The Simpsons!
Written May 20, 1997, by Chaos Theory T. Echidna
"The Simpsons" is a very popular cartoon sitcom that has been running for (Number) years straight. It started off on the (Famous Female) show, hosted by (Same Famous Female), the comedienne from (Country). The cartoon was very different from the way it is today. Short, maybe two-minute segments of crudely-drawn animation that showed a creepily dysfunctional family may seem an unlikely place to build an empire from, but build it has. The Simpson family got their own half-hour prime-time slot in (Year) and since then the show has evolved into a full-fledged, intelligently-written, social satire. The Simpson family is made up of five people. (Male First Name), the father, is so incredibly slow that if you tap him on the (Part of the Body), it takes (Amount of Time) for him to feel it. He works at the local (Type of Energy)-power plant as a SAFETY SUPERVISOR, which should scare the (Article of Clothing, Plural) off anyone. He is incredibly lazy. In his spare time, he practically worships T.V., and he also likes to drink (Liquid) at (Male First Name)'s Tavern with his buddy, barfly (Famous Male), and go playing (A Sport).
The matriarch of the Simpson clan is (Female First Name), a perpetually worried and nagging housewife with a voice like sandpaper. She wears her hair in a "Bride of Frankenstein"-like 'do, bright (A Colour) and fully (Number) feet tall. However, if it wasn't for her, the kids would never be taken care of and the Simpson house would have (Verb, Past Tense) long ago.
The oldest child--and, early on, star of the show, is (Male First Name) "Who the hell are you?" Simpson. He is an absolute and total BRAT--he does the very worst, meanest, most destructive, and most annoying thing possible at all times, on PURPOSE. He's likely to rip up the carpet off your (Room in House) or cause a crane to dump tons of (Substance) on an innocent bystander just for kicks. However, when push comes to shove, he will occasionally stand up for other members of his family.
(Female First Name), the middle child, is the misfit of the family. She's far smarter, more conscientious, and more socially aware than the other four put together. She's also a loner and a nerd. She loves to play the (Musical Instrument), and is always fighting for causes such as (Type of Person)'s rights, or saving the (Animal, Plural). She gets the best grades in school and for that, nobody likes her.
The last Simpson is (Female First Name), the baby. She's rather mysterious. She's able to fire a gun and play classical music on her toy (Musical Instrument), but in (Number) years, not only has she remained a baby, but she's almost never TALKED! Except in one over-hyped episode, in which (Female Celebrity) was hired to voice just one word--(Word). Then, nothing more.
Over the years, many supporting characters have grown to be fully-developed (if exaggerated!) people. These include Mr. (Last Name), (Father)'s boss, who can never remember his name, even though (Father) has threatened to kill him, quit, come back again begging for his job, returned his long-lost beloved childhood (Toy), and many other things. At age (Number), Mr. (Boss) is the oldest man in (Name of a Town), the fictitious town in which all of this takes place, so that may explain some of it. Also, his toadying assistant (Famous Male) is a major character, being more than a bit (Adjective), but he has helped the Simpsons on more than one occasion.
Other characters include (Silly Word) the Clown, who runs the local kiddie-merchandise empire; and his one-time sidekick, the sinister Sideshow (Male First Name) (voiced to perfection by (Male T.V. Celebrity)), the operetta fan with the perpetual bad hair day who is always trying to kill (Son). There's (Famous Male), the (Religion) clerk who works at the local (Type of Business) and has been robbed so many times he almost LIKES it; Mayor (Last Name), the town's corrupt, wife-cheating, playboy leader who is an obvious parody of (Famous Politician), Chief of Police (Famous Male), who may actually beat out (Father) in both the stupidity AND obesity categories; Principal (Last Name), a/an (Adjective) (Famous War) vet who still lives at home with his suffocating mother at age (Number), (Famous Female), (Son)'s burned out, bitter, divorced 4th-grade teacher, (Mother)'s gruesome older twin sisters, (Female First Name) and (Female First Name), who chain-smoke and have voices that make (Mother)'s sound almost bearable, and (Male First Name), (Son)'s (Adjective) best friend and sidekick.
Each episode starts with a discordant theme song, (written by (Rock Star)) blaring in the background, and (Son) writing something on the (Noun) over and over and over for punishment, such as "I will not waste chalk" or "(Slogan)." Then he jets past everyone else in town on his (Vehicle) while (Father) gets off work without noticing the piece of radioactive waste stuck down his (Article of Clothing), while (Daughter) gets kicked out of band class for playing (Type of Music); (Mother) "scans" baby (Baby) at the supermarket, and both (Vehicle, Plural) careen for the exact same space at the exact same time. Then, they all dash (Adverb) for the (Type of Furniture) to watch T.V., and there's always some kind of a gag here, too--the (Same Furniture) might fold up and squish them, or a (Noun) might eat them all, etc.
If you think THIS sounds crazy, the actual episodes are even more so. (Father) has gone into outer space, toured with (Rock Band) and formed his OWN (Type of Music) group, the (Silly Phrase) and won a/an (Type of Award). (Mother) has both been a cop AND gotten thrown in jail, and she once foiled a group of counterfeit (Plural Noun) dealers. (Son) has gotten his rental car crushed in (A Town), joined the (Organisation), and proved Mayor (Mayor)'s (Adjective) son innocent in court. (Daughter) has gone on a campaign to fix the drivel the talking Malibu (Female First Name) doll says, tried to clean oil off of (Animal, Plural) (they had all been claimed by celebrities), and stolen all the (Plural Noun) from her school when she briefly became a rebel. (Baby) has driven the family (Vehicle) into a ditch and organised an escape from a/an (Adjective) day-care center, but she's best known as the person who (Verb, Past Tense) Mr. (Boss).
Together, these characters and many others make up one of the very funniest--and most surreal--sitcoms on T.V. today. They've been going strong for (Number) years--let's hope for (Amount of Time) more.
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