--Alan -- Well, finally. ################################################### ElfQuiz: Death (The First Movie) Installment 7: The Most Likely Outcome... A parody By Alan ################################################### *** Scene 8: ...Is the Ironic One *** [EXT. a canyon on the outskirts of the desert. Skywise and Shenshen are walking through it. Every now and then, they hear a rumble, or see a shadow...] SKYWISE Shenshen? SHENSHEN Yes, Skywise? SKYWISE Do you ever get that feeling... deep in your soul...? SHENSHEN You mean...? SKYWISE What are you asking, Shenshen? SHENSHEN True... love...? SKYWISE Aaaggggghhhhh! No! SHENSHEN Sorry. I thought I should ask. SKYWISE Regardless of that... do you ever get that feeling... deep in your soul...? SHENSHEN This time _I_ will ask. What feeling? SKYWISE It certainly isn't the call to adventure. No, it's... SHENSHEN Uh-oh... SKYWISE It's... the profound, unshakable, intangible feeling... deep in your soul... [Pause. Skywise slowly turns around.] SKYWISE ...that you're being _watched_! [He glares into the darkness. A crowd of elves--yes, our Sorrow's End friends--disappears into the shadows.] SHENSHEN Well... sometimes. How about you? [He looks at her once more.] SKYWISE Well, Shenshen, I sometimes feel that way too. In fact... I do... [He looks back in anger.] SKYWISE ...right about _now_! [They vanish yet again.] SHENSHEN Funny how these things happen... [Skywise gives up, and sets on the trail once again.] SKYWISE Yes. It is funny. In fact, I'm about to die from laughing. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. SHENSHEN I agree. It is funny when you think about it. SKYWISE From a certain perspective, maybe. SHENSHEN A certain perspective... yes... SKYWISE But not _my_ perspective! *** [INT. just outside the Blue Mountain throne room. Aroree is leading Cutter and his family to Voll.] AROREE Listen... I'm sorry about the awkward way in which we met. CUTTER I'll bet she is. EMBER I bet you are. AROREE If I had to do it over-- LEETAH Then you'd probably try to steal Cutter! [Cutter's eyes open wide.] CUTTER Really?! LEETAH Not that I like you or anything. EMBER How sad! C'mon, Mother. Admit it. You love him. LEETAH Hardly! As if I could ever love a pervert like him. AROREE You're a pervert? CUTTER No. I only wish I were. EMBER Well, that's really too bad, Mother. Because I _love_ my daddy! [Ember falls all over Cutter.] CUTTER Aaarrrraaaagghhh! AROREE Ah... Calm down, all of you. We have arrived at his throne. [Silently, all four approach the Gliders' leader.] VOLL Welcome, Wolfriders and friends. You may freely go about Blue Mountain. CUTTER Thank you, Lord Vollu. AROREE [whisper] It's Voll, not Vollu. CUTTER [whisper] Sorry. CUTTER Thank you, Lord _Voll_. LEETAH Yes. All of us are very thankful, good sir. EMBER Cut to the chase! [Everyone stares at her.] EMBER What? I'm gonna tell him exactly what we want. CUTTER Uh-oh. LEETAH Someone stop her! AROREE Oh, relax. It's not as if she could harm Lord Voll. [Ember wrings Voll's neck.] AROREE Aaaaaaiiiiiieeeeee!! EMBER Tell me... VOLL [hoarse ] Tell you...? EMBER Yes! VOLL Oh. [Pause.] VOLL What do you want to know? EMBER ... LEETAH Let me put a stop to this. [She pulls Ember away.] CUTTER Sorry, Aroree. Sorry, Lord Voll. LEETAH We are all--ouch!--quite sorry. VOLL That's fine. I probably didn't have the information she was looking for. AROREE Ah... [Aroree faints.] CUTTER Uh-oh. VOLL She'll recover quickly. Now... just one thing... [As Leetah sets Ember down, Voll issues a deep, serious statement.] VOLL Beware the woman in black! [Pause.] LEETAH Huh? VOLL You heard me. Beware the woman in black. LEETAH And that would be...? VOLL Winnowill. CUTTER So... if we meet up with this Winnowill... we should... VOLL Beware of her. [Cutter faints.] LEETAH He'll recover quickly. VOLL Good. And just so you know... she will be wearing black. EMBER Thank you! *** [INT. Winnowill's lab. It's dark, musty, and filled with flasks of colorful chemicals. It is, however, not the distant future.] WINNOWILL Yes... yes! Ha ha ha ha ha!! I certainly am evil. [She hits a switch.] WINNOWILL Tyldak! Come here, I need you. [Having been summoned, he enters. Looking embarrassed, Tyldak aimlessly looks around the room for a moment.] WINNOWILL I believe it is time... to use the "laser." TYLDAK That is positively silly. WINNOWILL Stop stating your baseless opinions and listen to me. We must use the laser now! It will summon the Wolfriders, and they will fall right into our clutches. TYLDAK What's that supposed to mean? WINNOWILL It means that we will win! We are evil! Evil! TYLDAK Besides that. WINNOWILL My, my. You certainly are trying my patience today. Just for that, I'll have you activate the laser. TYLDAK Whatever. [He walks over to an arcade-machine-size machine. Without a second thought, Tyldak hits the red button.] WINNOWILL There, there! It's done! TYLDAK Oh. This should be good. WINNOWILL Tyldak, you fool! It will not be good at all. It will be evil. TYLDAK Of course. WINNOWILL Now... so you can fully appreciate the depths of my evil plan... I will show you what has happened! Ha ha ha hah ha ha ha ha ha!! [CUT to an exterior view of Blue Mountain. Through a large crack in the rocks, a light shines. The light reaches into the sky. Against the yellow moon, we see a wolf's head, lighting up the night...] *** [INT. Blue Mountain. Cutter and Leetah are walking near Egg, and Ember is following them. Suddenly, Cutter turns toward Leetah.] CUTTER Leetah? LEETAH Cutter? CUTTER What do you say... LEETAH Uh-oh... EMBER Let me hear! I'm interested! CUTTER Not now, Ember! Leetah... I... I... EMBER Say it. You want her. You've never felt this way about anyone else. You want to do such-and- such with her! LEETAH ... CUTTER Leetah... I want to go... out with you! [Pause. Thunder claps, and all the characters freeze.] LEETAH Cutter... CUTTER Will you? LEETAH Go out... where? CUTTER Aaaarrrrrrraaaaarrrrrggggghhh!! -- To be continued in... Installment 8: Curses, Curses / Foiled Again Please send any and all e-mail to . I appreciate your help. -Alan (February 1, 2000) Elfquest site: eq_addiction.tripod.com Nega-Hell: fanficoutlet.tripod.com/negahell Anime humor: members.xoom.com/ChrOtaku "Elfquest" and everything related to it are copyright 1978-2000 Warp Graphics. Feel free to distribute this fanfic, but don't remove my name from it. "So which one's really better -- wolves in sheep's clothing, or wolves who look like wolves?"