BONKERS!: The NEW Adventures
"A Tale of Two Toonies"
Characters (C) WALT DISNEY STUDIOS
Original Story by SUSHIL RUDRANATH
FOR PRIVATE USE ONLY, NOT ENDORSED BY DISNEY,
DON'T SUE ME, I'M A NICE GUY.
(And I stay true to the characters!)
DISTRIBUTE FREELY SO LONG AS NO CHANGES ARE MADE AND THIS
NOTICE REMAINS INTACT
NOTE: This story takes place one day after the last,
"Wail to the Chief", and it will mark the next step in
a sublime continuity similar to that of Doctor Who: The New Adventures.
TEASER
EST. POLICE HEADQUARTERS (DAY)
PUSH IN on UPPER FLOORS and
FADE IN TO INT. CHIEF KANIFKY'S OFFICE
OVERLAY TEXT: LAST TIME ON BONKERS: THE NBW ADVENTURES
KANIFKY
Sgt. Grating? Please come in.
As you know, you were given command of the
34th Precinct while they finished moving the
overcrowded officers from this building,
Police Headquarters, to that one.
Well, sergeant, you'll be glad to know the
move is complete. There will be 20 new
officers at the 34th tommorow morning. And
command is being handed over to the new,
permanent head of the 34th tommorow at Roll
Call.
CLEAR TEXT
FADE UP TO BRIGHT WHITE and FADE DOWN TO EXT. 34th PRECINCT, PUSHING IN TO
SECOND FLOOR WINDOW.
EST. EXT. SGT. GRATING'S OFFICE- PULL BACK FROM GRATING'S DOOR
A PAINTER is REMOVING GRATING's name and painting in SKEWER's.
PAN RIGHT to the HALLWAY, where BONKERS and MIRANDA are walking in.
They stop and converse.
BONKERS
Gee, Miranda. Did you see the Sarge's
face at Roll Call today? It was so...
so... depressing and- and... pathetic!
MIRANDA
Yeah. I actually felt sorry for him.
That Skewer guy didn't even bother to
show up for the transfer of command.
BONKERS
Ya. Just left a note. Really mean.
He coulda just shown up to shake
Sarge's hand.
FOLLOW them as they TURN and walk into the rest of the floor.
(They should be facing the arched part of the windows on the second
floor, with a great view of the buildings across the street. There is
a DESK in front of the windows, with many papers and boxes piled on them.)
BONKERS
Looks like somebody new's on our floor!
BONKERS walks up to the desk and stretches out his hand.
BONKERS
Hiya! Are you one of the new guys from
Police Headquarters?
SGT. GRATING steps out from behind the DESK.
GRATING
It's me, Bobcat.
BONKERS does a TAKE.
BONKERS
What're you doin' out here, Sarge?
GRATING
This is where I work now, stupid!
Didn't you see the guy painting
out my name on the office door?
That's Skewer's office now!
MIRANDA
Have you met Captain Skewer yet?
GRATING
Not yet. He should be coming in
about now. Anyway, a case I want
you two to look into. Seems
some toon's gone berserk... again.
BONKERS
So... what's this toon doing?
GRATING
He's been rampaging through Hollywood
wrecking animation studios. Rumour has
it he's also being chased by a new toon
vigilante'. If you guys can, I want you
to track him down too.
MIRANDA
That's two cases at once. Shouldn't you give one
to Dennis and Stark?
GRATING
I would've- but Skewer's taken them outta
our division. They work with him now.
(sotto)
Skewer. That guy's gonna mess everything up.
MIRANDA
Cool it, Sarge. I think that's him now,
CUT TO HALLWAY in front of SKEWER'S OFFICE. PUSH IN on SKEWER.
(Captain Skewer is a direct contrast to Sgt. Grating- tall and lean,
wears mirrored sunglasses and speaks in monotone at all times. When
he yells he gets louder, but still in monotone.)
SKEWER
Sergeant Grating. Officer Wright,
(slower, with distaste)
Bonkers.
BONKERS smiles stupidly, failing to notice the insult.
GRATING
(annoyed)
Well, Captain? We have work here.
SKEWER
Yes, I know. The vandal. But, first
I have some business to take of.
Officer Wright, Bonkers--
I've looked over your records-
SKEWER pulls out a folder from under his shoulder and opens it, reading.
BONKERS will puff up his chest more and more as Skewer goes on.
SKEWER
Commended for the arrest of Lilith Duprave,
The safe transport of "Stifflips" Jackson,
Apprehension of "Fireball Frank"--
SKEWER frowns. BONKERS will deflate more and more as SKEWER goes on.
