"A Brief Interview with the Sonic Underground"
By Joshua Knode
(The lights come up. Josh is standing just offstage as a spotlight opens on him. He waves a hand towards center stage.)
Josh: Ladies and gentlemen, the Sonic Underground!
(The lights open on Sonic, Sonia, and Manic. They begin playing to the tune of "A New Way to be Human" by Switchfoot.)
(Verse One)
Everyone wants the same thing,
Another Saturday morning show,
But Sonic shows can't all be the same,
We have something new to be offered,
But no-one seems to care,
They just want that other show back on the air,
(Bridge)
And nobody's watching,
They're missing out on the fun,
A new Sonic evolution
Has only begun!
(Chorus)
There's a new way to be Sonic,
Nothing you've ever seen,
New way to be Sonic.
(Verse Two)
And where is our inspiration?
When all the Freedom Fighters are gone,
I miss Bunnie and Rotor too.
But it's a rave to be noticed,
And it looks like we've won a place in DiC's hearts.
(Bridge)
And we just started our series,
So don't give up on us,
We got Knuckles to vouch for us,
So what's all the fuss?
(Chorus)
(Guitar Solo)
(Chorus Two)
And as we leave comfortable space,
We see all the Sonics have their own little place.
There's a new way to be Sonic,
A new way to be Sonic,
We're the new way to be Sonic,
New way to be Sonic!
Josh: All right! The Sonic Underground!
(Josh and the others take their places on the normal set.)
Josh: Great to have you all here, Sonic, Sonia, Manic.
Manic: And this time I'm not tearing up your set!
Josh: Good thing, too--sorry about last time, I just wasn't...well...
Sonic: Aware we existed?
Josh: Yeah, well...it happens. So, as I hear, Sonic--you're actually a "Zone Sonic"?
Sonic: In the Archie continuity I am, I'm part of another Zone and therefore not actually Sonic. But as far as SU goes, I'm the main man himself.
Jon: Lobo?
Josh: So, Sonia, I see you and Knuckles had a bit of a...thing...there...any comments?
Sonia: Well, it was just a passing fancy. Just kind of a crush, nothing serious. Like every girl, I get the occasional crush. (She grins and winks at Jon, who acts like he can't see it.)
Manic: She like has a crush on just about every other guy.
Sonia: I do NOT!
Sonic: Yeah, sis, only the ones who breathe.
Manic: And a few who don't!
(Manic and Sonic high-five each other, and Sonia promptly smacks Sonic on the back of the head.*)
Josh: You seem to go over a bit rough with the fans, either they like you or hate you with a passion.
Manic: Weird, huh?
Sonic: They just don't like anything that's different, and we're definitely that.
Josh: I think you're all cool, if my opinion matters.
Sonia: Oh, it does. What does that handsome piece of venison think?
Jon: I think I'd rather brush my teeth with a belt-sander than be caught anywhere near you!
Sonia: I'm starting to get the impression that you don't like me...
Jon: I've had PIMPLES I liked better than you!
Josh: Jon, please! I know you're not a fan but you don't have to be rude!
Sonia: (Shaken up) No, Josh, I want to know how Jon really feels about this.
Jon: (Almost tearing his hair out with frustration) You're not my type, okay?
Sonia: 'Kay. No biggie.
Josh: Well, that's all the time we have for--
Jon: WAIT a minute, that's IT?! You're not gonna cry or anything?
Sonia: Why should I? You're okay but not worth crying over.
Josh: I see we're just about out of--
Jon: C'mon, at least whimper a little.
Sonia: I'm kind of crying. See, there's a bit of a tear forming here.
Sonic: (Looking) Yeah, Jon, there's some serious tearage here.
Manic: Yeah, she looks really upset.
Jon: I'll take your word for it.
Josh: N-E-Ways, if you're all finished, it's time to go. Thanks to the Sonic Underground, tune in again when I interview the original Chao-lover herself, Tikal from Sonic Adventure! Be there!
*Editor's Note: If she hit him on the BACK of the head, then I assume she's spending the rest of the interview with blood coming out of numerous stab-wounds on her hand. Ya know, from the SPINES...Gee, Sonia is sure tougher than we thought...stupider, too, but tougher...;))
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tourists have stopped by to talk to the Sonic Underground since January 27, 2000. Of course, they were all blown away by Sonic's chili-dog breath, but hey...