A Brief (But Special) Interview With Sonic the Hedgehog
By Cuisinart King
(Edited by Chaos Theory T. Echidna)
CK: Welcome to the new edition of "The Coolest Stars of Mobius"! Most of you have been pestering, begging, and pleading for something, so here's what all of you have been waiting for--SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!!
(Wild applause, whoops, hollers, cheers from the audience, "WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!" etc. General hoopla ensues.)
Sonic: Thanks, CK! I've--(realises the crowd noise is drowning him out and raises his voice) I'VE SEEN (crowd finally calms down) your interviews and am very impressed with your performance. So I want you to interview me, 'cause I'm the coolest guy on Mobius! Besides, even though Tails DID suggest I should go on Joshua's show, you're paying me more. Hey, Freedom Fighting is an expensive profession! Heh heh.
CK: I guess you must feel honoured to appear on T.V. and be watched by over six billion Earthlings.
Sonic: Of course! I like interviews, because they give me a chance to "publicise" myself!
CK: Okay, I'll grant your wish. So, can you tell us about yourself--where you come from, who your friends are, and who are your enemies?
Sonic: No problem. MynameisSonicandIamabluehedgehog--
CK: Whoa, you're doing it super-fast! Please slow down, so that everyone can catch your words! (Laughs)
Sonic: Sorry, my fault. My name is Sonic and I am a blue hedgehog, as all of you should know by now. Well, I come from Mobius and am currently staying in the Green Hill Zone. My friends are Tails, Knuckles, and the Freedom Fighters, and my arch-enemy is none other than 'Buttnink!
CK: Robotnik, you mean.
Sonic: Yup! Robotnik! It's so fast? That's the end of the interview?
CK: No. You are so famous, I must spend more time interviewing you!
Sonic: Thanks a million, CK!
CK: So, how do you feel about being famous on Earth? Many people there respect and adore you.
Sonic: I must thank Uncle Yuji for creating me in his Sonic games. Ever since Sonic the Hedgehog 1, I became world famous. When Sonic 2 was created, he made me meet Tails, who is now one of my closest buddies and friends. In Sonic 3, Knuckles was actually my second enemy, next to Robotnik, but after Sonic and Knuckles was created, we began to change our opinions on each other, so we gradually became friends. Of course, in the Sonic games on Earth, Knuckles still suspects me of being a baddie, but on Mobius, we are the best of friends! Ironic, isn't it?
CK: Yup. There will be a time when Yuji Naka will create a game with the both of you being best friends, together with Tails, and the three of you will defeat Robotnik together.
Sonic: I will be waiting for that time!
CK: Good! So, do you know that you have become one of the most famous guys on Earth?
Sonic: I know that. If someone mentions Sonic, they will know who Sonic is immediately--a cool hedgehog! The bad thing is that everything on Earth is too slow. When I ride the bullet trains in Japan, they are so slow that it takes one hour to travel from Sapporo to Tokyo!
CK: Well, you can't expect everything to be supersonic!
Sonic: That's why my name's Sonic! It's unique!
CK: Well, maybe I should call myself "Mighty" since I am strong!
Sonic: Your name's already cool! Besides, I hate ta break it to ya, but the name "Mighty" has already been used in the Sonic universe. But your own name's cool. Don't change a thing.
CK: Thanks for that. So, how are you spending your time in Mobius? What are your plans for the future?
Sonic: I will go out with Tails and Knuckles to the nearby shopping malls to shop or go to Carnival Night Zone to have a merry time. If possible, we will even arrange a picnic with our friends! We are really enjoying life! As for the future--when I go to Japan, I will help Sega develop better games. Not that the ones they already have aren't good, you understand. My friends are useful too, so we will always be together in times of trouble.
CK: Thanks for everything.
(The studio door bashes open and Robotnik rushes in.)
Robotnik: Quick! There's a meteor heading straight for the Floating Island! Sonic, you use your supersonic waves and spin-attacks to weaken the meteor while I blast it to pieces. Hurry!
Sonic: Hey, isn't this a trick? You're always trying to catch me. No, I'll not fall for your trick.