Suspended from the "Love Corral" abduction case,
Almost kicked off the Z-Bot case in Tokyo,
Brought in a toon ghost which caused danger to
this precinct, destroyed several patrol cars--
MIRANDA
Wait! We successfully closed all those cases...
and the patrol cars weren't all our fault.
SKEWER
That's just it. According to your records, you
two are either promising officers or walking
disasters. I think that you, Officer Wright,
are doing your best to succeed while this toon
continually drags you down. I won't have that
kind of inefficency in this department.
Effective immediately, Bonkers is off the force.
Your shield, Bonkers.
FADE OUT
CUT TO BONKERS OPENER
FADE IN (where we left off)
BONKERS produces a Roman shield from his shirt and shakily hands it
to Skewer, who looks at it and puts it down.
SKEWER
I mean your badge.
BONKERS pulls off his badge and hands it to SKEWER, and begins to cry loudly.
SKEWER closes his folder with a THWIRP. GRATING balls up his fists.
GRATING
HOLD IT! You can't do that! Bonkers is a-- is a
valued officer in this department! He's also
our only toon officer!
MIRANDA shoots a surprised look at GRATING. BONKERS perks up.
SKEWER
Toons are a dime a dozen, Grating. Frankly, I'm
surprised at your reaction. Given YOUR remarks
abput Bonkers in these files, I'd have thought
you'd have been jumping for joy. What did you
call him? "Kanifky's biggest mistake? A Shame to
the department?" Shall I go on?
BONKERS is shocked. His ears droop and his eyes widened, illusions
about Grating shattered. He turns away as Grating looks down with more
than a hint of regret.
SKEWER
Officer Wright will be your new partner. The two
of you are assigned to track down this toontown
vandal.
GRATING
Partner! No offense Wright, but I work alone!
SKEWER
Not anymore. That's all I have to say on the
matter, Sergeant.
SKEWER walks OS.
MIRANDA
What're you gonna do now, Bonkers?
BONKERS
I guess it's back to TV for me. I gotta go.
BONKERS is slouching slowly OS. MIRANDA bends down and puts her hand on
his shoulder.
MIRANDA
Don't worry, partner. We'll figure a way
out of this.
GRATING walks over to Bonkers and bends down, extending his hand, This
is hard for him.
GRATING
Look, Bobcat-- I, uhh... That is... well,
ahem... you'll find something to do.
BONKERS
Yeah. Thanks, Sarge. See ya. I guess you
finally got what you wanted.
BONKERS slowly walks OS. MIRANDA turns to face GRATING, who is now
slightly slouched.
MIRANDA
Sarge, we can't let Skewer get away
with this!
GRATING
(obviously upset)
Look, we don't have time for this
right now! We've got a vandal and a
vigilante' on the loose!
(sotto)
I'll talk to the Chief later.
MIRANDA
You miss him already, don't you?
GRATING
(abrupt, harsh)
No way!
(softly, then stubbornly)
Maybe. I don't get it. Bonkers
was a pain! A menace to the whole
department!
GRATING pauses.
CUT TO INT. RUBBER ROOM
BONKERS is at the JUICE BAR, sipping a bannana fizzy. A strangely colored
toon is sitting next to him. The toon is a rabbit drawn in the 30's style
of animation and looks as if his grey and white colors have been painted
over by green and orange watercolor (for a darkish appearance)
RABBIT
Hey, buddy. Hitting the bananna
a little hard, eh?
BONKERS
I just got fired today.
RABBIT
Hey, whaddya know? I got fired
from acting, too. Can't get a job
in this town. Looked everywhere.
BONKERS
Well, actually, I was a cop.
The RABBIT fidgets.
BONKERS
I used to be an actor. And I got
fired. I used to be a cop. And I
got fired. I should just go
crawling back to Wackytoons.
RABBIT
Forget it. I worked in cartoons
ever since the thirties. I even
got re-inked in the sixties so
I could keep up with you color
toons.
BONKERS winces.
BONKERS
Ow! Re-inking. Gee, and I thought
I wanted a job bad. So, umm...
whaddya do now?
RABBIT
Oh. Nothing much. I'm just a toon
who vandalizes animation studios
in the name of cartoon quality.
BONKERS
'Kay...
BONKERS is obviously not thinking straight.
RABBIT
Our time is over, friend. We were
trained by the best for Slapstick
comedy. But these days people want
dark, gritty drama-things. Not that
there's anything wrong with it- but
what happens to us?
BONKERS
We just make new cartoons! There's
always room for Bonkers! (That's me
by the way) What's your (hic) name?
