A Brief Interview With Chaos
By Cuisinart King
CK: Welcome to a new edition of a new programme, "The Coolest Stars of Mobius." I hope the interviewer Joshua doesn't mind it, since it can lessen his burden. Anyway, I have an unexpected guest here who wants to be interviewed. Here's Mr. (or possibly Ms?)* Chaos!
Chaos: Thanks, CK. Many people do not like to interview me, as I am a baddie, but you are one of the few who takes me into consideration, besides that good Joshua.
CK: Good. So, can you tell us about your background, like where do you come from and what you did during these years?
Chaos: I am a water elemental or whatever you call me. Everyone fears me because I was responsible for the destruction of an ancient civilisation. The destruction was very well-done. Ha, ha!
CK: Whoah! You're a very powerful person! So, what were you doing all these centuries?
Chaos: I was living under the sea, trying to look for the legendary Chaos Emeralds, so that I can become the most powerful person in the universe!
CK: Quite ambitious! So, how do you find your appearance in "Sonic Adventure"?
Chaos: Marvellous! I must thank that Yuji Naka for creating me in the game. In fact, I am one of the highlights in the game.
CK: How do you find Sonic and the rest?
Chaos: Sonic? He's a small fool, who tries to get the power of the Chaos Emeralds when he knows he cannot handle them. As for that kitsune Tails, he is so slow that I can gobble him up within a second. Knuckles scares me not. He tries to punch me but his knuckles will sink into my body, and I will deal with him. Amy, she's a bother. That giant hammer of hers can inconvenience me for a moment, but I can suffocate the whiny brat in no time anyway.** As for Big, he is obsessed with fish and that pet frog. He would blame Robotnik or me for the loss of his frog. And E-102 Gamma--I don't have to worry about him at all, do I? I mean, after all, he IS on the side of evil.*** As for that Robotnik, he thinks he can control me. In fact, it should be I who is controlling HIM!
CK: You sure hate them. But what are your favourite things in Sonic Adventure?
Chaos: I like the sea very much. It makes me cool and strong. Another thing I like is when the humans bully me and I shoot out water to teach them a lesson. Pretty fun!
CK: I heard that when you get all the Chaos Emeralds, you become Perfect Chaos. Is that true?
Chaos: It's true! When I have the Chaos Emeralds in my hands, I will transform into a the most powerful being on Earth AND Mobius. Even Sonic will bow down to me!
CK: It seems that Sonic doesn't care a bit about you. Anyway, thanks for this special interview. I hope you enjoyed yourself.
Chaos: Yup, I have enjoyed this interview. Now I will wreak havoc in places called "Japan" and "America". Bye!
CK: Well, thank you folks for watching this special edition of "The Coolest Stars of Mobius". Watch out for the next edition, coming soon!
Editor's Notes:
*Originally, this line was not here. Cuisinart King was just assuming Chaos was male, when in fact as far as I can tell, the creature has no gender at all. So I added the "or Ms.?" part to show that. And unlike E-102 and other robot characters, who you can name as "male" or "female" due to the pitch of their voices...as far as I know, Chaos doesn't talk, so you don't even have THAT to go by. Chaos IS widely usually referred to as "he" by the fans, just because I suppose it's the easiest pronoun to come to mind, but technically it's an it.
**The original version of the interview had a TOTALLY different line about Amy here--it made her sound like nothing by a whiny brat. Well, I LIKE Amy, so I re-wrote it to sound hateful and insulting BUT also remind you that she CAN defend herself if need be. I hope Cuisninart King doesn't mind TOO much; at least I kept Chaos's tone of voice and personality consistent.
***The original interview mentioned nothing about E-102, but since it did mention ALL FIVE of the other characters, I figured it wasn't fair for him to be left out. The entire part about E-102 was written by me. And he DOES start OFF evil...and Chaos doesn't KNOW that he's going to turn renegade later on, now, does he? Bwahaha.
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curious tourists have stopped by to chat with Chaos since August 27, 1999, but he....oh, this is TOO EASY, to make a "dead tourist" joke involving Chaos, a freaking super-monster! So I'll make this an audience participation joke. Think of one along at home! Hee hee...