Two turns came and went, and the Recognition of Cutter and Leetah was fulfilled, in spite of their own efforts. She gave birth to triplets one evening. They were soon named Ember, Suntop, and Quickblade.
Five turns later, Strongbow happened to be on patrol near the north side of Sorrow's End, and he saw something worth sending home about. He mentally told the Wolfriders, **Everyone should come here to the cliffs, and come now. This is just what I've always wanted. We are going to have some fun tonight!** Needless to say, he kept his message short, and vague on purpose.
The Wolfriders responded! Mounting their respective wolves and dashing toward the north end - from whence they had come - they nearly piled on top of each other when they could see what Strongbow saw. At the foot of the cliffs were four humans, two male, two female, and all dressed in rags. Treestump, the unofficial keeper of nostalgia, recalled the humans' faces well, and he waved to them. Though the huddled mass (if four is a mass) was still shaking and shivering, Ember called out to them, "Why, hellooooah! We're the welcoming committee. You have reached Sorrow's End."
Not only did the elves' language completely escape the humans, they just didn't get it when the elves made a joke. One male fell to his knees and screeched, "Oh, no! Help us, don't do anything bad to us! I... I am Tabak, and this is Lefetha, and this is Oarken, and this is Jirian... and we are humans." The ex-hunter felt an anime-style sweat drop overtaking him.
Trying to reply in the Gotarians' language, Cutter stated, "You people also idiots. Do you even with your feeble minds think, we would let you in our village?" He nearly choked on the gutteral words, for the chief was out of practice.
Lefetha, the curiously tolerant wife of Oarken, confessed, "That's not our intention... But I'm really, really sorry, because though I tried my best to raise little Hoodbearer in the 'way' [Author's Note: That is, the "whenever" of human thought.] of the humans, she just up and left us for no reason," she said, quietly wringing her hands.
The name the human had mentioned immediately got the attention of Clearbrook. Though the notorious addict knew little of the human language, she set her thoughts of fury into action: "YOU will not break our vow of silence! My daughter will remain dead for all I am concerned, no thanks to you!" She didn't care if Lefetha had understood her or not. Clearbrook began to break down again, which was a good sign that she was still high. According to the Wolfrider Dreamberry-vine, her first two albums had been written and recorded while she was mentally out, and they certainly did sound that way. The mother had no reason to care for the long-lost cub.
"Anyway..." noted Cutter, "I think I've changed my mind. If you want to stop by for a drink, we'd be more than willing, 'cause we all need something strong right about now."
Suddenly, the humans stopped misinterpreting. All four followed a pack of Wolfriders into the Sun Folk Training Hut, which happened to be the best place in the area for elven booze. However, just as Cutter was about to follow them, he was interrupted by Strongbow, who sent, **You're sure that we want drunk humans around? Our alcohol just might kill them!** The still-sober archer looked at his chief with disdain.
Cutter replied with a simple, "No matter!" and ran after the crowd.
***
Less than an hour later, the mood of the situation had turned on its head. Skywise, for one,
was wasted, and he was already starting to babble. "But as I always say... never talk about
politics, religion, or females, 'less they're drunk too," he lied.
Oarken sat just across the table from the elf. The scientist mumbled, "Right, right," and took the head off his beverage.
His wifemate, who was standing by in her casual way, spoke up: "Actually, we've got some pretty solid ideas about our world view. The whole Gotara-as-lord-of-the-bears is a somewhat extant and rather disturbing theological scenario. In our wanderings, we've had time to think it all over, and if you're willing to hear out our conclusions..."
Though Treestump wasn't as far gone as some of the others, he managed to recall something that he would normally have not even brought up. "Yeah, I recall that one time,", he said in the human language, "Ol' Eward got on the whole bear getup, and it sure as anythin' didn't help him. Those were the days, or nights, or whatever."
Strongbow was among the bar crowd as well. He hadn't had anything, for he was acting as the designated wolf-rider. **That's not entirely true. Some cub almost got a potshot on Bearclaw,** he reminded Treestump.
Unexpectedly angry, and grumbling to himself, Dewshine's father walked out. **No need to remind me,** he shot at the archer as he left.
"What was that about?" asked Tabak, who had only heard half the conversation from his table.
Cutter looked over at the once-cool hunter and replied, "It's, as we say, elfsonal." He turned to Moonshade and added, "By the way, could you get me another beer?"
Then and there, the tanner froze up, and almost dropped her tray. She cautiously moved over to Cutter and whispered, "I hate to say this... but there is no more beer." Moonshade then glanced around to check if a certain someone had heard.
Just as Cutter thought, There is going to be trouble, it came. As the elves had feared, Woodlock overheard the remark. He exploded, and began fuming like an elf insane. Stepping down from his bar stool, he started stomping around the room and screaming, "No beer! No beer!" over and over again.
Once again, Oarken looked up. "This could be a problem," he said rather woozily, "Maybe we should get out of here."
