BONKERS! 1999: The Final Season
SEVEN DAYS IN THE VALLEY
"DAY 2: TOMORROW NEVER ARRIVES" (Special Extended Episode)
Characters (C) WALT DISNEY STUDIOS
(save of course Captain Eric Skewer, Shi Nogoot, Blinkers E. Badcatt
and those that belong to others like WB et al.)
Original Story by SUSHIL RUDRANATH
FOR PRIVATE USE ONLY, NOT ENDORSED BY DISNEY,
DON'T SUE ME, I'M A NICE GUY.
(And I stay true to the characters!)
DISTRIBUTE FREELY SO LONG AS NO CHANGES ARE MADE AND THIS
NOTICE REMAINS INTACT
NOTE: This story is set in the sixth(?) season of Bonkers! It, and the five
that follow, are closely linked, and mark the arc that will end, at least
for me, Bonkers!. This story is a sort of "Commercial Free" episode of
Bonkers designed to play off the popularity of the James Bond films.
It marks the next ludicrous peel slide sideways in a continuity similar to
that of Doctor Who: The New Adventures or Babylon 5.
TEASER
DO A JAMES-BOND ZOOM THROUGH THE GUN BARREL EFFECT, LEADING TO A
BINOCULAR'S EYE VIEW of a tiny speck crawling up a black
metal-and glass skyscraper.
(Quick James Bond Sting)
OVERLAY TITLE: December 26, 1999 DURATION: 3 SECONDS
LT. GRATING
(v.o.)
See him?
The FOCUS on the BINOCULARS changes. We now see the SPECK as BONKERS, dressed
in a window washer's outfit, scaling the side of the building.
MIRANDA
(v.o.)
Yup.
CUT TO a TOP VIEW of BONKERS climbing up the skyscraper. He looks at his
watch, an Omega Quartz. A little red light goes off on the dial.
CUT BACK to the BINOCULAR VIEW. BONKERS has stopped moving.
MIRANDA
(v.o.)
I think he's found it.
GRATING
The Bobcat better hurry.
I think he's about to
have company.
The BINOCULARS swing down to show MR. BLACKENBLOO walking into the ground
floor of the skyscraper.
(James Bond music, please)
CUT TO INT. LILITH DuPRAVE'S OFFICES - BONKERS is outside the window, using
a laserbeam off his watch to cut open the window. The GLASS silently falls
inwards, forming a sort of downward ramp. BONKERS slides down it silently,
landing on DuPRAVE'S desk. The room is surprisingly dark.
Taking a piece of chewing gum, BONKERS chews it and spits it out, gumming
up a survelliance camera.
CUT TO INT. ELEVATOR, where MR. BLACKENBLOO is checking his pistol.
CUT TO INT. DuPRAVE'S OFFICES.
BONKERS dons a pair of sunglasses, tapping them. We see things from his
persepective, a 3-D X-Ray of everything in the room.
SFX: DING
BONKERS does a take!
CUT TO MR. BLACKENBLOO, walking out of the Elevator.
CUT to BONKERS, seemingly crouched on the floor. ROTATE the shot to show
him hanging off the ceiling.
BONKERS crawls across the ceiling towards an innocent-looking portion of
wall, which in Eyeglass view is highlighted red. He gets to the wall and
lowers himself slightly.
MR. BLACKENBLOO is opening the far door. Light begins to spill into the
darkened office.
BONKERS is having no luck with a cigarette-lighter cutting torch. Finally,
he takes a Toon mallet and SMASHES the wall, pulling a COVER off of it!
BLACKEBLOO hears the noise and throws open the door! He steps in, pointing
his gun left, then right, then straight ahead.
We see his view as he looks around. He pauses at the glass leaning in from
the outside, and looks towards the wall Bonkers was at. Nothing there.
CUT TO BONKERS in the wall, using his tail to hold the COVER in
place while he copies something from a floppy disk to his watch. The job
done, he waits silently.
Suddenly, the COVER gets pulled away, and we see BLACKENBLOO'S face peering
in the hole! BONKERS lets out a scared cat noise, and BLASTS out of the hole
over BLACKENBLOO'S head!
BLACKENBLOO turns, but BONKERS has landed on the upper edge of the fallen
glass. Before he can move, BONKERS jumps on it, and waves bye-bye.
CUT TO BINOCULAR VIEW
We see BONKERS and the pane of glass falling out the side of the building.
MIRANDA
(v.o.)
Oh my gosh!
CUT TO BONKERS, who has started to SURF the air on top of the glass, using
it like a surfboard!
BLACKENBLOO is leaning out of the window, getting ready to shoot at BONKERS!
BONKERS unzips his window washer's outfit, casting it to the wind, where it
flies up and smacks BLACKENBLOO in the face, knocking him back in the
building!
BONKERS is wearing a fancy tuxedo, and he yanks at his bow tie. A parachute
pops out seconds before he SMASHES into the ground! A billion pieces of
glass fly everywhere!
(End Bond Music)
GRATING shrugs.
GRATING
So much for *covert* operations.
MIRANDA runs over to BONKERS, who is in a crater. His hand is sticking
out, and on it is his watch. GRATING comes up and grabs the watch.
CUT TO A COMPUTER DISPLAY showing a MAP OF THE MIDDLE EAST.
DENNIS
(v.o.)
That's it for sure.
Shere Khan's taken
the Eraser to the
Dead Sea, and he's
auctioning it off
to the highest bidder.
We're just lucky
DuPrave got invited.
PULL BACK to show BONKERS and MIRANDA standing beside DENNIS.
BONKERS
Then we've got to get
going to the Dead Sea!
(to the camera)
I wonder why they call it Dead?
(gulps)
RUN CREDITS - STYLIZED LIKE A BOND FLICK'S OPENING CREDITS, LOTS OF GUNS,
TOON ANVILS, BONKERS, MIRANDA and ERASERS
ACT I
FADE IN to INT. 34th PRECINCT HOLDING CELLS
DENNIS is walking past cells in which NEGADUCK, QUACKERJACK and MEGAVOLT are
being held. He pauses at an empty cell. Water is pooled around the bottom.
He turns to NEGADUCK.
DENNIS
Where's the prisoner that
was in this cell?
NEGADUCK grins slyly.
NEGADUCK
Duh... I dunno...
DENNIS scowls and walks over to the GUARD watching over the hallway.
DENNIS
We've got an escaped prisoner!
Tell everyone to comb the
building!
GUARD
What everyone? Today's most
everybody's day off!
DENNIS
Then go tell Lt. Grating!
I'll watch these guys and
make sure they don't try
anything!
GUARD
Hey, man! Why don't YOU
tell him? I'm finishin'
up my lunch!
DENNIS
You think I want to be
the one to tell ol'
sourpuss another prisoner's
escaped?
GUARD
Ol' Sourpuss?
(laughs)
Alright, Dennis. But you
owe me one.
The GUARD leaves.
DENNIS morphs into a liquid-colored version of himself, distorting further
until he looks like his true self- LIQUIDATOR! He lets out the others.
LIQUIDATOR
The Word, my friends, is that
it's a hip-hop happenin'
party nite down in the ol' DEAD
SEA! So buy your tickets NOW NOW
NOW for Shere Khan's latest
Carn-i-val cruise!
NEGADUCK rubs his hands together.
NEGADUCK
Excellent. Wait till I get my hands
on that treacherous tree-hugger
Bushroot!
Let's move!
NEGADUCK and the others move off.
PAN to the entryway as GRATING and MIRANDA walk into shot.
GRATING
Where's the duty officer?
MIRANDA looks down at the ground, and notices a trail of water on the ground.
FOLLOW her gaze as it tracks the liquid to LIQUIDATOR'S old cell, where we
see the real DENNIS crumpled over in a corner, unconcious.
MIRANDA
I think we've got a problem here...
BADGE WIPE to CHIEF ERIC SKEWER'S OFFICE
SKEWER'S office is now a totally bare room. Only a rug in the center of the
room with a bullseye-like pattern on it and the cracks in the walls lend it
any character. SKEWER is sitting in the middle of the bullsye pattern, his
body in the lotus position. His mirrored shades slip slightly down his nose
as BONKERS, MIRANDA and GRATING enter. His eyes remain closed as he speaks,
and as always, he speaks in monotone.
SKEWER
Frank... Bonkers... Miranda.
So good of you to come.
GRATING
Sir, we have something to repor--
SKEWER
Yes, the escape of Negaduck and
his fellows at the hand of the
nefarious Liquidator. All this
is known to me.
GRATING and MIRANDA look at one another curiously.
GRATING
Are you EVER gonna tell us
how you know all this stuff?
SKEWER
Does the one handed lotus
profess to comprehend the
subtle workings of the
grasshopper's intestines?
No.
GRATING is perplexed, and a bit irritated.
GRATING
What's your point?!
(catching himself)
Sir?
SKEWER
There are some questions
best left unanswered, young
meateater. While it is true
I knew much when I was merely
your captain, after replacing
Mayor Kanifky as Chief, I
had to practice the Mind
Disciplines of Zen to keep
myself from going insane in
the job as he had done...
