What's New on Echoes
Last updated: February 10th, 2007
It has been a long time since I've worked on this site. About two years ago, I
moved to a paid server. I redesigned the entire site and kept it there for a year. Then the server was sold, my
account was deleted, and I was so angry that I didn't bother to rebuild. Also, I admit that I thought the active phase
of my healing was over. I was wrong.
Stress has an odd way of bringing things back. I've always been a repressor and have had great difficulty
in accepting and believing what memories I have. This past year has been very hard for me and my family -- my grandmother
is dying of cancer, one of my sisters was diagnosed with lupus and rheumatoid arthritis, and my other sister is trying to
escape an addicted, abusive husband and has suffered a ministroke. One uncle had a probable heart attack and another
experienced sudden onset paranoia. My own health has deteriorated; my doctor is worried that I'm on the brink of type
2 diabetes and heart disease. I also developed arrythmia and premature ventricular contractions, likely due to stress.
I began to realize that internalizing all my worry about family members was causing physical problems for me, and of course
immediately understood this in the context of my repressed memories -- it's what I have always done.
A very triggering email sent me running for cover a few months ago -- and brought back a chain of memories
I hadn't allowed myself to look at in a long time. So here I am, trying to make sense out of the chaos. But, you
know, it's good to be back.
Quote for February:
"And in the end I guess I had to fall, always find my place among the ashes..."
Amy Lee, Evanescence, "Lithium"
Thanks for visiting Echoes.