Munchkins


	The Keep \| home Munchkins \| Last Words Munchkins REAL MEN, REAL ROLEPLAYERS, LOONIES AND MUNCHKINS By Jeff Okamoto, Sandy Petersen, and lots of others The whole thing started around 1983 or so at a party at Pacificon at the Dunfey Hotel in San Mateo in which the idea came up of classifying the different styles of roleplaying. They came up with four different types, which are explained below. Special credit goes to Perry Caro, Chris Guthrie, Rick Heli, Robert Allen, and Ken Kaufman, to name a few. The Real Man The tough macho type who walks up to the attacking dragon and orders it to leave before he gets hurt. The Real Roleplayer The intelligent cunning guy who tricks the constable into letting you all out of prison. The Loonie The guy who will do anything for a cheap laugh, including casting a fireball at ground zero. The Munchkin Need we say more? === Player Relationships === REAL MEN: Real Men think they're brothers in arms. Real Roleplayers hide behind them. Loonies harass them with stupid suggestions. Munchkins say ``I'm a Real Man, too!'' REAL ROLEPLAYERS: Real Men protect them, on the off chance they may come up with something useful. Real Roleplayers sigh with relief to know they're not alone, and then get their characters involved in love affairs and death feuds. Loonies harass them with stupid suggestions. Munchkins say ``I'm a Real Roleplayer, too!'' LOONIES: Real Men ignore them. Real Roleplayers sometimes harass them back by taking a stupid suggestion and making it work. Loonies declare a pie fight at 20 paces . . . and cheat. Munchkins try to imitate the jokes, and fall flat. MUNCHKINS: Real Men attack them on sight. Real Roleplayers trick them into being cannon fodder. Loonies make reasonable-sounding suggestions that will get the Munchkin killed in an amusing way. Munchkins query, ``What's a Munchkin?'' === Over-all === Favorite FRPG: Real Men play original Dungeons & Dragons Real Roleplayers play RuneQuest III Loonies play Toon Munchkins play anything by TSR Favorite SFRPG: Real Men play Star Trek: The Roleplaying Game Real Roleplayers play Space Opera Loonies play Teenagers From Outer Space Munchkins play anything by TSR Favorite Post-Holocaust RPG: Real Men play Twilight 2000 Real Roleplayers play The Morrow Project Loonies play Paranoia Munchkins play anything by TSR Favorite 1920's RPG: Real Men play Gangbusters Real Roleplayers play Call of Cthulhu Loonies play a variant Spawn of Fashan Munchkins play anything by TSR Favorite SHRPG: Real Men play Champions Real Roleplayers play Superworld Loonies play an extremely variant Spawn of Fashan Munchkins play anything by TSR Favorite modern day/spy RPG: Real Men play James Bond, 007 Real Roleplayers play Justice, Inc. Loonies play an unrecognizable variant Spawn of Fashan Munchkins play anything by TSR Favorite King Arthurian RPG: Real Men play Chivalry and Sorcery Real Roleplayers play Pendragon Loonies play an extremely unrecognizable variant of Spawn of Fashan Munchkins play anything by TSR Favorite Silly RPG: Real Men play Macho Women With Guns. Real Roleplayers play Toon/TFOS Loonies play them all, often simultaneously Munchkins don't like silly RPG's. Favorite Attack Style: Real Men Shout their war cry, and wade into battle. Real Roleplayers parry, counterattack and protect comrade's backs. Loonies throw their sword at opponant, then attack with scabbard and lunchbox. Munchkins leap in with secret 'twisted lotus' ninja decapitation strike. Favorite Way to Die: Real Men in battle, with boots on, going down swinging. Real Roleplayers on deathbead, after lengthy dramatic farewell speech. Loonies laughing while jumping into a portable hole, and carrying a bag of holding. Munchkins Die? You're kidding, right? Usual Residence: Real Men wherever he hangs up his two-hander Real Roleplayers Elsinor Loonies Toontown Munchkins Valhalla (after kicking out previous occupants) Favorite Gaming Magazine: Real Men read