GRATING shrugs.
GRATING
But Mayor Kanifky had been
like that ever since he was
a rookie!
SKEWER
No, young meateater. The job
of chief cracked him. That
shall not happen to me. I am
one with all that is in this
department. For instance, I
can tell you ate a triple
garlic sandwich this morning...
GRATING
That's incredible! How--
SKEWER
(Momentarily angry)
I JUST *SAID* I'M ONE WITH
ALL THINGS!
(calms down)
Plus, your breath is as
rank as the fetid desert
wind...
GRATING looks over at BONKERS, who has clipped his nose shut with
a giant toon clothesclip and is nodding. GRATING clamps his hand over
his mouth.
SKEWER
There will be much danger in
the days to follow. Young
Bonkers, the key to the fate
of your beloved Fawn lies in
your hands. You must utilize
stealth and secrecy if you are
to succeed. Forget the escapees.
Their paths and yours are linked.
PUSH IN as SKEWER looks right at the camera, saying this deadpan.
It is almost as if the universe
were a SCRIPT, and it was WRITTEN
this way.
PULL BACK as SKEWER goes back to zenning.
Inflitrate the heart of darkness
and there your answer find. Now
go... Grating's fetid fumes are
slowly killing me--one cell at a
time. And Miranda--
MIRANDA
Yes?
SKEWER
Feathers don't tickle people. People
tickle people. Then toons do it.
MIRANDA
Okay... sir...
They turn away.
SKEWER
Young Meateater--
They turn back.
SKEWER
There's too much irony in your diet.
SKEWER hums and turns away. They EXIT. FOLLOW them into the HALLWAY.
MIRANDA
What does he mean, 'use stealth
and secrecy'? And what was that
feather line all about? And what
'irony'?
GRATING
Who knows WHAT that guy's talking
about? He's worse than Kanifky!
BONKERS spins around in a toon tornado, and when he stops, he's in his
spy tuxedo, and sports badly greased hair!
BONKERS
Isn't it obvious?
GRATING
Oh no--
BONKERS
(overdoing it)
From now on, BONKERS speaks with a bad, yet suave, British accent.
Name's Bobcat. Bonkers D. Bobcat.
Friends call me "Double-O-B".
GRATING
O-B? For what, O-Brother?
BONKERS
(ignoring him)
I like my fizzies shaken, not disturbed.
GRATING slaps his forehead. The sound of sirens can be heard distantly in
the background.
GRATING
I'm getting outta here-- Bobcat's
gone Banannas!
He walks off. Barely, we can hear him mutter something about crime.
MIRANDA starts to slink off, but BONKERS grabs her by the arm!
BONKERS
Where do you think you're going, fair lady?
You're my ravishing assistant!
MIRANDA
Assistant?!
Before MIRANDA can put up a fight, BONKERS has slapped a form-fitting,
Bond-Girl type outfit on her!
CUT TO EXT. 34th PRECINCT, where BONKERS is dragging her out the front
door!
BONKERS
Come on, Miranda! We've got to
tool up! We're going to see V.!
MIRANDA
V.?
CUT TO INT. LUDWIG VON DRAKE'S LAB. BONKERS is looking down at the
faded body of FAWN DEER, still lying in a hospital bed. Her arm is
almost gone.
BONKERS
Fear not, dear Fawn. I will
save you yet.
He turns to Von Drake.
What have you got for me, V.?
VON DRAKE
Pay attention, 00B.
VON DRAKE (V.) goes over to a desk. On it are a variety of weird looking
gizmos, including a policeman's BADGE and HAT, a tube of TOOTHPASTE and a
case of CIGARS. V. picks up the BADGE.
V.
An ordinary-looking policeman's
badge.
He presses it twice. A cloud of gas escapes from it!
Press it twice, und a doze of
knockout gas is gonna shoot outta it
like so.
The cloud hits V! He passes out for a few minutes, then gets up. He
grabs the policeman's hat.
V.
A remote controlled hat. Da remote'z
around here sumvere, don'tchya know...
MIRANDA picks up the tube of TOOTHPASTE.
MIRANDA
What about this?
V.
Dat's Supah-Dentonite toothpaste--
a plastic explosif. Deze cigars here
are--
BONKERS grabs a cigar and lights it. He spits it out, gagging.
BONKERS
Not real healthy!
V.
Ezpecially considerin' dey're da
detonator for de explosifs!
BONKERS does a take! He grabs the TOOTHPASTE and chucks it out the
window! A HUGE explosion can be heard outside! A PIZZA DELIVERY BOY
can be seen flying off into the distance!
V.
Don't say it--
BONKERS
He's goin' ta flavor country!
V.
Grow up, 00B.
MIRANDA grabs BONKERS!
MIRANDA
V., send this stuff over to the
precinct! We've got to move!
V.
You got it! But remember... Fawn
haz only got three days left!
OUTSIDE THE 34th PRECINCT. MIRANDA, still getting used to her outfit, is
messing with it when she looks up to see BONKERS dumping BLACK PAINT all
over the badly beat up SQUAD CAR!
MIRANDA
What are you DOING?!
BONKERS
(totally in Bond Mode)
Well, Wanda, I'm disguising our
car. The police motif won't go
over so well where we're going.
MIRANDA crosses her arms.
MIRANDA
Wanda? Who's Wanda?
BONKERS
You are, my dear. From now on,
your name is Wanda Lollipop.
BONKERS breaks character for a second.
Isn't it great? Ya get a spy
name and everything!
MIRANDA shakes her head.
MIRANDA
Yeah. A spy name. I'm little
miss LOLLIPOP, for cryin' out
LOUD!
BONKERS
What?! It worked wonders for
Fawn in our famous spy movie,
'Tommorrow Never Arrives!'
BONKERS pauses, and for a moment again breaks character.
Fawn...
MIRANDA looks at him sympathetically for a moment, then yells
MIRANDA
This ISN'T a movie! This is
REAL LIFE!
BONKERS is suave again.
BONKERS
All the world's a stage, and
all that. Come on, we've got to
get into Shere Khan's meeting!
CUT TO A LONG DRIVING SEQUENCE- A WIDE ANGLE SHOT of the black police
car driving through the desert. PUSH IN as it pulls up alongside a chain
link fence in the middle of nowhere. A GUARD wearing a suit with the
Khan Industries' logo on it is standing watch. BONKERS and MIRANDA get out
and face the guard.
GUARD
This is a restricted area.
Let me see some ID.
BONKERS whips out a card with the letters "FBI" scrawled on it in childlike
handwriting. The GUARD shakes his head.
BONKERS contorts his face into a bad SHERE KHAN impersonation. No sale.
BONKERS morphs himself into a Xenomorph from Aliens! He rams his hand into
his stomach, and it comes out of his mouth like the alien head! Opening
his palm, a small flower extends forth, squirting out water. The GUARD is
singularly unimpressed.
Finally, snapping back to his Bond-outfit, BONKERS looks expectantly at
MIRANDA, nodding at the guard. Nothing happens. He NODS at her more
strongly. She SHRUGS. The GUARD clears his throat. BONKERS pulls
MIRANDA aside. They whisper to each other.
BONKERS
Well, go on!
MIRANDA
What?! What do you want?
BONKERS
Use your feminine wiles on
the guard!
MIRANDA does a take, and glares at BONKERS!
MIRANDA
You want me to WHAT?!
BONKERS
You're not my lovely assistant
for nothing!
MIRANDA stalks over to the guard.
MIRANDA
(sotto)
You want feminine wiles, Bonkers?
MIRANDA punches out the guard!
You got feminine wiles.
BONKERS shrugs.
BONKERS
Not what I had in mind, but--
BONKERS slips into the compound. MIRANDA stays behind, guarding the guard.
He starts to move a bit, and she whacks him on the head, making him still
again. Her expression is one of total annoyedness.
CUT TO INT. SECRET LAB
BONKERS is flattened against a wall, quite literally. He SLIDES across it on
flat little tippytoes, coming up behind an unsuspecting researcher, a Rabbit
in glasses. He GRABS HIM, and jabs two fingers behind his back like a gun!
BONKERS
(whispering)
Where's yer office?!
The RABBIT points nervously to a room. BONKERS drags him there. They
get inside, and BONKERS flips on the light.
RABBIT
(nervously)
Who are you, and what do you want?
Why are you here?
BONKERS shakes his head.
BONKERS
Look, we're not on Babylon 5
here! I need answers from you,
and I need 'em now!
RABBIT
Why should I help you, a
poorly dressed James Bond
impersonator in a cheap suit?
BONKERS is a bit puzzled. He has no answer. He fidgets a bit and stammers
out
BONKERS
Because I'm a highly trained spy,
an elite killing machine capable of
snapping your back like a toothpick?
The RABBIT shakes his head.
BONKERS looks around, and spots an autographed POSTER of FAWN DEER.
BONKERS
You like Fawn Deer?
