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Joseph Stalin Leon Trotsky Vladimir Ilyich Lenin (well, his corpse, anyway) Narrator First Cameraman Second Cameraman (never seen on camera) Grigory Zinoviev Lev Kamenev Nicolay Bukharin Assorted other high ranking Soviets Stalin’s Henchmen Cetawayo, the Zulu King The Zulu hordes (Movie Clips) Arctic animals (Discovery channel clips) Scene: We see the Trotsky coming out onto a balcony, apparently overlooking a square filled with people. Off camera, the Narrator and the First Cameraman are conversing. Credits are being shown intermittently. Narrator: We open our scene in Moscow, 1926, a time of monumental struggle for power within the Soviet Union. Here is Leon Trotsky, a brilliant orator, as well as one of those involved in the struggle. Let’s listen in to one of his speeches. Trotsky: (Speaks in Russian. Since I don’t speak Russian, I guess this will be gibberish. Is very impassioned.) (Every time Trotsky finishes a sentence, signified by a short pause, loud applause is heard. Trotsky is speaking in impassioned tones throughout.) Narrator: Shoot. It’s in Russian. We should have thought of that. (Short Pause) Does anyone speak Russian? (loud applause) First Cameraman: (somewhat hesitantly) I speak Polish. Narr: Close enough! What is he saying? 1stCM: Um, well, ah, let’s see. He’s saying “Communism is a good thing. Yes, that’s, it. (loud applause) Narr: Good, good. And? 1CM: And? Um... Communism is a very good thing. Narr: (Growing impatient) Is that all? 1CM: No, no. Now he’s saying... um, you know, that is all he said. (loud applause) Narr: No it isn’t. He said more then that. 1CM: How do you know? You don’t speak Russian. Narr: Neither do you. (loud applause) 1CM: All these Slavic languages are alike. You said so yourself. Narr: I’ve changed my mind. 1CM: (Angrily) Are you calling me a liar? Narr: As a matter of fact, I am. I don’t think you understood a word he said. (loud applause) 1CM: Oh you do, do you? Well then (swears in polish) (gibberish, of course.) Narr: What? 1CM: Well don’t you wish you spoke Polish. Narr: Did you just insult me? 1CM: Wouldn’t you like to know. (Blackout. While this happens, the Narrator speaks. During his speech, a loud “Ready, aim, fire,” is heard, followed by a loud bang. The first Cameraman has been replaced by the second Cameraman.) Narrator: We would like to apologize for this temporary inconvenience. We are doing everything we can to solve the problem. (Bang) Pardon me, let me correct myself. The problem has been solved.Once again, we apologize for the inconvenience. Second Cameraman: What happened to the previous occupant of this position? Narrator: He left to, uh, (searching for right phrase) explore exciting new opportunities. Now get to work. Second Cameraman: All right, all right. I’m hurrying. (Camera goes back on, now we see the scene inside the Kremlin. There is a door on the right and one on the left. There are books everywhere, as well as old black and white photos, a red flag, and a map of the world. There are also several chairs around a table. There sit Bukharin and someone else, playing monopoly.) (Enter Trotsky, slaps Bukharin on back.) Trotsky: (effuse greeting in gibberish.) Bukharin: Sorry, we can’t speak Russian. Trotsky: But this is Russia. Bukharin: This is a low budget production. We can’t afford subtitles. (Trotsky sees for the fist time what Bukharin is playing.) Trotsky: What are you doing? Bukharin: (Matter of factly) We’re playing monopoly. Trotsky: (incredulously) Monopoly? We’re communists. Communists just don’t play monopoly. Bukharin: What do communists play? Trotsky: (searching for a game) Er... Chess. Communists play chess. Narrator: Thus began the era of Soviet Dominance over International chess. Kamenev: (Speaking to narrator) Shutup, you! No asked for your opinion. (Enter Stalin) Narrator: Joseph Stalin, general secretary of the Communist Party, has just entered. Trotsky’s chief rival, Stalin has one a number of victories over his adversary with the help of Zinoviev and Kamenev. Recently, however, he has turned against his former allies, working now with Bukharin to oust them. Zinoviev and Kamenev have responded by allying with Trotsky to form the United Opposition. Kamenev: What are you babbling about now? Narrator: Nothing. Kamenev: I’d have sworn you said... Narrator: No, really, nothing. Trotsky: (To Stalin) (friendly) Joe, I didn’t see you come in. How’s everything