There's always room for more you, too!
RABBIT
Yeah. Right. How many shows did you make
before you got axed? How many places stll
show your stuff? People want Batman, they
want X-Men, Gargoyles, no more Schnookums
& Meat, Ren & Stimpy. No more Bonkers.
Cartoons used to be fun, remember? Now they're
serious. Not cartoony anymore. They're REALISTIC.
The RABBIT is getting louder. Other toons are starting to look at him.
RABBIT
We're TOONS! We're not about REALITY!
We're about FUN! Making kids LAUGH!
Leave REALITY and darkness to the
HUMANS!
Other toons are beginning to cluster around the JUICE BAR.
BONKERS signals for another Bannana Fizzy. He is getting tipsy.
BONKERS
But some of the new stuff is good...
great plots, intrigue..
RABBIT
I was the KING of Slapstick! Speedy the Friendly Rabbit!
Pies in the face! Anvils on the head! The PEEL SLIDE!
Cartoons aren't about logic, about Drama... that's
for live action. But now we're being put out of work
by these "dramatic" CARTOONS! I say NO MORE! I SAY WE
REVOLT! TAKE OVER THE ANIMATION STUDIOS! AN END TO
DRAMA!
Many toons are cheering now, including BONKERS, who is raising his glass
with every shout of "AN END TO DRAMA!"
PULL BACK as a crowd of Toons lifts SPEEDY and BONKERS up on their
shoulders and out of the Rubber Room.
PUSH IN ON SPEEDY AND BONKERS
SPEEDY
You an' me, Bonkers... we're gonna make
Hollywood good for toons like us again.
We're gonna bring back slapstick. We'll
paint the town red!
BONKERS
Yeah. YEAH! FAINT THE DOWN ZED!
I'm with ya, pal! All the way!
Save the toons!
SPEEDY
And I'll keep the Bananna Fizzies comin'.
Disney's gettin' an award for Gargoyles
tonight at the Toon Convention center.
(darkly)
I say we pay them a visit.
FADE OUT
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN- EST. INT. RUBBER ROOM.
MIRANDA and GRATING are at a table. THE BULLY BOYS have just wrapped up a
song and JITTERS has just placed a drink next to GRATING.
There are only a few other toons in the club.
PUSH IN on GRATING
GRATING
This place isn't half-bad.
MIRANDA
Bonkers always said you'd like it here.
GRATING
Don't remind me. I thought he'd be here.
MIRANDA
Well, Snitch said he was here earlier. That's
why he wanted to meet us.
GRATING
Where is that rat anyway?
SNITCH walks in from OS and sits at the table.
SNITCH
Hello, fellow investigators.
GRATING
You said you had info for us.
SNITCH
Yup. Our mutual friend Bonkers has
associated himself with a certain
undesireable element in the toon
community.
MIRANDA
I don't believe it.
SNITCH
Scout's honor. Observe.
SNITCH produces a dirty glass from his pocket.
SNITCH
Bonkers could never hold his bananna
fizzies. It's like eating too much
chocolate.
GRATING
What're you talking about? You get a
stomachache! That's nothing!
SNITCH
The toon constitution is a very strange
thing. Too much of any sweets can make
us really... err... stupid. Bonkers had
had fifteen bananna fizzies.
MIRANDA
So what happened? Where is he?
SNITCH
Bonkers, a mob of toons, and Speedy the
Friendly Rabbit left the Rubber Room for
somewhere in Downtown Hollywood. That's
all I heard.
GRATING
That toon's finally gone over the edge.
SNITCH
It's Speedy you should be worried about.
The rabbit hasn't had a job since 1939.
He's been looking for a reason to get
back at all the animation studios, and
with the new shift away from classic
slapstick cartoons, he's got lots of
toons who feel the same way he does.
MIRANDA
I just hope he doesn't get Bonkers into
any trouble.
CUT TO INT. WACKTOONS STUDIO- The PRESIDENT's office.
TIGHT ON W.W. WACKY, who is being hit in the face with PIES.
W.W. WACKY
NO!!!
MMF. SHTOP!
MMF!
PULL BACK to show BONKERS lifting PIES off a stack and hurling them at
W.W. WACKY.
(Bonkers now wears his green "film" shirt)
SPEEDY
Good shot, Bonk-o! Just think what it'll
be like when we drop our little surprise
on the award ceremony tonight.
BONKERS
Yeah. We'll slapstick it to 'em!
CUT TO 34th PRECINCT, CAPTAIN SKEWER's office.