RABBIT
Oh yes-- I'm her biggest fan!
The RABBIT runs over to a desk and pulls out a whole TON of Fawn Deer stuff,
including some movie stills of her with Bonkers. The RABBIT does a TAKE
and recognizes BONKERS for who he really is.
RABBIT
Oh my-- Bonkers D. Bobcat!
BONKERS grins, and light glints off his teeth.
BONKERS
(normal voice)
Look. Shere Khan's got his
hands on the only thing that
can save Fawn's life. I know
he's goin' to some kinda meeting
in the Dead Sea, but I need a way
in there! Fawn only has three days
left ta live- you've GOTTA help me!
The RABBIT buries his head in his hands.
RABBIT
Oh no! This is all MY fault!
I'm the one who made the
arrangements for Shere Khan
to get to the Dead Sea! I
didn't know he had Fawn's
life in his hands, or I
wouldn'tve helped him!
BONKERS tries to calm him down.
BONKERS
You didn't know--
RABBIT
You don't understand! I
made the security arrangements
too! Nobody can get in there
without the right passcodes
and ID Cards! Not even me!
BONKERS
Do you have extras?
RABBIT
No! If Shere Khan ever caught me
making extras, he'd have me---
The RABBIT makes a hand-across-throat gesture.
BONKERS
Does anyone else have them?
RABBIT
Only two people have them
who haven't made it to the
island. One of them even
resembles you a bit.
BONKERS sighs in relief.
BONKERS
Awesome possum! Who?
RABBIT
Two people in Japan. They're
scheduled to board a flight
for the Dead Sea in four hours' time.
Once they get on that plane,
Shere Khan's men will have
sighted them and you won't
have any chance of assuming
their identities. Their information
is on this disk.
He hands BONKERS a disk, but the bobcat looks crushed.
BONKERS
There's no WAY I can
get there in time!
The RABBIT frowns.
RABBIT
Yes there is. The Concorde X19
suborbital plane is in LAX for
a test flight. It can make it
to Japan in just under two
hours. You can take the X19 to
Japan, catch them before they
board the plane and take their
place.
ALARM SIRENS go off all over the compound!
BONKERS
But first, I gotta get outta here!
THE RABBIT grabs BONKERS!
RABBIT
WAIT! If they see you running out
of here, they'll know I told you
something!
BONKERS looks hurriedly at the door and back at the RABBIT.
BONKERS
Just tell them I used hypnotism
or psychobabbleology on ya or somethin'!
RABBIT
NO! If they even *think* I've told you
anything--
He repeats the throat-cutting gesture. BONKERS nods, and pulls out a
sinister-looking GUN!
BONKERS
Then I'm afraid they'll have to think
you committed the ultimate sacrifice
rather than betray Shere Khan.
The RABBIT backs off, HORRIFED!
You hear a HORRIFIC SCREAM OF MORTAL TERROR!
BONKERS rushes out of the office, and past armed guards, who are running
after him! Two of them rush into the office, grabbing the stunned, limp
body of the RABBIT, which is covered in some kind of purple goop! A PIE
PLATE clatters to the ground in front of the RABBIT! One of the GUARDS
takes a fingertip's worth of the PIE and tastes it. His eyes widen in
FEAR!
GUARD 1
(over the top soliloquy)
Raspberry Pineapple!
My god... he committed the ultimate
sacrifice rather than betray Shere Khan!
Get this man to a detox center
now! We still might be able to
wash the taste out of his mouth!
What kind of a monster are we
dealing with, here? God! Raspberry
Pineapple! It VIOLATES the GENEVA
CONVENTION!
(to the other GUARDS, who are applauding his soliloquy)
STOP AT NOTHING! GET THE INTRUDER!
THAT MONSTER DESERVES TO DIE!
BONKERS, who's gotten quite far, runs past several research areas, and
finally stops in one where some men are filming a fake MARS PATHFINDER
sequence! As the GUARDS approach, BONKERS leaps on the MARS PATHFINDER
and RIDES it out of the compound!
SCIENTISTS in Khan Industries outfits are running after him, holding NASA
cameras!
SCIENTIST 1
Stop! Halt!
SCIENTIST 2 looks at SCIENTIST 1 in horror.
SCIENTIST 2
Hey! You're standing on the Martian landscape!
SCIENTIST 1
Are we LIVE?!
SCIENTIST 2 Nods.
SCIENTIST 1
(improvising badly)
Eek. Arrk. Ook. I am a Martian.
Yes, I am. That is why I am appearing
on this LIVE video feed from MARS.
The Bobcat you saw was also Martian.
Ook Arrk Eek. That is all.
SCIENTIST 2 slaps his head, muttering "the conspiracy's dead."
CUT TO the exterior FENCE, where MIRANDA is surrounded by armed guards!
BONKERS crashes through the GUARDS with the PATHFINDER and GRABS MIRANDA!
CUT TO LOS ANGELES AIRPORT, where BONKERS and MIRANDA ride in, still on
the PATHFINDER. The X19 is already TAKING OFF!
MIRANDA
We're too late!
BONKERS rips off his watch, and pulls a cord out from its band! He ties
the cord to his wrist and HURLS the watch at the X-19! It attaches to the
plane, pulling BONKERS forwards! MIRANDA grabs onto him and she gets pulled
up as well!
BONKERS
It's got a magnetic personality...
just like me!
BONKERS does the grin-plus-light-glinting-off-teeth-thing again.
BONKERS crawls along the side of the plane, using his CLAWS to hold onto the
metal siding. He gets to a door, and knocks on it. MIRANDA is clinging onto
his leg for dear life.
CUT TO INT. X-19. A STEWARDESS opens the door, and BONKERS and MIRANDA
step in. Miranda is smoothing her dress and hair, and BONKERS is beaming
as the other passengers in the plane look at them curiously.
BONKERS
(back in Bond Mode)
Bobcat. Bonkers D. Bobcat.
He kisses the STEWARDESS' hand.
This is my assistant, Wanda Lollipop.
The STEWARDESS glares at MIRANDA.
BONKERS
Don't worry. She's flying coach.
The STWEARDESS and BONKERS walk off to the front of the plane, leaving
MIRANDA standing in the aisle. She looks up in frustration.
MIRANDA
(sotto)
It's almost enough to make you WISH
for a cliffhanger just so you could
wipe that GRIN off his face.
CUT TO THE X-19 LANDING IN JAPAN
WIDE angle shot.
BONKERS steps off the plane, surrounded by DOZENS of drooling women.
MIRANDA trails behind, fending off a geeky flight attendant in an
usher's outfit.
FOUR SHORT, SHADOWY FIGURES are flitting all over the TARMAC. They
FREEZE in MID-AIR for a moment, watching MIRANDA and BONKERS walking.
The pause reveals them to be none other than BACH, BRAHMS, BEETHOVEN and
RINGO--THE NINJA KITTIES!!!
FADE TO BLACK
END OF ACT I
ACT II
FADE IN to show THE NINJA KITTIES observing BONKERS and MIRANDA being
observed on a MONITOR SCREEN.
A JAPANESE, FEMALE VOICE can be heard.
VOICE
Odd, my pet. See how that one
resembles you. Could it be?
Has HE returned?
PAN DOWN AND LEFT to show a HAND stroking a large, orange TOON SIAMESE
CAT. It looks like an Anime green-shirt BONKERS drawn with sharp angles
everywhere, wickedly long, sharp claws, and many pointed teeth.
CAT
(hissing)
O mossst noooble one, Youuuuuu are
corrrrrect...
PAN UP to the face of SHI NOGOOT. She looks like an anime MIRANDA with her
hair done up in a simple ponytail. She wears a red kimono with a green dragon
on the front.
SHI NOGOOT
Are you sure, my pet?
CAT
Bonkerrrsss... he returnssss...
SHI NOGOOT leans forward, looking closely at the screen. Her suspicions
are confirmed as we see a close-up shot of BONKERS' face. It matches a
shot on a nearby monitor taken from the episode "Tokyo Bonkers".
SHI NOGOOT
NO! What is that good-for-nothing
American fuzzball doing here?! IT
TOOK ME AGES to break the Japanese
people of their insane obsession
with that--that poorly animated
excuse for a Bobcat! Now YOU
are the cat they love...
Blinkers E. Badcatt!
BLINKERS looks up at NOGOOT and hisses gleefully. He uses his sharp claws
to RIP through a nearby brick!
NOGOOT
I have built a media EMPIRE around
you, my dear... and I will not
allow HIM to take it away! We must
STOP him from reclaiming his place
in Japanese society! My Anime Empire
must continue!
BLINKERS purrs.
BLINKERS
But the meeeeeeeeeeting...
NOGOOT
We will dispose of this annoyance
well before we must leave for Shere
Khan's auction.
BLINKERS
Weeeeeeee have but an hour... Weeee
could easily go to theeeee meeeeeeting
and have Bonkerrrrrrrssssss Killllllled
tomorrrrrrrrowww...