The General Real Roleplayers read White Wolf Loonies read the last few pages of Dragon Munchkins read anything by TSR === Fantasy === Favorite Dungeon Activity Real Men fight Dragons as old as the world itself Real Roleplayers bluff the Ogres Loonies tell dirty jokes to Green Slime Munchkins do whatever gives the most experience/rip each other off Favorite Melee Weapon: Real Men use Pole Axes Real Roleplayers use Rapiers and Main-Gauches Loonies use Stage Knives Munchkins use whatever gives the most plusses Favorite Thrown Weapon: Real Men throw Spears Real Roleplayers throw Bolas Loonies throw their friends' magic items Munchkins throw whatever gives the most plusses Favorite Missile Weapon: Real Men shoot Composite Bows Real Roleplayers shoot Crossbows Loonies shoot Catapults loaded with offal Munchkins shoot whatever gives the most plusses Favorite Improvised Weapon in Barroom Brawl: Real Men use bare hands/tables Real Roleplayers use chairs, chair legs or pokers Loonies use plastic Pepsi bottles or toothpaste Munchkins use, you guessed it, whatever gives the most plusses Favorite Improvised Thrown Weapons: Real Men throw Munchkins Real Roleplayers throw beer mugs, pool balls and rocks Loonies throw Nerf frisbees Munchkins throw whatever gives the most plusses Favorite RQ3 Spirit Spell: Real Men cast Bladesharp 10 on their swords Real Roleplayers cast Demoralize on their foes Loonies cast Befuddle on their friends Munchkins cast Fireball Favorite RQ3 Sorcery Spell: Real Men cast Dominate Human on others Real Roleplayers cast Damage Resistance on their familiars/themselves Loonies cast Dominate Human on themselves Munchkins cast Meteor Swarm Favorite RQ3 Divine Spell: Real Men cast Berserker on themselves Real Roleplayers cast Heal Body Loonies cast Face Chaos on the Crimson Bat Munchkins cast Timestop Favorite Alignment: Real Men are Lawful Good Real Roleplayers don't use alignment Loonies are Amoral Silly Munchkins are whatever gives the most plusses Favorite Religious-type Character: Real Men play Paladins Real Roleplayers play Clerics Loonies play street preachers Munchkins play Demigods Favorite Non-Human PC: Real Men play Dwarfs Real Roleplayers play Morokanths Loonies play a Dwarf-Elf halfbreed Munchkins play Asmodeus Favorite Undead to Summon: Real Men summon Ghosts Real Roleplayers summon Wraiths Loonies send in an AD&D troll wearing a sheet Munchkins summon Cerberus Favorite Way of Extracting Information from the Goblins: Real Men torture them Real Roleplayers cast Legend Lore/Telepathy/Mind Read Loonies tell puns to them Munchkins peek behind the GM's shield Favorite Way of Dealing with a Dragon: Real Men Slay it. Preferably alone and with bare hands. (Is this a trick question?) Real Roleplayers Con it out of all its treasure, leaving the dragon (and the GM) thinking it got the better deal. Loonies Summon the Sta-Puft marshmallow man. Munchkins Kill it, make armor out of the hide, and then resurrect it as a familiar. Favorite Demon/Devil: Real Men like Asmodeus Real Roleplayers like Cacodemon Loonies like Spiro Agnew Munchkins like Satan's grandfather Favorite God: Real Men worship Humakt/Orlanth Real Roleplayers worship Issaries/Lhankor Mhy Loonies worship Hare Krishna Munchkins worship whoever gives the most plusses Favorite Shield: Real Men wield two-handed weapons Real Roleplayers use a Kite Shield Loonies use a panty shield Munchkins use a Shield of Automatic Parry Favorite Mount: Real Men ride heavy war horses Real Roleplayers ride palfreys Loonies ride sheep Munchkins ride heavy war tyrannosauri Favorite NPC: Real Men like Tarl Cabot Real Roleplayers like Medea Loonies like Doctor Who Munchkins like Darth Vader/Teela Brown Favorite Animal to use as a Familiar: Real Men have Black Cats Real Roleplayers have Owls Loonies have Slugs Munchkins have Ancient Red Dragons Favorite Kind of Elf: Real Men like the Pinis' elves Real Roleplayers like Tolkien's elves Loonies like