march 4 w0w, once again, so long without an update. i swear i always have full intentions to, but then i never get around to it! but yeah, i am pretty happy with my life right now. i am actually in a functional relationship.. whoa... whats up with that. yeah, his names blake, we worked together at a & b sound... and yeah, he's a cool kid. thats him up there..... yesiree bob. we are looking at a puzzle called bears! bears! bears! while really high. buahaha. what else... jill came and it was lots of fun... we went to this party in van, wett, and it was so amazing. it was at the plaza of nations, it was huge, and like the best party i have ever been to. me and shauna were finally on the same level at the party, and we bonded and had heart to hearts the entire time. it was so great. cathy moves away, and i was very sad, but then she came back, so now i am happy. :) i did something very crazy on the weekend.... meeting boyfriends dad + sausage and perogie dinner + peaking on acid = hilarity. well, it wasnt quite hilarious, but its definetly a story to tell the grandkids. muahaha evil corrupting garndmother i will be! feb 5 life is pretty sweet right now. at least for a few days. coolest thing: cathy has a fort. her friend chris moved in with her and they built a fort.... now not just a sheet and a kitchen chair and a flashlight.... this fort is kickass. its basically a bed, sheltered by sheets and blankets, and there is a tv and a playstation and a vcr. on friday i went over there and we did mushrooms and chilled in the fort all night. it was so fucking wicked! but the thing is, once you have experienced the fort, the outsied world seems less comfortable! all i want to do is go back to the fort and relax!! and i am inviting all these people over to hang out in the fort, which is funny, cause its like cathys bed. haha. jill is coming to visit me on the 22nd.. it should be so much fun. so VERY much fun! i am so excited!! yay for jill. i was doing work experience at a & b sound, i just finished it. i kind of want to pursue a job there, but ack.. i dunno. i dont want to work, but i want money! hahaha. well i guess thats all i can say right now since the bell is going to ring. bye bye! feb 4 wow, long time no update!!! i am in infotech class now, first day of the new semester, i should actually have time to update now! i mean, i suppose i had time before as well, but you know how things like this can just kind of become long forgotten after a while. my life is of course very very different than it was back then! alot of new friends, and some of the old ones i never see now. ack i have to go participate now.... will update more.... i promise! nov 20 methinks uhmm hey.. update wont be too long since my mom is getting all angry at me right now... yeah... my life is.... going. not really going well, or poorly for that matter... and when i think of it, its hardly even going. but this is what it is. meh. went to transformers on the weekend, my friend gary paid for my ticket... but then i had a miserable time. it was a 3 hour drive up to courtenay... and.. things just didnt go that well... uhmm yeah.. so it wasnt much fun, i was just kind of depressed the whole time... my friend john was there to cuddle with some of the time though, and that was really good, cause that just what i needed. i got pretty sick too... but thats kind of my fault so.. yeah.. i paid 20$ to get sick! haha. yeah and gary paid like 30$ for my ticket and i feel bad that i didnt have a better time. one of these days i am going to go to a party and actually have a good time. i think it really is important who i go with. the past two times i have gone with people who just... arent the kind of people i need to go to parties with. i need people who will care for me/about me! i mean i can take care of myself.... but its nice to feel like someone is looking out for you! especially if you are high or something. yeah and my friend sean moved to grande prairie for three months, that was like a week ago... and he is back already! thats pretty cool, but i havent yet got the scoop about what went on. i use the term 'friends' loosely, you see. none of these people are really my friends. they are people i know, who are kind of my friends, but when it really comes down to it, they arent. i dont really have any friends these days, just alot of people like this, people i spend time with. not friends. well anywho i should go eat dinner now. nov 14 as you can see journalsim class is really boring. its the only time i update. soo... whats new with me. been spending alot of time hanging out with aforementined seth. he is a nice guy. i havent heard from him in a few days though... hrmm. my mom is going to van this weekend, and i am planning to do some crazy partying. havent done that in a long time. things are going pretty well, not spectacular, but good. i guess things can never be perfect. its so funny, when i write these updates, i always have to decide how much detail to go into, how much to disclose, but no one reads this anyway! except maybe kayla