Chi Epsilon Sigma Executive Committee
Chi Epsilon Sigma Meeting Schedule
Minutes of the Chi Epsilon Sigma Chapter Meeting, November 17, 2001
Minutes of the Chi Epsilon Sigma Chapter Meeting December 1, 2001
Chi Epsilon Sigma Does Erie
by Rachel Rene Boyd
What a Wonderful World This Would Be
by Rebecca Adams and Terri Andrews
Kalina's Corner
by Kalina Mirev
Thelma and Louise Re Deux
by Rebecca Adams
Walkin' Round in Womens Underware
Putting Ourselves in Perspective
by Rita Richards
Holiday En Femme Web Site and Tri-Ess National Web Site
by Denise Peters
Faux Pas and Other Embarrassments
by Rosemary Mac
Going out in Public
by Rachel Rene Boyd
This newsletter is a labor of love for each of our contributing editrixes. Please join the staff by submitting your own insights into the world of crossdressing. You can send your input to RRBoyd@aol.com, or R. R. Boyd, P.O. Box 2252, Ashburn, VA 20146-9152.
By
Rebecca Adams and Terri Andrews
Observations on Lake Erie Gala
"What a wonderful world this would be." That's the theme that kept coming through to at least the two of us as we luxuriated in the fact that we were going 100 straight hours en femme while traveling to, attending, and returning home from the Erie Gala the third weekend in November.
"What a wonderful world this would be." if everyone accepted us the way the staff at the hotel did. We're sure they got properly briefed and were impressed with the idea that the color of our money was just as green as anyone else's but still.there were no obvious snickers, grins, slip-ups of saying "sirr" rather than "ma'am," and on and on.
"What a wonderful world this would be." if all of the shops and stores throughout the country were as open and willing to visit with us as the stores in the Erie area were, especially in the mall and in the consignment shops. Sure, they too were impressed with our ability to spend (gals, did we ever help the national economy that five day period!) but they were also very friendly and were willing to look you in the eye.
"What a wonderful world this would be." if all museum docents, wine merchants, and bus drivers were as open and good-natured as our contacts in Erie were.
Many times throughout the period of time from when we left Terri's house en femme Wednesday noon for the six hour trip north (yes, a well-trained bladder can make the trip from safe potty to another safe potty in gender-hostile Pennsylvania-just takes thinking ahead and watching what one drinks.) through Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and till about 6:00 PM Sunday when we shifted back to en drab attire we commented on the pure pleasure of dressing as we pleased and enjoying it all.
This was also femme appreciation week-we swore that never again would we comment on why our spouses would need three bags to our one when traveling.or why it took a length of time to get things "just right" before they walked out the door.or why "certain" outfits that were thought would go well together really didn't and therefore a change of attire was needed.or why the lighting in hotel rooms especially over wash basins and counters was obviously designed by men and was a pain in the rear when it came to putting make-up on.
Our day would begin with a pleasant buffet breakfast in the hotel dining room-there were always other guests who would be seen watching us as we walked through to our area-some were slack-jawed, we admit, while others had more couth-but one could track the eyeballs! That little session would take Outfit Number One.always something that could not be confused with uni-gender attire. Then back to the room to change to Outfit Number Two-in my case that would be something casual, slacks, turtleneck, blazer and low heels where Terri would be in a suit or a dress and heels. Then we'd be off! We hit every consignment shop known in the area, Presque Isle State Park, toured the downtown streets on foot, and window-shopped. Every day it was a different place-as well as a different outfit.
Starting Friday afternoon the Erie Sisters had a schedule of events worked up for those who wanted to participate. Friday we visited a great consignment shop, then toured the south coast of Lake Erie en route to a winery where we all assisted in alleviating the national debt, and ended with another visit to a shopping mall where even more "contributions" were made to bringing the economy back to its former shape.
Saturday afternoon included a visit to the US Frigate Niagara (no one told the tour guides or docents what to expect-but they recovered nicely and were most enjoyable) and a historical mansion in the heart of Erie-once again the docents made the visit very worthwhile and made us feel very welcome.