Santa's elves Munchkins like Storm Giants with pointed ears Favorite Kind of Dwarf: Real Men like Tolkien's Dwarfs Real Roleplayers like Glorantha's Dwarfs Loonies like the Seven Dwarfs Munchkins like Earth Elementals with beards Favorite Food to take on Expeditions: Real Men bring along iron rations Real Roleplayers cast create food and drink Loonies bring along aluminum rations Munchkins no longer need food to live Favorite Fantasy Author: Real Men read J.R.R. Tolkien ``Lord of the Rings'' Real Roleplayers read Robert Asprin's ``Thieves' World'' series Loonies read Robert Asprin's ``Myth'' series Munchkins read E. Gary Gygax When they encounter a sleeping dragon: Real Men wake it up and THEN attack it. Real Roleplayers sneak away quietly. Loonies tie its shoelaces together. Munchkins kill it instantly and then carry off all its treasure in one backpack Favorite Town Activity: Real Men drink ale in the tavern and start bar fights. Real Roleplayers drink wine in the tavern and talk to everyone. Loonies order watermelon daquiris and start food fights. Munchkins say ``What's a town?'' Favorite World/Setting: Real Men play in Sanctuary Real Roleplayers play in Glorantha Loonies play in Southern California Munchkins play wherever has the most magic items === Science Fiction === Favorite Science Fiction Weapon: Real Men use Laser Pistols/Blasters/Light Sabers Real Roleplayers use Stun Guns/Tanglers Loonies use Thermonuclear Hand Grenades/Tripod Flamers Munchkins use smart bombs Favorite Method of Handling Alien Monster: Real Men drive off the Bug-Eyed Monsters invading the Earth Real Roleplayers negotiate with the refugees from the evil Empire Loonies hitch a ride with Vogons Munchkins invade the BEMs' home planet and enslave them all Favorite Science Fiction Movie: Real Men watch the Star Wars films Real Roleplayers watch ``2001: A Space Odyssey/2010: Odyssey Two'' Loonies watch ``Spaceballs'' Munchkins watch Star Trek-The Motion Picture Favorite Method of Space Travel: Real Men use Hyperspace/Warp Drive Real Roleplayers use suspended animation Loonies use the Infinite Improbability Drive Munchkins push the button and it goes Favorite Star to Put a Colony Around: Real Men colonize Beta Lyrae Real Roleplayers colonize Alpha Centauri Loonies colonize Cygnus X-1 Munchkins colonize wherever gives the most plusses Favorite Science Fiction Author: Real Men read Isaac Asimov Real Roleplayers read Arthur C. Clarke Loonies read Douglas Adams Munchkins read E. Gary Gygax Favorite Monster: Real Men like the Alien Real Roleplayers like the Moties Loonies like the beach ball from Dark Star Munchkins like E.T. Favorite Variant Human: Real Men play Heavy Worlders Real Roleplayers play Light Worlders/Spacers Loonies play Sex Androids Munchkins play Enhanced Humans with all the advantages === AD&D === Favorite Spell: Real Men cast Fireball Real Roleplayers cast Find the Path Loonies cast Otto's Irresistible Nose-Picking Munchkins cast Smite Ruler and Transfer Loyalty of Populace Favorite Psionic Ability: Real Men use Body Weaponry Real Roleplayers use Shape Alteration Loonies use Sea Anemone Hypnosis Munchkins use Assume Godhood Favorite Specialist Mage: Real Men If they have to play a mage, they'll be an Invoker w/ lots of fireballs Real Roleplayers play Enchanters Loonies play Illusionists with ventriloquism, audible glamer, and spectral force; Conjurers specializing in create banana peel spell; or transmuters specializing in polymorph self into a random object Munchkins: a multi-classed abjurer/conjurer/diviner/enchanter /illusionist/invoker/necromancer/transmuter Favorite Miscellaneous Magic Item: Real Men love Adamantine Claws Real Roleplayers love Repulsor Rays Loonies love +3 Kleenex Munchkins love Uru's Hammer Favorite Potion: Real Men drink potions of Superheroism Real Roleplayers drink potions of Animal/Plant Control Loonies drink potions of Jell-O Munchkins drink potions of Deity Control Favorite Ring: Real Men wear rings of Elemental Control Real Roleplayers wear rings of Free Action Loonies wear rings of Smurf Control Munchkins wear the One Ring Favorite Stick (Rod/Staff/Wand): Real Men wield staves of Striking Real Roleplayers wield wands of Healing Loonies wield shower curtain rods Munchkins wield the Wand of Orcus Favorite Armor: Real Men wear Plate Mail Real Roleplayers wear Elven Chainmail Loonies wear Horse Barding Munchkins wear powered armor Favorite Helm: Real Men wear a Helm of Brilliance Real Roleplayers wear a Helm of Telepathy Loonies wear a Helm of Blindness (``Works great against medusas'') Munchkins wear a Helm of 360-Degree Vision with Force Field Favorite Glove/Gauntlet: Real Men fight bare-handed Real Roleplayers wear Gloves of Dexterity Loonies wear THE Glove of Michael Jackson Charisma Munchkins wear Gauntlets of Infinite Ring-Wearing Favorite Footwear: Real Men wear Seven League Boots Real Roleplayers wear Boots of Stealth Loonies wear bunny slippers Munchkins wear Boots of Infinite Speed === Miscellaneous === Favorite Bar to Hang Out In: Real Men hang out at the Vulgar Unicorn Real Roleplayers hang out at the White Hart Loonies hang out at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe/ the Floating Vagabond Munchkins hang out wherever they don't get carded Favorite Superhero: Real Men like Batman (The Dark Knight) Real Roleplayers like Jericho/Sandman Loonies like Bat-Mite/Flaming Carrot/Cutey Bunny Munchkins like Galactus Favorite Modern weapon: Real Men use .44 Magnums Real Roleplayers use Walther PPKs Loonies use water pistols Munchkins use Infinite-Repeating Uzis Favorite Actor: Real Men like John Wayne Real Roleplayers like Claus Kinski Loonies like Curly Munchkins watch Saturday-morning cartoons Favorite Actor to play James Bond: Real Men like Sean Connery Real Roleplayers like George Lazenby Loonies like David Niven Munchkins like Roger Moore Favorite Card Game: Real Men play Gin Real Roleplayers play Bridge Loonies play Fizzbin/Fungus and Fruitbats Munchkins cheat at Go Fish Favorite Music: Real Men listen to Led Zeppelin Real Roleplayers listen to 14th-century madrigals Loonies listen to Weird Al Yankovic Munchkins watch MTV Favorite Magazine: Real Men read Soldier of Fortune and argue about whether the ads are real. Real Roleplayers read the Journal of Abnormal Psychology and argue about the point value of disadvantages. Loonies read National Lampoon and bitch about how it's gone downhill. Munchkins read comic books and argue about whether Spider-Man should have married MJ. Favorite Convention Activity: Real Men ``Do the Dealer's Room''/hang out in the con suite Real Roleplayers go to seminars/hide in their rooms and play games Loonies play video games/do hoax zines Munchkins run and shout and cut in lines Favorite Gaming Awards: Real Men vote for the (new) Charles Roberts awards from 3W Real Roleplayers vote for the Origins Awards Loonies come in at the end of the Origins ceremony to vote on the Silver Hatchets Munchkins vote for the Strategists Club awards Opinion of Board Games: Real Men love them Real Roleplayers think they don't offer enough options Loonies like to mix and match Munchkins can't figure out the rules Favorite Type of Dice: Real Men like 20-siders Real Roleplayers use three 6-siders Loonies use 34-sided for everything Munchkins have them all, and like to roll as many as possible === Call of Cthulhu === Capsule Opinion: Real Men love the challenge of fighting the creatures Real Roleplayers love the challenge of avoiding the creatures Loonies love the insanities Munchkins think you should be able to play Great Old Ones Favorite Skill: Real Men like Shotgun Real Roleplayers like Library Use Loonies like Head Butt Munchkins like Credit Rating Favorite Spell: Real Men cast Bless Blade Real Roleplayers cast Elder Sign Loonies cast Pipes of Madness whenever possible Munchkins cast Control Cthulhu Favorite Monster: Real Men like Deep