guthrie. (shoutout! lol oh man.... hardcore). uhmm yeah, so.. stuff. my mom is being so mean these days, and getting angry at me for having a social life. i try to reason with her, that being a teenager is supposed to be about having fun and being social, not intense responsibility and family obligations. *sigh* and the more i try to discuss with her, the madder she gets. and she calls me "bold". man, you would never know she used to be a hippie. well, its almost lunchtime, so i will go now. have a good day, whoever is reading this. nov 5 once again, i am in journalism class. yeehaw. whats happened since i last updated.... was that last weekend? it seems so long ago. so, my brother wont let me put the tree up! grrr! i am so mad, mom said yes and everything, and i mean how does it affect him? he doesnt have to help.. .he doesnt even have to look at it! erg. me and lauren are going to make him christmas cards to try and soften him up. this weekend i pretty much just relaxed... thursday i went out for coffee with john (infojunkie) at thie really nice place, cafe brio i think. it was a good time, john is a good person and we get along well. i love people you can have good conversations with. friday i went to monsters inc. with seth... it was way better than i thought! its such a cute movie! then we went to johnny zees (haha i hadnt been to an arcade in soooo long) and then we got some ice cream at the beacon hill drive in and then we rented the emporers new groove and watched it at his place. grr i will update more later... but now the bell is going to ring... oct 28 bad bad me. went a while without updates! i guess that's cause not much has been going on. actually, some stuff has been going on, but most if it probably wouldn't be a good idea to talk about on here. not that anyone reads this shite anyway. so.. i am really in the christmas spirit... it started last week, when i woke up and it was pouring rain and i instantly thought "CHRISTMAS!!". so i put on the good old standby, perry como sings christmas songs. it was lovely.. i baked cookies and everything. then i was at hillside mall a few days ago with my mom, and i went into zellers and they had their christmas candy display up! i freaked out. it must have embarassed my mom. i even like knocked over a shelf accidentally. get this... i actually convinced my mom to let me put up the tree next weekend! yeehaw! so thats really cool. yesterday i went downtown to meet afro matt for coffee (i bet it pisses him off that i refer to him as that on here... har har). then we ran into lauren and dave at cafe de la lune so we all had some coffee... and we drew a picture and taped it to the railing near our table. lauren brought her watercolor pencil crayons, and dave was drawing a picture, and he was dipping them in her tea.. and then she drank the tea! so she had brown pencil crayon all over her mouth. we left there, and ran into my good old friends sarah and matt from the vargas island LIFE trip! it was odd... i havent seen that matt boy in so long!! then me and afro matt went over to laurens house, and just hung out and listened to the jacksons, it was pretty cool... and when we were leaving, lauren made matt a huge juice jug of coffee that he drank on the way to the bus.. well we all drank it... it was a huge and sickening undertaking. then lauren came over to my house and we watched billys hollywood screen kiss and cuddled and it was just lovely. and today lauren went to church with my mom!! odd. well, i better go now. oct 20 today was a good day, i went downtown and met up with lauren. we had this wicked plan to make out in a very public place to make tourists uncomfortable, i was pretty stoked, but we had to meet up with dave, and it didnt really seem cool to sit there and make out infront of dave. so that didnt happen.... which sucks. but we will do that some day! so the three of us went to the vicwest skatepark to see daves brother... gosh i forget his name, but he is a really cool kid, and me and lauren are going to ditch dave and be friends with his little brother. thats the plan. so it was a good day, despite the fact that some things didnt go through, but thats cool. and later i think i am hanging out with afro matt man. yeehaw. lauren is going to a hockey game tonight and i sort of want to go to heckle the opposing team, but i have no money... so perhaps another time. oct 19 so i went to that play last night, it was better than i thought it would be, except this old lady character that really annoyed me. now i have to write some kind of paper on it, which i am really not looking forward to. i have no idea what to say, but i am really good at bullshitting my way through stuff like this. my mom is cooking omlettes right now. breakfast for dinner, cant be beat. i miss turkey bacon. ah well. this guy danny is saying i look 16, which is making me mad. usually everyone thinks i am older than i am, so when people think i look my age, i get mad at them. damn these people. i am going to have to go kick some ass. yeah, i'll do it, i swear. *karate chop* i have realized