--Alan -- My 'fic will go on! A chapter in which hardly anything happens... ###################################################################### The ElfQuiz Parody: The Revisionist History TAL 4: Test Send Chapter 2: The Word for Pain ###################################################################### FOREWORD: There's good news. Though I posted on my site that the entries for the 'Quiz "Mystery Cub" contest had been deleted, I have recovered all these files. Therefore, if I decide to get around to a TAL 5, I'll still have some ideas to pick from. -- Twice, Savah blinked her eyes. Like a B-movie monster, she lifted herself off the stone table. "That's funny," she said softly, "I thought I was supposed to snap out of this a few chapters ago." Muttering a few vulgarities, she gazed around the room. To her surprise, there was another elf in the room - and he was out cold, just as she had been. "This is curious..." she openly thought, as she staggered over to the other stone table, little more than an arm's reach away. Staring through the dim, flickering light, she looked down at the other body... "Holy Yurek's elbow," she said, her jaw dropping, "It's Sun-Toucher." The Mother of Memory's eyes were bulging open as she looked over his comatose body. "And - wouldn't you know it - he's been divested of his clothing," she said, as a long, demonic smile came to her face. For a moment, Savah paused. "Regrettably," she said, casually looking down at herself, "I seem to be, as well. Well, let it never be said that I'm one to miss an opportunity." With that, Savah lifted her left hand up high. In a loud voice, she said, "Magical elf - transform!" She waited there, for a minute or more, wondering if sparkly stuff would come to dress her. But five minutes later, nothing had changed. "Drat," she grumbled. Left with no other options, the elf walked toward the sealed stone door of the room. Knocking on it with her right fist, she called out, "Ahdri? Ahdri? I'm going to need your assistance..." Though the Mother of Memory put her head close to the door, she heard no noises on the other side. She wondered, *** The time for lunch was over. Now the time had come for a calm, quiet afternoon. "Howdy-doo," Rayek said, lifting his right hand up as he walked through the doorway, "Well, Cutter, Leetah, things have gone from bad to worse. I've been busy in just the last few minutes. As my tribe was helping to finish up lunch duties for you, one of your comrades barged into the kitchen, chased our chef off to the trolls' caves, and managed to make a huge mess of everything." Catching his breath for a moment, the rock-shaper noticed that both elves' eyes were on him. He continued, "It seems that her lifemate has wandered off. I don't suppose I could convince you to give me any help?" Leetah stood beside her lifemate's bed. With the room still, she tapped her right foot on the floor twice. "Not presently," the Sun Folk said, glaring at her rival's face. At this, Rayek took one step forward. Still grinning, he said, "I didn't think that would be possible. That is why I've brought help. Meet the chief, activities consultant, and program director of the Go-Back tribe: Kahvi." He leered at Leetah, and took a quick glance toward the open door. "Greetings," said Kahvi, thundering through the door. The chief, etc. of the Go-Backs made quite an imposing figure. The ankle-length black cape on her back was stylish, the blood-red metal-plate armor on her torso was quite striking in the flat white light, the spikes protruding from her shoulder pads were definitely eye-appealing, and the thick, heavy boots on her feet added new definitions to her fashion sense. Cracking her knuckles, Kahvi asked, "Whose sorry behind do I kick first?" Quite suddenly, Leetah's face was overcome by a gargantuan smile. She giggled, "Ah... heh heh heh... I think I gotta go. Cutter, you better get dressed." She threw him a cheap tunic to wear over his hospital robe, and fled the scene. Slowly, Rayek shook his head in dismay. "My, my, my," he said, "How quickly things change. Cutter, I expect to see you quite soon. Well then, Kahvi, shall we go?" Smugly, he winked at his armored companion. Her face devoid of expression, Kahvi mechanically nodded in agreement. The two leaders left the room, but left Cutter staring at the clean white ceiling, trembling in fear. *** Foxfur and Rain, for possibly the first time in their lives, were peacefully standing near each other. Though they were in a small open field, with the artificial lights shining down on the knives held in their hands, the two were silent and still. "Uh-oh," Rain said, lifting his eyebrows, "Trouble's coming. I'd better get out of here. If you'll excuse me, Foxfur..." He took one step backward. Immediately, the slightly dIsTuRbEd elf thrust her knife towards Rain. She stopped only when she got within a finger's length of his neck. "No," she told him, "You're not getting out of this one. In fact," she said, now sounding oddly cheery, "I think you'd do well to let One-Eye have a few negotiations with you. You two go back a long while... indeed, I think I'd enjoy listening to your conversation!" She drew back her head and laughed deliriously. Rain thought, as One-Eye rushed toward him, carrying a much larger dagger already in his hands. *** Outside of Replica's End was a vast, sweeping