The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: "Mass Transit Trouble"
Written by Ed Ferarra and Kevin Murphy
Reviewed by Chaos Theory T. Echidna
First of all, I must say that this episode was QUITE a bit better than the other two I've seen so far. It had a wide variety of settings and a large cast of characters to make things more interesting, some genuinely funny lines, and TWO plots going on at once for added complexity. But I shouldn't be that surprised--after all, I don't know who Ed Ferarra is, but Kevin Murphy? I'm pretty sure I've seen that name on books before but I could be wrong. And speaking of familiar names, I KNOW that Bob Forward, who wrote the previous episode I reviewed, "Attack on Pinball Fortress" used to write practically ALL of the Legend of Zelda cartoons (!) and he ALSO wrote some of the Dungeons and Dragons cartoons from the early '80s! This guy gets around...
ANYway, on into the actual episode, right? Right.
We start with a dramatic, lightning-lit scene of some walruses or seals or whatever they are sailing the high seas in a nasty storm. They are worried--well, actually, only that wussy (and annoying) junior sailor is worried--that they will crash into the icebergs, when who should appear but ta-da-da-da--Sonic and Tails! Of course. And I suppose I should stop being freaked by Sonic's wearing clothes; it seems that in THIS cartoon he does it all the time, whenever he wants to. Here both he and Tails are wearing FULL sailor outfits--meaning a shirt--and actual PANTS! (? Bet you'll never see THAT anywhere else, except for a fan-artwork drawing...) They come on board and offer to help, but just then the light from Light House One goes out and they can no longer see the iceberg! "WE'RE DOOMED!!" Yeah right.
As the Major Wuss Sailor puts the anchor down and smushes everyone into the glass at the front of the cockpit, Sonic and Tails do their tricks (Sonic can somehow run across water....um....uh....since when?!) and get to the lighthouse, where they find that the keeper of Lighthouse One, a Scottish--what is he, a turkey? Something like that--bird of some kind, has been tied up and is cursing and threatening one of Robotnik's robots.
No, it's not Scratch or Grounder. Meet--unfortunately--"Coconuts", the REALLY biggest annoyance on the show. GOD he gets on my nerves. Scratch and Grounder are almost preferable to him. In fact, the more S&G beat up Coconuts 'cos they get mad at him, the better, in my opinion. I don't know what it is exactly, but EVERYTHING about this screeching, frowning, ugly, lightbulb-head, robotic MONKEY BOY grates majorly on my nerves! Even more unfortunately, he had a large part in this episode and a large part in the one after it, so it looks as if he's a major character, not a one-shot, and he's here to stay. UGH.
Anyway, the lighthouse Keeper is sitting there trying to show just how stupid and stereotyped of a Scottish accent he can do when Sonic comes in and does one that's even WORSE as he knocks Jojo the Monkey-Boy's block off with a golf ball, of all things. Then he frees the keeper and ties up Monkey-Boy as Tails flies in, just in time to hear the emergency message coming in over the radio.
A high-pitched, squeaky woman's voice with a baby-doll accent says she's at the Mobius Airport and needs major help, so of course Sonic and Tails come rushing over there to help. (Geez, doesn't this entire planet have any OTHER heroes?!) After they leave, Monkey-Boy frees himself and attacks the keeper again...
Upon arrival, they see that the squeaky voice belongs to a stewardess--a white CAT lady (WHOO-HOO! She could'a been drawn a bit better, though, but stil...CATS RULE!) with a rather retro-'40s/WWII look to her for some reason. I ain't complaining, though, I kinda liked it. (Yellow just-above-the-knee dress with straps, matching boots, matching TOTALLY '40s-style airline hat with wing-pin, and pouty lips with bright red lipstick.) She tells Sonic that one of Robotnik's bunch is making trouble--one of the planes is out of fuel (I wasn't aware that "out of fuel" meant the same thing as FALLING APART, but hey...), and while he efficiently handles it as always, she GUSHES over him. "Oooooh!" (squeak) "He's so fast, and so smart, and so HANDSOME!" Then Tails says what we were probably all thinking by now: "Make me barf!" But the next line is kinda sadly telling: "Can't you see Sonic's way too busy? He doesn't have time for mushy stuff!" Hmmmn....Sega's reasoning? The perfect summary of why they will probably NEVER allow Sonic and Sally to actually get married in the comic books, perhaps? Makes ya wonder, doesn't it? And speaking of Sally--what is WITH these women of different species throwing themselves at him?! Interesting...