The late afternoon would see us refreshing our makeup after a shower and a change into Outfit Number Three-always something ultra-feminine and stylish for the evening, whether it was dinner in the dining room (more broken jaws and twisted necks!) or a buffet with our hostesses, the Erie Sisters. Friday and Saturday nights the Erie Sisters provided entertainment for us at the hotel-two excellent shows-but then also introduced us to the night life of Erie-where those who wanted to had plenty of opportunity for dancing and visiting with other members of the transgender community.
We made plenty of contacts and friends during those 100 hours and we also gained a tremendous appreciation for some of the trials and travails some of our sisters have had to go through or are going through in their personal and professional lives.which always brought back to mind the original theme, "what a wonderful world this would be." if we were accepted for what we are and what we can contribute and not always judged on what someone else thinks we should be, thereby limiting our potential as caring, compassionate, inclusive individuals.
Yes indeed, "what a wonderful world this would be." if the rest of our lives could be like the time we had in Erie!
Kalina lives in Bulgaria and has recently found a new significant other, Galya. Kalina is a Tri-Ess International, (BG-5702-M) can be reached at moskvich408@yandex.ru.
The joys of the open road while traveling en femme in a pickup truck!
A previous article spoke of the Erie Gala and the great time four of us from CES had attending that event. This takes a little closer look at the trials and travails of two of us-Terri and I-as we traveled on what was our first time ever en femme and 24/7. Before this trip we had gone en femme for maybe twelve hours at a time and had been out shopping and touring but always in known areas and within "scooting" distance of home. Now we were on our own! The trip up was enjoyable. Excellent weather, excellent drive, and no undue pressure-gave that latter point a lot of thought before we left and if anything we were a bit dehydrated as a result of refraining from drinking too much. Terri is not a coffee (read: caffeine) drinker but I am so I was also suffering from caffeine withdrawal symptoms as we pulled into the hotel some 6 hours after leaving Terri's place.As we pulled up under the canopy at the hotel entrance it became obvious that our hopes and dreams of either a group of crossdressers meeting us with open arms or a totally empty lobby were not to be! Au contraire! The lobby looked as though it was the meeting site of the "Local Redneck Society of Northwestern Pennsylvania!" Baseball hat clad guys in jeans and blaze orange jackets, lugging backpacks and other masculine gear while chugging down brews and chomping on snacks were the order of the day! I panicked because by that time the mere nearness of a bathroom had implanted itself on my brain and my bladder had realized that it had not been tapped recently! Terri braved the situation and as I watched, fully expecting to see her mobbed at the desk, not an individual turned his attention away from either the TV set, the stack of cold brews, or the rapidly disappearing plate of snacks! (Turns out that the hotel management had a happy hour for guests Monday through Thursday from 5:30 to 6:30 in the lobby!)
But we were in! Of course Terri had to make one minor (?) change in the room arrangements- the double bed arrangement was not going to work so we got another room with two singles.
After a chance to freshen up (i.e., do away with the five o'clock shadow that had crept up under the makeup) we went down to dinner and enjoyed a delightful evening repast. Am not sure whether we were advertised as the evening entertainment or not but several airline pilots and crewmembers and other dinner guests were watching as we passed through and sat down for the meal.
We crashed soon after supper and didn't stir till well into the morning hours on Thursday. Thanks to the Erie Sisters we had a good rundown on where there were TG-friendly shops so we took off on a tour of the city. This was after another tour of the hotel dining room, nodding to friendly looks as we passed through. The only ugly look we got that whole day was from an eighty- something little old lady as Terri aced her out of a parking space at the Salvation Army. Can only imagine the lady's reaction if she knew who we really were!
We had an opportunity to see her again during the fire drill! Yep! That's right! We no sooner than start to pay for our selections when the fire alarm goes off and we're told to drop our goodies and to "shuffle off to Buffalo." Actually we had to go out the door, up the stairs, and into the parking lot where the shop keeper was supposed to count noses and ensure everyone was there (?). Honestly! That's what she said! She also admitted she didn't know who was in the shop before the alarm went off so she had no idea who should have been there in the parking lot. At this point Grandma got in her car and left a strip as she pulled out of the lot.maybe my deep voice gave me away?
That afternoon we hung around the hotel and met several Lake Erie Gala participants as they arrived and signed in for the Gala. The tempo was beginning to build and the aspects of having a fun time were beginning to be seen in many different ways!
