For those who are not into Wolfrider lore, it is common knowledge that even if a forest is dangerous or unpleasant, one can only go halfway into it. The journey out the other half will always seem easy by comparison. That is why Woodlock, less than a day into the woods, remarked, "I hope that this is not a very large place." He was scared, though the others had not yet noticed the horror that awaited them.
Cutter turned, stared warily at him, and asked, "Why's that?"
Pointing out the battle regiment of heavily armed animals in front of them, Woodlock mentioned, "Well, have you seen giant squirrels before?" All the evil creatures held massive spears in their paws, and they appeared to be chattering some sort of battle cry.
They had not seen anything of the sort before. Skywise immediately ran for cover, while Cutter brandished the newly repaired Noon Mew and screamed something about bringing the walls down and Mantheren and the usual mindless garbage he spouted. So it was that in a rather awkward way, a battle began.
The B10C charged forward on Nightrunner, practically causing the wolf to have at least one heart attack. He knocked over three of the squirrel warriors, but the others came to their comrades' aid. When Woodlock saw how badly the battle was starting, he started screaming and throwing sticks at the squirrel assailants. No, things were not in the elves' favor, but then another player entered the scene. A small, sword-bearing mammal - perhaps a ravvit - dashed in and tore several dozen uber-squirrels to pieces. But the army was not yet broken, for two squirrel soldiers knocked Cutter into la-la-land, and dragged him off stage north. Woodlock could only watch as the smoke cleared...
***
"Good morning, bird spirit," a human voice sounded. Cutter, not feeling
quite like himself, opened his eyes. Indeed, two humans were standing over him, one male,
one female. Oddly, a female elf was half-standing behind them. But the human woman
smiled like an obnoxious stewardess and cooed, "Why is it that you have been
brought to us, since we are mere humans?"
Apparently, they were expecting an answer. "I have no clue what you're talking about. Might you be related to a certain human named Tabak?" Cutter asked in his best Human - albeit absent-mindedly.
The male human replied in a refreshingly somber voice, "I've heard the name, but I wouldn't be able to tell you where he is. Tabak's tribe and my own have conflicted over - ahem - several issues, so we don't keep good contact." This person, unlike so many others, knew what he was talking about.
The human woman continued, "Still, you were with other bird spirits - the squirrels told us that. Where might they be now?" It was just a little ironic that two elves were in hearing range when she asked this.
Now Cutter was unhappy. "What?! You don't know?" he yelled, demanding satisfaction.
The other elf in the room spoke up, commenting in a rough female voice, "I've seen them around, though no one bothered to ask me. Well, they're probably together, and safe, and they might be looking for you now." From what Cutter could see, she was dressed in an uncannily plain dress with a hood built into it.
***
I don't like this place... thought Skywise - with good reason. He had made his way
back to where Woodlock waited. According to his traveling companion, the squirrels had left because
they had sighted some birdfeeders - a most effective distraction.
Now that they were a little less freaked out, they decided to search
for Cutter. Along the way, though, they spotted a shadow among the trees - and it wasn't a squirrel.
Skywise looked again, and instantly he knew what the shadow was. "NO WAY - I don't believe this!" he shouted, "It's Madcoil! All over again! Just when I thought he was dead- -"
Then they had reason to panic, for from out of the woods behind them came a familiar voice - the voice of Foxfur. She called out to them, "Yes, Skywise, lots of surprises await you. Good thing we happened to show up." Foxfur, Stormie, and Dobil ambled, dashed, and staggered (in that order) over to where the two male Wolfriders were.
There was only a moment to assemble for combat before Madcoil II came into full view. This new and improved beast had the same tough hide, black-sending powers, and long nasty fangs as the previous model, plus it was painted in a revolting orange color - the same hue you might see on the back of a record case. Despite its comical appearance, Madcoil II hissed menacingly.
The battle commenced! As Stormie and Woodlock hit hard with their long-range stone throwing skills, Foxfur and Skywise came at the monster from opposite angles - after all, they couldn't stand to stand near each other. What did Dobil do? Not much, for though he was of the tribe that had been called the Go-Backs, he didn't fit into any culture that demanded fighting ability. All he could do was taunt the rapidly approaching Madcoil II. Yes, Foxfur used her vicious leaping attack, but she couldn't quite reach the monster's eye. It was not looking good.
All of a sudden - and later sources would claim "gamemaster intervention" on this one - the shapes of two elves appeared from the forest behind them. No one got a good luck at this odd duo, but within two rounds of combat, they had ripped BOTH of Madcoil II's eyes out. They left the scene just as the creature fell to the ground.
After catching his breath, Woodlock wondered, "Who, or what, were they??"
"Don't worry," Foxfur suggested, walking over to him and making sure he didn't collapse, "They're not related to you." She flashed a look of assurance to Dobil, and put her sword away.
***
Now that Cutter could get out of bed, he had a clear view of the humans' house. It was built of wood
stacked neatly together. Each log had a word inscribed on it: Lincoln. Ignoring this
uninterpretable message, Cutter asked the ones who had healed him, "Could you give me your
names?"
They did, each in turn. Apparently, the male human was Adar, the female human was Nonna, and the strange young elf was Hoodbearer. Cutter was just about to ask about that oddly familiar name when he heard a knock. Someone was trying to break down the Lincoln logs. The humans also realized that a robbery was in progress, for Nonna ran over to the opposite corner of the house and grabbed a short sword. Adar began to brace the wall. Curiously, Hoodbearer did nothing but sit down.