NOGOOT
The Ninja Kitties will need no
more than five minutes.
NOGOOT picks up a telephone, and holds it to her ear.
Beethoven! Tell your men to
make sure that for Bonkers,
tomorrow NEVER arrives!
(beat)
Yes, Beethoven, that means
kill him...
CUT TO EXT AIRPORT. MIRANDA is trying to hail a taxicab. BONKERS spies one
of the NINJA KITTIES, disguised as a limo driver, holding up a card that
says "Bonkers" on it.
BONKERS
Look, Wanda! There's our ride!
He starts towards the car.
MIRANDA
Bonkers, I don't know about
this...
BONKERS
What's not to know? There's
a car with my name on it!
MIRANDA
But Bonkers, nobody knows
that we're supposed to be
here! Who sent the car?
BONKERS
Relax! The spy always gets the
cool car-- that's how it is in
every spy movie!
MIRANDA
You really don't have a firm
grasp on this reality thing,
do you, Bonkers?
BONKERS walks up to the car. The NINJA KITTY has an AXE behind his back!
As BONKERS moves to get in the backseat, the KITTY gets ready to strike!
He swings the axe, but misses BONKERS, who has scurried out the other
side of the backseat and made his way around to the drivers' side again!
BONKERS
Nice try--
The NINJA KITTY looks at him worriedly. BONKERS grabs the ignition key
from his hand!
BONKERS
--But I'm driving the car.
Super spies always drive the car.
The NINJA kitty crams into the back seat of the car with MIRANDA, who is
too tall to sit comfortably in front. MIRANDA gets a good look at the
kitty, and is about to say something, but he CLAMPS his hand over her
mouth! Her eyes widen as he brings the AXE near her neck!
PUSH in on BONKERS' face. BONKERS' teeth are gritted in a sadistic grin.
All he can see is the road ahead of him. He's going psycho for some reason...
BONKERS
(sotto)
I've always wanted to do this...
BONKERS SLAMS on the accelerator! The CAR SURGES forward! The NINJA KITTY
is PASTED FLAT in the back seat! MIRANDA is knocked breathless!
AERIAL SHOT. We see the CAR ducking and weaving through Japanese traffic at
Warp Speed!
CUT TO a deserted stretch of highway. Two gangs, the CLOWNS and a bunch of
PUNK KIDS, are racing their Anime-to-the-max bikes, swinging CHAINS at each
other, and trying to knock each other off their seats! One of the CLOWNS
is taking aim at a kid on a red bike!
CLOWN
Now, Tetsuo, you die...
BONKERS' car comes ROARING between the groups, knocking EVERYONE off their
bikes! As it speeds past, we see one of the kids levitate up in the distance,
wrecking everything in the vicinity with his newfound telekinetic powers...
TWO of the NINJA KITTIES are standing in the middle of the road, setting up
a fearsome looking cannon! As they start to aim it, BONKERS' car HITS them,
and they dragged along on the side view mirrors!
BONKERS still hasn't noticed anything's amiss. MIRANDA is in a crash
position, and the first NINJA KITTY is almost liquid goo pressing against the
seat.
Looking up, we see RINGO on a hanglider! RINGO jumps off, LANDING on the
roof of the car! PRYING open the SUNROOF, he SLASHES at BONKERS!
BONKERS finally notices the problem. Pulling a BRICK out of his pocket, he
DROPS it on the Accelerator! He JUMPS UP out of the sunroof, his TAIL
steering the car!
RINGO whips out a fearsome ball of razor-sharp titanium string, and
twists it into a garrotte, advancing towards Bonkers!
BONKERS whips out a giant pair of TOON SCISSORS and cuts the string!
RINGO pulls out a KATANA! BONKERS hurls a SAUSAGE at it, which gets
split in two!
BONKERS
That's sharp!
Back in the DRIVER's SEAT, BONKERS' TAIL notices something, and DOES A
TAKE, releasing the wheel! MIRANDA sees it too, and SCREAMS!
WIDE ANGLE SHOT of the CAR FLYING OFF a portion of incomplete highway,
twisting in the air, and preparing to DIVE STRAIGHT DOWN!
MIRANDA kicks open one of the car doors! GRABBING the almost liquified
NINJA KITTY, she takes its PAW and uses its CLAW to rip off two
seatbelts! She then SHAPES the kitty into a cloth-like form, and TIES the
SEATBELTS onto its ends, making a PARACHUTE and HARNESS!
DONNING the PARACHUTE, she jumps out of the CAR just as it SMASHES into
the roof of a building, throwing up a HUGE ANIME FIREBALL, which she
descends straight into!
CUT TO a SMOKE-FILLED room. FOLLOW MIRANDA as she DESCENDS through the
smoke. When she touches down, the SMOKE parts to reveal three NINJA
KITTIES surrounding her and BONKERS, weapons drawn! The SMASHED HULK
of the car can be seen behind them, having landed in some kind of
control room.
SHI NOGOOT walks into the scene, petting BLINKERS.
SHI NOGOOT
Ahh, Officer Wright.
So good of you to come.
Now I suppose I will have to kill you.
MIRANDA is JERKED backwards as the NINJA KITTY she was using for a chute
gets loose and TIES her UP with the seatbelt harness!
MIRANDA
I guess it wouldn't make
a difference if I told
you my name was Wanda
Lollipop, would it?
CUT TO INT. MOVIE LOT
MIRANDA and BONKERS are being led at knifepoint through SHI NOGOOT's film
studio, where various Anime movies are being filmed, like "Macross Plus Plus",
"Harmageddon II", "Gunbuster MCMXXLVII" and "Akira II-The Secret Shame".
Posters of BLINKERS are everywhere. There are scenes of him giving candy to
babies, smelling flowers, petting squirrels and ripping the intestines out
of vampires. SHI NOGOOT looks over it all with pride.
SHI NOGOOT
When I found Blinkers, he
was a misfit... a singing
spokesman for a car light
manufacturing firm.
I took him from being that
puny excuse for a feline,
gave him some claws--
BLINKERS decapitates a toon that wanders in front of him.
--and made him into the
greatest anime superstar
of all time. Now WE rule
Japan, not you, Bonkers!
BONKERS
What're you talkin'
about? My fanbase here
is as big as ever!
A little girl comes up to BONKERS. Everyone stops and tries to act innocent
as she pets him. She takes a good, close look at him.
KID
Wait! You not Blinkers!
The KID steps HARD on BONKERS' foot! He yelps!
BONKERS
Stop! I'm BONKERS!
Don't you remember me?
KID
Yes!
BONKERS grins.
KID
You old news. Washed up hack.
Retire, geriatric toon!
BLINKERS rules Japan now!
The KID smacks him and walks off.
BONKERS hangs his head in shame.
SHI NOGOOT
Yes, the six years of massive
subliminal advertising, free
toy giveaways, personalized
assassinations and bribery
have allowed Blinkers to take
the position as Top Cat in this
town. Nothing will be allowed to
change this.
MIRANDA
We don't care about changing it!
SHI NOGOOT looks at her curiously. MIRANDA notes this and keeps talking.
We're not here to get into the cartoon
business!
BONKERS looks at her confusedly.
BONKERS
We're not?
MIRANDA
(sighs)
The mission, remember?!
SHI NOGOOT
Then why ARE the two of
you here?
MIRANDA
We're here to...
(beat while she thinks)
Buy up any "Hello Bonkers"
merchandise that might be
left in Japan so that we
can rebuild the Bonkers
museum that was destroyed
in Hollywood five years ago.
BONKERS looks at MIRANDA curiously.
BONKERS
You mean we're not here to
replace our lookalikes, who
just happen to be our captors
and get on board the plane
going to Shere Khan's secret
hideout?
SHI NOGOOT and BLINKERS look at one another for a second while MIRANDA
hangs her head in desperation. They then KNOCK our heroes onto the ground,
spreadeagling them and tying their hands and feet to STAKES embedded in
ASTROTURF!
SHI NOGOOT
Blinkers...
BLINKERS looks at NOGOOT expectantly.
Use War-mower! KILL THEM!
BLINKERS looks disappointed.
BLINKERS
But I wanted to shred them
myssselllf....
SHI NOGOOT shakes her head.
SHI NOGOOT
There is no time! We must
get to the plane!
As NOGOOT and BLINKERS head off, BLINKERS turns around for a moment, throwing
a huge ANIME SWITCH barely visible on the edge of the screen. A large,
rumbling, LAWNMOWER sound can be heard! BLINKERS then turns around and walks
away.
MIRANDA cranes her neck up, and can barely see a HUGE ANIME LAWNMOWER with
a decidedly nasty look rumbling their way! Some toons in front of the
lawnmower are sucked under it, and their bits go flying out to the side!!!
WIDE ANGLE as we see the MOWER ROARING towards our heroes!
MIRANDA turns her head to face BONKERS, who is whistling to himself calmly.
MIRANDA
Bonkers, we have to get outta
these ropes!
BONKERS keeps whistling. The MOWER is getting closer! MIRANDA is struggling
with her ropes, but to no avail!