Our daily routine varied little over the four full days we were there-one outfit for breakfast, another for daytime activities, and a third-if not a fourth-for evening wear. Fortunately the weather cooperated and it was sunny and in the mid to upper fifties the entire time-got to show off all we carried with us! While the mornings were free to do as we wanted-in our case shopping and sight seeing-the afternoons were pretty well filled with Gala activities-be they visiting and getting know other participants, shopping, doing tours, whatever-never a dull moment! And if things should happen to slow down, we always had one or two extra outfits we "just wanted to see how" we looked in them plus trying on the new accessories or outfits we had just purchased that morning.
Won't rehash the Erie Gala activities as those have already been covered in another article but I will say that as we piled in the truck to return to a drab life that Sunday afternoon Terri and I shared the same sense of dismay and regret. This had been a wonderful experience, a really liberating experience and one that we didn't want to give up-but we had to so it was with a sensation of giving something up that we headed south to Terri's home. Once again proper prior planning prevented-you fill in the rest of the "p's" and you got the idea.no pit stops other than for gas and an ice cream cone!
It was the sense of freedom-freedom to be who we wanted to be and to dress the way we wanted to dress and to go where we wanted to go-that make up the most compelling memories and sensations left with me.
Just in time for the holidays, here's a catchy tune we learned in Erie. It is sung to the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland".
Lacy things, the wife is missing, didn't ask for her permission, I'm wearing her clothes, her silk panty hose, walkin' round in women's underwear.
In the store there's a teddy, with little straps like spaghetti, It holds me so tight, like handcuffs at night, walkin' round in women's underwear.
In the office there's a guy named Melvin. He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say are you ready, we'll say "whoa man". Let's wait until the wife is out of town.
Later on, if you wanna, we can dress like Madonna,
Put on some eye shade, and join the parade, walkin' round in women's underwear.
Lacy things, are missin', didn't ask her permission,
Wearin' her clothes, silk panty hose, walkin' round in women's underwear.
Walkin' round in women's underwear. Walkin' round in women's underwear.
My needs versus the needs of others
Few people find themselves grappling harder or more frequently with this dilemma than we who are gender-enhanced. At times it seems like a hopeless struggle; the constant juggling act between our deep need to express and live what we feel inside balanced against the need of those around us, especially our loved ones, for a sense of 'normalcy' as defined by our society's culture. Our feminine psyche recoils at the thought of causing pain or discomfort, yet the very act of expressing our femininity may serve as a catalyst for feelings of discomfort, confusion, anger, and pain in those with whom we interact. I'm certain that our "brothers" i.e. F to M crossdressers experience similar challenges, perhaps in a different way. I must confess, though, that, at least from my perspective, it appears to be a somewhat harder issue for those of us who are biologically male, but mentally (at least in part) female.
Our knowledge that we have only the most tenuous control over expression of the woman inside of us leads to feelings of guilt that we have 'let our __________ (fill in the blank - SO, kids, parents, friends, etc.) down'. The nurturing, caring side of our femininity only magnifies our desire to please others, even at the expense of our own emotional well being. It also does not help much that a significant number of us have life experiences in corporate cultures (the military, public service, health care, etc.) that emphasize, indeed at times idolize, sacrifice of one's own comforts, personal needs, or even health and life itself, to "the mission", "the constituents", "the public" or "the customers".
It's certainly appropriate that we lovingly and carefully consider the impact of our gender expression on those we love. As a counterpoint, though, I'd like to pass on two thoughts that were recently shared by people close to me. These conversations gave rise to the thought that we seem to err on the side of others when struggling to balance our needs with theirs. Although this is at times necessary, perhaps we could enjoy a more harmonious relationship with those near and dear to us by giving a bit of priority to ourselves in the equation.
The head of our agency and I recently traveled by auto to a conference in a distant city. He and I have been good friends since long before he became one of my bosses, so, as friends will, we whiled away the hours on the road talking. Early in our friendship, he underwent a painful divorce and subsequently married another woman with whom he's enjoyed a loving and harmonious relationship. As we rode, the conversation drifted to past histories, and he recounted an occasion when his current wife felt the need to discuss with him some events in her past. He told his wife "I really don't care what you did before me met, because whatever it was, it helped make you the person you are today - the person I love with all my heart". We need to remind ourselves that what we are - Gender enhanced - helped make us into a loveable person in the eyes of those that love us. Ideally, those same people will in time come to realize the same thing. Even if they do not, the knowledge in our own hearts that this is true may be of comfort as we continue to seek their tolerance and understanding.