And then another interesting thing happens--Sonic actually gets tired! He's weary and panting when yet ANOTHER distress call comes in--from a slow, laaaaid-bayack.....Southe'n accay-ant.....saying that now there's trouble from robots at the TRAIN yard! And if that wasn't bad enough, it's all the way on the other side of Mobius!
But Sonic, being who he is, manages to get there even though he's tired. Then, while the conductor, a grizzled old tortoise who speaks just as slowly as his species' reputation, explains the situation--three trains are going to collide in one spot--to Tails at great length, Sonic solves the problem somehow while we weren't looking--by making the train-tracks all LOOP into the air. Huh? Well, whatever...
"So...can ye hep us, sooonnnn...?" asks the Tortoise, AFTER he's already solved the problem.
"I'll see what I can do." Sonic says, VERY sarcastically. Good Line #1...
And then, Sonic goes into another room in the switching-house and flops down in a big comfy black leather chair to rest, as he is REALLY tired by now. Cue Robotnik.
The good doctor then explains, in deliciously snooty, over-exaggeratedly arrogant tones, that he has placed deadly fusion bombs in ALL THREE of Mobius's transportation centers--Lighthouse One, which controls the boats, the airport, and the "Infinite Point" railway station. At this point, Sonic says that this isn't so bad, and calms down Tails, telling him not to panic.
Not only that, Robotnik goes on, but he has tired out Sonic the Hedgehog by distracting him with his robots--whereas actually, the REAL problem was the bombs all along. And now they are all doomed in only five minutes, because not even Sonic can be in three places at once! BWAHAHAHAA!!!!
"What do we do now, Sonic?" asks Tails, frightened.
Sonic flicks the monitor screens off with a remote, flumps DEJECTEDLY even lower into his chair, looks over at Tails, and says, in a totally even, calm voice:
"NOW we panic."
I could have seen it coming, but that line made me CRACK UP! Not so much the line itself, but the WAY Sonic said it, flopping depressedly into the chair, turning off the remote with this resigned expression--it was great. That's one thing I've noticed about this cartoon in general--Sonic's face may be very simple, but it's expressive.
Well, they need to do a lot in a limited time, so Sonic starts off with the intelligent suggestion that they should look for the bomb that's right here, in the switching-house, first. Sonic zooms all over the place outside while Tails stays in that one room and finds the bomb under a coffee-table. (Not much of a hiding place.) Sonic then comes back in and freaks out when he sees it, and they try to get the detonator off of it. Another note here--Robotnik clearly said that they were FUSION bombs, but these things are ordinary old-fashioned dynamite! Still deadly, of course, but... Anyway, Sonic tugs on the thing as hard as he can, but it won't come loose. Tails, showing that he has become incredibly stupid all of a sudden, decides to WHACK IT WITH A HAMMER (!) but fortunately he misses and hits Sonic's foot instead. (Which is, oddly, flesh-coloured under the sneaker, instead of blue). Sonic then fixes his shoe INSTANTLY by whirling his foot around (handy talent, that) and comes up with another idea to defuse the bomb--he runs around the room really really fast until his sneakers are red-hot, then uses the heat to MELT through the wires.
Is it just me, or was that actually kinda clever?
Back to the ship briefly, to remind us that there ARE actually TWO plotlines in this episode, as the lighthouse is still dark, and the waves are ominously getting meaner...how much longer can that anchor hold? Hmmmn....
Sonic then gets back to the airport, where the cat-lady is STILL after him--she even gives him her PHONE-number! She also then lets him use her weapon detector. It can detect several different types of weapons, such as knives, guns, spitballs, and bombs. Wait a minute--SPITBALLS?! A throwaway line that just goes WHOOSH right over your head if you happen to turn your attention away at that moment, 'cos Sonic thinks nothing of it and doesn't call any extra attention to it. That's how you're SUPPOSED to do those types of gags, by the way. Comedy writers take note. Anyway, this ODD weapon detector can move by itself, fly, bend around weirdly, and barks, sniffs, and yips like a puppy-dog. (Sonic even talks to it as such. "Ya found somethin' boy?) First, when he tells it to find a bomb, it FLINGS him across the airport (Sonic kept yelling "Whoah!" like he was scared but actually, I think that looked kinda FUN) and into an empty seat on one of the airplanes. A stewardess's voice welcomes everybody to the flight and explains that today's in-flight movie will be "Invasion of the Colossal Celery People." "No, not a MOVIE bomb!" Sonic exasperatedly explains. GROAN......PUN TIME!!