(James Bond sting)
BONKERS sits straight up, sleeves hanging limp. His arms, which are still
tied to the stakes, are nothing more than toon props! Popping out his real
arms, BONKERS looks at his watch, and taps a few buttons. A LASER BEAM lashes
out and hits the lawnmower! It keeps coming!
MIRANDA
That didn't work!
BONKERS
Oh, yes it did!
The LASER BEAM hits a SILVER ANIME BLIMP in the sky, and comes flying back
down, STRIKING an ANIME CAR in the side view mirror! The BEAM bounces off
the mirror and hits another ANIME CAR in the side, igniting its GAS TANK!
The CAR EXPLODES just as the LAWNMOWER passes by it!
The LAWNMOWER appears in the midst of the ANIME FLAMES, knocked on its
rear wheels so that its huge cutting BLADES are coming straight at BONKERS
and MIRANDA! The LASER BEAM bounces off the BLADES and reflects towards our
heroes, SEVERING their ropes! As BONKERS and MIRANDA get up, we see that the
MOWER's BLADE is causing a VACUUM, SUCKING objects into it, and SHREDDING
them! A CAR gets taken out!
MIRANDA
(yelling over the noise)
What now?!
BONKERS is looking around confusedly. Soon, however, he sees something
useful!
BONKERS
C'mon!
(some more James bond stings)
BONKERS runs over to a souped-up ANIME MOTORCYCLE! He leaps on the back,
and so does MIRANDA! They take off, followed by the LAWNMOWER!
AERIAL SHOT of the bike speeding away followed by the MOWER, which is
leaving a swath of destruction in its wake.
FRONT SHOT OF BONKERS riding the BIKE! RACK FADE to the MOWER, which is
surrounded by explosions! RACK FADE back to BONKERS. MIRANDA leans into the
shot from behind him.
MIRANDA
How are we supposed to
stop this thing?
MAINTAIN THE SHOT as BONKERS passes by people and toons at lightning speed.
BONKERS has caught up with someone, who is also fleeing the lawnmower, but
in an ANIME ICE-CREAM CART. It's...
BONKERS
Hiya, Jitters!
JITTERS
Oh no... not again!
BONKERS is reading the side of the ICE CREAM CART intently. HIDEOUS SCREAMS
of TERROR can be heard behind him as people and objects are SHREDDED by the
lawnmower! Gradually we are leaving SHI NOGOOT's studio and entering
DOWNTOWN TOKYO!
CUT TO A NEWS REPORT... SHIRLEY WRIGHT is reporting alongside a Japanese man
for CNN Worldwide. They are watching footage of the giant LAWNMOWER chasing a
small motorcycle.
JAPANESE MAN
In his most heroic moment yet,
Blinkers E. Badcatt is facing
down a monster lawnmower, which
those in the press are beginning
to call Gadzooka, that threatens
to destroy Japan!
SHIRLEY WRIGHT
Can we get a closeup of Blinkers?
The SHOT behind them grows in size. We can clearly make out BONKERS. MIRANDA
is obscured a bit.
SHIRLEY WRIGHT
Wait! I recognize that Bobcat!
It's not Blinkers! That's...
that's Bonkers D. Bobcat!
Sounds of mass confusion can be heard in the newsroom.
JAPANESE MAN
We thought Bonkers was dead!
SHIRLEY WRIGHT
Whatever gave you that idea?
JAPANESE MAN
All we have heard in last six
years was Nogoot Media reports
that Bonkers had expired due to
a huge pixie-stix overdose!
SHIRLEY WRIGHT
Don't believe *everything* you
hear on the news!
SHIRLEY takes a look into the camera.
Except for what you see here, of
course!
Cries of 'BONKERS is a HERO!' can be heard throughout the news studio,
along with 'DEATH to BLINKERS!'
CUT BACK TO BONKERS, who is still reading the side of the cart.
BONKERS
I think I know what the problem
is!
MIRANDA
What?
BONKERS
This is all written in Japanese!
MIRANDA slaps her head.
MIRANDA
Ask Jitters to translate!
The LAWNMOWER has taken out a passenger bus in the background.
BONKERS
Jitters!
JITTERS
What?
BONKERS
I'm going to ask you a really,
really, REALLY super-important
question, I mean a life-or
death kinda thing!
JITTERS
What?!
BONKERS
You sell peppermint bubble gum
surprise?
JITTERS
(to audience)
That's it. We're dead.
BONKERS GRABS an ice cream cone from the CART! SUCKING up the ICE CREAM into
his mouth, he isolates the bubble gum and places it aside! Repeat about 1000
times. Finally, BONKERS swallows the ice cream, RAMS the bubble gum bits into
his mouth, and begins to chew!
CUT TO THE FUEL GAUGE ON THE BIKE -- It's reading almost Empty.
The engine flutters, and stalls! BONKERS, MIRANDA and the BIKE go flying
towards the LAWNMOWER! JITTERS ESCAPES!
(JITTERS ESCAPES?!)
(Moby remix of James Bond music, please)
In MID AIR, BONKERS and MIRANDA are floating alongside the BIKE, whirling
around in a vortex! BONKERS places a huge WAD of chewed bubble gum in his
hand and hurls it at the LAWNMOWER!
As they rush towards the BLADES, the GUM gets there first, GUMMING UP the
works! The blades slow to a stop! BONKERS grabs one of the slow moving
blades, and GRABS MIRANDA before she slams into the MOWER!
(Cut Bond Music. A few seconds of mushy muzak)
MIRANDA and BONKERS are face-to-face for an instant as he holds her close.
BONKERS raises an eyebrow, looks MIRANDA in the eye, then BELCHES LOUDLY!
(End mushy muzak)
As MIRANDA turns away in utter disgust, he uses some of the bubble gum hanging
off the mower blade to make a rope, hurling it at JITTERS' rapidly escaping
ICE CREAM CART! It latches on, and our heroes are yanked off the MOWER, which
is standing in the middle of Downtown Tokyo with cops surrounding it! As the
Police OPEN FIRE on it, we CUT TO
JITTERS
I can't believe I got
out of there without
anything going--
BONKERS and MIRANDA CRASH on TOP of him!
--wrong...
BONKERS
To the airport, Jitters!
and step on it!
BONKERS and MIRANDA make it to the airport just in time to see SHI NOGOOT
and BLINKERS getting into a LEAR JET with the Shere Khan logo on the side.
BONKERS
C'mon! We can still get to
that plane!
MIRANDA
No way! They're halfway
across the tarmac from us!
BONKERS grins.
BONKERS
Just hang onto my neck!
MIRANDA puts her arms around BONKERS' neck. BONKERS produces a wickedly
sharp toon pin. Its point glints in the light.
MIRANDA
Bonkers... wait!
BONKERS stabs himself in the rear with the pin! With a YELP, he BLASTS
towards the plane in an ORANGE BLUR, carrying MIRANDA with him!
They WHIZ up the gangway, and INTO the CLOSING DOOR of the plane!
The PLANE lifts off the runway!
CUT TO INT. PLANE
MIRANDA and BONKERS are standing in the middle of the passenger area, which
is dimly lit. Only the light from the windows illuminates the plane.
SHI NOGOOT emerges from the darkness, and BLINKERS is at her side.
SHI NOGOOT
The news media are already
calling you a hero, Bonkers.
BONKERS grins stupidly.
You have done quite a lot
to damage the credibility
of my news media empire.
MIRANDA looks at her angrily.
MIRANDA
What credibility? All you
told the people was lies!
SHI NOGOOT
The only difference between
a lie and the truth, my dear,
is how the words are packaged.
She snaps her fingers. BLINKERS advances.
You could be the most honest
person in the world, but if you
looked untrustworthy, no one would
believe you. On the other hand...
BLINKERS' long claws glint in the dim light.
No one would doubt me if I said
Blinkers here was going to cut
your heart out with his claws and
show it to you. There should be
enough time left for you to see it
stop beating before you die.
BLINKERS leaps for MIRANDA!
FADE OUT
END OF ACT II
ACT III
FADE IN
MIRANDA steps out of the way, and BLINKERS rams into BONKERS!
SHI NOGOOT gets up, and assumes a FIGHTING STANCE! MIRANDA does the SAME!
BONKERS and BLINKERS roll into the COCKPIT! BLINKERS gets up first,
brandishing his claws! (The plane is on autopilot)
BONKERS
Oh yeah? Watch this!
BONKERS sticks out his own claws, which are more like sharp fingernails in
comparison!
BLINKERS slashes like lightning, leaving an arcade-game like trail as his
claws move, and we see BONKERS' claws fall to the ground!
BONKERS gulps.
BLINKERS
I have waaaaaaaited for thissss moment a
long timmmmmmmme, bobcaaaaat!
CUT BACK to the PASSENGER AREA. SHI NOGOOT is winning easily, having thrown
MIRANDA into the rear of the plane!
SHI NOGOOT
Your police-academy training is
no match for my Evil Fist of the
Drunken Schoolboy Clan Shaolin
martial arts!