going? Stalin: Can’t complain. How’s that tribe doing? Trotsky: (Starts to reply, but is cut off by narrator) Narrator: Don’t you people know what animosity means? Stalin: How should I know? I don’t even speak English. You speak, English, don’t you Leon? Trotsky: Yes, but it’s my fourth language. My vocabulary is a bit shaky. We better find a dictionary. (Both look through the books lying around. Trotsky spies a book the Narrator is carrying and walks over to ask him about it.) Trotsky: That isn’t a dictionary there, is it comrade? Narr: Um, no. You can’t look at this. Trotsky: Why not? (Curiosity is aroused) Narr: You just can’t see it. That’s final. (Trotsky snatches book away from Narrator. He is puzzled to see the subject. It is a biography of him.) Trotsky: Where did this thing come from? Narr: Give that back! You’re not allowed to look at it. Trotsky: (reading aloud from index) Trotsky, Leon. His behavior during counter-revolution, his escape to Finland. That’s odd. (Flips to the next page.) Narr: Put the book down! Trotsky: (ignoring him) as war correspondent in Balkans... (Flips page again) During Brest Litovsk Period. (Flips page again. Up to this point, all the stuff he has seen has already occurred) Expelled from Party in 1927 by Stalin. (Is stunned, glances towards Stalin suspiciously.) Murdered in Mexican home by Stalinist agent. (The situation finally strikes Trotsky fully.) (Meanwhile, Stalin has finally found a dictionary.) Stalin: (reading from dictionary) An-i-mos-i-ty. Bitter hostility or open enmity: active hatred. (Both Stalin and Trotsky look on one another angrily and suspiciously. They begin to exchange insults.) Stalin: I should have known you were not to be trusted. You and your Menshevik heresies and Napoleonic ambitions have no place in the Kremlin. I see that the proletariat was well served when you were removed from your post as War Commissar. Trotsky: Stalin, your lies fool no one. Any fool can see that you serve no interest other then your own. To claim to serve the proletariat is not only a lie, but an insult against the masses. Unless, of course, the proletariat consists of opportunistic back stabbers. Stalin: You traitor! You disgrace to Communism! Away with you and your meaningless pedantry. Trotsky: Time will prove Permanent Revolution true, and the product of your own clouded mind so much rubbish. (Argument degenerates further.) (While they are thus preoccupied, the Narrator begins to speak) Narr: It is plain that tensions between Trotsky and Stalin run high. What may not be as apparent is the extent of Stalin’s advantage. Over time, he has shrewdly used his position as secretary to ensure that his supporters predominate in the upper ranks of the party. As a result of these machinations, the United Opposition will not be able to prevail at the party congress. Nor may they rally the masses to their side; years of civil war have made them lose there interest in political matters... (While Narrator is talking, Stalin, Trotsky continue to argue in background. Stalin picks up a ninja turtle that is lying around. Trotsky picks up a transformer. They fight with these while the narrator babbles. [Things can’t get too dull.]) (Zinoviev and Kamenev restrain Trotsky; Bukharin restrains Stalin.) (Narrator is not quite finished when Stalin speaks.) Stalin: Comrades, the time has come to separate the wheat from the chaff. I denounce all members of the United Opposition. (Narr continues on, oblivious.) Stalin: Shutup, you. Narr: Me? Bukharin: Of course, who else? Narr: But I’m not involved. Stalin: Send him to Siberia! Trotsky: I have no objections. I never like this (bleep) either. How’d he get in here? Stalin: No idea! (Motions to henchmen) take him away! Narrator: No, you can’t! I’m the narrator. This simply isn’t allowed! (The bewildered narrator is dragged away.) (Henchmen quickly return.) Stalin: And don’t forget these miscreants! (Yoffe bursts into room) Trotsky: Yoffe! Stalin: Oh, and take that crazy one too. Yoffe: Not so fast! (Snaps his fingers.) Attack, Cetawayo. Bukharin: Marvelous. The crazy bastard is having one of his fits again. (Clips from Zulu. Zulus are gathering on hilltop. Zulus charge.) (Back to scene, war cries are heard. An object lands on stage near Stalin. Another hits Stalin’s henchman) Yoffe: (To Trotsky, Zinoviev, Kamenev) Come on, comrades! Cetawayo is covering our escape! Run. (Yoffe leads Trotsky, Kamenev, and Zinoviev offstage. Stalin, his