SKEWER, DENNIS, STARK, GRATING and MIRANDA are sitting around an circular
table in the center of the room. Bookcases now line the walls, and there is
a TV set in the middle of the case on the right wall. All traces of Grating's
things have been removed.
SKEWER
My sources tell me that a mob of toons is
running around Hollywood kidnapping heads
of animation studios. Dennis, Stark, I'm
assigning this case to you. Wright and
Grating, you two haven't come up with
anything on this vandal, so I'm assigning
you to a speed tra-
MIRANDA
We do have information, sir. On the head of
the toon mob. His name is Spee-
SKEWER
-dy the Friendly Rabbit. I talk to garbagemen
too, officer. There's nothing staler than old
news. As I was sayi-
GRATING
Oh yeah? Well I got something better, CAPTAIN.
SKEWER
Like what, Grating? You know that he was re-inked?
Come on. I'm amazed you people managed to keep
your jobs for so long. I'm beginning to think
Bonkers wasn't the only problem in this precinct.
GRATING gets up and raises his arm threateningly.
GRATING
I got something for ya-
MIRANDA
(sotto)
Cool it, Sarge!
GRATING points at SKEWER.
GRATING
I've got a TOON on the INSIDE!
SKEWER's glasses slip slightly. GRATING leans in.
GRATING
Whaddya YOU got?
SKEWER
Captain's bars. And don't forget it.
You've got my attention. Who is this
toon on the inside?
GRATING leans back and crosses his arms.
GRATING
Bonkers D. Bobcat.
SKEWER
I fired him.
GRATING
I deputized him.
MIRANDA
(sotto)
Sarge, you're pushing it...
SKEWER
What is this, Grating? I thought
you hated that toon.
GRATING backs up a little.
(sotto)
But I hate *you* more.
(full voice)
Doesn't matter! He's on the inside
in deep cover, and we have to get him
outta there!
SKEWER stands.
SKEWER
Fine. It's your case. Use Dennis and
Stark if you want. Here's the deal:
You bring me Speedy, stop the mob,
and Bonkers gets his job back.
Dismissed.
SKEWER walks out of his office.
MIRANDA
Sarge, you were really, umm... bending
the truth there. I'm proud of you.
GRATING
Yeah, well... it was nothing! I was just
trying to keep us on the case, that's
all!
MIRANDA nods.
MIRANDA
Right, Sarge.
CUT TO INT. WACKYTOONS STUDIO
The backgrounds on stage are the Gargoyles set.
SPEEDY
Look at that. Super artwork. Let's go!
PULL BACK to reveal about 50 toons with paintbrushes attacking the sets,
painting over the oilwork with yellow and blue polkadots.
CUT TO SPEEDY and BONKERS
SPEEDY
Here, Bonkers. Throw this anvil through
that set.
BONKERS
Gotcha!
BONKERS throws the anvil, but it lands on SPEEDY.
SPEEDY
OW! Hey! Watch your aim!
BONKERS
Sorry. But these Fizzies throw off my
aim. See?
BONKERS hurls another anvil, which CLANGS! on SPEEDY's FOOT!
SPEEDY
Yeah. Well, we'll just have to find
something else for you to-
Another ANVIL splats SPEEDY, who pulls himself out from under it.
SPEEDY
STOP IT with the ANVILS ALREADY!
BONKERS is slowly coming out of his stupor.
BONKERS
Hey... this is a neat set... why're we messin'
it up?
SPEEDY
Because we toons- all fifty of us who got fired
from our jobs and've lost our residuals
because our repeats got bumped by dramatic
shows- we never got wonderful sets like this.
BONKERS is almost back.
BONKERS
Waitasec... isn't this, umm.. illegal?
SPEEDY
Want another bananna fizzy?
BONKERS
No! I wanna know what's going on here!
SPEEDY
We're puttin' Gargoyles outta business!
BONKERS
You CAN'T-
SPEEDY hurls a pie at BONKERS!
BONKERS flies back and hits a wall! He's down on the floor with stars
around his head.
SPEEDY
Oops. My hand slipped.
PULL BACK to show the crowd of toons pulling out MALLETS.
SPEEDY
OK! Let's tear down the set!
GOLIATH walks in from OS, ANGRY!
GOLIATH
What are you toons doing?
STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY!
SPEEDY
Sorry, big guy. But we older toons
want our fair share of the pie.
You computer-assisted *things* are
killing our careers!
GOLIATH
We don't mean to. We're toons, just
like you are. Just newer. Things
change.
SPEEDY
True. See this set? It was an oil
backdrop. Now it's Polka-dot
heaven. In a minute, It'll be
confetti.
GOLIATH
NO! I will not ALLOW YOU to destroy it!