(Just then, Tails and Knuckles come panting into the studio.)
Tails: Hey, buddy! There's a meteor heading straight for the Floating Island! You'd better get there pronto and help stop it!
Knuckles: Don't worry, we'll help you.
Robotnik: Hello, CK! Why don't you follow us?
Tails: Yeah, you are one of the best reporters on Mobius, after all. Come and see how Sonic stops the meteor and saves the day! We hope...
Knuckles: Yup. It may be the greatest moment of your career!
CK: Well, okay! Studio crew, follow me!
***
(At a stretch of desert in Sandopolis, many Mobians and Humans are gathered around to watch the meteor coming closer and closer. Among the crowd are Joshua Knode from "Sonic Talk", with his own camera crew, looking green with envy over CK's snagging the prestigious Sonic interview, and Chaos Theory T. Echidna from "Mobius Enquirer". She keeps trying to ask various people REALLY personal questions until Big the Cat glares at her. At this, the tiny brown-furred woman fades quickly back into the crowd.)
CK: Sorry for the interruption in our regular programming, folks. We are now here to witness Sonic stopping the meteor. Let's see the situation now.
Sonic: CK, I am going to stop the meteor in just a moment. But Robotnik has to get his laser blaster set up first.
CK: Okay. While Sonic and Robotnik are preparing to stop the meteor, let's interview some people in the crowd for a bit. Hey, look, it's none other than Amy Rose! (Camera turns to focus on her.) Amy, how do you find the situation so far?
(A line of text reading, "Amy Rose Hedgehog: One of the Stars of Sonic Adventure" appears underneath her face as she talks)
Amy: Oh, it's my fortune to be interviewed again! I believe Prince Charming will be able to stop the meteor. He's always succeeding and nothing's too hard for him. Oh, CK, you look SOOOOO glamourous! Can I give you a kiss?
Josh: (Sulkily, from behind a nearby sand-pillar) She never offered ME a kiss...
CK: Eh, no, but thanks for the offer. All right, let's see what's happening with the meteor situation. It seems that Robotnik has pointed his laser blaster at the sky and Sonic is preparing to leap into the air. Oh, look, he's got seven Chaos Emeralds and 50 rings! Where did he GET those so fast? Never mind that--
(FWOOOM!! There is a blinding flash of light and when everyone can see again, Sonic is glowing bright yellow, somewhat larger than before, and hovering off the ground, every quill on his body quivering with energy.)
CK: Wow, he just turned into Super Sonic! And remember, everyone--you saw it here first, on "The Coolest Stars of Mobius!" Let's go and talk to him!
Sonic: I am Super Sonic now! Now I'm even FASTER, invincible to almost anything, and I can fly! CK, let the camera roll now. Don't ever let it swerve away! You'll not want to miss a second of this action!
CK: Okay, Super Sonic!
Sonic: Heeeeere I GOOOOO!!!
CK: Okay, Sonic's flying towards the meteor, and Robotnik's beginning to blast it. All right, Sonic's close to the meteor and--
(Another huge blast blinds the crowd)
CK: Look! Sonic has broken the meteor into five pieces with the force of his own body alone! Robotnik is firing and...BOOM! One piece is destroyed! Now he tries again...BOOM! Another is destroyed! Robotnik is clearly the greatest sharpshooter on Mobius! Good thing he's on OUR side at the moment. Look, he has destroyed the entire meteor! The day is saved! As we speak, Sonic is now landing beside me and decharging. The eager crowd is all around me, but I will be safe--
Chaos Theory: (pushing through the crowd) So, Sonic (shoves microphone up in his face) Is it true that you and Sally like to use the Emeralds to--
CK: (pushes her backwards by her face) Shut UP, you bloodsucking leech! (to Sonic) Sonic, you've done it!
Sonic: Yup, I have become the hero again! We should also thank Robotnik for helping, too.
CK: Thanks, Robotnik, for saving the Island!
Robotnik: You're welcome, CK!
Everyone in Crowd: THANK YOU, SONIC AND ROBOTNIK!
