * *
Spike, Shadowcat, Nightcrawler,
and Wolfbane found the nearest sheep farm to investigate. Hundreds
of sheep grazed in a large field.
Nightcrawler: “Ah!! Evil sheep!!!”
Shadowcat: “Evil sheep!! Evil sheep!!”
Spike: “Evil!!! *Hiss!*”
Wolfbane: “Run!!”
The four took off
as fast as they could.
* *
*
Archangel, Psylocke,
and the Beast lurked in a dark alley in a large city to find a cop.
Beast: “Wiggity-wiggity!”
Finally, a cop started
to stroll by. In a flash, Psylocke and the cop were gone. There were yelps
of despair.
Archangel: “Psylocke!?”
Beast: “Um… ah? I don’t… I think… y’know… uh… Zion stop beating up that poor
cop!!!”
Psylocke(coming back to alley): “He had it coming!”
* *
*
All the X-men came
back to the Institute confused and some were disappointed. They were gathered
in the area in front of the front door.
Cyclops: “Schlegal, we didn’t find it!!! No one knows about our sheep!”
Schlegal: “Hmm… who coulda’…”
Beast(dramatically): “SCRUFFY!!!!”
The doorbell rang.
Storm(Marejia) opened the door to find a pizza boy holding a cardboard box
of pizza.
Storm: “We didn’t order pizza….”
Pizzaguy: “No kidding!”
Suddenly, the box
and the pizzaboy morphed into something else.
X-men: “*gasp!* That Bitch in the Hallway!!!!”
Beast: “*gasp* Is tha-? It’s Scruffy!!! She has Scruffy!!!”
Mystique(Bitch in the hw)(holds sheep): “Yes! I took your precious, beloved
sheep,Scruffy!”
Jean: “But…why!!???”
Mystique(shrugs): “I dunno.”
All of a sudden, all
the X-men ganged up on her and saved Scruffy. After a while, they left Mystique
battered and immobile on the doorstep.
Nightcrawler: “That’s what you get for being so damn slow in the hallway!!!
Oh, and for taking our sheep that we
didn’t even know we had!!”
* *
*
All the X-men returned
to their normal routines after a pointless mission.
* *
*
Zion, Luana, Daniel, and
Kei were, again, in the rec room where Daniel began the day throwing cards
at a hat. Zion, Luana, and Daniel stood close to the doorway completely
confused.
Zion: “What the hell was that?”
Luana: “I’m so confused!! That was so pointless!!”
Daniel: “Wait a minute…we have a sheep?”
Zion: “Uh…yeah!”
Daniel: “Why the hell do we have a sheep!?”
Kei: “Hey, guys!!!”
They turned to find
Kei in front of a turned on tv. Kei had a bright smile on her face as she
pointed to the screen.
Kei: “It’s Incubus!!”
Daniel: “Dude!”
Zion: “My, God, you’re obsessed!”
Luana: “Yeah, no kidding!”
* *
* *
* *
* *
-Kei-chan