GOLIATH uses his wings to BLOW the TOONS away from the set!
GOLIATH
Leave this place! NOW!
SPEEDY
Just try and stop all of us!
ALL the TOONS mob GOLIATH, but the gargoyle easily bats them off.
SPEEDY growls. All of a sudden, he turns blue, morphs into a HUGE
MALLET and becomes brown like a "real" one. The MALLET SLAMS into
GOLIATH, who raises his wings over his head to protect himself, but
it does not good. GOLIATH is knocked out by the tremendows impact, which
jars BONKERS and makes him comes to, but he pretends to be out, peeking at
the MALLET, which reverse MORPHS into LIQUIDATOR! The other toons are
terrified.
LIQUIDATOR
That's right! New and IMPROVED,
it's the LIQUIDATOR! Thanks to
Negaduck and the miracle of
super long lasting food coloring,
the LIQUIDATOR can morph into
anyone, anywhere, anytime! T-2000
look out!
BONKERS is trying to slip away OS, but LIQUIDATOR grabs him!
BONKERS
Why's the Syndicate want Gargoyles
outta the way?
LIQUIDATOR
Got Gargoyles in your kitchen?
X-Men in your food? Then call the
Syndicate! Exterminators at less
then a dollar a day, courtesy of
Speedy, the Friendly Rabbit!
BONKERS
Speedy's paying you to do this?
LIQUIDATOR
We have a winner! Give this man a
prize! Too bad it's the booby prize.
BONKERS
Heheh. Gotta admit it, Liquy. You
make a great Bannana FIZZY. And your
PIE. Wow! That was HOT. Too bad when
YOU get HOT you EVAPORATE.
LIQUIDATOR
Don't say the E-word!
GOLIATH has arisen, and rubs his head slowly. He hears BONKERS.
BONKERS
What? EVAPORATE?
GOLIATH goes OS and returns with THE BLACK CAULDRON. It is steaming.
GOLIATH throws the contents of the cauldron on LIQUIDATOR.
LIQUIDATOR
Fool! Water and the Liquida-AIEEEEEEEEE!
The HOT water turns LIQUIDATOR RED! He BURSTS into steam!
BONKERS
YEOW! HOTHOTHOT... WARM!
GOLIATH
Sorry, friend. But it was the only
way to release his hold on you.
BONKERS
Thanks, umm...
GOLIATH
They call me Goliath.
BONKERS
Neat name- really suits you. Hey!
We gotta get to the awards ceremony
for yer show!
GOLIATH
But the toons that would have harmed
us are here, subdued.
BONKERS
But the rest of the Synducate might
be there. Trust me, they're trouble.
GOLIATH
Then let stop their plans!
GOLIATH and BONKERS head up to the ROOF.
EST. EXT. ROOF- SUNSET.
BONKERS is on GOLIATH's back. GOLIATH spreads his wings and GLIDES down
towards the toon convention center.
CUT TO EXT. TOON CONVENTION CENTER
MEGAVOLT and BUSHROOT are hiding alongside the building.
BUSHROOT
I don't like this. Why's Negaduck
sending only two of us to do this
job?
MEGAVOLT
Because he's busy improving the others!
Be glad! That chainsaw made me nervous,
anyway.
BUSHROOT
It was nice of him to break us
out of jail. Even if it was only
so we could build him his new
hideout.
MEGAVOLT
Yeah, well- be quiet! Here come
the directors!
GOLIATH lands behind them. BONKERS jumps off his back and points to them.
BONKERS
Ok, you two! The Gig is up!
MEGAVOLT
I don't think so, Bobcat!
MEGAVOLT ZAPS BONKERS! GOLIATH roars and charges them!
BUSHROOT
Ick! A Gargoyle! Those things gimmee
the creeps! And they look like
herbivores! Take this, you- you- monster!
MEGAVOLT
Look who's talking.
BUSHROOT waves his arms, and thick VINES spring up, wrapping around
GOLIATH. The Gargoyle struggles, and is uprooting them almost as fast
as Bushroot can call them forth.
MEGAVOLT
They're not gonna hold! I guess it's
MY turn.
MEGAVOLT ZAPS GOLIATH, burning BUSHROOT's VINES. GOLIATH just turns in
MEGAVOLT's direction, unaffected.
BUSHROOT
My babies!
GOLIATH
That was a most futile manuver.
MEGAVOLT
Oh yeah, well... take THIS!
MEGAVOLT produces a giant lightbulb which comes on, illuminating
the place like it was DAY. GOLIATH growls and begins to turn to stone.