landscape of ice, snow, and not much of anything else. It was a wasteland, with average temperatures in the "now that's just silly" range, and very little variance in barometric pressure. Even so, a few of the Go-Backs had to get outside every now and then. Dobil, Marcis, and Sezen, the unofficial Go-Back cousins, were wandering around in the white wilderness. They approached a large, black rock that was sitting in the middle of the landscape. "What an interesting rock," Marcis said, placing his left hand on his chin, "I wonder what sort of profit I could make from it?" "I'd suggest you forget about money for the moment," Sezen said, staring daggers at Marcis, "Because I hear voices coming from the other side of the rock." Standing close to the thing, he remained motionless, straining his ears to catch any sounds above the winds. Even Dobil waited, as two ugly, smelly, wolf-size mouse-like creatures came around the bend. "Oh, little elves," they called to the Go-Back cousins, "Would you care to join us for some tasty rutabagas?" One of the creatures chattered its teeth as it spoke. Sezen's eyes blinked when one of the creatures whispered, "Ixnay! Ixnay on the rutabagas! Mouse creatures don't eat that." Unlike his cousin, Dobil simply scratched his head. Staring at them, he asked, "What are you doing? I don't like the sound of this." The mouse creature sprang back. It screamed, "Hiss! They have discovered us, comrade! Let's run for it!" Immediately, the furry being took off on its small feet. "Should we let them go?" Marcis asked, looking over his cousins' faces, "Or should we introduce them to... Go-Back soup?" Dobil jumped straight up. "Yes!" he screamed. Half a split second later, the Go-Back ran after the mouse creatures. *** A day passed after the Wolfriders' fateful lunch. Going along with the law of improbability, something odd had to happen. To the elves' regret, it only took until midday for this breakdown. When all the blame was passed around years later, it came back to Kahvi, everyone's favorite scapegoat. She, of course, deserved it. "Come one, come all!" shouted Kahvi. Standing on a platform in the middle of Replica's End, she held a megaphone in her right hand, and had far less clothes on her body. "It's the annual Great Circle of Joining! One night only, cubs." Rayek, with Shenshen by his side, watched her in mute admiration. His mouth slack and agape, the rock-shaper said, "Aaaahhh... what a capable co-leader I have..." He toppled over, and his head harmlessly clunked to the ground. Shenshen glanced at him, and shook her head in dismay. "Jerk," she grumbled, "Someday he'll end up in a mate-abuse clinic, but I'll still end up going after him with an axe." Meanwhile, an aged elf entered the scene. He walked on half a wooden leg, and thus Shenshen turned her head when he approached. "You're late, Ekuar," she said calmly, "You were due for your first cameo yesterday." Shrugging, she ignored the fact that the same applied to her. "Sorry," Ekuar said, hobbling onward, "I got caught in traffic." Minutes later, the scene was packed with dozens of elves, Wolfriders as well as Go-Backs. The cubs had been sent to the only half-safe place: the caverns of the trolls. Looking over the assembly, Kahvi said, "Welcome, friends! For this special occasion, I've invited a few of my special friends. I hope you'll all give them a big welcome." At least one elven hand clapped, making a small sound. Several Go- Backs then appeared on top of one of the huts, illuminated by the troll-crafted lights above Replica's End. "Could I have your attention please?" one of the Go-Backs asked, "If the mike is on... I'm Vok, and this is my band. We are here to rock. Elves get ready, 'cause here we go!" he shouted. Suddenly, the public square was shaken by the thunderous, crashing sound of their instruments. The Wolfriders, some of whom were already settling down with their partners, started talking among themselves. Nightfall and Redlance were the first to leave. The others slowly followed them, in a stone-faced procession that went down the street. Kahvi, now quite alone, looked up at Vok and his group. Picking her spiked shoulder pads off the ground, she fitted them on herself. Slowly, she climbed up toward the roof of the building they were standing on. Facing the musicians, she charged toward them, screaming all the way... -- NOTES IN CLOSING: This is completely different from my original draft, which I have never posted on any Net site. Two scenes remain from that - but only in pieces. The way I look at this, however, is that this version is an improvement. Need something fun to do? Run this fanfic through a spellchecker. Wondering about Savah's revenge plot? Look through TAL 3 for a little episode concerning her and Sun-Toucher. PRETENTIOUS PREVIEW: Will the rat -- oops, mouse -- creatures return for another round? What's One-Eye's problem anyway? Why don't the trolls have more important roles? What have I done with Kahvi, and can it be undone? Whatever happened to Dart and Scouter? Why can't Vok get through a chapter without breaking a string on his guitar? None of these questions and more will be answered in... Chapter 3: The Flying Machine! -Alan "I know this thirst will not last long, that it will Soon drown in the song not sung in vain" (Rich Mullins, "Calling Out Your Name")