Welcome to The Cizl Page 2001

Do you remember middle school/junior high/high school?

If so, do you remember talking about 'the bases' with your friends?

"Yeah man, at the dance, X and Y went behind the gym and they got to

second base!" Well that was cool and all, but what the hell was

second base? Tongue kissing? Up the shirt? No one was really sure.

Also, the bases tended to get progressively more intense as you got

older. What's a person to do? Here, we mourn the passing of using

baseball analogies to describe sexual activity. But let's face it,

there are more than four stages in today's day and age of sex play.

So, in the interests of both bringing baseball sex metaphors in line

with the complications of modern romance and with standardizing the

bases, we present the Standardized Guide to the Bases.

First, let's examine what the bases could have meant in the old days.

First Base

This was almost always kissing, although one guy I knew thought it

meant holding hands. Sometimes it was tongue kissing and sometimes not.

Second Base

Variously this meant tongue kissing, breast feeling, or outside the

clothes genital contact.

Third Base

Usually this was a hand down the pants of you or your partner.

Home Run

This was ALWAYS sex, although it was rarely reached in the times

when you had to refer to it in terms of bases.

Well that system is ok, if you are a young teenager with a repressed

sex drive. But what happens when you reach maturity and new factors

enter the equation, such as oral sex? And what about the exact

definitions? Well we have attempted to answer such puzzling questions

and present without further ado...

Standardized Guide to the Bases

On Deck

Having plans for a date

Strike-Out

Duh!!

Walk

Kissing

Bunt

Masturbation

Single

Tongue kissing

Double

Breasts/chest touched, some clothes off, lots of grabbing and

feels

Triple

Most of the clothes off, genital contact, mutual masturbation

Inside the park home run

Oral Sex

Home Run

SEX!

Ground Rule Double

Would have sex, but no condom

Error

Condom breaks during sex

Banned for life for gambling

Sex without condom

Hall of Fame

Marriage

Now that we've got the basics, let's introduce some terms to

better explain all the things that can happen now a days.

Balk Premature ejaculation

Pine Tar KY jelly

Relief pitcher Vibrator

Rain Delay Parents/roommate return home unexpectedly

Box Seats Waterbed

Seventh Inning Stretch Unusual positions

Rookie Virgin

Minor Leagues Under 18

Loaded Bases menage a trois

Grand Slam Sex four times in twelve hours

Foul tip VD

Three up and three dow impotency

Now that we have the definitions, lets quickly contrast the old

confusion with current clarity.

OLD WAY - "We, um, got to third base I guess and then we, um,

got like past third base, but not to home plate. I really like

her.

NEW WAY - First, there was a triple, then we got an inside the

park home run, and I started thinking, it's hall of fame time.

NEW WAY - So there I was with the bases loaded and nobody out,

when I balked during the seventh inning stretch and I had to call

in a relief pitcher.

Well, there you have it, I hope it has cleared up a lot of the

 confusion and helps you out...