BONKERS wakes up and pulls out a squirt gun. He fires it at the bulb,
which shatters.
MEGAVOLT
My Bulb! My precious bulb!
BUSHROOT
I thought Negaduck had improved you
so that you were waterproof.
MEGAVOLT
He did! But you hit something real
hot like this bulb with something
real cold like that water, and it'll
still shatter! Don't you watch MacGyver?!
BUSHROOT
Take THIS, GARGOYLE!
Several trees uproot and begin slamming GOLIATH on the head! GOLIATH
is fighting back valiantly, but the blows combined with more intense
blasts from MEGAVOLT are bringing him down to his knees! GOLIATH swings
out, trying to attack them, but they jump out of the way easily.
As GOLIATH is collapsing, two PIES SPLAT into MEGAVOLT and LIQUIDATOR!
Pan to BONKERS, who is admiring his good shot.
GOLIATH is shaking his head groggily. BONKERS leads him away from the
building.
GOLIATH
Those two are formidable opponents.
I do not think I can fight them and
succeed. Conventional battle tactics
seem to be ineffective. I fear I am
not suited to this type of combat.
BONKERS
Nonsense, Goliath! You're a new Toon.
Dramatic, yes. But I won't hold it
against ya. Have you ever learned
slapstick?
GOLIATH is confused.
GOLIATH
Slap a stick?
BONKERS shakes his head.
BONKERS
Tsk, Tsk. What you youngsters learn in
school today, I don't know. Come on.
If you wanna beat those goons, you need
to learn the *classic* toon manuvers!
BONKERS and GOLIATH are walking into the distance.
As we FADE OUT to END ACT TWO, we hear:
GOLIATH
But what does a bannana peel have to do
with anything?
ACT THREE
FADE IN
EST EXT- TOON CONVENTION CENTER
The CENTER is surrounded by POLICE CARS. The area is CORDONED OFF.
GRATING
Here he comes again! Duck!
ZAPS of energy FLY out over the POLICE CARS! One of them DETONATES!
MIRANDA
Sarge, is it me, or has Megavolt
gotten stronger?
GRATING
It's not you, Wright.
MIRANDA looks up.
MIRANDA
SARGE! Move outta the way!
MIRANDA shoves GRATING to the left as a TREE SLAMS into the patrol car
they were behind.
GRATING
This is crazy! Three hours of this!
Ever since they took the entire
Gargoyles production team hostage,
we've been stuck out here dodging
lightning bolts and rabid trees!
CAPT. SKEWER drives up in his squad car.
SKEWER
What's the matter, Sergeant?
Situation out of control?
Would you like me to take over for
you?
GRATING
(barely restrained anger)
Look, CAPTAIN. This would've been a
lot easier with a TOON cop on the job.
I hate to admit it, but we need Bonkers!
SKEWER
(loudly, for all to hear)
I thought you said he was your
TOON on the inside. Didn't he
know the Syndicate was involved?
Didn't he tell you? Of course not.
Because you were LYING, all the time.
I knew it from the start.
GRATING's face falls.
SKEWER
I'm going to have your job for th-
SKEWER 's mouth drops open as he sees GOLIATH swoop down and land on the
tree that crushed MIRANDA's squad car. BONKERS, who has been hanging rather
clumsily on his back, falls down and picks himself up, facing SKEWER, doing
an exaggerated salute.
BONKERS
Bonkers D. Bobcat reporting, SIR!
Liquidator was posing as Speedy the
friendly rabbit, SIR! The real Speedy
was paying off the Syndicate to do
the work for him, SIR! I found him at
his old apartment and brought him here,
SIR! He has confessed, SIR!
In the background, ZAPS and Treefalls are continuing.
BONKERS steps aside to reveal a withered old toon rabbit.
MIRANDA
I thought toons didn't age like that.
BONKERS ignores her, staring at SKEWER.
BONKERS
With your permission, Goliath and I'll
clean up this mess, SIR!
SKEWER
I don't think so. You people are obviously
covering up for one another.
I'm calling the Chief and-
BONKERS
Nevermind. Forget it.
BONKERS slumps down.
BONKERS
Come on, Goliath. Let's go home.
GOLIATH
But I thought you said we-
BONKERS shoots him a look.
BONKERS
Remember what I said about DECEPTION?
SKEWER
What're you trying to pull here?
Grating, arrest those toons for...
impeding police action!
GRATING
I can't hear you, sir. I think that
last blast left me temporarily deaf.
SKEWER
Wright? You do it.
MIRANDA
I can't lipread.
BONKERS gives them a "Thank-you" look and he and GOLIATH go in around
back.