that the reason i don't update very often is cause i have nothing to say! ah well. go to glimpse.org. it rocks. bye bye for now. oct 18 amazing, it only took me eight days to return this time. i think that may be a record! i have decided if i am going to make a website, it should me made right. so i am going to update this regularly, and update it well, damnit! tonight i am going to a play with this guy in my english class, matt. he has got the fucking coolest head of hair i have ever seen, and i am mighty impressed with myself for inviting myself along with him. usually i am not like that. this weekend i would like to hang out with aj, my favourite person at my school. i dont know why, but he is the only person there who never ever gets on my nerves. i think its cause he is really nice, but also kind of bitter and jaded like i am. its an agreeable mix. i also want to hang out with lauren, my second favourite person at vic high, actually she is tied with aj for first. what a fucking popularity contest i turn everything into, eh? anyway, lauren rocks harder than anyone i know, and its only a matter of time before i do some serious molesting of that girl. well i have to go eat dinner now, and then get ready for this play, so i am now ending the first of many in a series of 3 quarters assed updates. rock on. october 10 right now i am in journalism! my life is so weird. ever since august, it has all been so 90210! its odd.... i like it though... i wouldnt say my life is good... but at least SOMETHING is going on in it! dont want to go into too much detail right now... i am supposed to be working... and no one comes here anyway.... but barry, if you are reading this, hurry up and sell your car and get your sexy ass here! MWAHAHAHAHA. will write more later. i always say that, but really about two months go by before i bother again!! august 28 i am at cathys house right now... i really should add her to my site.. she just moved to victoria and i am glad!! so life is weird... it started looking real good there for a while and then something changed, i don't know what... i am just a strange person and it's like i can never allow myself to be happy or something. now getting high is what i look forward to most; i am not sure if thats cause i enjoy the people i am with and the location i am in when i get high, or simply because i can't enjoy myself without drugs? i think it's the first one. so jason is going away to edmonton on friday to visit jill, and i'm worried i won't be able to see him much once school stars cause he works night shifts at staples. jason is a really cool guy and i really like hanging out with him. i guess we'll just see what happens one school starts... school.. for about two days last week i was actually looking forward to starting school; now i am already sick of it and i haven't even begun. *she just wants to b somewhere.... * august 26 2001 i really want to start updating this page on a more regular basis... but we'll see. alot has been going on in my life.. i met some cool people, ben and jason, and i have been spending most of my time with them. finally the partying i have been waiting for. mwahahaha. did a little flailing last night... twas good. life has been improving... but things are still weird... i never feel like i am getting what i want.. but thats probably my own problem. hey, a tip to you kids out there, never write an email to someone you dont know well when you are really really high. its bad news. i havent got the reply yet though. haha. i am in a weird mood right now and figuring out that this isnt the best time to update my site. more later... may 31... actually june 1 at 1:45 am. whoa, long time since i updated. so, i've got a new fave band, weezer, and a new fave album, pinkerton. wow, that album makes you feel so amazing, like rock starts can be just as lonely and pathetic and vulnerable as anyone else! *i'm tired, so tired, i'm tired of havin' sex* what a complaint. i guess there is a little bit of a distinction between a rockstar and me, then. haha. so things are still kinda crappy with me.. i still don't know alot of people over here, and the one person i used to hang out with the most, i am kind of really mad at him right now... well not so much mad, i just don't feel like talking to him. whatever. i got a job with wc2 dressing up as a bear and handing out flyers downtown in the summer. i have to get another job too, but this is okay for a while. i should go i guess, i really have little to say, except i want a cute little japanese girlfriend! contact me if you know anyone. :) april 5 i think things are pretty shitty. due to the stupid bus strike i have been sitting on my ass all week.... which wouldn't be so bad except my brother has been home sick.. well he has only made me cry once so far, so that's good. my friend mykl (this really amazing guy) is getting married in june in toronto and i can't go cause i have no money. woe is me. ah well, life goes on, no matter how unfortunate that fact can sometimes be. <:( march 26 first day back at school. not very