Damons of our Lives Ted Vicks: What's your favourite Beatles song? Damon Sausagepanheadonatreesharkfire: Love Me Do. Do: Sorry, I don't think of you in that way. Damon Sausageheadpanaonsharktreefire: She Loves You. Damon Sausagepanheadonatreesharkfire: But she just said that she doesn't think of me in that way. Damon Pansausageonheadtreeafireshark: Hey Jude. Jude: Yes. Damon Pansausageonheadtreeafireshark: Oh... [All Three Damon's explode] Ted Vicks: It looks like it's just Me, Jude, and Do. Do: Commentate pointless observations, why not. Ted Vicks: I'd rather not. Do: I'd rather a pony, but it's not going to happen. [Do rathers a pony, but it's not going to happen.] Jude: I'VE GOT IT! Ted Vicks: Got what? Jude: Milk? Ted Vicks: No, something else. Jude: Is it a mammal? Ted Vicks: No. Jude: Is it a reptile? Ted Vicks: Yes. Jude: Is it a frog? Ted Vicks: No. Do: A frog isn't a reptile, you've just wasted a question, Jude, you've only got 16 left. Jude: Does it have any legs? Ted Vicks: Yes. Jude: Is it a Komodo dragon? Ted Vicks: Yes! Jude: HOLY CRAP! I'VE GOT A KOMODO DRAGON! Ted Vicks: I've got a toad! Do: I've got a disease. [Do has got a disease.] Ted Vicks: What kind of disease? Do: Testicular cancer. Ted Vicks: You don't have testicles, how can you have testicular cancer? Do: Boys don't have breasts, they can still get breast cancer. [BOYS, CHECK YOUR BREASTS FOR LUMPS, DAILY!] Boys: I'm (We're) going to check my (our) breasts daily! Boys: Holy crap, I (we) may have breast cancer, thankfully, I (we) checked it early, and thus won't die from the lump, instead, I'll (we'll) only need my (our) breasts amputated. Boys: I don't even have breasts, so there's no loss. [BOYS, IT'S PROBABLY NOT WORTH CHECKING YOUR BREASTS FOR LUMPS, DAILY, OR AT ALL, REALLY.] Ted Vicks: Having testicular cancer must suck? Do: Yes, but it's a sensitive point that may offend some people, so let's not go into this horrible disease that people should avoid, whatever their sex. Ted Vicks: My sex has been crap recentally. Jude: Why? Ted Vicks: God knows. God: I do, it's because he has mostly been having sex with YOU! HAHAAHAH! I INSULTED YOUR SEXUAL TECHNIQUES! Jude: I hate you, I must go cry. [Jude hates God, she must go cry.] God: Hahahah, that was a good one. Ted Vicks: A lot of Christians are probably pissed about the suggestions that God has any sort of sense of humour. God: They should know I have a sense of humour, they only need to look at platypi, or Liza Minelli. Do: My shoulder hurts. Ted Vicks: My soldier hurts. God: My IMMORTAL POWERS OF SHEER KNOWLEDGE AND POWER hurts...people's feelings. Ted Vicks: Hey God, can you do this? [Ted does this.] God: I can dress myself. Ted Vicks: But can you do this? [Ted does this again.] God: No, man. NoMan: NoMan Disagrees! Ted Vicks: NoMan, do you want to go to the PUBLIC HOUSE today? NoMan: No. Ted Vicks: I knew you were going to say that, I don't even want you to come, I was just being polite. God: So was Hugh Grant. [FLASHBACK] Hugh Grant: I'I'I'I'I'I'It'd b'b'b'be terribly r'r'r'rude of me to NOT pay y'y'y'y'you. [FLASHFOWARD] Ted Vicks: OMG! THERE'S A BULL! Do: His insides are coming out! God: That's offal bad. All Three: HAHAHAHAHA! [They all laugh.] Do: That's our God! Ted Vicks: He's not our's, he's the church's. Do: And the chapel's. Jude: And the Jewish's place to worship. Ted Vicks: When did you get back? Jude: Just now. Ted Vicks: No you didn't you got back at the earliest, just *then*. Jude: Oh. God: It's been great guys, but, now, I, must, puke/laugh/throw syrup over all of you. [God pukes/laughs/throws syrup over all of Ted Vicks/Jude/Do] Ted Vicks: That's fine but you might be horribly ill/laughing too hard/making us all sticky. God: Why would making you sticky be a bad thing? Ted Vicks: j00 = f4gg0tz God: :o( Ted Vicks: :o( --- ¬ Ted Vicks: I EMOTICONNALLY SHOT YOU! [God's stomach is emoticonnally bleeding.] God: Ow. My emoticon stomach lining. I came here with a simple dream, to create the universe, drive around in a Jeep, and get anally raped from time to time. However, after acheiving such feats, what do I gain? Nothing more than being emoticonnally shot in the stomach. I bought you life, chocolate, Star Wars, flowers, iguanas, and a day to rest. You abused all of these offers just so you could get more money to spend on life, chocolate, Star Wars, flowers, iguanas, and a week to rest. Suddenly everything I created has become horrid, apart from the Northern lights, they were always horrid, that's why I situated them in Norway, so that no-one would see the horrible chaos. And so I must lie here and emoticonnally die. BUT WHO'S THE REAL RULER OF THE UNIVERSE HERE? Not I. Ted Vicks: Now let's find out who you REALLY are! [Ted Vicks finds out who God really is.] Ted Vicks: *gasp* [Ted Vicks gasps] Ted Vicks: It's Gary Oldman! Gary Oldman: And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids. Ted Vicks: Well, Jude and Do, we've done it again. Jude: More like Scooby Do. Gary Oldman: HAHAHAHA! That's a good one, because, the whole referencing of late has been referring a Hanna-Barbera cartoon titled "Scooby-Doo." Scooby Doby Do where are you? We got some things to rape now. Scooby Doby Do where are you? We need some anal penetration from you now. Come on Scooby Do I see you, Pretending you got a liver. But you not fooling me, 'Cause I can see the way you shake and shiver You know we got a mystery to solve for Scooby Do be ready for your act! Don't hold back (from raping everyone)! Scooby Do if you compete you gonna have a Scooby snack, THAT'S A TACT(ful lie.)! GO!!! Please! Scooby Doby Do here are you. You're raping and you're willing. If we can count on you, Scooby Do, I know we will rape that villain, I hope we will rape that villain, YEAH!!!