SKEWER
I'm going in there with this camera
to tape the diaster that's about to
happen-- and when it does, I'll have
ALL your badges!
MIRANDA and GRATING follow SKEWER inside.
CUT TO INT. CONVENTION CENTER
AERIAL SHOT- BONKERS and GOLIATH are swooping down on the main stage,
where LIQUIDATOR and MEGAVOLT are holding several HOSTAGES.
BONKERS
Now, GOLIATH!
GOLIATH drops several PIES on the villans' heads.
BONKERS
Umm, that's what you use ANVILS for.
GOLIATH
Sorry. This is all very strange.
LIQUIDATOR morphs into a perfect replica of GOLIATH and begins to
hurl cameras, spotlights, etc. up at them.
GOLIATH
What now?
BONKERS
Pepperbombing.
GOLIATH lands, smashing into the stage. He then quickly climbs up a wall,
and swoops down again, dropping several PEPPERSHAKERS into LIQUIDATOR, who
begins to sneeze uncontrollably, spraying water everywhere.
MEGAVOLT
I'm glad I'm waterproof! Take this,
GARGOYLE!
MEGAVOLT pulls out his RAY GUN and shoots GOLIATH in the wing. GOLIATH
crashes on his back and BONKERS is crushed, slowly pulling himself out from
under the gargoyle.
BONKERS
Thay guy's heavier than he looks!
BONKERS sees MEGAVOLT aiming at him and cackling hysterically.
BONKERS
Uh-oh.
MEGAVOLT
And now, taste my vengeance, you
pathetic little orange bobc-
A ROCK slams into MEGAVOLT!
The RAY GUN blasts it into little bits, and Megavolt gets up, looking
at it. It is sparking dangerously.
MEGAVOLT
Thank you, friendly gu-
The RAY GUN blows up in his face, charring it.
GOLIATH
Sorry about using a rock, but-
BONKERS
Nono... Hee Hee... that was good.
That was funny! You're learning.
MEGAVOLT
I've had it with you people!
At least when I was acting I
had a stunt double.
MEGAVOLT walks over to GRATING.
MEGAVOLT
Hey, Cop! I give up!
MIRANDA notices that SKEWER is aiming the camera the other way, so she
shoves him around.
MIRANDA
Can you repeat that for the camera?
MEGAVOLT
Sure... humilate me some MORE
here! Fine! I give up! I GIVE
UP! It was all because of that
stupid orance Bobcat! Arrgh!
SKEWER
Fine. But there are still TWO
other Syndicate members out
there.
PAN BACK TO BONKERS and GOLIATH, and some of the HOSTAGES, who are all
hurling PIES at LIQUIDATOR. A PIE DELIVERY TRUCK shows up every few
seconds to replenish the stock.
GOLIATH
But, tell me, Bonkers. Does
this not get boring after the
twentieth pie?
BONKERS
True. Variety is the spice of
Tapioca. Let's try that other
gag I taught you.
GOLIATH
Right.
GOLIATH runs over to the far wall while the others keep LIQUIDATOR bogged
down with pies. He clumsily produces a toon paintcan and paintbrush, and
draws a tunnel in the wall. He peers inside, then looks back at BONKERS
curiously.
BONKERS
Now do the TAKE...
GOLIATH nods and looks back in the tunnel.
GOLIATH
Ah- wu- gah?
GOLIATH turns and squints. His eyes GLOW!
GOLIATH
I can't do the eye popping at all.
BONKERS
Lemme show ya how.
BONKERS saunters up to the tunnel and peers in.
BONKERS
AHWOOOGA!
BONKERS eyes' leap out three levels deep! He turns and runs towards
LIQUIDATOR as a TRAIN ZOOMS out of the TUNNEL and bursts LIQUIDATOR
into hundreds of tiny droplets!
STAGEHANDS walk in from OS and start mopping up LIQUIDATOR, squeegeeing
him into a small bottle watched over by DENNIS and STARK.
PAN OVER TO MIRANDA, SKEWER and GRATING.
MIRANDA
You got that, Captain?
SKEWER
I have to admit, it was impressive.
But wasteful with the pies. I won't
hold that against him. There's still
one member left, however.
CUT TO EXT. CONVENTION CENTER
BONKERS
BUSHROOT!
BUSHROOT comes out from behind a tree.
BUSHROOT
So-ho, Bonkers! Heard you got the
others. Too bad you can't catch me.
BONKERS
And why not?
BUSHROOT
You're standing in the grass, next
to a hedge, which seperates you
from a small forest. My minions surround
you!
BONKERS
Oh. Yeah. Thought you knew. Where
are those vines you brought with ya?
