BONKERS!: The NEW Adventures
"Plan Whine from Outer Space"
Characters (C) WALT DISNEY STUDIOS
Original Story by SUSHIL RUDRANATH
FOR PRIVATE USE ONLY, NOT ENDORSED BY DISNEY,
DON'T SUE ME, I'M A NICE GUY.
(And I stay true to the characters!)
DISTRIBUTE FREELY SO LONG AS NO CHANGES ARE MADE AND THIS
NOTICE REMAINS INTACT
NOTE: This story starts three weeks after the last, "A Tale of Two
Toonies", (in fact, a day before Halloween) and it
will mark the next crazy step in a continuity similar to that of
Doctor Who: The New Adventures.
TEASER
EST. EXT MAD HATTER'S HOUSE- NIGHT
A large FLYING SAUCER is hovering over the "H" in the HOLLYWOOD sign.
A BEAM of LIGHT SHOOTS from the SAUCER into the "H"!
CUT TO INT. MAD HATTER's BEDROOM- TIGHT ON THE MAD HATTER
The MAD HATTER springs up in bed. His floppy PAJAMA HAT drops over his
face. He SWEEPS it aside with his hand.
PULL BACK to reveal EERIE BLUE LIGHT streaming in through the windows.
MAD HATTER
What the? Who's there? What's there?
Why is it there?
The BLUE LIGHT flys in the window and reforms into a ball in the center
of the room almost anime' like. The globe of light then shapes into a
silhouette of a Martian (ala "What you Read is what you get") and then
solidifies.
MAD HATTER
Hello, strange Alien Being from
another planet? What can I do
for you?
ALIEN
My name is Zek. I am from the
planet Zarfinblast. You can
help me.
MAD HATTER
How?
More ALIENS appear ala ZEK.
CUT TO EXT. MAD HATTER's HOUSE
TRACK THE MAD HATTER as he goes FLYING out of his window, BOUNCING off
the incredibly long staircase in front of the "H", and landing on the
street. He looks up.
MAD HATTER
Aliens have taken over my house!
Aliens have taken over my house!
The MAD HATTER runs off into the SUNRISE, yelling that continuously.
FADE OUT- GO TO BONKERS CREDITS
FADE IN- EST. INT. 34th PRECINCT, 2nd FLOOR
MIRANDA, BONKERS, and GRATING are putting up HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS all
over their section of the floor. DENNIS and STARK are stringing up
"HAPPY HALLOWEEN" banners in the background.
SKEWER walks in from his office.
SKEWER
Have you put up all the decorations
yet? I don't have all day to wait.
GRATING
Well, SIR, maybe you could help us
out.
SKEWER
I'm too busy setting up the Youth
Tour of the Station for the Chief.
Hopefully that will get me promoted
out of this wasteland.
BONKERS
Gee, Sarge. Where have I heard that
before?
GRATING
Dunno, Bobcat. But I'd be happy to
help him GET OUT of here.
MIRANDA
I've finished all the lanterns.
SKEWER
Good. Now I've got to go up to the
third floor and see if they're done.
Those kids will be here tommorow
night for the tour. And all of you
are going to be their guides.
BONKERS
But Captain, tommorow's Halloween! I
was gonna enter the Rubber Room's
costume contest! Drop an Anvil on
Jitters! Wholesome fun for all of us,
right Miranda?
MIRANDA
Uhh, yeah, Bonkers. Wholesome.
SKEWER
I happen to know that that contest is
at 8 PM. The tour begins at 5 and ends
at 7. You'll have plenty of ti-
SKEWER is cut off as THE MAD HATTER bursts into the room, screaming
"Aliens have taken over my house!"
BONKERS
Hatter! Buddy, pal! What's up?
MAD HATTER
ALIENS! ZARFINBLASTERS! They've
TAKEN OVER MY HOUSE!
SKEWER walks over to HATTER and puts his arm around his shoulder,
leading him out slowly.
SKEWER
Don't worry. There are some nice
people in white suits who'd like
to help you.
MIRANDA runs up and pulls HATTER away.
MIRANDA
You can't do that, Captain!
Mr. Hatter, who's taken over your
house?
MAD HATTER
ALIENS! From Zarfinblast!
