Her realization came after anatomy and physiology lab partner, Beth Shaklee, commented on how "cute" it was that her socks matched her pink shirt. Ms. Sharpe then looked around the room to see that the whole class was wearing white socks.

"It was kind of a shock. I've spent so long working on finding socks that were the same color as my clothing, or at least seemed like it from far away. But I guess all that work was wasted. Just chalk it up as another loss to progress."

She then pointed out something that made her feel better.

"For the rest of the day I checked out people's socks. And I noticed-some people aren't even wearing socks, or are wearing those sport socks you're not supposed to be able to see," she laughed briefly, "At least I'm not them. Not wearing socks was so late eighties."


DJs UNDERESTIMATE HUMAN GULLIBILITY, GET FIRED

AUSTIN, Texas-Two morning DJs on a rock radio station falsely reported the death of Brittany Spears last week. They created a worldwide panic in a matter of hours.

Ms. Spear's publicist repeatedly calmed anxious callers, and has released a statement saying that Ms. Spear's is in "excellent health" and that she was never in a car wreck.

The DJs were fired for their hoax. However, The Onion has repeatedly announced the death of Senator Strom Thurman, even though, officially, the senator is still alive. The Onion spokesman said the publication stands behind their reporters.

"The mistakes with regards to Senator Thurman's life-or-death status have always been the result of bad information from ordinarily reputable sources. Our journalists acted on good faith and were mislead. We do not hold them responsible."

Those who point out that thousands of young women the world over actually did die last week, due to domestic violence, negligence or lack of proper medical care, and no one seemed to notice, are major bummers and they should keep their cynical thoughts to themselves.

IT'S GOOD TO BE THE KING, OR IS IT?

MBABANE, Swaziland-King Mswati III has declared a state of emergency in Swaziland. He has banned newspapers, rescinded bail for certain crimes, including holding illegal protests, and instituted a fine for making fun of him. He did not name an emergency to justify his declaration.

International trade groups have called for isolation for the Mswati regime.

In response, newspapers have now revised themselves as "historical societies" and have begun to feature daily "Historical Events of the Day." The events are usually drawn from French history circa 1775 and later.

Asked if the upcoming "Storming of the Bastille" was making anyone in his regime nervous, King Mswati replied that they all were reasonably confident that peace would hold.

"No. I'm not worried. My wife says let them read comic books and I agree. Vive le Roi!"

I was going to use this but honestly I can't compete with real life.

SAN DIEGO, California (AP) -- About 1,000 demonstrators, some dressed as ears of corn or genetically engineered tomatoes, staged a colorful but peaceful protest Sunday on the opening day of a biotechnology trade show.

Many demonstrators said they are concerned that businesses are introducing genetically modified crops and seeds into the food supply without knowing the long-term consequences.

"The biotech industry is conducting a real-time experiment with our biosphere," said 26-year-old Shannon Service of Boulder, Colorado, who was dressed as a monarch butterfly. "They don't know the results, they can't possibly know the results. The monarch butterfly represents that well."

I KNEW THE CAPITAL WAS ALBANY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT

ALBANY, New York-Snickering at yet another opportunity to reinforce their political supremacy, lawmakers in Albany plan to make New York the first state to ban cell phone use while driving.

"Talking on a hand-held cell phone while driving is very dangerous and will be fined by up to $100." Senator McCann said in a press conference yesterday. "And this is a great opportunity to say, that yes Albany is the capitol of New York. Not New York City. Not to mention those silly New Yorkers wont be able to gab on their beloved call phones as much. Not even when they're stuck in traffic." He then began to laugh, "Imagine them just sitting there. Ticketed like sitting ducks. It's going to be beautiful."