Ones Real Roleplayers don't like any of them Loonies like Masters of the Universe Slime Munchkins like Azathoth Favorite Type of Character to Play: Real Men play Private Investigators Real Roleplayers play Professors of Ancient Egyptian Archaeology Loonies play Red Indian Sex Maniacs Munchkins play Magic-Users === Paranoia === Capsule Opinion: Real Men think the weapons are OK, but hate the background. Real Roleplayers think the campaigns are too short. Loonies think the game isn't funny enough. Munchkins don't think the game is supposed to be funny. Favorite Service Group: Real Men like Armed Forces. Real Roleplayers like Tech Services and CPU. Loonies like R&D. Munchkins like IntSec. Favorite Secret Society: Real Men like Anti-Mutant, Frankenstein Destroyers, and PURGE. Real Roleplayers like Free Enterprise and Sierra Club. Loonies like Corpore Metal, Death Leopard, and Mystics. Munchkins like Psion. Favorite Mutant Power: Real Men like Adrenalin Control. Real Roleplayers like Hypersenses. Loonies like Project Total Chaos. Munchkins like characters with the works. Favorite Weapon: Real Men like cone rifles. Real Roleplayers like laser pistols. Loonies like chainsaws and anything from R&D. Munchkins like Plasma Generators. Favorite Target: Real Men shoot Commie Mutant Traitors. Real Roleplayers shoot the Munchkins' characters. Loonies shoot anything fragile-looking. Munchkins shoot anything in sight, starting with the other PCs. Favorite Mission: Real Men like to hunt down Commie Mutant Traitors. Real Roleplayers like to try to survive the briefing. Loonies like to place themselves under surveillance and report hourly. Munchkins like to attack a rival Alpha Complex. === Teenagers From Outer Space === Capsule Opinion: Real Men can't understand the game at all. Real Roleplayers think the game is silly. Loonies think the game is about them. Munchkins want to play their 700-point Champions character. Favorite Character Type: Real Men play Near Humans. Real Roleplayers play Humans. Loonies play green fuzzy blobs that drip slime. Munchkins play Deities. Favorite Powers: Real Men have Superspeed, Monster Out, and Superstrength Real Roleplayers have Teleport, Deep Freeze, and Talk to Aliens. Loonies have Bounce, Summon Pizza, and Telephone. Munchkins have all of them. Favorite Knacks: Real Men like Shoot Big Raygun and Flying Saucer Piloting. Real Roleplayers like Figure Things Out and Look Cool in Shades. Loonies like Weird Science and Eat Anything. Munchkins like Do Anything I Want. Favorite Weapon: Real Men like Zap Guns. Real Roleplayers like Duplicator Guns. Loonies like Goop Guns and Boy/Girl Guns. Munchkins like AT-AT Walkers. Favorite Transportation: Real Men use flying saucers. Real Roleplayers use the Number 42 Crosstown Expedience Route. Loonies use Rocket Sneakers. Munchkins use Battlestars. === Champions === Capsule Opinion: Real Men think this is how the world should be. Real Roleplayers think there's too much combat. Loonies think it's a great system for simulating reality. Munchkins think starting characters don't have enough points. Favorite Character Type: Real Men like Bricks. Real Roleplayers like Mentalists. Loonies like Cream-Puff Projectors. Munchkins like visiting Gods. Favorite Power: Real Men like Damage Resistance. Real Roleplayers like Telepathy. Loonies like Instant Change, Usable on Others. Munchkins like Autofire Find Weakness. Favorite Attribute: Real Men like Strength. Real Roleplayers like Ego. Loonies like Comeliness. Munchkins like Speed. Favorite Disadvantage: Real Men like Berserk. Real Roleplayers like Psychological Limitations. Loonies like Dependency on Spinach Egg Noodles. Munchkins like Unusual Looks. Favorite Power Limitation: Real Men like Always On. Real Roleplayers like Limited Uses. Loonies like Activation on 8-. Munchkins like Focus and Multipower. Tactics in Hostage Situations: Real Men demonstrate what'll happen to villians who injure hostages. Real