"Ayooah!" screamed Stormie as half the wall literally vanished. Skywise, Foxfur, and even Woodlock charged right through the hole, into the house. Stormie had to lead Dobil in, but he came in his own time.
Seeing that Cutter wasn't moving anywhere fast, Skywise blurted, "I'm Skywise the Wolfrider, and I'm here to help you!" He looked around the house, but everything - including the unconscious Adar - was still.
The chief stared at Skywise and commented, "Whoa! Deja vu!" [Yes, yes, I stole this from VeggieTales, but only for the sake of promotion. Sorry.]
Right about then, Nonna was ready to throw a fit. "Hello, Hoodbearer, are you going to do anything?" she asked of her adopted daughter.
Bearing a somber, menacing look, Hoodbearer told Nonna, "Why should I? You kept me from my own kind for so long... what do you mean to me? I see no reason why elves should not do it unto humans before humans do it unto us." Standing up, she produced a needle-sharp dagger.
A bit alarmed by her violent side, Cutter mentally suggested, **Don't kill them yet. I have good reason to trust these humans.** He looked into the eyes of his fellow elves - now they were listening.
"What reason's that?" Dobil demanded, bluntly suspicious.
Though ready to shoot down the "Go-Back," Cutter sent again, **They know about character contracts. Let me explain this to all of you...**
***
Ever since Rayek's birth, things in Sorrow's End had been a little rocky. There were mysterious happenings, secrets left unrevealed, and an awful lot of stuff that no one liked talking about. The fears of many Sun Villagers were confirmed when Ahdri gave a report that Savah had "...gone out, and has not come back yet. She may have been hung up on..."
Suntop, for one, had seen it coming. One of the things the cub did in his spare time was to compile an analysis of Cutter, Skywise, and Woodlock's quest. He assembled transcripts of verbal and sent reports from Savah, and had arranged a studio for himself in Leetah's basement. Within the last moon, the messages he got from her had become more strange and nebulous. There were mentions of elves acting like trolls, squirrel rampages, and a duo of bizarre humans. When Savah's long-distance sending connection to the quest finally got hung up on, Suntop nearly lost it. He gave most of his reports to Ember's wolf cub Choplicker, who promptly ate them. The rest ended up in Quickblade's hands, and instantly experienced a much worse fate. Suntop knew that curing Savah's hang-up state would take time, and work, and drastic action... and someone else.
Some nights later, Suntop came before the remaining Wolfriders and presented his case. He suggested that all the able-bodied Wolfriders leave Sorrow's End, find Cutter and the others, and work out a solution with them. "It's probably less expensive - and safer - than long-distance sending on our own," he said to the crowd, "And it'll bring us together. The problem is..."
Ember immediately filled in the answer for her twin brother, "...that we might not work it out, even together. Yeah, and not only that, but a certain Sun Folk will complain. Adja might be chairelf of the Sun Folk Defense Committee, but they haven't done anything since they gave up on Rayek." The cub sat down on the remains of a dreamberry bush and began whispering her problems to Choplicker.
At this point, they were pretty much all stumped. Therefore, only Treestump could help. "Maybe we should appease Adja and friends. Let a healer and/or a warrior, since they lack both, stay and help them," he suggested.
"It's not going to be ME!" declared an already indignant Rain. He was not only bruised and beaten from his fight with Strongbow, but a tour of Sorrow's End had gone sour when a zwoot took a liking to him.
Though Redlance gave Rain the look of instant death, he was still ready and willing to provide suggestions. "Let's do this on a volunteer basis. If there's more than one, we'll decide the winner by chance. So, whoever wants to, put your hands up," Redlance boldly suggested.
Only two young, nervous hands were raised. They belonged to Scouter and Dart, the only Wolfriders who had failed Social Life 101. Dart was a blatant nerd if there ever were one, and Dewshine had dumped her lovemate after he started hyping Geocities. And so the other sixteen Wolfriders took a vote on which one would stay, but it split perfectly even. A debate between parents broke out...
**My cub will not stay in this swamp pit of a village,** Strongbow rudely sent, **On the other hand, he won't survive five minutes outside of it.**
One-Eye grunted, "Hummmph. Have it your way - both Scouter and Dart stay. Alrighty then, cub, you'd better get these morons off their behinds. Go for the gopher and be the very first Cub Scouter."
Needless to say, Scouter was devastated. His free will had been destroyed in a minute - and his sire's puns were more brutal than ever. He silently acknowleded this. Dart, however, didn't appear to care either way.
Rainsong reminded the pained youth, "My cubs and I are staying behind. Don't feel all that bad," she suggested.
But it was too late. Rainsong's family included one of the strangest Wolfrider females of all time - snd that was a HARD record to set - Newstar. Wisely, Scouter did not anticipate that they would get along.
What's next? Chapter Four: It Takes More Than a Village (Feeling Lost?).
Just another small house in Geocities
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This is a not-for-profit fan page, and is not endorsed by any person, company, or entity mentioned within. _Elfquest_, its characters, et al. are copyright 1978-1998 Warp Graphics. _Usagi Yojimbo_ is the copyright of Stan Sakai and others that own the propery. _VeggieTales_ is copyright 1994-1998 Big Idea Productions. Geocities is a copyright of its webmaster(s). "The ElfQuiz Parody" is a satire thereof, and should not be misconstrued as an actual work of Warp Graphics or its employees. No copyrights are claimed. This page was last updated, by John Alan "Merejez" Riggs, on March 30, 1998. Sorry about the missed "strong" tag - it's been corrected. Happy with Hoodbearer?