GRATING
I hate to agree with Skewer, but
this guy's nuts!
BONKERS
Why don't we go check out his house?
GRATING
I got work here! This place has to
be ready for-
BONKERS leans over to GRATING.
BONKERS
(sotto)
It'll get you away from Skewer...
GRATING nods.
GRATING
Uhh, it might be some kids playing
a practical joke.
BONKERS
A Halloween thing!
SKEWER
Fine. Go ahead and search for your
"aliens". Just make sure you get
back here to finish fixing up this
place!
CUT TO EXT. MAD HATTER'S HOUSE
GRATING looks up at the giant "H".
GRATING
Bobcat, don't you have any toon
pals who're sane? Y'know, not
crazy maniacs?
BONKERS
Sarge, it's obvious! The Aliens
are IN the house! Right, Miranda?
MIRANDA
I guess. Where's the Hatter, anyway?
BONKERS
He's too afraid of the aliens.
He's hiding out somewhere.
BONKERS looks up and does a TAKE.
BONKERS
LOOK! A FLYING SAUCER!
NOTE: The SAUCER is part of a set of dishes.
GRATING and MIRANDA look up. A SAUCER FLIES out of the HATTER'S WINDOW
and CRASHES on the GROUND!
GRATING
Somebody's up there! Let's go!
GRATING, BONKERS and MIRANDA run up the stairs, then walk up the stairs,
then slowly trudge up the stairs until they reach the front door. SGT.
GRATING busts in the door. Guns are drawn.
CUT TO INT. MAD HATTER's HOUSE.
The MAD HATTER is throwing DISHES, CUPS and SAUCERS out of the window.
MIRANDA
This is his hiding place?
HATTER
You think I would hide in some
STRANGE place? There's no place
like home!
GRATING
This is CRAZY! Where are the Aliens?
HATTER
What Aliens? Don't tell me you
believe in aliens!
GRATING
Let's get outta here!
BONKERS
Sarge, give him a minute.
GRATING stands there, arms crossed.
HATTER
WAIT! Aren't you going to
ask me about the aliens?
MIRANDA
Are you sure they were Aliens?
Couldn't they have been kids in
costumes, or toons that look
like aliens?
HATTER
You mean there are toons that
look like aliens?
BONKERS
Oh, sure! Neo Sapiens, Transformers-
HATTER
Those were robots! Not Aliens!
BONKERS
They were from another planet!
GRATING slaps his head.
GRATING
Look, we'll uhh... check this out, and-
and we'll get back to you- right Officer?
MIRANDA
Yeah... we'll check back later, OK?
Come ON, Bonkers.
MIRANDA drags BONKERS out the door, following GRATING.
BONKERS
But MIRANDA, the ALIENS!
MIRANDA
Face it, Bonkers, that guy was insane!
GRATING
Yeah, Bobcat. Why do you think they
call him the MAD Hatter?
ZIP PAN up to the Hatter's Window.
HATTER
Oh, By the way! They seem to have
stolen all my AMMONIA!
ZIP back down to GRATING.
GRATING
(sotto)
Not to mention all of your brains...
CUT TO INT. CAPT. SKEWER'S OFFICE.
SKEWER, GRATING, MIRANDA and BONKERS are seated around the TABLE in the
center of the office.
SKEWER
I've got a case for you three.
It seems someone's been stealing
all the ammonia from grocery stores
and supermarkets.
GRATING
Oh, gee. What an earth-shattering
event. Shouldn't the guys at Burglary
be handling this?
SKEWER
But you know how much I love to give
you three the really unusual cases.
And this one takes the cake. The
Ammonia, sometimes dozens of bottles
at a time, was snatched within seconds,
with no witnesses, during store hours.
MIRANDA
(jokingly)
Did they see Flying Saucers overhead, too?
SKEWER lowers his sunglasses slightly.
SKEWER
And just how did you know that, Officer
Wright?
MIRANDA jerks upright.
MIRANDA
Well, it was just- The Mad Hatter said
those "aliens" stole all the ammonia
from his house, too.
BONKERS
Yeah, that's right... I smell a sinister
alien plot here!
GRATING puts his hand over his nose.