Roleplayers create an illusion of the hostages getting away. Loonies taunt the villians. Munchkins use their 10D6 Area Effect Armor Piercing RKA on the whole block and then resurrect the hostages === Villains and Vigilantes === Capsule Opinion: Real Men* don't like to adhere to the Superhero Code enforced by the government. Real Roleplayers join the government peacekeeping force. Loonies represent themselves at their trials. Munchkins are above the Superhero Code (aren't they?) Favorite Character Type: Real Men play 600 pound Bricks. Real Roleplayers play telepaths. Loonies play insane androids. Munchkins play alien sorcerers. Favorite Power: Real Men like Invulnerability and Armor A. Real Roleplayers like Psionics. Loonies like Mutant Power. Munchkins like Power Absorption. Favorite Ability Score: Real Men like Endurance. Real Roleplayers like Intelligence. Loonies like Charisma. Munchkins like Agility. Favorite Weakness: Real Men like Mute. Real Roleplayers like Physical Handicap. Real Loonies like Psychosis. Real Munchkins ``What weaknesses?'' Favorite Battle Tactics: Real Men pound villains into the ground or throw buses. Real Roleplayers wear their opponents down before finishing them off. Loonies dump a bucket of Cool Whip on a villain's head and talk about Planet of the Apes. Munchkins negate their friend's attacks so they get all the experience themselves. Favorite Combat Maneuver: Real Men like the Fastball Special. Real Roleplayers like to trick villains into attacking each other instead of the heroes. Loonies like to trick the other heroes into attacking each other instead of the villains Munchkins like Multiple Weakness Detection. Favorite Canned Adventure: Real Men like Death Duel with the Destroyers. Real Roleplayers like FORCE. Loonies like The Dawn of DNA. Munchkins like Devil's Domain and Dawn of the Devil. Favorite Member of the Crushers: Real Men like Bull. Real Roleplayers like FIST. Loonies like Mocker. Munchkins like Mercury Mercenary. Favorite Member of the Crusaders: Real Men like Enforcer. Real Roleplayers like Dreamweaver. Loonies like Laserfire. Munchkins think the Crusaders are wimps. Favorite Member of the Destroyers: Real Men like Behemoth. Real Roleplayers like Iron Maiden. Loonies like Ratman. Munchkins like Annihilator. Favorite Member of the Errants: Real Men like Adonis. Real Roleplayers like Cockroach. Loonies like Shee-Ariel. Munchkins like Dr. DNA. Favorite Member of the Force: Real Men like Mister Magnum. Real Roleplayers like Shadarkos. Loonies like Cicada. Munchkins like FORCE. === Fantasy HERO === Capsule Opinion: Real Men like how expensive magic is. Real Roleplayers don't like how expensive magic is. Loonies like the bizzare disadvantages you can create. Munchkins like the crossover from Champions. Character Type: Real Men play Dwarven Knights. Real Roleplayers play Elven Mages. Loonies play Halfling Knights. Munchkins play their Champions characters. Favorite Spell Limitations: Real Men wish there weren't any, so magic would be even more expensive. Real Roleplayers like Gestures, Incantation, and Concentrate. Loonies like Side Effects. Munchkins use the Champions rules. Favorite Spells: Real Men like any kind of magic greatsword. Real Roleplayers like Percieve and Illusions. Loonies like Dominate usable on Self Only. Munchkins like Blast, Variable Advantage, Reduced END to zero. === GURPS === Capsule Opinion: Real Men think there aren't enough combats. Real Roleplayers think there aren't enough supplements. Loonies think there aren't enough disadvantages. Munchkins think there aren't enough hit points. Favorite Advantages: Real Men like Combat Reflexes, Strong Will, High Pain Threshold and Toughness. Real Roleplayers like Charisma, Danger Sense, Empathy, Literacy and Voice. Loonies like Luck, Absolute Timing and Unusual Background. Munchkins like Magery 3, Patron (God), and PK (80). Favorite Disadvantages: Real Men like Gigantism and Berserk