BUSHROOT
Your Gargoyle pal ruined them! And
whaddya mean, 'thought you knew'?
BONKERS
Well, ya uprooted every last real
tree in the place! This is California!
(points down) Astroturf. Next to
fake plastic bushes, seperating me
from a fiberglass greenery where
they make fake trees for zoos.
BUSHROOT
Uh-oh... Well, I've got to be going
now...
BONKERS
So soon? And I'd thought you'd like
to meet my new pal, Mr. Herb E. Cide.
BONKERS produces an aerosol can.
BUSHROOT
NO!
BUSHROOT backs up, right into the hands of GRATING and MIRANDA.
BONKERS
Oops. Silly me. It's just hairspray.
(demonstrates by sparying his hair with it)
No CFC's though.
FADE TO INT. 34th PRECINCT, 2nd FLOOR
CAPTAIN SKEWER is handing BONKERS his badge as GRATING and MIRANDA watch.
SKEWER
You've earned it, Officer Bobcat.
I don't like your methods, but I
guess that's something I'll have
to get used to. With all these
toons losing their jobs, it's going
to be very important to have a toon
cop policing our streets, as Chief
Kanifky reminded me... and as Sergeant
Grating reminded him.
BONKERS looks at GRATING curiously.
BONKERS
Really, Sarge?
GRATING
It was nothing- forget about it
already!
BONKERS
Whatever you say, Sarge. I knew
you didn't REALLY hate me!
SKEWER
Fine. I'm glad everything's settled.
Speedy's being booked right now, along
with the Syndicate members. Grating,
the rabbit wants to see you.
GRATING
Why does the toon wanna see me?
SKEWER
I don't know. Good job, everyone- but
don't let it go to your heads. I'm
going to be watching all of you very
closely from now on.
SKEWER walks OS.
TRACK GRATING as he walks over to SPEEDY.
GRATING
You wanted to see me?
SPEEDY
Bonkers says you're upset.
GRATING
That toon doesn't know what he's
talking about.
SPEEDY
He says you lost your old job
to some other guy.
GRATING
Yeah, a real spit-and-polish guy.
So whaddya you care?
SPEEDY
Well, like I found out. Stuff
changes. You and Bobcat are a lot
alike.
GRATING
You're the one who's Bonkers. I-
SPEEDY
He lost his old job because he
got replaced by new guys. So did I.
I tried to wreck everything- to make
it like it was before. Funny Toons.
Wacky Toons. To make Toons they way
they were- but nothing's the same
anymore. For me or for you. I let
it get to me. Don't let it get to you.
You can't change it back.
GRATING
So what am I supposed to do? Sit back
and let Mr. Military screw up this
department?
SPEEDY
Take some advice from an old toon.
You gotta play it where it sits.
But that doesn't mean you can't pick a
new club.
GRATING
That isn't advice! That's a golfing tip!
SPEEDY
Sorry. That's how I got my start. Golf ads.
I mean, if things have changed, you've
gotta change. Figure out who your friends
are, Sergeant. Cuz from what I saw, you're
gonna need 'em. Oh yeah... you guys wanted a
lead on that vigilante' who was chasing me?
All I know is, he used to work with the
Syndicate when they were still on TV. That's
all I know.
DENNIS walks in.
DENNIS
Come on, Speedy. Time to go.
SPEEDY
But I'm warning you, Sergeant. I'm just old,
not washed up. I am gonna make this town good for
us old-timers again... any way I have to.
DENNIS and SPEEDY go OS.
GRATING gets up and walks back to his desk, where BONKERS is playing
with one of the Sarge's paperweights.
GRATING
BONKERS!
BONKERS is afraid.
BONKERS
Yeah, Sarge?
GRATING
Where's Miranda?
BONKERS
Talkin' to Cap'n Skewer, Sarge. Umm, sorry
about playin' with your stuff...
GRATING
FORGET IT!
(sotto)
When she gets back, lemme know.
I'm inviting you two to lunch at that
place, the uhh.. umm...
BONKERS
(excitedly)
The RUBBER ROOM?!
GRATING picks up BONKERS by the THROAT!
GRATING
NOT SO LOUD!
He drops BONKERS on the desk.
GRATING
(sotto)
Yeah, the Rubber Room. My treat.
BONKERS
Gee, thanks, Sarge!
(suspiciously)
Why're you being so nice to us all
of a sudden? Are you sick? Lemme
take your temperature!
GRATING
I'M NOT SICK, YOU JERK!
(sotto)
Let's just say I finally figured out
who my friends are.
IRIS OUT
THE END