GRATING
Yeah, well I'm smelling something else
here... what is that?
Everyone except SKEWER starts to cover their nose. A DELIVERY BOY walks in.
DELIVERY BOY
Uhh, Captain Skewer, your Garlic and
Onion Pizza's here.
SKEWER gets up and uncharacteristically smiles. Everyone else, now
nauseated by the VISIBLE fumes coming from the Pizza, gets up quickly.
BONKERS bounds to the door and holds it open.
GRATING
Um, we have to get on this case.
Bonkers, Miranda, let's set up a
stakeout detail.
They DASH from the office as SKEWER sits down and prepares to eat his
feast.
CUT TO EXT. PATHMARK FOODSTORE- DAY.
The SQUAD CAR is parked across the street. BONKERS is on the roof of the
car, using BINOCULARS to search the SKY.
MIRANDA is looking at the front door of the supermarket. GRATING is
standing outside the car glaring at BONKERS.
GRATING
Bobcat, what are you looking for?
BONKERS
Flying Saucers.
GRATING
Bonkers, we're supposed to be staking
out the place! Go inside and guard the
ammonia!
BONKERS
Gotcha, Sarge.
BONKERS quickchanges into his green shirt, jumps off the car and runs into
the store, leaving his binoculars with GRATING. MIRANDA gets out of the car
and walks over to GRATING, who has started to absently scan the sky.
MIRANDA
What're you looking at, Sarge?
GRATING
I don't believe this...
GRATING points into the air. MIRANDA borrows the binoculars.
CUT TO INT. PATHMARK SUPERMARKET
BONKERS is walking around the ammonia in a soldier-like fashion. With
each turn back-and forth, he has a bigger and bigger weapon in his
hands. (Gun, Bazooka, 6-Missile Launcher, Catapult...etc.)
ZEK is approaching from OS! He tries to get around BONKERS' elaborate
toon traps. He sneaks backwards, trying to get a ruuning start to jump
over the traps. He RUNS and JUMPS when BONKERS' back is turned!
BONKERS snaps around! MIRANDA and GRATING rush in, guns drawn!
BONKERS
I GOT HIM! I GOT THE ALIEN!
ZEK falls sideways, traps anging from every limb, and dented in several
places.
GRATING
He just looks like a toon to me.
MIRANDA touches ZEK.
MIRANDA
Nope. He feels like a reptile.
BONKERS
OOH! Snakes from outer SPACE!
Here to steal our Ammonia!
YEAH!
GRATING
So what's this alien got to
say for himself?
ZEK
(weakly)
I am Zek, slightly higher
than low-czar of the Zarfinblast
high command. Take me to your
leader.
GRATING
This guy's a loony! I'm in charge
here, and I say the only place
you're going is the shrink!
ZEK
Then we will _take_ your leader.
ZEK presses a button on his watch. A BLUE LIGHT shoots through the roof
and ZAPS GRATING! GRATING VANISHES! Before BONKERS and MIRANDA can react,
the AMMONIA vanishes too!
FADE OUT
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN
EST. INT. CAPT. SKEWER'S OFFICE
MIRANDA and BONKERS are reporting to SKEWER.
SKEWER
Lemme get this straight...
You say Frank Grating was abducted
by ammonia-stealing aliens from
Mars?
BONKERS raises a cautionary finger.
BONKERS
Zarfinblast, sir.
MIRANDA looks up hopelessly.
SKEWER
I stand corrected, Officer. I have
just two words for the both of you.
BONKERS
What? Promotion and Raise?
SKEWER
Actually, Section and Eight.
BONKERS
Eight-Section? I don't get it.
Is that anything like an Eight Ball?
I got a magic one of those you know!
Answers any yes or no question!
MIRANDA
I've got one word for you, sir.
Videotape.
BONKERS
I hate to tell you this, Miranda-
That's two words.
SKEWER
What about videotape?
MIRANDA
Well, it WAS a stakeout, sir. It's
all on this tape.
MIRANDA pops it into the VCRTV in the bookcase on the right wall.
A "HE'S BONKERS" show comes on.
MIRANDA
BONKERS! Did you tape over my video?
BONKERS
Oops.