My life experiences and the ethics of my profession have deeply ingrained in my psyche the concept of service to others. For this reason, the issue of "others before self" has come up in several sessions with my therapist, a woman I have come to know and trust. My crossdressing and desire to further explore my femininity are frequent topics of conversation, and she is very supportive of the woman that is part of me. Not too long ago, she reminded me that I had little chance to please others if I was not at peace with myself. She explained that "There comes a time when you must put yourself first, because if you do not, your discontent will spill over into negative behavior toward those very people you seek to protect and please, no matter how hard you try to prevent it from doing so." I think that all of us can relate to this principle. It's a common lament among spouses and significant others that if we endure an extensive period of being unable to go 'en femme', we become cranky and out of sorts.
These thoughts must not be misinterpreted as license to be selfish or inconsiderate of the feelings of others. We will always struggle with a delicate 'balancing act'; it is one of the prices we pay for the gift of gender enhancement. Furthermore, I pen these words with full understanding of how difficult it is to convince a fearful, skeptical spouse or friend that reaching an accommodation that allows one to express the feminine side of her persona can result in a better, more loving, and harmonious relationship.
Thoughtful consideration of the feelings and emotions of others is part of the woman within each of us. But, as generic women have discovered for themselves in the past thirty years, a person is able to do so with much more sensitivity when she feels that her needs are being factored into the equation on an equal basis. That's a point worthy of consideration by each of us and, hopefully, those with whom we share our life.
The official national Holiday En Femme URL is now awaiting population by the New York Chapter. Please try and list the URL in all your publications. The URL is www.holiday- enfemme.org
Also, the official National web site is now www.tri-ess.org please change your references in newsletters and printed material. The new site is up and running as of yesterday. At the present I have only the new online application (membership) available. This includes Paypal online also. Several other pages have been transferred from the old Geocities site and are marked as 'new' in the index.
Shortly there will be online renewal and directory submission as well as address change pages.
Take a look, let me know of any suggestions.
Denise PetersFollowing the Halloween meeting of CES, my wife wanted me to change quickly so that we would not be the last to leave. In the rush to change, I forgot to remove my nail polish. I only found out about it when we stopped at a rest area on the New Jersey Turnpike. The man behind the counter looked at me very strangely while I was paying for the coffee, and trying to hide my nails at the same time.
About a month later my wife and I attended the November 24 "Night at the Movies". When I was rushed to change again, this time I did remove my nail polish, but forgot about my eye makeup. We stopped at the same rest area and the same man sold me a cup of coffee. This time he must have remembered me because he was so amused. I didn't realize until later that I had left the eye makeup on.
At the Endless Mountain Girls (EMG) night out with the girls, we were at a very fine restaurant near Pottstown, PA, when I found it necessary to visit the ladies room. My wife accompanied me to the ladies room. It was empty, or so we thought. While in the stall my wife quietly told me to sit because the sound is different when you stand. She didn't know, but I always sit when en femme. In any case we suddenly realized another lady was in the room. As we left we wondered what she thought of my wife's comment.
During an accident scene on a state highway, I was directing traffic away from the accident when I suddenly wondered if I had removed all of the makeup that I had been wearing on the night before. It was very late when we arrived home and I was very tired so I just went to sleep. In the morning when I heard the accident call I just got dressed quickly and rushed to the accident scene. Fortunately, my sunglasses and ball cap covered most of my makeup.
I recently had an appointment with the urologist who gave me the external radiation for my prostate cancer. I didn't expect him to give me a digital exam that day. I forgot I was wearing panties when I left home, but suddenly I realized it in the doctor's office. I started to drop my pants, but then told the doctor that I would like it done some other time. He couldn't understand why, but my wife did and she was annoyed at me.
My wife and I were out shopping and I was wearing my usual tee shirt and blue jeans that I bought in the ladies department. My wife noticed that my bra strap slipped off my shoulder and was hanging down where everyone could see it. She doesn't like me to wear a bra, but I do have enlarged breasts from the hormone treatment for my prostate cancer. She was not amused.