CUT BACK to the cockpit.
BONKERS HURLS a PIE at BLINKERS! An ANIME GUN comes out of BLINKERS'
shoulder and incinerates it!
BONKERS
That's pretty nifty!
BLINKERS
We Japaneeeeeeese tooooons are well
arrrrrrrrrmed, unlike youuuuuu
pathetic, American toooooons made for
the amuuuuuuuuuusement of chiiiildren!
BONKERS snaps his fingers, and an ANVIL CRASHES atop BLINKERS, crushing
him! a silent, white-light ANIME explosion disintegrates the ANVIL and
BLINKERS is back up! BONKERS backs up towards the plane's instrument
panel!
CUT TO PASSENGER COMPARTMENT
MIRANDA is sprawled over some seats, luggage all over her. SHI NOGOOT is
advancing slowly.
SHI NOGOOT
Face it-- we are two sides of the
same coin, you and I. You cannot
defeat that which is so much like
yourself.
MIRANDA
(weakly)
Funny-- you don't seem to be having
much trouble.
SHI NOGOOT
I have been trained from birth to be
a killer. You have been trained to
save lives. That is our difference--
and your fatal flaw.
A HUGE BANG! comes from behind them! BONKERS flies into the middle aisle,
charred and smoking!
BONKERS
(weakly)
Is the no smoking sign still lit?
He gets up slowly, dropping a charred toon feather.
BLINKERS
(from the cockpit)
Did you really think your feather
was a match for my powered battle
armor!?
SHI NOGOOT picks up BONKERS and HURLS him back into the COCKPIT! Wheeling
around, she whips out a KATANA and points it at MIRANDA!
SHI NOGOOT
And now, this ends. How apt that
you should die here, now that we
are over the Dead Sea.
MIRANDA looks around rapidly. Her glance falls upon the charred toon feather.
reaching out quickly, she GRABS IT! It quivers under its own power, pulling
MIRANDA UP! The Feather begins fencing with SHI NOGOOT! It disarms her, and
begins mercilessly TICKLING HER!
BONKERS comes flying back out of the cockpit, on fire! SHI NOGOOT is starting
to become accustomed to the tickling! As MIRANDA tries to keep her under,
BONKERS shakes his head.
BONKERS
No, no, no, Wanda! That's
not how you tickle someone!
MIRANDA has an idea.
MIRANDA
Bonkers! You handle my problem,
I'll handle yours! Deal?
BONKERS GRABS the feather and begins to send SHI NOGOOT into a massive
giggle fit! MIRANDA grabs an emergency floatation device from under one
of the plane's seats, and makes for the cockpit.
CUT TO INT. COCKPIT - It looks like the aftermath of a warzone. Toon props
are strewn everywhere, and most are on fire.
BLINKERS' back is to MIRANDA as she enters. He is breathing heavily, and
when she gets behind him, he spins around, ANIME WEAPONS portruding from
every part of his body!
BLINKERS
So, he hassss sent hissss partner
to try and defeeeeeat me...
Noooo matter! Myyy weaponssss--
MIRANDA SHOVES the flotation device in BLINKERS' mouth and pulls the
'inflate' cord! BLINKERS BLOATS to five times his normal size!
MIRANDA pulls off one of BLINKERS' gloves, which has CLAWS on it...
she then STABS the floatation device with it!
Like a burst balloon, BLINKERS begins to bounce around the cockpit-- then
he SMASHES out the front window! Decompression! A chair tries to fly out
the window but smashes the plane's controls instead!
MIRANDA quickly gets out of the cockpit and slams the door shut. The whole
plane tilts. SHI NOGOOT is passed out on the floor.
MIRANDA begins dragging her to the rear of the plane.
MIRANDA
Bonkers, this plane's gonna
crash any minute now! You
figure out a way outta here
that doesn't involve us
getting killed!
She tosses him BLINKERS' glove.
Keep that!
BONKERS shudders as he catches it, but puts it in a pocket.
BONKERS
What're you doin', Wanda?
MIRANDA
Wardrobe change!
MIRANDA drags SHI NOGOOT out of sight.
BONKERS grabs a DRINKS CART and STRAPS several PARACHUTES as well as some
floatation devices onto it! He rolls it to one of the exits and waits.
SHI NOGOOT comes out of the rear cabin, with MIRANDA draped over her
shoulder!
SHI NOGOOT
You! Bobcat! Either you help
me escape this plane or your
friend dies here!
BONKERS has no time to argue. He points to the cart.
BONKERS
Get on, you fiendish-- fiend!
SHI NOGOOT gets on the cart, draping MIRANDA over the back. BONKERS straps
them both on, and gets on the front of the cart, using one foot to OPEN the
exit door! Air pressure SUCKS them out of the cabin!
(Bond Sting)
EXT. SHOT -- We see the PLANE spiral away from our heroes, CRASHING into the
sea and EXPLODING! On the drinks cart, multiple PARACHUTES open, and so do
the floatation devices! Our heroes splash down safely!
SHI NOGOOT
One question, Bobcat...
BONKERS
What?
SHI NOGOOT
Do I do a good 'Nogoot' or what?
BONKERS blinks. SHI NOGOOT is actually MIRANDA!
BONKERS points at MIRANDA, and then the passed out NOGOOT.
He does this for a while.
BONKERS
You mean you're her and she's you?
Or are you you and her her?
Or is she her and you her?
Or am I us and we--
MIRANDA shakes her head.
MIRANDA
Forget it, partner. Just remember to
wear that glove and try to look like
Blinkers when we get to Shere Khan's
hideout.
BONKERS looks at the unconcious NOGOOT.
BONKERS
What do we do with her?
MIRANDA
Oh, I have a pretty good idea.
MIRANDA detaches one of the floation devices, dumps a few DRINKS and AIRLINE
PEANUT packages from the CART into it, and places NOGOOT there too. She then
SHOVES it off! The sun starts to set.
BONKERS
What if nobody finds her?
MIRANDA
They'll find her when they
hear that the plane's crashed.
BONKERS
But aren't we supposed to be
on the plane?
MIRANDA
We got off it when spies got
on board. We fought them off
but the plane got taken out
as a result.
BONKERS
But aren't we the spies?
MIRANDA
They won't know that, remember?
BONKERS
They won't?
MIRANDA
Not unless we tell them.
BONKERS
(whispers)
We're... not gonna tell them, right?
MIRANDA sighs.
MIRANDA
Right.
BONKERS
(out of Bond mode for a second)
But what if nobody goes lookin'
for her cuz we were supposed ta
be on tha plane an' since we
showed up and everything then
maybe the plane didn't really crash
or if it did who cares about dead
spies, right?
MIRANDA slaps her head.
MIRANDA
Look, Bonkers-- when this is ALL OVER
we'll send out a search party ourselves,
OKAY?
BONKERS
That's simply not good enough, Wanda!
We're going to have to tell the first
people we meet--
MIRANDA
Who would be Shere Khan's people--
BONKERS
Exactly. We're going to have to tell
Shere Khan's people that we're the
spies who took out one of their planes
and left Media Baroness Shi Nogoot to
float aimlessly on the Dead Sea--
WIDE SHOT-- BONKERS, MIRANDA and the CART are tiny silhouettes on a giant
setting sun.
MIRANDA
(yelling, distant)
BONKERS! SHUT UP!
FADE TO BLACK
END OF ACT III
ACT IV
FADE IN
We see the DRINKS CART washed up on the shore of a sandy beach. Two pairs
of footprints, one human and the other bobcat, are leading from the cart
towards an OASIS of vegetation in the distance.
OVERLAY TITLE: December 27th, 1999 - 6:45 A.M.
CUT TO a massive DAM, the base of which is a massive INSTALLATION with the
Khan Industries' logo emblazoned on it. BONKERS and MIRANDA are just two
specks atop the DAM. ZOOM IN on them.
BONKERS
I have to say, Wanda-- I have no
idea how we can get down this Dam.
MIRANDA
Neither do I.
BONKERS is pacing back and forth. He pulls a BANANA out of his pocket and
eats it, casually tossing away the peel.
MIRANDA
What if we made a--
She does a take!
BONKERS! LOOK OUT FOR THAT--
BONKERS trips on the peel! He starts to go over the side of the dam! MIRANDA
grabs his tail, but gets pulled over as well! BONKERS manages to reach up
and grab the top of the dam with his hands!
BONKERS
Being a bobcat has its advantages!
BONKERS tries to extend his claws, but only stubs come out!
BONKERS
Well, to put it bluntly, I'm not
as sharp as I used to be.
BONKERS SLIPS! Both he and MIRANDA are in freefall!
BONKERS pulls out BLINKERS' glove from his pocket, and dons it! He slashes
at the DAM, gaining a firm hold! MIRANDA continues dropping, using his
tail like a bungee cord! She lands safely!
BONKERS' new claws are a bit too sharp, however-- they start cutting through
the concrete like butter! The DAM is rupturing!