The weapon detector, which now finally has its act together, finds the bomb under a chair at the control tower, and Sonic tucks it casually into his backpack WITHOUT DEFUSING IT (!) then wonders how he's going to get all the way around the planet to reach the lighthouse with only 15 seconds left to go! Answer? Don't go around--go THROUGH.
So Sonic does that--somehow magically avoiding getting burned to death by the planet's molten core (Mobius doesn't seem to HAVE one) and comes out the other side at the lighthouse. Back to the boat, that wussy sailor thinks they're finished and starts crying, while the Scottish lighthouse-keeper is writing his will with his foot. (His hands are tied up.) And here, if you listen carefully, you get ANOTHER interesting throw-away line: "And I leave all my kilts to my wife, 'cos she looks better in them than I do..." Funny! It pays to pay attention with THIS episode...
Well, Sonic finds the lighthouse bomb and stows it in his backpack, and says confidently, "There. I've got all three bombs, with five seconds to spare."
"WAIT a minute!" it finally occurs to him, "I'VE got ALL...THREE...BOMBS!!" So he runs out into the ocean to detonate them, getting back JUST in time. The explosion destroys the icebergs, ending the threat to the boat and solving BOTH problems at once.
And Sonic? He's sleepy. So very, very sleepy...he falls asleep IN THE OCEAN and would've drowned had Tails not been there. (If you've ever played any of the games, you KNOW Sonic and water don't mix.) Tails feels sorry for him (so do I! Sheesh!) and is Mucho Impressed as he takes him back to the boat and lays him down on a cot. Then, as Sonic snores on his back (wait a minute--wouldn't it be kinda UNCOMFORTABLE to sleep on top of spines?) Robotnik comes on the viewscreen to gloat some more. But Scratch and Grounder interrupt him, pointing out that, technically, um, there WERE no explosions...
"What?" says the irritated Robotnik when they first interrupt him. "Can't you see I'm speaking to a world population that will soon be forced to grovel at my feet?" Another great line...
All in all, a good episode. It had complexity, detail, lots of characters, colourful settings, clever thinking, funny jokes, and good dialogue. If only they could all be this way. Then maybe the fans wouldn't hate this cartoon so much. I mean, once you realise what it IS--not a serious saga, like SatAM, but a modern-day LOONY TOON--then you can accept it. And if the writing was always of this quality, it could be a funny cartoon and DECENT at the same time.
Unfortunately, as you'll see from my review of the NEXT episode...that isn't true...
And now for some random general observations:
1. Sonic has only ONE row of spines down his back instead of three like he's supposed to. Makes him look kinda like a shark with the dorsal fins. Actually I noticed this in the first episode but only thought to mention it now.
2. I am beginning to like Robotnik more and more--he had the most WONDERFULLY snooty lines in this episode, plus he says it all in this deep, projecting, per-fec-tly e-nun-ci-ate-d voice with a slight "uppah-clahss" British accent, so it's even FUNNIER. It looks as if they're writing him as a great comedy villian. Well, for now, anyway...I do realise that in SatAM there is NOTHING funny about him, but I'm sorry--Robotnik is a GOOFY villain in the games! He may be evil but he's sorta incompetent about it and fat, and has that overdone jokey egg-obsession thing--I hate to say it, but THIS is more the way I'VE always seen him! You can keep your one-robotic-armed usurper slave-making dictator...
3. Like I said, this is essentially a modern-day Loony-Toon, and I notice that they use classical music for the background at many intervals. Also very Loony-Toonish. Once you figure that out and accept it, then the crooked-lined buildings, weird, somehow...off...perspectives, and flat painted backgrounds make a bit more sense. They're trying for that artwork style as well as the humour style.
Anyway...stuff to think about!
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curious tourists have stopped by to read Chaos Theory's review of "Mass Transit Mayhem" since July 28, 1999. Of course, they were all run over by a speeding train.