Too drunk to refute his authority, the other three humans followed suit in leaving the mock bar. Jirian, who had unwittingly changed outfits, wondered, "Where to now?" Amazingly, she and Tabak actually looked at each other - something they avoided doing while sober.
"At this rate, maybe our old home is safer," figured Lefetha, shrugging.
***
For two days, they had been crying for the swamp. Rain and Redlance had fulfilled their
obligations to Foxfur, and now the two were able to search for the long-departed Wolfriders.
A reliable source told them that their tribemates had gone through the old troll caves, and
so they chose to follow up on that lead. But the swamp that marked the other side of the
mountains was long, and arduous, and now even they were wondering if it were not a desert
after all.
As the two elves journeyed what should have been south, they came upon a strange sight. Four humans were coming their way. As soon as Redlance recognized them, and told Rain who they were, the healer's hood nearly fell off. He blurted to Redlance, "I think I'll let you ask this time. Just remember!"
The responsible tree-shaper Redlance did, and he asked the rapidly approaching humans in his most cautious Human, "Why are you going back? Is there something, something bad, ahead?"
Tabak was the first to see just who was speaking. His jaw immediately hit the ground. Struck speechless, he gestured to the others to move ahead. None of the others spoke, and all four were on their way within moments.
"Hmmmmm..." thought Rain after the humans left, "So if they fled from what lies ahead, what could it mean for us?" he wondered aloud, for he sure didn't know.
Now Redlance was steamed. He was ready to scream, even to attack Rain. Yet he clenched his fists and growled, "This is the best lead yet. I say we TAKE IT!"
And thus the two fugitive Wolfriders continued through the lonely desert/swamp for a little while longer...
***
As Woodlock's fury turned into a rampage, all the other Wolfriders sped out of the Training Hut.
They knew better - that he would return to normal in a few hours, but until then, evasion was
the best policy. Too bad for the Sun Folk. Ignorance was not bliss for them.
"Aughhh!" screeched Adja, "Somebody stop him! Aren't we the Sun Folk Defense Committee?" he shouted at an eight of part-time gardeners.
Just as Woodlock crushed another chair into scrap metal, the Sun Folk Defense Committee lined up and intoned, "Yes, and we pledge our allegiance to Savah the Mother of Memory and to Sun-Toucher the blah blah blah..."
Zhantee was among the Sun Folk present, but he had not conformed to the idiocy of the Committee. Instead of standing around, he attempted to sneak up behind the infuriated one. Unluckily, he missed his attack, and the Wolfrider shoved him aside - right into the bar - all the while shouting, "No beer! No beer! No..."
***
All the other elves about town gathered together in their now-traditional meeting cave. This
meeting took longer than most, for the matters of human infestation and elven insanity could
not be solved with even a net the size of the World of Two Moons. Savah was there - a true
sign that things were awry - and she told the tribe, "At least we're not the only elves in
this world. I have actually established communication with a tribe which lives underneath
the village- -"
Her statement came to a sudden end, for more than a few Wolfriders were absolutely alarmed by this news. One-Eye, for one, declared, "We never asked, and you never wanted to tell us, right?" He hated not finding out about things on time.
"In one sense, yes," Savah said in an overly sweet voice, "But there is a good reason. The tribe has issued numerous threats of death and destruction to us. Fortunately, there is no way to get underground, or for them to get up here. So when one puts two and two together..."
Though One-Eye was put off by the expression, he set the matter aside, and continued to complain to himself. But Treestump, always the exception to the rule, remarked, "Are there any decent, normal elves out there? Anyone who wouldn't want to kill us?" He recalled the turns when they were pretty sure that they were alone. Those nights had been good.
Savah, being the leading authority on the issue, replied, "I really don't know. I've been researching it, and I'm almost sure that if you backtracked to your original 'holt' and kept going in the same direction, you would find some. However, it's a long-distance going-out, so it's hard to say," she mentioned apologetically.
An inspiration hit Cutter like a mallet. "Someone could investigate!" he exclaimed, suddenly grinning and bouncing.
Skywise knew where it went from there. He commented, "'Someone' means you... and probably me, right? Don't worry, I don't mind much, really. I would only be leaving my three 'good Sun Folk friends' behind."
"Well... actually..." realized Cutter, slowly coming to his senses, "I should probably ask Leetah first. I'll do it... tonight."
Next up: TAL 2, Chapter 2: The Trouble with Woodlock (The Falling Rain)
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This is a not-for-profit fan site, and is not endorsed by a person, company, or entity mentioned within. _Elfquest_, its characters, etc. are copyright 1978-1998 Warp Graphics. "The ElfQuiz Parody" is a satire thereof by John Alan "Merejez" Riggs, and should not be misconstrued as an actual creation of Warp Graphics or its employees. I hereby claim no copyrights. All other titles/references within are the copyrights of their respective creator(s)/owner(s). Any resemblance between characters and any actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. This page was last updated March 26, 1998. Hope is eternal.