remaining henchman, and Bukharin pull out guns and fire at Zulus. [All the action in this segment is interspersed with clips from Zulu.] Camera takes cover. Clips of retreating Zulus.) Stalin: There, that’ll show ‘em to mess Joe Stalin. Bukharin: I wonder what Zulus are doing in Moscow. Stalin: Don’t waste time on silly academic questions. We’ve got to catch them. (Stalin, Bukharin, henchman exit.) (Camera goes off. End of Scene One. Or two, if you’re actually counting.) (Scene Two: In a small, dark room. Zinoviev, Kamenev, and Trotsky are plotting. Yoffe sits off to the side, mumbling illogically.) Zinoviev: You know, it’s a risk just meeting together, even here. Trotsky: Everything’s a risk. Without them we never would have gotten this far. Kamenev: We’re sitting in a small room that contains nothing but three bottles of vodka and a copy of the Rand McNally International Atlas. And know you’re saying this is good? (At the mention of the word vodka, the camera suddenly pans around the room searching for it. While it is doing this, the talking goes on.) Trotsky: Why do you to waver so? Don’t you remember the last time you did? Surely you recall October of 1918? Where would we be now if we had followed your advice to be cautious then? We’d all be rotting in some Kadet prison for our troubles. Zinoviev: This is not October, Trotsky. Keep that in mind. Civil War has sapped the Revolutionary spirit. We must alter our plans accordingly. Trotsky: What do you propose to do? Let power go to rude and vulgar peasant and a thoroughly unoriginal NEP hack? Kamenev: I thought Bukharin was your friend. Trotsky: The key word being was. I will have no part of any man who sides with such a fellow as Stalin, who wishes to leave the fate of the revolution in the hands of such a small minded boor. Kamenev: Then what do you propose? (Camera has spotted the vodka. Gets up, moves toward it.) Zinoviev: (Sees camera for first time) Who are you, and what are you doing here? Voice from behind Camera: I’m the cameraman. Trotsky: I remember him! He was with that annoying fellow Stalin sent to Siberia. Zinoviev: Now that you mention it, so do I. Kamenev: Who he is is immaterial, what we need to know is if he’ll talk. Camera: I won’t, I promise. Let’s make a toast. Kamenev: So that’s why he’s here. He’s a drunk. Trotsky: Let’s be prudent and do as he says. Zinoviev: Very well. (Pours out five glasses) Yoffe: And one for Cetawayo, the Zulu king. Zinoviev: But he isn’t here. Yoffe: Yes he is. See (Motions to empty space next to him.) Zinoviev: Sure, Yoffe. Whatever you say. (Pours another glass. (All raise glasses.) Zinoviev: To the Party. Kamenev: To the Party. Yoffe: (Loud proclamation in gibberish) Trotsky: To the Revolution. Camera: (Glug, glug) Kamenev: Aren’t you going to make a toast? Camera: Oh, whoops, forgot. Better give me some more. Trotsky: No, we need what we have left. Camera: What for? Trotsky: (Exchanges glances with Yoffe.) Turn the Camera off and I’ll tell you. Can’t let this get out. (Camera goes off, end of scene.) The next scene. This would have a number, but I forgot. (Music from Z is playing in background) (Stalin is giving a speech) Stalin: The great Soviet State has been of recent date afflicted with a most malicious parasite. (close up of hand taking a tablet out of a container marked poison) Stalin: This parasite is well known to all of you. It is none other then the so-called United Opposition, that troika of charlatans who shamelessly peddle innumerable Menshevik heresies. (Close up of hand trying to crush tablet without success.) Like any parasite, it must be removed, without pity or mercy. (Hand slams down on tablet. Still no success.) Do not let this bug fool you, comrades. While it has long pretended to consist of loyal communists, (Hand slams down on tablet. This time it works. Tablet is crushed, then poured into drink.) though its members have made shameless attempts to ingratiate themselves with the party, it is still nothing more then vile trash. (Figure is seen walking along with drink, cannot see who it is.) Yoffe: Would you like a drink of water, comrade Stalin? Stalin: Why, thank you, comrade. I’m glad to see you’ve deserted the scum Trotsky. Yoffe: Yes, Cetawayo told me you were the man for the party. Stalin: Glad to hear that... Say, this is vodka, not water. Yoffe: This is Russia, not Georgia. And that is water. Stalin: Of course, how silly of me. (Continues speech) Stalin: See them for what they are, comrades! Parasites that must be destroyed. And how do we destroy them? By removing Trotsky, Kamenev, and Zinoviev! (collapses) Yoffe: He’s dead! Stalin: (faintly) No, I’m... not ... yet ... Yoffe: We don’t have time for these silly pranks of yours, Joseph. It’s quite obvious that you’re dead. Stalin: (fainter still) no ... I ... Henchman: Maybe if we ignore him he’ll stop it. I have to agree with you, that was in extremely poor taste. Bukharin: Never mind that, fools. We must catch the scum that killed him. Henchman: You mean there was scum in that water? Didn’t know the stuff was poisonous. Bukharin: No, I mean the murderer. It must have been Yoffe. Yoffe: No, it wasn’t me. I swear! I was talking with that fellow over there (pointing at camera), and I think he slipped something in the drink. I wasn’t sure at the time, but know I’m certain of it. Bukharin. Then get him. (Henchmen run at camera. Camera is knocked down. Blackout.) The Final scene: In Siberia. (Narrator is in Siberia. He is wearing a heavy winter jacket, a hat, scarf, gloves, etc. He speaks.) (Shots of Narrator are interspersed with those of polar bears, and Sonic the Hedgehog [in ice cap zone, of course.]) Narrator: As you may have already surmised, Stalin is dead. Stalin is dead, poisoned by Yoffe, who acted under the suggestions of none other than Leon Trotsky and his cohorts. What you have witnessed has undoubtedly made the motives clear: each of the killers wished to prevent Stalin from taking power, as well as take power themselves. What I wish to do is fill you in on what transpired afterwards. With Stalin gone, Trotsky’s power revived. He, Zinoviev, and Kamenev overcame the hapless Bukharin. Then, no longer united by a common enemy, Trotsky, Zinoviev, and Kamenev fought amoung themselves. In the end, Zinoviev and Kamenev could not match Trotsky without the help of Stalin. As a result, Leon Trotsky came to power. If one can take his works as any indication of how he might have ruled, then there is little doubt that with Trotsky at the helm, totalitarianism never would have preyed upon Russia. The Soviet Union would have been run in a much more democratic fashion, which would have enormous ramifications for the future of Russia. In all probability, Russia never would have suffered the chaos that ensued after years of totalitarianism suddenly melted away. Diplomatic history would also have been very different. If Trotsky took power, he never would have signed the non-agression pact with the Nazis, since, in his later writings, he thought of fascism the antithesis of everything he stood for. He even went as far as to suggest that the German Socialists and Communists should unite, in order to prevent the Nazis from taking power. It is extremely unlikely that he would have negotiated with the Nazis had he taken power. This would change the face of World War II. From the very beginning, the Nazis would have to fight all the powers in Europe. (In case you are wondering about Italy, I do not have the charity to call it a power. It’s military performance bears me out.) The result would have been a much shorter war or no war at all, since even Hitler would hesitate before leaping head long into what would certainly be a suicidal conflict. The post war period would be equally unrecognizable to us. Trotsky was a firm proponent of self determination of all peoples, his record at Brest Litovsk bears him out. He would not have tossed this principles aside and occupy eastern Europe. Such a step would have made no sense from a man who had once suggested during the conflict with the Poles in the early twenties, that the red army stop at the Polish frontier and not pursue the retreating Polish army. There would have been no iron curtain or Berlin wall. There may not have even been a cold war. To summarize, just about everything occuring after 1926 would be altered. Few areas of history would go unchanged. Camera: Look at that! The Zulus are back! (Footage of Charging Zulus.) (Close Up of African Mask, which serves as Cetawayo the Zulu King.) Cetawayo: Your babbling has angered my people. Cease at once, and stop your boring spectacle. End the Movie. Now. I command you! That’s it. That’s my great hackwork... er... screen play. I have finer selections, but those would take too long to convert to HTML, and besides, you might actually steal them. At least with Commies and Stuff I don’t have to worry about that. |