monumental. vargas was great, it was fun and educational but i felt it was not productive for me. LIFE is really focused on remaining neutral, presenting both sides of an issue and letting you come to your own conclusion. i have already come to my own conclusions, i am looking for some action, something to bring me towards my greater goal. that's why i am going to wild earth 2001, a camp for people of all ages where you learn how to organize a movement, tree sit, block roads, talk to the press, etc. it should be great. i was hesitant to ask my mom if i could go, but i did and she was sooo enthusiastic about it! so anyway vargas was good and memorable despite some personal/emotional issues going on within me. that made it not so pleasant and like i just wanted to get my ass home, but other that that it was a happy time. march.. damnit.. what's the date... 9?? 10?? well now i am out of school until the 26th.. sounds great but it will probably be pretty fucking boring... at least until the 18th when i go to clayoquot. i hope it doesn't rain. i am in a dull mood right now... dull because it seems nothing ever works out the way you want it.... i am happy because i have heard from a few pranksters.. that is the merry pranksters... my heroes.. the bridge between the beats and the hippies way back when... the group who popularized acid and made the whole pychedlic culture... but it seems no matter how bad i want to befriend ken kesey it just ain't gonna happen... i will have to live with that and his occassional jerry garcia quotes... ah well maybe one day my destiny will meet up with the pranksters... so barry linked to this site from glimpse.org but i bet no one will come here cause who wants to read the psudo-diary of me?? i have to go now.. i will update more another time. march 1 so, there was an earthquake yesterday and i was at home and my house in on this giant sturdy bedrock so i didnt feel it at all. i just sat there watching tv, then my mom called later and was like "some earthquake, eh?' i was like "what the fuck?" hmm... i have to go to vancouver this weekend... not my original plans but they fell through. i am really not into going to van... it is going to be the same as always, before all these people are like "i miss you so much! we gotta hang out!" then i get there and call them and they say "oh, i am really busy this weekend..." etc. so i end up babysitting my cousin and watching tv at my aunts and being dragged to this old womans house that smells like cat pee who is a friend of my mothers. fuck. i actually did social stuff last weekend... i went to a big party that kind of sucked ass cause i only knew one person there so i basically just sat quietly in the corner... when i have been in situations like that before, i knew more people and they always made me feel included, but the person i went with this time didn't bother to try, and i don't blame him but it made it pretty shitty for me. queer as folk is my new favourite show (aside from the lofters). it is so adorable. yay for gay men. anywho... i am at school and maybe i shoudl attempt to do some work.. so i'll update after i get back from vancouver probably. i better fucking have a good time or someone will have some hell to pay. i don't know who, but i will find someone to release my frustrations on. feb 14 mothafuckin valentines. i don't think i have ever ever had a partner on valentines. most motherfucking unromantic day of the year. i am not bitter! of course not! i am not as positive as i once was, it used to be that happiness was just over the next hill, but after scaling numerous mountain ranges i am not so sure anymore. i am not sure if i drive people to be heartless assholes, or if they are just always like that. whatever it is; i get screwed in the end. and not screwed in a good way. now i watch the lofters all the time, that's my new thing, and kalen seems to be like the perfect guy. at least for me. i have always liked a guy in a kilt. :) well... off to have a crappy valentines. first i volunteer at the wc2 office for the first time, have no idea what to do. then i go apply for a work experience position at retrowear, which i doubt i will get. woo fucking hoo. i hope all of you are having better lives than me right now. :( blah jan 4 (actually jan 5 at 3:43 am) i am going home tomorrow. it is sad, because i have gotton so used to being able to hang out with jill, that we are like "oh, we have to rent this movie sometime!" and it seems like i will be able to come over next weekend. but really i won't see her for like 6 months or so... who knows.. maybe less, maybe more. it really sucks. and add to it me not knowing anyone in victoria really, i am going to be so lonely when i get home! :( you could say that life is just not going according to plan and i doubt it ever will. here i am venting and i don't think anyone will ever read this. i just feel really alone i guess, and, not depressed, i don't feel enoguh emotion right now to be depressed. i will be the first to fucking admit that i latch on to famous unattainable faces