SKEWER
Well, this has been highly entertaining,
people- but I have to get this station
ready to be invaded by schoolki-- oh boy.
Get me out of this madhouse!
MIRANDA and BONKERS look at SKEWER, who is gaping at the TV.
ZEK is on the TV.
ZEK
Attention, carbon and ink based lifeforms.
We have your leader, the warrior Francis
Grating. We come for your ammonia. If you
want your leader back, surrender your
planetary supply.
CUT TO BONKERS, who picks up SKEWER'S PHONE.
BONKERS
Hello? Operator? Gimme the number for
a Zarfinblast alien mother ship hovering
over Hollywood.
MIRANDA
Bonkers, that's not gonna-
BONKERS
-6733. Thanks!
BONKERS redials on the phone.
SPLIT SCREEN to the TV, where ZEK picks up an alien phone-thing.
ZEK
This is Zek. Who's calling?
BONKERS
Bonkers D. Bobcat! Hollywood PD!
We want the SARGE back! Wh-what?
SKEWER snatxhes the phone away from BONKERS and begins to speak.
SKEWER
This is Captain Eric Skewer of
the LAPD's 34th Precinct. I
demand the immediate return of
Sergeant Francis Q. Grating.
ZEK
We will not return the annoying
carbon-unit until you provide
us with your planetary supply
of ammonia.
SKEWER
We don't negotiate with terrorists.
BONKERS leans over and whispers to SKEWER.
BONKERS
They're not terrorists, Captain!
They're ALIENS!
SKEWER covers the mouthpiece.
SKEWER
Officer Wright, get me Chief
Kanifky. I'll let him make the call.
MIRANDA
Umm, isn't this your decision, sir?
SKEWER
Officer, when you get as high up as
I have, you learn one crucial lesson--
There comes a time, when in the
interests of saving your own career,
you pass the buck.
MIRANDA
(droll)
Very inspiring, sir.
MIRANDA exits OS. SKEWER turns to BONKERS.
SKEWER
(sotto)
Meantime, Officer, I'll let you make
all the mistakes you want while I
exit the room on "official business".
(normal)
You talk to the alien for me, Okay?
SKEWER hands BONKERS the phone and leaves OS.
BONKERS
Zek? I'm warning you! I've watched
EVERY episode of "Star Trek"! Your
resistance is futile... and... stuff.
But, anyway...HAND OVER DA SARGE!
ZEK
We want your ammonia!
BONKERS
Why? What's the big deal about ammonia?
ZEK
It smells bad.
BONKERS
So do Captain Skewer's meals... so
what?
ZEK
We need foul-smelling gases to
defeat the Evil Ones that bring
plauge and famine to our world!
BONKERS
Oh. Ok. Well, if I tell you where to
get tons of ammonia, will you let
the Sarge go?
ZEK
Maybe.
BONKERS
Great! Only problem is, I don't know
where to get any. Isn't there any other
way we could work this out?
ZEK
Hmm... mortal combat to the death.
CUT TO MIRANDA and CHIEF KANIFKY walking in the door.
MIRANDA
Bonkers, where's Captain Skewer?
BONKERS
Dunno. He walked out and gave me the
phone.
KANIFKY
How's it going, son?
BONKERS
I can engage in mortal combat with the
evil alien abductors to get the Sarge
back.
KANIFKY
Wonderful! Carry on.
KANIFKY walks out OS. MIRANDA gapes at this before turning to BONKERS.
MIRANDA
Bonkers, are you nuts?!
BONKERS
Nope. Just... umm... Bonkers.
(to ZEK)
You've got a deal! My old house,
3:00!
BONKERS hangs up the phone.
MIRANDA
Bonkers, those aliens'll make
mincemeat outta-
BONKERS picks up the phone.
BONKERS
Hello? Oh, you want directions?
Sure! Just look for a trailer
on top of a cliff-
CUT TO EXT. BONKERS' OLD HOUSE- DUSK
The mansion facade' has a banner on it reading, "The Bonkers D. Bobcat
Museum and Film Library"
The SQUAD CAR pulls up in front. PUSH IN on MIRANDA and BONKERS as they
get out.
MIRANDA
I remember how you were trying to
charge admission to this place a
year ago. Just after you moved
to Dementia Gardens. Did it work?
