Travel to Exotic Places for Under $1,000,000 a Day!
In these inflationary times, you're probably thinking that you'll never be able to afford to see the world. Well, cheer up! For the frugal traveller, (defined as "a traveller who has to ask the price of a yacht"), there are plenty of exciting places to visit. And for a vacation experience that will remain forever lodged in the esophagus of your mind, you can't beat historic (Place).
To get there, you will have to go through customs, where burly (Creature, Plural) (Verb) you to make sure you're not carrying any (Plural Noun). Weapons will be confiscated and used by the government. You should also be aware that their unit of currency is called the (Silly Word), which is worth (Amount of Money, American) in American money.
Well, now you're there and ready to have fun! Under (Same Place)'s (Adjective) sky, you and all your relatives and spend (Amount of Time) admiring the intricate architecture of the ancient (Type of Building, Plural), many of which are as much as (Amount of Time) old, before you begin squabbling over who gets the window seat on the flight home. But if you decide to stick around, you will be amazed by the (Adjective) customs of the natives, which includes an ancient traditional sport where they jump off of (Distance)-high cliffs onto the backs of (Creature, Plural) for no apparent reason.
You might also get invited to a native festival, or (Silly Word), where they dress up as (Plural Noun), roast live (Animal, Plural), and drink a beverage made from fermented (Liquid). Then they dance the "(Noun)", in which they wear the traditional costume--a brightly-coloured (Article of Clothing) with (Number) tiny chimes, sway back and forth, wave their (Part of the Body, Plural) around in circles and (Verb) all over the ground. The beat of the drums will make you want to join right in. Don't be alarmed, it's just the native beverage taking effect. The dance is an ancient rite celebrating the Festival of (Female Celebrity), Goddess of (Plural Noun).
The hotels there only cost (Number) dollars a night, and contain many modern conveniences, such as walls, ceilings, and actual working light switches. The bulbs haven't been changed since 1953, though, so it is reccommended that you bring along a flashlight and some batteries. Three meals a day are served, but only if you pay about twice the ordinary price, or, if you manage to convince the natives that you are gods, all your meals and indeed anything else you desire will be free. Be ready to prove it though, unless your idea of a relaxing getaway involves live, erupting volcanos and severe rope burns.
Well, as you can see, a truly memorable experience. After only a few days in (Same Place), you'll feel ready to face your normal routine again, pack up, fly back home, and inflict slide shows on all your neighbors.
Assuming you're still alive, of course.
©1992.
Revised version February 20, 1994.
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