When the DAC Alliance was launched on that faithful day in. . .errr, January 2001 (yeah, that sounds about right), we strove to do two things:

1.) Deflate hype-bloated crap
2.) Piss off as many people as we can

With that in mind, the Alliance is proud to present the Console Wars. Everyone knows that the most obsessed form of psychopath in the world is the "gamer" (with N’SYNC fans coming in at a close second). We plan to present commentary that is both gleefully biased and solely designed to push those gaming lunatics over the edge. Be warned: all next-generation consoles will be bashed in some way during the course of this article (unless I overtly stack the deck in favor of one console, that is). Honestly, I can’t wait to receive flames from those fine specimens of wasted space. It’s quite amusing how many times they misspell the f word (fuk, frak, fck, frek, fryk).

Anyway, here’s how this will work. Each of the major consoles are broken up into their respected section. All facts that are from official press statements or personal experiences will be in blue. Rumors that may or may not be true will be in red. Finally, facts that I made up to provoke hostile responses from idiots who did not read this paragraph will be in green. I would provide the individual hardware specs for each console, but frankly I have no idea what the hell all of those numbers mean (and chances are, neither do you- admit it). I really couldn’t give less of a damn if one console displays 2 more polygons than the other. All of those numbers mean jack when it actually comes to the quality of a game.

Nonetheless, at the end of each section, there will be a running commentary between me and my good friend, Gamer X (actually, I found him in a ditch between 4th and J Street). Say hello to the people, Gamer X. . .

Gamer X: ZAKA ROO NEE DAH!! ME LIKE GAMEZ. ALL HAIL GAMER X: KING OF THE PIRANHA PEOPLE!!!

Uhhhhh. . .. right. Don’t mind him too much, he was holding a toaster when his mom dropped him into the bathtub.

With that said, welcome to the Console Wars. I hope you enjoy your stay.