MIRANDA
BONKERS! LET GO!
BONKERS complies, and a stream of water BLASTS him down to the ground!
Bedraggled, he and MIRANDA walk over to a guard post. BONKERS does his
best to look like BLINKERS.
GUARD
ID cards, please.
BONKERS looks at MIRANDA, who fishes around in her pockets and finds one.
The GUARD processes it.
Welcome, Ms. Nogoot.
He looks at BONKERS, who waves his clawed hand menacingly.
BONKERS
Blinkersss... neeeedsss noooo
IIIIIIDeee carrd... worthlesssss
Americaaaan!
The GUARD looks at BONKERS for a moment.
GUARD
Nice to see you again, Blinkers-son.
BONKERS nods.
GUARD
Frogs fly in Winter.
BONKERS and MIRANDA eye each other curiously.
GUARD
Frogs fly in Winter...
BONKERS
And?
GUARD
That's not the correct passcode, sir.
BONKERS
I can't hellllp it iffff yoooou
got iiiiiiit wrong, youuuu worthlessss
Americaaan!
GUARD
I'm going to have to call this in--
BONKERS walks up to the guard, now looking like Bond.
BONKERS
Look here--
He holds out a badge.
I'm secret agent 00B, and this is my
lovely assistant--
MIRANDA SLAMS her foot on BONKERS' paw!
--erm, *co-adventurer* Wanda Lollipop, and
we're on a secret mission for the Hollywood
Police Department. My ID...
BONKERS presses the badge and grins. Nothing happens.
With a nervous look in his eye, but still grinning, he presses it repeatedly,
and green GAS shoots out, knocking out the guard!
MIRANDA
Sean Connery you are *not*.
BONKERS
My methods are eccentric, but
effective.
Grin-plus-teeth-glinting-in-light-thing-AGAIN.
MIRANDA scowls.
MIRANDA
Look-- just get back into your
Blinkers disguise, okay? There's
no telling who Shere Khan invited
to this little get-together.
CUT TO INT. MEETING CHAMBER
The MEETING CHAMBER is a huge room with massive bay windows going around its
circumference. Various guests are milling about, and a PODIUM stands unused
in the center of the room with the Khan Industries logo on it. BONKERS and
MIRANDA are just entering the shot, taking in the scene.
MIRANDA
Take a look at this rogue's gallery.
PAN ACROSS the room as we see FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD, NORTON NIMNULL, MAGICA
DeSPELL, LILLITH DuPRAVE, FLAPS, FAT CAT and gang, MA BEAGLE and some BOYS,
AL VERMIN and co, MR. BLACKENBLOO, DON KARNAGE, STEELBEAK and sundry other
miscellaneous villains, such as (a badly overweight in the body but with a
tiny head) MAMMOTH MAMMOTH.
There's hardly anyone here who we
*haven't* busted over the years.
BONKERS is already jauntily heading towards MAMMOTH MAMMOTH when MIRANDA
GRABS HIM!
MIRANDA
(whispering)
BONKERS! Stay away from the criminals!
Let's just try to be inconspicuous
until we see who wins the auction, and
then we'll nab the winner! We can't
take on all these guys at once!
BONKERS nods, but keeps trying to get to MAMMOTH MAMMOTH.
MIRANDA
What is your problem?!
BONKERS
Somethin's really wrong with ol'
Mammy, Wanda...
BONKERS is right. MAMMOTH MAMMOTH is talking to himself in different voices,
and his massive lower half is walking in one direction while his tiny upper
half is going elsewhere.
MIRANDA
Say, you're right, Bon...err,
Blinkers! That elephant is a
most silly toon!
MIRANDA now sounds exactly like SHI NOGOOT. BONKERS looks away from MAMMOTH
MAMMOTH, only to see LILLITH DUPRAVE coming towards him!
BONKERS
Yessss... heee issss-- what a
worthlessss Americaaaan.
DUPRAVE is looking at BONKERS closely. BONKERS looks right at her and yells
YOU TOO ARE WORTHLESSSSS AMERICAAAAN!
He uses his clawed hand to mercilessly shred a glass being carried by a
passing waiter. DUPRAVE looks away, unconcerned.
MIRANDA
(whispering)
Bonkers, I don't think Blinkers
ended every sentence he ever
said with 'worthless American'.
BONKERS
(whispering)
Quiet, worthless American.
FLAPS comes close to BONKERS.
FLAPS
Hey... don't I know you from
somewhere?
AL VERMIN comes in from the other direction.
AL VERMIN
Yess... he does seem rather
familiar...
BONKERS is beginning to sweat! Luckily, a GONG RINGS, and the crooks move
off!
MIRANDA points to a seating area in front of the PODIUM.
MIRANDA
C'mon, partner. Let's take a seat.
BONKERS
Where are we gonna take it?
MIRANDA shoves him into a chair just as SHERE KHAN walks up to the podium.
Two generic GUARDS walk up beside him. One produces a TABLE, which he sets
next to the podium, and the other places a cloth covered BOX on top of the
table. BUSHROOT comes up alongside SHERE KHAN.
SHERE KHAN
Ladies and Gentlemen, I
present to you the ultimate
anti-toon weapon, formerly
held by Negaduck and the
Syndicate.
BUSHROOT pulls the cloth off the box, revealing a clear case, inside of
which is the small piece of remaining ERASER!
BUSHROOT
This Eraser is capable of
permanently rubbing out
any toon it touches.
MA BEAGLE stands up.
MA BEAGLE
Oh yeah? What about Darkwing
Duck?
A loud murmur goes through the audience.
BUSHROOT
We, uhhh... believe that his
cape was coated with a special
anti-eraser formula that kept
him alive... uhh, yeah.
STEELBEAK gets up.
STEELBEAK
Well, what F.O.W.L. wants to know is,
if Darkwing Dork can get his hands on
a defense, what makes this an *ultimate*
weapon then, huh?
MA BEAGLE
Right on, Steely!
The crowd mumurs louder.
BUSHROOT leans over to SHERE KHAN.
BUSHROOT
I told you this hogwash about
Darkwing having protection
would backfire on us.
SHERE KHAN
Do you have an explanation as
to how Darkwing Duck continues
to live even after getting hit
full-on with the eraser?
BUSHROOT
No, sir--
SHERE KHAN
Then this will have to do.
SHERE KHAN turns to the crowd.
SHERE KHAN
It does not matter if one toon
has a defense. The amount of
damage you can do in a short
span of time is sufficent
reason enough to purchase the
Eraser. Look at what Negaduck did
to Two-tone town.
Someone in the crowd yells out "What Two-tone town?" Everyone laughs
except for BONKERS and MIRANDA.
SHERE KHAN
Darkwing cannot protect everyone,
and he cannot predict who you will
attack next.
LILLITH DuPRAVE gets up.
LILLITH DuPRAVE
What about the rumours that the
Eraser is getting smaller each time
it gets used?
SHERE KHAN
The rumours are true--
The crowd begins to fidget. Yells of "ripoff!" can be heard.
--but they are unimportant.
BUSHROOT holds up a computer disk.
SHERE KHAN
Here you see the only extant
copy of a formula for LIQUID
ERASER, yours when you buy the
product. The ultimate weapon
can be yours!
NORTON NIMNULL rises.
NORTON NIMNULL
I heard rumors that the last
batch of Liquid Eraser was
quite unstable-- I heard that
it actually EXPLODED!
SHERE KHAN
That rumour is patently false.
MAGICA DeSPELL gets up.
MAGICA DeSPELL
Ve Vant a Demonstrahashun!
The crowd roars.
SHERE KHAN
Very well. Guards?
KHAN snaps his fingers, and grabs the disk from BUSHROOT's hand! The GUARDS
open the case, grab BUSHROOT, and drag him towards the ERASER!
BUSHROOT
No! Wait! I'm the only one who
knows the formula!
SHERE KHAN
Precisely. Your death would make
the disk all the more valuable. Besides,
you are also the only one who could
concievably formulate a defense, or
antidote-- and if you betrayed
Negaduck, who is to say you wouldn't
betray me as well?
The crowd ROARS!
BONKERS looks frantically at MIRANDA!
BONKERS
Miranda, if he gets rid of Bushroot,
we'll lose our best shot at saving Fawn!
MIRANDA
I know, partner, but what can we do?
If we blow our cover now, we'll never
make it out of here alive!
BONKERS gets up out of his seat, but is shoved back inside it by FLAPS,
who yells "stop blockin' my view!" BONKERS is pinned by FLAPS' trunk!
The GUARDS are about to press BUSHROOT into the ERASER! MIRANDA leaps up,
but FLAPS grabs for her too, causing her ponytail to become undone! Her
hair falls back into something close to its normal look, and LILLITH DUPRAVE
notices!
DUPRAVE
The POLICE! It's a RAID!
The CROWD leaps up, but an EXPLOSION from the other side of the room
disorients them! NEGADUCK, LIQUIDATOR, MEGAVOLT and QUACKERJACK appear
out of its smoke!