BONKERS
Umm... not really. Nowadays I just
buy up all the old He's Bonkers
merchandise and keep it here.
Kinda like the "Hello Bonkers"
Boutique in Tokyo, remember?
MIRANDA looks up and shields her eyes.
MIRANDA
Yeah, but that didn't have a 40-foot
wide flying saucer hovering over it.
PULL BACK and WIDE ANGLE to show the GIANT FLYING SAUCER hovering overhead.
It should overshadow everything underneath.
BONKERS
Yeah. Just a 40-foot me standing on
it. I wonder if that was for sale?
A BLUE BEAM SHOOTS OUT from the FLYING SAUCER and TRANSPORTS BONKERS and
MIRANDA! The SAUCER then LANDS on top of BONKERS' old TRAILER, crushing it
and the mansion facade' in front of it.
CUT TO INT. FLYING SAUCER (looks like an ST:TNG reject set)
BONKERS
Hey! You crushed my old house and
all my "He's Bonkers" stuff!
ZEK
Be glad we beamed you up before we
decided to land.
MIRANDA
Where's Sergeant Grating?!
ZEK
First... there's a small matter of
(darkly)
MORTAL COMBAT.
A ton of ALIENS materialize, with zapper rays all aimed at BONKERS!
FADE OUT
END OF ACT TWO
ACT THREE
FADE IN
BONKERS is confidently striding towards the ALIENS. He raises his hand and
walks over to ZEK, putting his arm around the alien's shoulder and leading
him off while the other generic ALIENS look on confused.
BONKERS
Zekky, Zekky... come ON... ANYBODY
can do MORTAL COMBAT... Nintendo's
beat it into the ground already...
but it take real class to win a
RUBE GOLDBERG competition!
TRACK them as they turn a corner, MIRANDA and the generic ALIENS following.
GRATING is hanging upside down from the roof, squirming to keep his TIE out
of his mouth when he speaks.
ZEK
Foolish Ink-based unit. We are
highly advanced alien lifeforms.
We have remote controls for each
button on the remote that controls
our remote control controllers. A
Rube Goldberg device would be
nothing to us.
ZEK pauses.
ZEK
What is a Rube Goldberg Device?
BONKERS
Well, say I wanted, to uhh...
free the Sarge over there.
Any Joe Schmoe could just walk
up and CUT the rope that's
holdin' him up....
The ALIENS run single file to surround GRATING, blasters raised!
BONKERS
But a toon... just has to do THIS!
BONKERS spins around, and throws a BASEBALL at a control panel. The BALL
bounces up and RUNS along the side of the ceiling, doing a full circuit
before it smacks into a REPLICATOR.
REPLICATOR
Replicator activated. Creating Bowling
Ball.
The BOWLING BALL THUDS to the floor, busting free a PANEL which ROTATES as
it flys into the air, ramming itself into the ceiling just in time for the
SUNLIGHT coming in the window to BOUNCE off it, going through a MAGNIFYING
device and sharpening to a laser point which CUTS the ROPE that holds
GRATING, who SLAMS to the ground, knocking over an ALIEN who knocks over the
others Domino style, their blasters flying into the air. GRATING, MIRANDA and
BONKERS each catch one, and the others hit ZEK before breaking apart. BONKERS
ZAPS his tooth with the BLASTER, and smiles largely. The light glints off of
his tooth with a PING.
BONKERS
See? Easy.
ZEK
Ah! Such power! Truly you are the one to
rid us of the Evil Ones!
GRATING
Uhh, we're a little busy here, escaping and
all... maybe later?
ZEK
Oh no! The Ink-Based unit has defeated me,
ZEK- the slightly lower than high czar of
the Zarfinblast high command! He HAS to
take my place!
GRATING starts to move towards OS, tapping MIRANDA to come with him.
GRATING
Fine... have fun with the aliens, Bonkers!
MIRANDA
Wait a minute, Sarge! You can't leave
Bonkers with the Aliens!
GRATING grins demonically.
GRATING
Why not?
MIRANDA
Because if he goes, Skewer's
gonna wonder what happened.
You know how much he LOVES
giving YOU paperwork.
GRATING winces.
