--Alan -- Only a few days late! Wow! ############################################ The ElfQuiz Parody: The Revisionist History Take-a-Look 4: Test Send Chapter 5: Invasion of Privacy ############################################ In the not-too-distant past, World of Two Moons; down in Deep 3-of-Eights, there was an elf named Rayek... not too different from you or me. He worked to get Leetah back. Just a regular guy in a red tunic, did a great job with philosophy. But Winnowill really liked him, so she let him into the future! "HIGH ONES!!!" *** And now back to our regularly scheduled fanfic. *** "It was a dark and Stormie night. Suddenly, an elf screamed! A pirate ship appeared on the horizon!" The young Go-Backs were not impressed by Redlance's story, as evidenced by their not being present while he was telling it. Only Ember and Suntop stayed, for they were used to the tree-shaper's slow, thorough style of narrative. Ten minutes after Redlance began the telling, Cutter's cubs were already falling over from laughing. "...and the monster was not there! Could it have disappeared? Could it be behind the tree? Could it be hiding under the hut? Could it be lying down on the grassy knoll? Could it... possibly... be HERE?" Redlance slammed the book, and shouted, "Raaar!" Even as Ember and Suntop screamed right along, two young Go-Backs peeked out from behind a corner. They blinked twice, and walked back to their rooms. With a sigh, Redlance stood up. "Cubs these days," he whispered, "All they do is use their video game systems." An instant later, though, there was a knock at the door. The pizza, it seemed, was here. "This could be trouble," Ember said, looking Redlance in the eye, "but I say we let her in." *** Guttlebutt, mysterious half-troll, arrived at the back door of Santaclaus' hut just in time. He unlocked the door, dragged his cargo in, and shut the piece of wood behind him. In that instant, his glasses fogged up. "Dung. This could take a while," he muttered to himself. Meanwhile, on the other side of the building, Rayek stood in front of his numerous traveling companions. He looked at his flying machine, with cold, yellow, uncaring, listless eyes. The vehicle was spherical in shape, yet bore spikes protruding on every side. He had found it in the form of an ordinary-looking treewee some turns ago, and raised it up like a child. Ekuar had helped by watering the treewee/vehicle every day. Now, in their time of need, "Dyo-er-vi" was mature enough to change forms at Rayek's command. Or so he thought. The crowd of elves waited, once again shivering from the cold weather, as Rayek shouted at Dyo-er- vi. "We need you to transform now!" he told the thing, "What are you waiting for?" "I believe it's time to implement your new plan," Ekuar said. He stepped out of the shadows, handed his friend a palm-sized globe, and immediately disappeared again. (I think he's doing that to annoy me,) Rayek told himself. After taking a moment to sigh deeply and soulfully, he decided to implement his new plan. He threw the ball into the air, and screamed, "Dyo-er-vi! I choose you... to destroy the house!" The stubborn thing sprang into action--a full ten minutes after Rayek's initial attempts to control it. Dyo-er-vi swiveled a full one hundred and eighty degrees, and re-shaped its own outer structure by forming a cannon out of two spikes. With this new weapon, the vehicle fired a shot at Santaclaus' hut. The attack hit its target. All that remained of the main floor was Cutter, Nightfall, and an ordinary wooden door with a small circular window. "So... are you impressed?" Rayek asked the group. In his inimitable borderline-evil way, he smiled. "Yes!" they replied. Even with such rebels and wackos as Rain, Hoodbearer (just another made-up character), Kahvi, and Starjumper in the group, they all knew better than to say no to Rayek. Again, he smiled. This time, though, the smile didn't just say "I think you'd better agree," but it said, "My patience has just run out." The Wolfriders and others got the message. Retrieving the semi-conscious Cutter and Nightfall, they rushed inside the hut. It was time. Time to act. *** Ember, future Blood of Eleven Chiefs, had before her an army. The charismatic cub had in her thrall the Go-Back cousins (Dobil, Sezen, Marcis), her brother, Woodlock, Redlance, Voll (don't you remember chapter 3?), the trolls, and Vok the musician. Now it was her turn to act. And unlike the adults, she knew how. "So, when the foe knocks on the door to Replica's End again, we charge up the ladder and attack?" Ember, future queen of the World of Two Moons, told the asker of the question, "Yes, Dobil, that's correct. Prepare for ramming speed." At her powerful, irresistable command, they began to prepare. All was not quiet when the knock came, for the troops were getting nervous. In particular, Woodlock had some serious doubts about his sanity. After all, hadn't he gone insane when a bar in Sorrow's End ran out of elven booze? Therefore, the family man talked to Suntop about zwoot racing, and had been discussing the difficulty of the terrain south of the Sun Village when they were rudely interrupted. "Now--FORWARD!" near-goddess Ember shouted. She burst ahead of the peons, flew straight up the ladder, and planted her feet on the ledge--all before the others had even reached the ladder. From the other side of the door, Ember (all other titles aside for the moment) could hear heavy breathing. Clearly, the person there was enjoying their delivery. She could also smell the pizza. It was topped with mushrooms as well as sausage, and it was definitely not thin-crust. The battle- bringer whispered to her opponent, "Are you sure you got the order right?" "What?" the mysterious deliverer replied. All of a sudden, the breathing stopped. She Who Must Be Obeyed looked at the troops. They were in place. She told them, "Attack!" as she pulled the door open. In the split-second before she thrust her borrowed sword, Ember saw that the pizza-person was an elf much like her. This was, more likely than not, Mekda--judging from the four wooden limbs sticking out from under her coat. Even despite this revelation, Ember struck upwards, and connected with the pizza. "It's MINE!" she screamed, and charged onward. *** The second Kahvi pushed the door open, her eyes doubled in size, as she was sucked into an apparent void. "I wasn't expecting THIS!" she shouted. The Go-Back leader vanished from sight. "Apparently," Rillfisher said, as she consulted her notebooks, "Santaclaus' lair is a bit more intricate than we thought." Her lifemate groaned. It was the same sort of observation she'd made turns and turns ago. These remarkable powers of perception had made her an outcast among the Wolfriders, and the tribe psychologist of the Go-Backs. "Well, Cutter, I'll leave this one to you," Rayek said, as he patted his good buddy on the back, "Shall we follow?" The chief, only recently returned to a non- flattened condition, was in no state to think. As was his custom, he raised his fist and yelled "AYOOOOAH!" as he jumped in. Rayek shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe this will actually get us somewhere?" he said. Stormie looked to Foxfur, who looked to Rain, who looked to Starjumper, who looked to Hoodbearer, who completed the circle. These thrown-in characters had been largely ignored, and none were none too happy about it. All five drew close to each other, and despite the deep loathing between a couple members of the group, they growled as one. Just as Rayek noticed the quintet, he found their hands in his face, shoving him into the strange door. Only one other elf in the group applauded: Vaya. After all, she needed a scene, too. -- To be continued in Chapter 6... (thus far untitled) -Alan (September 10, 1999) e-mail: The Addiction..............eq_addiction> "Elfquest" and everything related to it is copyright 1978-99 Warp Graphics. Feel free to distribute this story, but don't put your name on it.