NEGADUCK
BUSHROOT!
BUSHROOT looks up, but a GUARD PUSHES his head onto the ERASER!
SHERE KHAN and the other GUARD stealthily exit, but without the ERASER,
as BUSHROOT is still draped beside it!
NEGADUCK
SYNDICATE! Take out the competition--
permanently!
Scenes like MEGAVOLT zapping STEELBEAK and LIQUIDATOR drenching MAGICA DeSPELL
are played out numerous times. MAMMOTH MAMMOTH is bumbling his way through
the various battles without getting hurt. NEGADUCK is running for the ERASER,
but FLAPS grabs it with a gloved hand and bounds away! BONKERS and MIRANDA
are lost in the confusion!
NEGADUCK
Forget the others! Stop that
pathetic pachyderm!
NEGADUCK goes over to the limp body of BUSHROOT. He turns it over, gasps,
shudders, and drops it. BUSHROOT is HEADLESS!!!
The SYNDICATE members RUSH FLAPS from all directions! The pachyderm drops!
One hand sticks out of the tangle of bodies, holding up the ERASER! As
NEGADUCK goes for it, a BLUR swoops down and grabs it!
BONKERS points to the door! FAT CAT has the ERASER! He and his gang get out
of the room, followed by MAMMOTH MAMMOTH and FLAPS!
BONKERS and MIRANDA move to follow, but the CRIMINALS have them surrounded!
NEGADUCK stalks up to them. BONKERS is back in his Bond outfit.
NEGADUCK
You two troublemakers have been
thorns in my side for too long!
Now, it's over! Any last requests?!
BONKERS is brushing his teeth. He grins, and does the super-light-glinting
thing A G A I N.
BONKERS
I would like to smoke my last
cigar.
NEGADUCK and the others look at each other curiously as BONKERS lights up.
In CHORUS, they ask "Don't you know that smoking's bad for you?"
INSIDE SHOT of BONKERS' MOUTH. The CIGAR has triggered the DENTONITE
explosive on BONKERS' TEETH!
EXT. SHOT - BONKERS. Wisps of smoke come out of his ears.
BONKERS opens his mouth and BELCHES an EXPLOSION! All the CRIMINALS are
knocked back, and out!
BONKERS
Yeah-- but it was worse for you!
DARKWING DUCK appears out of nowhere!
BONKERS
Darkwing Duck!
DARKWING nods, but says nothing. His eyes glow a little brighter red. He
points to the door.
BONKERS
The ERASER! C'mon, Miranda!
DARKWING tosses MIRANDA a gun!
MIRANDA nods at DARKWING, and follows BONKERS! She looks at the gun.
MIRANDA
Hey! This is my service
pistol! How did he...
As they leave, a criminal comes up behind DARKWING! DW lifts up a fist and
knocks him out!
NEGADUCK gets up, but sees DARKWING and begins to jibber.
NEGADUCK
You! AGAIN! Howhatwhowhat ARE YOU?!
This is IMPOSSIBLE!
NEGADUCK crawls into a corner and curls into a small ball, sobbing.
DARKWING goes over to the limp BUSHROOT and drapes him over
his shoulder, vanishing in a puff of PURPLE SMOKE just as FBI officers
storm the area and arrest all the CRIMINALS!
BONKERS and MIRANDA are on the other side of the island, in the shadow of
a VOLCANO.
MIRANDA
I don't get it-- there aren't
any volcanoes in this part of
the world.
BONKERS points to a giant KHAN INDUSTRIES ENTERTAINMENT logo on the side of
the volcano.
MIRANDA
Look!
MIRANDA is pointing to FLAPS, who is just a speck on the side of the volcano.
Behind him we can barely see MAMMOTH MAMMOTH.
MIRANDA
They must both be following
Fat Cat!
BONKERS
But we'll never get to them
in time!
MIRANDA
What do you mean? It's a
Volcano-- they're not
going anywhere!
BONKERS points to the SHERE KHAN logo, and then down, to a sign which reads:
"FANTASY ISLE TOURIST VOLCANO--
NEXT ERUPTION IN 5 MINUTES"
As we watch, the "5" turns into a "4".
Dramatic music.
FADE TO BLACK
END OF ACT IV
ACT V
FADE IN
BONKERS runs back towards the conference area.
BONKERS
I've got an idea!
CUT TO the side of the volcano.
FAT CAT has made it to the top of the volcano, and behind him is the
caldera. FLAPS is also coming up on him, as well as a badly out-of-whack
MAMMOTH MAMMOTH. MAPPS and WART join FAT CAT.
MAPPS
Umm, boss... we've got
some bad news.
FAT CAT
You *did* get the getaway
vehicle, right?
MAPPS
Well, yeah boss, but--
FAT CAT
But *what*?
MAPPS
It ain't there no more.
FAT CAT
What do you mean,
'It ain't there no more'?
WART
You see, umm... well--
the lava melted it.
As FAT CAT is taking this in, FLAPS climbs onto the rim.
FLAPS
Gimmie the Eraser, you
two-bit tabby!
FAT CAT holds up the ERASER, wrapped in a handkerchief! He dangles it over
the caldera!
FAT CAT
One more step, and it's
bye-bye Eraser!
FAT CAT looks behind FLAPS. MAMMOTH MAMMOTH, with his head on backwards,
stumbles onto the rim.
FAT CAT
The same goes for you, you--
whatever you are!
MAMMOTH MAMMOTH mumbles out, in a deep, muffled voice
"blur shawl thunder ma rest!".
FAT CAT and FLAPS look at each other.
FAT CAT / FLAPS
What?
MAMMOTH mumbles deeply "o smother! wallamart, blue threw it!"
he them mumbles in a light voice "shoe rotit, ducky! blur shawl thunder
ma rest!"
MAMMOTH punches himself in the head! The head rotates around! We hear:
FALLAPART RABBIT
Dwah... yer all under arrest!
FAT CAT grins slyly. We see the THUNDERQUACK come up behind him, with
BONKERS on the front beak!
FAT CAT
For what? You haven't got
any evidence!
FAT CAT drops the handkerchief with the Eraser into the caldera!
FLAPS
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....
Slow motion. Show BONKERS' feet sprouting claws and latching into the surface
of the Thunderquack. The THUNDERQUACK angles down, and rushes into the
caldera! We see DARKWING and MIRANDA inside the cockpit.
PUSH IN on BONKERS' face distorting with the wind pressure.
BONKERS reaches out a hand, grabbing the handkerchief! The Eraser tumbles
out of it, going further into the caldera!
PUSH IN as BONKERS' handkerchief-covered hand gets agonizingly close to the
ERASER! He's almost got it! A BLAST of LAVA shoots up and CONSUMES the ERASER
just as he touches it! The THUNDERQUACK PULLS UP!
Normal speed. The THUNDERQUACK BLASTS out of the VOLCANO just as it ERUPTS!
FLAPS, FAT CAT, WART, MAPPS and MAMMOTH MAMMOTH are all hanging onto its
forward section!
FADE OUT
FADE IN
We see LUCKY PIQUEL and FALLAPART RABBIT next to a deflated MAMMOTH MAMMOTH
suit talking to MIRANDA. BONKERS is sitting by himself next to the
THUNDERQUACK.
LUCKY
That's why we kept bumbling
around-- ol' Fallapart here
kept steppin' in my eyes!
FALLAPART
I was just trying to find my
nose! Sheesh!
MIRANDA
So, what'll you do now that
the Eraser's been destroyed
and the Data Disk Bushroot
made has vanished along with
Shere Khan?
BONKERS is wandering closer to the group.
LUCKY
We'll just have to go after
the Pen, I guess.
BONKERS
Pen? What Pen?
COPS are escorting FLAPS and NEGADUCK away seperately in the background. We
see them both eavesdropping. The THUNDERQUACK takes off.
LUCKY
Well, the FBI knew the Eraser
was part of a set of animation
tools made by Tex Avery-- a set
that also included a Pen which
could not only fix any of the
damage done by the Eraser, but
also make whole new toons!
BONKERS perks up!
BONKERS
That could cure Fawn!
LUCKY
I guess so, buddy. That's one of
the reasons Fallapart and I are
goin' after it just as soon as
we get these criminals back to
Hollywood.
BONKERS
But there's no time! Fawn's only
got two days left! Miranda and I
can go after the Pen!
MIRANDA nods.
LUCKY
That's a big negative, little
buddy. Fallapart and I are the
only two who know enough about
the Pen to even have a chance
at finding it in time.
In the background, FLAPS has broken free! NEGADUCK slaps him on the back,
but FLAPS ignores him and runs off!
MIRANDA
Why don't WE take the criminals
back to Hollywood and let you guys
get on the case right now?
LUCKY
Sounds like a plan to me!
BONKERS
(whispering)
Hang on, Fawn...
CUT TO FAWN, who is still in a hospital bed, fading fast...
OVERLAY TITLE: BONKERS WILL RETURN IN "CRUEL WORLD"
END OF PART 2
To Be Continued...