MIRANDA
Besides, you know you can't leave
him.
GRATING
Fine, fine. We save Bonkers.
PAN TO ZEK, who is punching controls.
ZEK
Too late, Carbon-Based Units!
We are taking off!
CUT TO EXT. FLYING SAUCER, which is lifting off, leaving the WRECKAGE of
BONKERS' OLD HOUSE on the ground.
CUT TO GRATING, who is pointing his gun at ZEK.
GRATING
Awright, Greenie! Pull this thing
over right now!
CUT TO EXT. SAUCER, which now WARPS into SPACE SIDEWAYS!
CUT TO MIRANDA
MIRANDA
Apparently that means different things
to different people, Sarge.
ZEK
Yes! Your Sarge-unit has found us a
more energy-efficent method for
navigating our craft!
CUT TO CHEESY STAR TREK:TOS OPENING CREDITS PARODY (Enterprise-saucer zooming
past different planets) AS WE FADE IN TO:
The SAUCER LANDING on ZARFINBLAST! It CRASHES into the surface of the planet!
PUSH IN ON The FRONT DOOR of the saucer as it falls off rather suddenly, and
BONKERS, MIRANDA and GRATING stagger out, followed by ZEK.
ZEK
(to the air)
So how was that?
VOICE
(over an intercom)
No, no, NO! It's all wrong! Who
are these guys you got?
MIRANDA does a surprised take. PULL BACK to reveal the SAUCER and the PLANET
SURFACE on an old fashioned SOUNDSTAGE.
MIRANDA
Did you hear that voice?
It's incredible!
GRATING
What? It's called a speaker.
MIRANDA
No, it's WHO was talking!
That sounded like... like...
BONKERS
Like Darkwing Duck?
MIRANDA
Yeah- NO! It sounded like
Bela Lugosi!
GRATING
Impossible! Lugosi's dead!
Has been for years!
BONKERS
Who's Bela Lugosi?
GRATING
You- of all people, don't know
who Bela Lugosi is?
MIRANDA
He was an actor! One of the
strangest actors in Hollywood.
GRATING
The only actor in the business
more whacked out than you,
Bobcat.
BONKERS
Gee... thanks... I think.
MIRANDA
I love all those old corny
movies of his... but yeah, he's
supposed to be dead... of course,
he did go insane and spend the
last half of his life thinking he
was a vampire...
BONKERS is scared.
BONKERS
Gulp... a vampire?
GRATING
What's going on here!? One minute
we're in an alien ship heading
for Gargleblast or whatever, and
now we're in a soundstage with
a psycho actor who's been dead for
decades!?
VOICE
Ack! Boris! Harry! Aaron! Let's get
outta here! The gig is up!
MIRANDA and GRATING run over to the edge of the Soundstage, where four
elderly gentlemen are trying their best to make an escape. GRATING easily
catches them and seats them in a row. MIRANDA is in a state of Disbelief
as she walks by them.
MIRANDA
Bela Lugosi...
BELA
Goot eveninck.
MIRANDA
Boris Karloff?!
BORIS
I'm not evil- just misunderstood.
MIRANDA
Harry Houdini?
HARRY
Gotta love stand-ins.
MIRANDA
And... Elvis Aaron Presley.
ELVIS
Nu-huh, big Mama. Say... you got
any fried chicken? I'm-a starrrvin'
here!
SGT. GRATING is just getting more annoyed by the second.
GRATING
You're all supposed to be dead!
This is crazy! What's with the
toons and the ammonia?
BORIS KARLOFF looks at ELVIS.
BORIS
Tell him, Aaron.
ELVIS
We uh, faked our deaths, so that we
could make our big comebacks later
in life as living legends... uh huh..
BELA
Ve efen acted strangh to beeld pooblicitea.
But we are all quite normal, really.
HARRY
It's just that after our faked demises,
we became more popular than ever! We
couldn't return to public life!
ELVIS
Uh-huh. They kept thinkin' I was an
impersonator. Couldn't even win a
contest against people pretending to
be me.
(Sympathetic murmurs from the others)
ELVIS
I...I spent years hiding out with
three crazy toons in a tower, 'till they
uh.. blew my cover on national TV.