A while back my son-in-law, who is a computer wizard, was visiting us from his home 60 miles away. He was there, in part, to help with our computer. To test his work, he sent an email to himself at his office in New York. I didn't know his name and address was in our computer when I sent an email to a sister and signed it from the Rosemary-A Rose from the Garden State. I don't know how it did this, but the email also went to my son-in-law in New York. So far we have not heard anything about this. My wife is hoping that it was never sent, but the message said that it was.
Tips on how to have fun in public,
while minimizing the possibility of having a bad experience.
This article is the third in a series taken from a presentation I made to Chi Epsilon Sigma on June 23, 2001 summarizing what I have found to be true about going out. While drawing on my own experience, it also makes uses of several articles published on TGForum. For publication in The Wild Rose of the Chesapeake, this article is broken into four parts:
Part I Places You Can Go While Crossdressed
Part II Personal Security Precautions
Part III Creating A Passable Image
Part IV Those Difficult Bathroom Issues
Part III Creating A Passable Image
Passing is just the ability to be accepted in your gender expression. Here's how to look your personal best.
Hiding in your own personal closet stifles your personal growth as a whole human being. You need to get out into the world! But you don't go out because you are afraid of what the world will say. You are sure that you will be rejected by everyone with whom you have the most fleeting contact; that they will make fun of you. Further, you don't think you will ever look good enough to go unnoticed in the outside world.
Well, there is hope. I have just described the early feelings of almost every crossdresser. On the other hand, there are a large number crossdressers who are perfectly willing to brave the outside world, and do so without incident. The purpose of this section is to help you notice some of the things you must address to make a successful transition. They are:
Self-Image - Do you have a healthy, confident image of yourself?
Appearance - Do you have a complete feminine presentation?
Deportment - Can you handle yourself as a lady?
Self Image
How Do You See Yourself?
1. A guy in a dress
2. A truly ugly woman who could derail a train with a passing glance
3. An average looking woman, or
4. A real knockout.
If you answered anything other than "An Average Looking Woman" you probably shouldn't go out crossdressed. A healthy self-image starts with the heartfelt knowledge that you are not sick, perverted, or strange. You are an individual with a need to experience, as much as possible, the full gamut of the human experience. That's right, human. All you want to do, really, is to bring out the feminine side of your personality, and you choose to do it by assuming an externally female role.
Society, as a whole, frowns on this because a man should not be feminine - that shows weakness and that's wrong for a man. That attitude ignores one very crucial and inescapable fact - women are human too. All you are trying to do is to be fully yourself, and fully human. There is nothing wrong with that. Those who feel femininity is some how inferior to masculinity are anachronisms. They should be fossilized bones, existing to be unearthed by archaeologists, instead of walking the streets. And, unfortunately, crossdressers who brave the outside world must deal with them.
The first step, therefore, is to be at peace with yourself. If you can accept yourself, then fear will not give you away. Most people are not terribly observant, if you don't give them anything to observe, and will accept what they see at face value.
TIP: People seldom confront others who are truly self-confident and comfortable with themselves.
Appearance
Makeup
Body Hair
Body Shape
Clothes
Make sure your make-up fits your age and the occasion. No amount of makeup that is acceptable for street wear will make a forty-year-old face look twenty. So be realistic. Learn to apply makeup to soften and round your face. You may want to have a makeover by a cosmetologist who can show you how to make the most of your makeup. I would suggest you see Heather at The Wig Shoppe, 217 Carlisle St. Hanover, PA 17331, by appointment at (717) 630-2342. Or you can learn some really useful tips on your own in Jo Ann Roberts' "Art & Illusion: A Guide to Crossdressing, Volume 1 - Face & Hair", available from Creative Design Services on the web at cdspub.com.
Make sure your beard does not show through your make-up. A beard is a uniquely male characteristic and a five o'clock shadow will completely ruin an otherwise perfect presentation.
Ignoring body hair is not an option. Pluck it, shave it, wax it away, have it lasered, or have electrolysis. Don't let hairy arms or legs ruin your appearance. No matter what method you use, however, hair on the back of your hands, and particularly your fingers, is not acceptable. The lack of hair on a man's hand is not really noticeable, but a pair of hairy hands is very noticeable on a woman. Ditto on feet and ankles unless you wear opaque tights or boots. Don't forget ear and nose hair. And your back. A human relations friend of mine had a transsexual apply for a job en femme. My friend said she knew it was a guy, because he had hair on his back showing above his blouse.