Real Roleplayers like Sense of Duty and Poverty Loonies like Severe Delusions, Severe Phobias, Split Personality, Total Pacifism and Berserk - all at the same time. Munchkins like Enemies and Dependents (for the points). Favorite Skills: Real Men like Brawling, Two-Handed Sword, Broadsword and Shield. Real Roleplayers like Acting, Bard, Detect Lies, Diplomacy, Fast-Talk, Merchant, Savoir-Faire and Streetwise. Loonies like to use ALL skills at a default level of 5. Munchkins like Fast-Talk GM and Whine. Favorite Overall Spell: Real Men don't use magic, but they'll let the mage cast Hawk Flight on them so they can pursue the foe Real Roleplayers cast Lend Language on the strangers they meet Loonies cast Mystic Mist in the town square Munchkins cast Enslave on the city guard Favorite Combat Spell: Real Men don't use magic. Real Roleplayers cast Blur and Flash. Loonies cast Create Object (cream pies) Munchkins cast Armor, Shield, Invisibility and Deathtouch. Favorite Non-Combat Spell: Real Men still don't use magic. Real Roleplayers cast Major Healing. Loonies cast Drunkenness on the other PCs. Munchkins cast Linking spells on everything they own. Favorite Supplement: Real Men like Horseclans and Ice Age. Real Roleplayers like Space, Horror and Japan. Loonies like Toon. Munchkins like Fantasy, Horror and Autoduel - in the same game. Favorite TOON Character: Real Men play Carnivores. Real Role-Players play Herbivores. Loonies play Richard Nixon. Munchkins build an unfathomably powerful character. Supplement Most Wanted: Real Men want World War II. Real Roleplayers want 2001 Loonies want Pet Rocks Munchkins want Deities === Storyteller === Capsule Opinion: Real Men Real Roleplayers Loonies Munchkins Favorite Vampires: Real Men play 13th generation Brujah Rebels Real Roleplayers play 14th generation Tremere or Ventrue Architects Loonies play 14th generation Malkavian Anti-tribu Visionaries Munchkins play Caitiff Antidiluvians Favorite Vampire Food: Real Men eat dope-dealers and other assorted criminals. Real Roleplayers agonize over it, eat their friends in a frenzy and lose Humanity points. Loonies eat flies. Munchkins eat Caine. Favorite Dialblerie: Real Men diablerize Tremeres and Sabbat. Real Roleplayers agonize over it, diablerize their sires, and lose Humanity points. Loonies diablerize themselves, agonize over it and enter Torpor. Munchkins eat Caine. Favorite Ghoul: Real Men need no ghouls. Real Roleplayers agonize over it, ghoul politicians and lose humanity. Loonies ghoul Wall-Mart cashiers. Munchkins ghoul the entire Tremere clan. Favorite Sourcebooks: Real Men like Clan Brujah. Real Roleplayers say ``I don't NEED a sourcebook'', buy the books anyway and lose Humanity points. Loonies like Count Duckula Munchkins like the Mummies. Favorite Werewolves: Real Men play Get of Fenris Ahroun with Fang Daggers Real Roleplayers play Uktena Theurges with Baneskins Loonies play a hairy bag-lady with a shopping cart Munchkins play a Major Incarna with a Silver Sword Favorite Totems Real Men align with The Stag Real Roleplayers align with Coyote Loonies align with the harmonic convergence Munchkins align with themselves. View the Umbra as... Real Men view the Umbra as the True World. Real Roleplayers view the Umbra as the shadowy pictures from Plato's Allegory of the Cave. Loonies view the Umbra from a padded cell. Munchkins view the Umbra as their kingdom. Favorite Weapon Real Men need no weapons. Real Roleplayers carry their ancestor's klaive. Loonies carry a tune. Munchkins carry a silver sword, two klaives, a fang dagger, an Atchison with 20 rounds of silver-phosphate and a thermite grenade. === Ars Magica === Capsule Opinion: Real Men think there aren't enough combats Real Roleplayers like the setting Loonies like the myriad of possible spell effects Munchkins think magi aren't powerful enough. Advantages of the setting: Real Men like the Crusades Real Roleplayers like the richness of the