Eagle In Search
Hi my name is Judy
and I want to tell you a little about myself and why I call my page,
” Eagle in Search”.
I am hoping that writing this will help heal the pain I have gone through all of my life
because of the adoption and not feeling wanted by anyone in my childhood.
For those of you that are not involved with adoption
I need you to know what some things mean in my writing.
(B is birth)
(A is adoption)
Many years ago when I was almost four years old I was adopted into my own family.
A cousin of my birth mother and her husband adopted me.
From that point on I was in search for my b- mother.
I would look in everyone’s eyes that I met to see if they were her eyes,
for you see that was the only thing that I really remember about her.
She had the most beautiful blue eyes that I had ever seen.
You could see the world in her eyes.
The last thing I remember about my b-father,
he was walking away after hugging and kissing me goodbye,
that was when I was three and a half.
I didn't know who he was for many years,
until my adopted mom told me about a letter that he had written to me,
that I was to get it when I became an adult.
Some how this letter got lost,
and I will never know what he had to say to me.
When I was fourteen my b-mother came back to Portland, Oregon
for a visit to her mothers home.
My a-mom took me over there to finally get to meet her as my b-mom.
At this time I remember seeing her one other time, and that was when I was six.
The person I thought was my real mom had just died
and the family had gone up to an Aunt’s.
My b-mom was there to take care of all the children,
I do remember asking her why my real mom had died and left me all alone in this world again?
I don’t remember what she did say to me,
all I know is I ran out of the house crying.
The family found me hours later in the wheat field next to my aunt’s house a sleep.
I never told anyone what happened that day until years later.
My b-mom Ruba Mae had eleven children in all including me.
They are Mike, Pat, Sherry, Naomi, Debbie, Reg, Futine, Michele, Mary and Shean.
I have met them all.
Some have ended up being friends and some haven’t and that’s ok.
I always wanted brothers and sisters and boy did I ever get them.
I want to thank each one of them that become my friend, for it means the world to me.
Being raised as an only child was hard on me.
You bet I had lot of questions,
but the a-mom was always there and so was the b-grandmother.
I didn't want to hurt anyone’s feelings so I didn't ask any.
Looking back on this now,
I was the one that got hurt, leaving everything unanswered for years.
This was in Oct. of 1954.
Before I go any further, one thing I need to do is explains the Eagle.
I don't know where or how I knew that I was Indian but I did.
I also believed that I could fly like an Eagle.
I don't know if this came from the need to get away
from what was going on in my life at the time or this truly is a part of me.
I know now that the Eagle is my totem.
Some of you will understand this others won't and that's ok.
About three weeks after I meet my b-mother, I meet Larry my first love.
He made me feel more wanted than I ever had in my life.
Not knowing them it had nothing to do with caring for me.
We were both going through hell in our lives and needed each other.
He had just lost his dad.
One thing lead to another and in May of 55 I ended up in a girls home and on Feb. 22, 1956.
I gave birth to Rick our son.
He was a big baby, 9lb's 12 1/2 oz's and 22”.
He was born with blonde hair and blue eyes.
If I ever get his baby picture scanned I will put it in here.
I tried to keep him, but that was a lost cause.
In June of 56 I went home for a visit to my a-parents to see
if I could move back home with Rick.
(I can't really tell you what happened but at this point,
for it has been so many years).
But on April 11 I had a little girl that I never even got to see,
because I had, had to sign papers giving her away in Feb.
This is another story that some time down the road I will share.
All during this time I was trying to find out about my b-father.
But I was being told that he is dead and that I really didn't want to know about him.
That he wasn’t a very nice person,
well neither were they, and who were they to tell me not to ask.
I wouldn't ask if I didn't want to know, right?
On June 27, 1999, with the help of a dear friend I was able to find my b-fathers family.
I found out that he passed away in 1980 so I will never get to meet him.
But at least now I will be able to find out about him
and what part of me came from him.
I did find out that my b-dad Robert and his wife Maida had five children.
They are Robert Jr., Jerry, Leona, Judy and Gary.
Yes I have a sister named Judy.
Are you ready for this, she also has a daughter named Jody, (they spell the names differently is all).
What a wonderful loving family they are and I’m so blessed that I have found them at long last.
One of these days I will be able to go up to Oregon and meet them all.
They have made me feel like I am truly a part of their family,
Maida was a big help in putting me in contact with them.
There has been other thing’s in my life that has happened,
but for now that is enough of where I've been.
The only way that I have survived all these years is by becoming the Eagle,
and fly up into the clouds to feel safe.
Until now and that is because I have met someone that makes me feel safe,
and that is not a spot I'm comfortable with yet.
It is time for me to stop flying away and find my peace here on earth.
So I hope by sharing this I will have opened up the door for me to walk through.
(I have come a long ways since I started this web page.
I am finally feeling comfortable in my relationship with Mike, the love of my life.
For he has shown me what’s it like to be loved and to be in love.
I am truly blessed with his love, and all that I have learn,
and still learning being with Mike.
We are learning to soar together and be one with each other.
Bless each of you that reads this, make someone smile in your life,
make a new friend, share part of yourself with some one new.
For each of us has our gifts for us to share,
even if is ’s a smile. :-)
Click NEXT to continue to In Memory Of Michael, page 3. :-)
