Airplanes
Travelling by airplane is fast becoming the most popular method of travelling long distances in the Industrial World. The first airplane was invented (Amount of Time) ago by two brothers, (Famous Male) and (Famous Male) in (Name of Town or City). It was a clunky, haphazard, unlikely-looking thing that only seated one person, but which nevertheless managed to get as far as (Number) inches before bursting into flames.
Of course, modern aiprlanes are sleek, highly advanced miracles of technology, capable of bursting into flames and killing HUNDREDS of people at once! And they only cost as much as a small Third World nation to build, too!
However, there ARE some drawbacks.
First of all, to even get on the plane, you have to go through security, in which a (Noun)-detector shoots supposedly harmless, invisible (Plural Noun) into your body and makes sure you're not carrying any weapons, bombs, or (Plural Noun). If you are, you have to place the item(s) in question on a/an (Adjective) tray and go through again. Once you've gotten through security, it's time to get your tickets, and let me tell you, the prices are OUTRAGEOUS. Some airlines charge as much as (Amount of Money, Any Type) per person. You also have to hand over most of your luggage to (Adjective) airline personnel, who will do their very best to make sure it winds up in (A Place) as quickly and efficiently as possible.
If you ever manage to (Verb) your way through the crowds at the airport, trying (Adverb) to make it to the plane on time, you will discover that of course the plane will run late--sometimes it will be "delayed" for as long as (Amount of Time). Also, there's the problem of what to do with your carry-on luggage. You see, the luggage rack above your seat is only (Distance) by (Distance), and so the biggest thing you could possibly shove up there would be a (Noun). Don't get too pushy, however, or else the stewardesses will pull out (Plural Noun) and blow you away. They're trained to deal with unruly passengers like that.
When (and if) you finally do take off, many passengers find themselves scared to death, although it beats me why. They're ONLY going (Number) miles per hour, (Distance) straight up in an object the size of a (Noun)! What's to worry about?
Oh, sure, you hear stories about planes crashing, burning, engines exploding, (Verb ending in "ing"), or crashing into a (Noun). And even if you DO somehow manage to survive a crash, you're likely to land in the ocean, where you'll quickly be torn apart by sharks. (Or if you crash on land, you'll be swarmed over by packs of lawyers. Same difference.)
But these stories shouldn't alarm you, as that sort of thing never happens more than once a (Unit of Time).
And even if none of this happens, you will still have "turbulence", which is when the plane runs into a cloud of (Substance) and everybody is jounced around like you're on one of those rides called the "(Verb) and Puke", or something. And puking is very likely what you'll do, after you've sampled airline cuisine.
Airline food tastes like old (Plural Noun). It is green, (Adjective), and totally unidentifiable. One gets the feeling that if you poked it with your fork, it would snarl and rip off your (Part of the Body). It has the consistency of (Substance), and seems to have been manufactured during (Historical Era).
And the passengers don't exactly endear themselves to you, either. Between the huge, fat, (Number)-pound man in the seat next to you, the baby who keeps (Verb ending in "ing") all throughout the flight, and the loathsome, hat-on-backwards teenager who keeps bleeping his "Game (Noun)" all the time, playing games like "Super (Male First Name) World", it's a wonder you don't go insane.
Of course, some DO go insane. These are the ones who actually USE their "bonus flight" coupons. Or else they become crash dummies. Or they wind up writing for soap operas.
Whereas those of us who have the I.Q. of (Substance) will stagger off the plane and vow to do all our travelling for the rest of our days by (Vehicle). And I understand that there are even some ludicrously lucky individuals who fly constantly and never seem to have any trouble at all. Although we ourselves prefer to take our chances with the sharks.
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