because the lack of real contact in my life. and it makes me fairly miserable, but happy at the same time. i can't fucking explain it. whatever, i am an idiot. don't listen to me; i'll just corrupt you with my thoughts. jan 1 2001!!!!!!!!!!!!! hi everyone. wow. it is 2001. not really a big deal; i am still the same person i was yesterday. i am in edmonton right now at jill's house... it is pretty exciting. last night was loads of fun... much more fun than i thought it would be. ahhh the benifits of looking so much older than i really am. i mean, this party was at a hotel bar and no one even asked how old i was! yeehaw! and there are also benifits to knowing the dj... ha ha jill's bro greg was the dj (he is cool... and everyone else are crackas!). so anyway i drank quite a bit but didn't really get hammered or anything... i am beginning to be less of a cheap drunk. i am kind of glad, because i used to have a few drinks and have fun for a bit and then puke. lol. but none of that last night! i am a-dog, of the k9krew... roflmao. so greg played crystal ship by the doors for me; that truley kicked ass... and what new years party would you hear symoblistic white walls AND vermillion by mgb other than one dj-ed by greg? ha ha. nothing clears the dance floor faster than a song no one fucking knows. lol. well if you don't know it you should go to hell anyway. just kidding. mgb can suck my balls. whooooooo, can you tell i am a little cranky and tired and hung over? we had to leave our hotel at 11 in the fucking morning....... bahhhhhh.... well it was fun and memorable and hopefully i'll get some pics of the event and my whole trip up on here or ambergauley.com. damn that ambergauley.com, they get all the good content! oh and me and jill saw proof of life and are now officially in love with russell crowe. *psst* wanna know a secret? he is jumping out of our birthday cake!! dec 21 i think holy cow. it has been so long since i updated this site cause tripod is banned at the library for some reason... so it has not been possible for me to access it. people have actually come to my site! well, three people in 4 months, not too shabby. haha. hey to matt and angie and stina for actually dropping by! what's up with that? and now i am updating my site so maybe three people can drop by in the next 4 months before i update it next. xmas is soon, obviously. i did it all for the presents, yeah, the presents, yeah! oh limp bizkit, how i love thee. (i am being totally sarcastic btw, so don't be alarmed!) anyway, i find as i get older christmas spirit is gone and it's all about coming out of it with some new clothes or cd's or whatever. i guess that's because xmas is for the children and it seems i don't fit in that category anymore. so here i am at christina's house while her and her boyfriend are sleeping, utilizing this chance at a non-public computer. i feel like a bad guest, but oh well, i am selfish these days. i am planning on going on another life trip, on vargas island in march, but the $100 deposit which i don't have had to be in asap or i wasn't signed up, so i kind of gave up on the whole thing. but then today i got the itinerary for the trip in the mail. wtf? have the life interns been nice and just signed me up for the heck of it? i sure hope so. that's just it, now i have some hope for doing this. anyway, enough blabbing on, so no one can come here and read this shit. farewell my flying monkeys. aug 13 or something at the library in campbell river! just recently went to life (an environmental campy thing) and it was so fucking amazing! I just want to go back! yay salt spring island! howdy to all the lifers, especially clare and asif though i doubt you will ever come here. no one does! i need to get in some web rings!!!! ah well.... someday. anyway life rocked, forget getting an acoustic geetar, it's african drum all the way now! yaaaayyy! i am camping now and i have to use outhouses, i miss the smell of the new cedar one at the farm! lifers, you know what i'm saying! i don't really miss the big window in the side though :) i thought i would just mention my amazingly fun life changing life experience, i would love to blab on, so much to say, but i don't have the time!!!! july... oh shit what is the date.... oh well here i am at the library, very unprepared to set off on my trip tomorrow. oh well, i will try to make it back as often as i can. at least there are a few less people i have to worry about seeing (ahem *assholes*). jilly was over here yesterday with her boyfriend graham and we went to dinner at this crazy buffet-ish restaurant downtown. we saw jim-bob walk by. i wish he was out front the art gallery preaching again. oh well, next time. it is just so cool that i got to meet jill, one of my bestest friends. i hope she comes back before returning home! this is my website... it is pretty boring but hopefully it will get better soon. i just changed it from an mgb site to an everything site so i am starting from scratch here people! cut me some slack!
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