BORIS
We decided to form a movie company. Our
first movie would have been about aliens
stealing Earth's ammonia... but we needed
to have frightened cops involved. So we
did the robberies to get some police who
might want to join in. We were filming it
all for use in the picture. Plus it was a good
Publicity Stunt.
GRATING
Well, you can just forget it! Game's over,
people! What you did was illegal! What you
did was against the law!
BONKERS
Sarge, you're being redundant.
GRATING
And you're being useless! Handcuff
these guys!
BONKERS
But Sarge, these guys are living legends...
err... legends, anyway!
GRATING
I don't care if they're spacemen
from Venus! 'Cuff em and let's
get outta here! Forget it! I'll
'cuff em!
GRATING snatches BONKERS' cuffs and proceeds to handcuff the men.
MIRANDA
Wait! What about the aliens, and the
transporter beams? I've never seen
toons do that kinda stuff before!
And those guys didn't feel like toons!
BONKERS
Speaking of which, They're GETTING AWAY!
WIDE ANGLE- Show the SAUCER lift through the roof and ZIP into warpspeed
sideways.
ELVIS
Uhh, missy, them aliens was real... uh huh.
MIRANDA
WHAT?!
ELVIS
The King don't lie.
GRATING
I don't buy it! They must be outside.
Bobcat! Look after these guys. Wright,
you're with me!
CUT TO EXT. STUDIO- NIGHT.
MIRANDA, GRATING and BONKERS are outside. There is no trace of the saucer.
GRATING turns and sees BONKERS.
GRATING
I TOLD YOU to stay in and look after
those GUYS!
BONKERS
(confidently)
What's the big deal? They were handcuffed.
MIRANDA
Bonkers, one of those men was
HOUDINI.
They RUSH back in, but it's too late. All the men are gone.
THE NEXT DAY- (HALLOWEEN)
CUT TO CAPT. SKEWER'S OFFICE, which is now decked out for Halloween.
MIRANDA is handing in the report on the incident to SKEWER.
SKEWER
Fine. Report's in order. Go to
the Rubber Room with the others.
Happy Halloween.
MIRANDA is confused. She was expecting a very different response.
MIRANDA
Sir?
SKEWER
You heard me. Get going!
MIRANDA
But we couldn't find any trace of the
soundstage- or the saucer! Only Bonkers'
wrecked house and the missing ammonia
points to their existence! Don't you
want more info?
SKEWER
Officer, I'm never at a loss for
information.
(SKEWER thumbs his nose.)
Now go have a pleasant night.
CUT TO INT. RUBBER ROOM.
The PARTY is in full swing. MIRANDA walks in still in uniform. GRATING
is dressed as the DEVIL, and BONKERS is dressed as a MAGIC 8-BALL. (His
ears stick out of the top of the ball- that's all that you can see of
him)
CLARABELLE COW walks up to MIRANDA.
CLARABELLE
Nice costume. Police Officer, Right?
MIRANDA smiles.
MIRANDA
No- I am a cop. Officer Wright.
CLARABELLE
An officer. Right. What do you
do for real?
MIRANDA is getting flustered.
MIRANDA
I'm a cop!
CLARABELLE
Of course. Well, the costume looks
really realistic- you've obviously
put a lot of work into it. I think
I've found this year's winner!
MIRANDA is shoved up on stage, and a person in a HOUND DOG costume hands
her the prize.
HOUND DOG
Here's yuh prize, missy.
MIRANDA does a TAKE. The voice is familiar.
MIRANDA
(excited)
ELVIS?!
Everyone looks at the stage curiously.
HOUND DOG
(loudly)
Nahuh.. I ain't nuthin but a
Hound Dawg.
(weakly)
But I..I... do impersonations
of the King!
(badly, off key)
Don't step on my blu-ue suede
shooooes!
Everyone groans and loses interest.
MIRANDA
(sotto)
Sorry. My mistake.
HOUND DOG
Like I said, I ain't nuthin
but a hound dawg. Enjoy your
prize.
The HOUND DOG begins to walk OS, but he leans back and whispers in MIRANDA'S
ear:
HOUND DOG
The King don't Lie.
IRIS OUT on MIRANDA's SUPRISED TAKE.
THE END.