"I feel so alone,
Gunning up a big old pile of them bones."
-Them Bones, Alice in Chains

Being alone: wonderful and so depressing at the same time. To know that you will not be hurt by anyone, not need to worry about hurting someone's feelings. And yet the infinite sorrow of not having human companionship is so much worse. Yes, we need some time spent alone sometimes, but as we sit with so much feeling and noone to express it to we learn that lonliness is not always the best thing. I myself prefer to be with noone but myself very often, just to sit and think about life, but then it hits me that I need someone to make me whole. Whether that be a friend, a lover, of even an enemy, I need that person to express my thoughts to, to feel them spiritually.

Yesterday I sat watching the sunset alone, content in its beauty. The beautiful red clouds slowly dissolved into the night, and the burning red globe slowly set over the horizon. I smiled for an instant, taking in the ephemeral wonder, wishing that I could have someone partake of this wonder with me. My smile faded as I realized I had noone to share the moment with. I lowered my head and my heart ached. A sad overtone had taken over the beautiful moment I had witnessed, and all because I wanted someone to smile with and feel the same way as I did while watching.

Lonliness is one of the most powerful emotions next to fear. People have commited suicide because they did not have a companion to share life with. Trying to fill in the gap by being kind does not help either. The only way to fill that void is to have someone with you. No other emotion requires someone else to dissolve. One can love themself, hate themself, fear anything, be happy about something they've done themself, be sad about failing at something.

In closing, I hate being alone, yet I am alone.