"Sonic Talk" Disclaimers
By Fate
Edited by Chaos Theory T. Echidna
(A small, pink lizard woman walks shyly into the spotlight holding a script. She is Sharon Chameleon, the show's wardrobe designer, but that's not important. She adjusts the lapels of her prissy pastel suit and begins to read aloud:)
Production is well aware that the next episode of 'Sonic Talk' will be a special Christmas edition. For the convenience of others, production (minus Josh) has presented me with a list of disclaimers to inform you of:
"Management will not be held liable if a jolly, fat, Santa-Eggman falls out of his Eggmobile pulled by nine tiny Buzzbombers (one with a red spike) and accidentally crushes you during taping.
"Management is happy to report the new policy that if you're hit with a falling spotlight or chair thrown from the adjacent show, 'The Razorback Jack Hour', you're allowed to keep it.
"For the encouragement of our guest, we have allowed a group of 'Save Knuckles' petitioners into the audience to watch the show. Please do not provoke or intimidate them with pictures of Julie-Su or the Brotherhood.
"For the encouragement of the HOST, please do not hold up those candid photos you took from Knuckles' last time on the show when he beat Josh up.
"We are happy to report that, if there is a special guest singer this edition, you are requested to clap along to their parody. In fact, we will commend those audience members who do feel obliged to drown out their song with clapping!
"'Sonic Talk' is not liable for the taking of any song that may have once had taste and twisting it to fit any aspect of the Sonic universe that we please.
"If you are lucky enough to be sitting on the seat that has a red 'X' underneath it, you will be happy to know that you have been chosen to test our latest invention: Annoying Member Ejector-Seats. (©1999.) Enjoy the ride!
"The throwing of fruitcake is strictly prohibited.
"The throwing of Big the Cat out the window is welcomed by all. Good luck on lifting him.
"All audience members are welcome to sample the food in the Green Room after the show. An ambulance is parked outside for their convenience.
"All audience members are obliged to laugh at all of Jon's wisecracks and jokes, no matter how half-witted or dumb they may sound.
"Disregard that last message--don't encourage him.
"If, by any chance, Big the Cat pops in, you may feel free to point him the direction OPPOSITE to where Froggy went.
"Also, please don't intimidate Big by claiming that his oversized appetite made him eat Rotor so Nate Morgan could move in as the official Knothole scientist.
"If Mr. A of the Inane Roach Society pops out of the floorboards, you will be happy to know that there is a can of RAID™ taped under every seat.
"If you chance to be sitting next to an audience member who is a round pink creature with a light sabre or a person in armour, you are requested not to mention 'the Epic' as they are taking time off.
"Anyone who even MENTIONS Ken Penders or the cancellation of Knuckles' comic series during the show (minus the staff) shall be dragged down the stairs and outside where they will be clobbered to death by Knuckles himself.
"Finally, all audience members are welcome to buy a copy of the 'People' magazine issue that contains Josh's revealing photos at the entrance. ($3.99) All proceeds go to the Lupe and Valdez Memmorial Fund.
Thank you and enjoy the show."
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tourists have been stupid enough to try for audience seats at "Sonic Talk" since December 13, 1999. Of course, Big the cat threw them all out the window! ;)