paradigm Loonies like mendicant monks Munchkins like being able to look up the answers Advantages of the game: Real Men like _starting_ with battle-worthy wizards Real Roleplayers like the long-term character development Loonies like the chance to make the Crown-prince think he's a slug Munchkins like being able to spont level 80 spells Problems with the game: Real Men think the Code of Hermes is too restrictive Real Roleplayers think there aren't enough flaw points to define their characters Loonies think there aren't enough ways to pull pranks on the mundanes Munchkins think longevity potions don't last long enough Favorite Houses: Real Men join House Flambeau or House Tytalus Real Roleplayers join House Jerbiton Loonies join House Criamon or House Merinita Munchkins join House Bjornaer Favorite Variant Magi: Real Men don't do variant magi Real Roleplayers play Shamans Loonies play Faerie Companions Munchkins play Diabolists Favorite Virtues for Magi: Real Men have an affinity with Ignem or Perdo Real Roleplayers have the Gentle Gift Loonies have Withstand Magic and Berserk Munchkins have Heartbeast - Great Worm of the Pyrenees Favorite Flaws for Magi: Real Men take Fury Real Roleplayers take Sense of Doom Loonies take Magic Addiction, Lack of Concentration and Chaotic Magic. Munchkins don't understand the concept Means of overcoming flaws: Real Men kill their Enemies Real Roleplayers join monasteries Loonies use self-flagellation Munchkins seem to have lost that bit of paper Favorite Companions: Real Men play crusading knights Real Roleplayers play wandering friars Loonies play time-travelling Californians Munchkins play Richard the Lionhearted Favorite lab work: Real Men find it too fiddly, and stick to the library Real Roleplayers take familiars and apprentices Loonies use experimentation with vis Munchkins invent 'Cleanse the Verminous Infestation of People' Favorite Spell: Real Men cast Pilum of Fire Real Roleplayers cast Frosty Breath of the Spoken Lie Loonies cast Confusion of the Insane Vibrations near a clifftop Munchkins cast Opening the Earth's Pore Favorite Skill: Real Men like Penetration Real Roleplayers like Guile Loonies like Scribe Pig-Latin Munchkins like Affinity - everything Favorite Rule: Real Men like open-ended die rolls Real Roleplayers like personality traits Loonies like botches Munchkins like spontaneous magic Favorite Quotes: Real Men say ``I kill demons and eat them for breakfast.'' Real Roleplayers say ``How can you believe him? He's a Christian!'' Loonies say ``I healed the dog. I took his toe nails.'' Munchkins say ``Certamen!'' === Computer Use === Operating Systems: Personal computers: Real Men Use MS-DOS Real Roleplayers Use OS/2 Loonies Program their calculator to run PC software Munchkins Use Nintendo Big computers: Real Men Use VMS, and write everything in FORTRAN Real Roleplayers Use Unix, and incorporate other people's C code Loonies Use a Turing machine Munchkins Use Nintendo Unix: Favorite flavor of Unix: Real Men Use System V Real Roleplayers Use BSD Loonies Port Linux to their Sparcstation Munchkins Use AIX Favorite Shell: Real Men Use the Bourne Shell Real Roleplayers Use tcsh Loonies Use cat > /dev/null Munchkins Use simulated Macintosh environments Favorite method of computer use: Real Men Use the assembler to do everything Real Roleplayers Use perl and C to do everything Loonies Write everything in Postscript Munchkins Just run what they buy Favorite editor: Real Men Use vi Real Roleplayers Use emacs Loonies Use dd of=/dev/sd0a Munchkins Use Microsoft Word Favorite Unix program: Real Men Use "ln -s stdin.c `tty` ; cc stdin.c" Real Roleplayers Do "nn 'rec.games.frp.'" Loonies* Run "yes \| wall" Munchkins Try "dir" Favorite programming languages: Real Men Use Fortran and C. Real Roleplayers Use SML, Prolog, and Common Lisp Object System Loonies Write punch card readers in Algol, APL, and TICO Munchkins Use Basic, when they can figure it out.