You need to pass from the neck down as well as up. Your proportions need to be female as much as possible. Most men have broader shoulders, thicker waists, and narrower hips than women do. If you have any trace of a spare tire or "beer belly" it is time to diet. Yes, diet. You want to look like a girl; you need to diet like a girl. Buying a corset or waist cincher just won't do the same trick.
Unless you are blessed with very wide hips, then pad them. What really gives women that hourglass figure is more the flare of their hips than a tiny waist. The best source I have found for realistic looking hip pads is Classic Curves International, on the web at clcrv.com. If you refuse to pad your hips, then wear clothes that make them look bigger, like A-line skirts, shifts, or jumpers.
When you buy a new dress, cut out the shoulder pads. As a guy, your shoulders are already too wide for good feminine proportions. Blouses are not to be worn to show off your muscles. You should probably avoid sleeveless unless you have no biceps. Blouses should drape, not stretch, over your torso. Don't forget that you will have breasts to contend with also. Unless you are young and willowy, you have no business in a tight, black, leather mini-skirt.
TIP: You are sure to be noticed if you dress like a peacock while visiting the hen house.
Deportment
Gestures/Body Language
Voice
Men and women have different ways of moving, standing, and gesturing. Your complete image requires that you learn move your body like a woman. The best way is to be coached by an expert. Failing that, watch the way women walk, sit, rise from a seated position, eat, stand, and gesture. Sitting should be accomplished with good posture, knees together, and arms close in - not taking up too much room. If you sit with legs apart, shoulders hunched forward, and elbows on knees, you need some work.
You may be surprised to find that walking like a woman is not just a matter of moving your hips back and forth. Women have a lower center of gravity and walking is a matter of moving from the hips and letting the rest of the body come along. It is balanced. Men walk by starting to fall over and moving their feet underneath to give support before they finish falling.
If you get everything else right and never have to speak, you will be fine. That is a little unrealistic,whowever, so let's cover a few key issues on voice. Contrary to what you may have heard, a high-pitched voice is not absolutely necessary. If done wrong, raising your pitch too high and too long may not only sound funny, but can damage your vocal cords. If you try a falsetto, you will only sound like Mickey Mouse.
It's not just the pitch. Many women have low voices and are perfectly feminine. The upper range of the typical male voice overlaps with the lower range of the typical female. So with practice, you can learn to control the pitch of your voice into the female range.
Men tend to speak in a monotone, while women vary their pitch within their voice range. That is how a woman's voice has that more "sing song" effect. Women often end sentences on a higher pitch. So there are techniques that you can use to make your conversation sound more like it is coming from a woman. Melanie Anne Phillips has voice training tapes that are helpful if you work at it.
Vocabulary and phrasing are also very important. Ever notice how a woman might say, "I think I would like an iced tea" while a man might say "I want iced tea." That doesn't seem like a dramatic difference, but men and women do use different ways to express the same ideas. I recommend you read Dr. Deborah Tannen's book, You Just Don't Understand. She does a wonderful job of explaining the differences in the speech patterns of men and women.
TIP: Melanie's tapes are available at http://store.yahoo.com/transgender/index.html
Next month in the conclusion of this series, Part IV, Those Difficult Bathroom Issues, deals with the delicate issue of how you manage those biological needs.
___________________
Acknowledgements: This presentation was compiled from my own experience and several articles that
are available on TG Forum (http://www.tgforum.com) including:
Leslee Anthony, "To Pass or Not To Pass: That is the Question"
Jennifer Blake, "Go Public!"
Diane Hutchinson, "Crossdressing and Bathrooms, a Dangerous Combination?"
Diane Hutchinson, "Passing Is Possible: Follow The Women"
Diane Hutchinson, "Reliving Fear"
Heather Lee , "All Dressed Up And...Everywhere To Go!"
Heather Lee , "Handling the Critical EYE: Take a Lesson from ALLI"
Carolyn Woodward, "Self Image, Appearance, and Deportment"