"A Brief Interview with Antoine DeCoolette"
By Joshua
Josh: Evening, Sonicfans! Welcome to another edition of "Sonic Talk!" This week's guest is none other than Antoine DeCoolette!
Ant: Bonjour peoples!
Josh: Well, Antoine my man, things have been heating up between you and Bunnie, as we can see in her solo story "Upgrade". Many fans have been arguing about which is better--her cuter, "classic" look, or her more slinky new look. You're close to her; which do you like better?
Ant: Well, eet hardly mattairs what she looks like mon ami, love seez past ze skin!
Jon: It does? Funny, 'cuz skin's all I see.
Josh: (To Antoine) So, it doesn't matter?
Ant: To quote Sonic's theme song, oui.
Josh: Hmmm, well, I've also heard some complaints about the way James Fry draws you. What's your opinion?
Ant: I am beeing beautiful no mattair who has zee honair of drawing me!
Josh: (Trying not to laugh) Well, next of course would be: Where are you and Bunnie headed? Do you see a future together?
Ant: Well, I have not thought much about marriage, but I guess it eez a possibility.
Josh: What do you say to those who complain about your accent being horribly incorrect?
Ant: I say, you French Canadian boobs have nevair been to Gay Parie! You do not know how to speek ze propair French!
Jon: I saw Gay Parie three times.
Josh: He means the city, Jon.
Jon: I know, but the movie deserves a plug, it's good!
Josh: (Tries to figure that out for a second) Okay, well, I see you've brought a band Antoine; are you planning on singing?
Ant: Ahh, yes, I will bee blessing you with zee pleasure of hearing my beautiful voice. This eez my backup band, who eez also from France--zee Sonic Underground!
"Sonic": Let's do it to it, Ant!
Josh: So, what are you guys, fan characters?
Manic: No, dude, we're the Sonic Underground!
Josh: Riiiiiiight. And I'm not a shameless self-insertion.
Sonia: No, really, we're the Sonic Underground!
Jon: Why does your voice sound like Urkel after getting kicked in the nuts?
Josh: You DO sound like a guy, Sonia.
Sonia: I'll have you know it's a hormone imbalance.
Josh: Well, anyway, what's the song you're gonna sing, Ant?
Ant: A little number I like to call, "Hello Sonic."
("Hello Sonic"
Lyrics by Antoine DeCoolette.
Sung to the tune of "Hello Leonardo" by Blessed Union of Souls.
Apologies to Blessed Union of Souls.)
Verse One
She doesn't care about my family,
Or the people that I know,
That's okay 'cuz I ain't got alotta friends,
That have much to offer her.
Chorus One:
She likes me for me,
Not because I'm super-strong like Mighty,
Or because I'm cute like Charmy,
That cursed honeybee.
She's the one for me,
I'm so glad I finally found her,
My arms belong around her,
Once again.
Verse Two:
She doesn't care about my broadsword,
Or my large inheritance,
Things like money never really turn her on,
She prefers my accent.
(Chorus Two):
She likes me for me,
Not because I hang with Super-Sonic,
Or his twin brother Manic,
With Sonia keeping beat.
I like her for her,
Not because she's hot like Sally Acorn,
She has so much going for her,
Why does she waste her time with me?
Must be something there I cannot see.
(Antoine plays a brief harmonica solo).
Verse Three:
Staring at the ceiling,
While I recover from my injuries,
in the dark,
She has no ill reaction,
'Cuz she's the nurse!
Chorus Three:
She likes me for me,
Not because I draw like Manny Galan,
With Spaz and Harvo inkin' (sigh)
I like her for her,
Even though she's part robotic,
And sometimes I can act moronic,
Somehow we're together anyway.
(Repeat and fade.)
Josh: All right! Let's hear it for Antoine and...uh...his band!
Manic: The Sonic Underground!
Josh: Whatever.
(Manic gets extremely mad, pounding his drums and causing an earthquake that cracks the floor and breaks all the windows in the studio.)
Josh: (Freaked and afraid) Ladies and gentlemen, the Sonic Underground!
Manic: Better.
Sonia: (Eyeing up Jon) Well, hello, handsome, wanna jam?
Jon: Hell no.
Josh: Historical moment everyone--Jon actually turns down a woman.
Jon: I guess it had to happen one day.
Josh: Well, I guess that's all the time we've got. Thanks for tuning in Sonicfans, and join me next time when my guest will be Nack the Weasel! Night Sonicfans!
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tourists have stopped by to chat with Antoine and the Sonic Underground since January 2, 2000. Of course, they all ended up getting zapped by Sonia's keyboard/ray gun-bazooka, but hey...