Sonic and Robotnik: Thank you, all of you!
Sonic: Look, CK. I've saved the day again! I'm sorry if the interview's a failure.
CK: You kidding me? I got this entire incident on tape--it's terrific footage! This will be the greatest edition ever made! I'll be famous!
Sonic: Well, thanks for the interview! You've made me famous again, too!
CK: Well, don't mention it. Thank you folks for watching this very special edition of "The Coolest Stars of Mobius"! I hope you have enjoyed it. Since this is so special, our station will be giving it a re-telecast tomorrow, so that those of you who missed it will be able to catch the action. Until then, this is Cuisinart King, your dearest reporter on CNN Mobius, signing off!
Editor's Notes:
First off, all the stuff with the audience reaction in the studio, Sonic coming on to "The Coolest Stars of Mobius" instead of "Sonic Talk" (even though Tails offered to put in a good word for Joshua with him! Guess it wasn't good enough, huh?) because he was paid more, and just in general ALL the stuff with mentioning the other reporters and bringing back in-jokes from earlier interviews was me. There is great in-joke potential with this interview series, and I like the continuity we already had from one show to the next, so I put in the other reporters and stuff to make that continuity even stronger. I figured, HEY, in a huge event like a meteor crashing into the ground, of COURSE all the reporters would be out there to cover it, don't be silly! Joshua's and Chaos Theory's lines--and CK's reaction-lines to them--were of course completely written by me, as those characters weren't even IN the original scene. But it would both make sense AND be funny for them to be there, so I put them there. Oh, and I described the SuperSonic changing sequence--as we all know, jumping into the air IS the last part of the process, but you have to get the Emeralds and Rings first! And I made the whole crashing-meteor sequence a bit more suspenseful, with Tails saying "I hope" and everyone BURSTING or RUNNING into the room, out of breath, instead of just kinda walking in, casually.
Other than that, it was just basically changing a word or phrase or two here and there, to make the grammar flow better and the sentences clearer, so they made more sense. And I have some nitpicks.
1. He sure likes the word "Yup".
2. He talks about the characters going on a picnic as if it is THE GREATEST THING EVER!! I mean, sure, picnics are nice and all, but he's like, "Well, we'll do this and this and this fun thing, and we might EVEN get to go on a PICNIC!" I'm not saying that's bad, I just kinda wonder why exactly a picnic is supposed to be so much more fun than, say, the Carnival Night Zone...
3. My BIGGEST nitpick with this interview/fanfic--so large that I changed it, in fact--is that originally the meteor was going to be hitting the planet EARTH--and then all of a sudden, we're in SANDOPOLIS watching it crash down! Okay, good call for an interesting location shot, to make the scene more dramatic, but Sandopolis is NOT ON EARTH!!! It is CLEARLY on the Floating Island, as anybody who has ever played "Sonic and Knuckles" knows. I am NOT saying he's stupid; I think he was tired or something when he wrote that and it just slipped his mind. Besides, it's a bit fuzzy as to whether the Sonic games take place on Earth or Mobius anyway--according to Sega of America, it's Mobius, but Sega of Japan doesn't even ACKNOWLEDGE the existence of the name "Mobius"! So for them, the Sonic games have always been on some weird sci-fi version of our own planet. What I'm saying is, I SUPPOSE we could go with the Japanese version and give CK the benefit of the doubt. But no matter WHAT planet it's above, Sandopolis is still on the Island not the planet proper.
My last big nitpick--Knuckles said that he and Tails would help Sonic and Robotnik stop the meteor--and then they just sat on their butts and did not do A SINGLE DARN THING! In fact, they weren't even MENTIONED again after everyone left the studio! Maybe they helped Sonic get the Emeralds and Rings while we weren't looking...? (Not to mention that since Sandopolis is part of the Floating Island, it should be Knux and the Chaotix who figure out a way to stop it, Knux being the Guardian and all that...)
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curious tourists have stopped by to have a chat with Sonic the Hedgehog since August 28, 1999. Of course, Robotnik "accidentally" blew them to smithereens with his laser blaster, but oh, well...