--Alan -- Many delays ago, it began... now it's finally approaching THE END. ############################################### The ElfQuiz Parody: The Revisionist History Take-a-Look 4: Test Send Chapter 6: An Obligatory Fight Scene ############################################### Deeper and deeper. Further in and further on. So he went. Guttlebutt, not-too-well-known half-troll, delved into the labyrinth that was the basement of Santaclaus' house. "Must... make the... delivery," he said oh-so- cryptically, "Must reach the heart of the complex to make the necessary sacrifice so that the revolution of the world may commence in the near future!" The troll paused. Something was not right. He smelled the air. As usual, it was musty, for the underground maze had been sealed off for untold ages. Yet there was an unfamiliar presence in the room. It drew closer, closer, to the point where he noticed something hovering above his head. "LOOK OUT BELOW!" Cutter shouted as he fell. Gathering his wits, Guttlebutt ran down the stairs. No, the elves would not catch up with him! Time was of the essence, the priority was the mission, the message would be the medium. To summarize: he *needed* to reach Santaclaus with his little bundle *soon*. It would happen! He would be the one to complete his assignment. Victory was nearly in sight! "LOOK OUT BEL--" "I see that you've arrived, Rayek," Cutter said quietly. He looked at his rival from the stone steps where he sat. No envy entered Cutter's mind, for he knew Rayek was having just as hard a time as he. What could be a worse fate than landing atop a troll's noggin? Sliding down to the floor, Rayek whispered, "You were right, Cutter... you were right," right before he went into unconsciousness. *** "That was the first day on the road to recovery," One-Eye said, as stock footage of the Ember-Mekda battle flashed by, "I knew, then and there, that no longer could I stay the way I once was. Instead of being One-Eye the grouch, the misanthrope, I would have to be One-Eye the normal elf. Ah... but I do digress..." As the elf lay semi-conscious on a stone table, Rain kicked him upside the head. "Oh, do you ever digress!" the healer said, "The battle is still going on out there. This is no time for you to be doing irrelevant narration." One-Eye groaned. "Look," he told Rain, "I wouldn't talk if I were you. We just spent High Ones-know- how-many-hours with your little attempt at surgery, and now you want to tell me what I should do?" He gave Rain the eye of doom. "Don't think so." "You're not supposed to tell anyone what happened," Rain said, as he looked about the room, "It's not their business. Besides, who'd believe it? I mean, to have an incompetent like me do medical procedures on you--and have them actually succeed... why, this is the stuff... this is the stuff..." He fumbled for the word, as he began to laugh. The wiser Wolfrider rose to his feet. "It's certainly not the stuff dreams are made of," he said. He touched the cloth bandage around his face-- it hardened his expression into a deep, ponderous frown. To One-Eye's shock, Rain smiled. That, as he well knew, was a sure sign that evil was about. "That's the phrase that I was looking for!" the healer shouted. Without hesitating, One-Eye walked away. It was about time that he entered the battle. "I don't want to know what he means by that," he muttered. *** Meanwhile, several hundred meters above the caverns of Replica's End, blood and snow were mingling together. The small force of defenders had their hands full with Mekda's elite force of polar bears. But as for the assault leader herself... "You'll never catch me, you wicked girl," the ancient one said to Ember. At this moment, the Wolfrider stood over her, inching forward a step or two at a time. Clearly, something was amiss, for Mekda didn't even blink as Ember's walking staff made marks in the snow around her. Right then, One-Eye ran up to the chief. "I know that I'm late," he told her, "but spare me the lecture. I've heard it all before." He tried not to stare at the wiggling, limbless elf, but she kept flailing about. "Go help Dobil," Ember said, as she set a blade in his hands, "He needs it." The bandaged-up elf ran off. When Mekda saw this, she shouted, "Oh, so you think you can take me yourself, huh? We'll see about that!" "Why do I end up with the idiots?" Ember muttered. She looked out on the field, and saw her fellow elves still staving off the bears. "There's no worth in keeping watch over her... when I have greater duties to perform," she told herself. *** "This must be the bottom," Nightfall whispered. Her phrase echoed all about the chamber. The basement of Santaclaus' house was a round, lightless chamber. Except for the staircase that brought them to this place, no other exit was available. To top off the atmosphere, the room was heated to a level just above the freezing temperature. The ever-so-mysterious troll, Guttlebutt, also took a look about the place. "I will not tell you more than I have to, little elves," he said, spitting out the words, "but I have not been to this room before. That is due to that fact that I have been in the employment of Santaclaus only a few days. However, this is the place where I was told to drop off my *package*..." With the last word, all the elves groaned. "What's in the package?" they asked. Guttlebutt sneered at them. "You'll have to wait until Christmas," he said. No one ever bothered to groan for a second time. Instead, the elves fixed their eyes on a small, flickering light in the middle of the round chamber. The troll, too, turned to see what this would be. Everyone's eyes opened wide when they heard a deep, earth-shaking laugh. "HO HO HO. Looking for Santaclaus?" asked the person. Slowly, a rotund figure formed out of the shadows. Rayek scowled at the individual. He shouted, "Yes. We've had the most difficult time in trying to track him down. Worse yet, I can't even recall why we want to find this gift-giving elf. If anyone cares to remind me..." He slowly trailed off. Rayek realized that the room had just gone silent. The man emerged, and the elves et al. took in his full frame. He wore a suit crafted of red hides... blood-red hides. In the same deep voice, he said, "Well, I am Santaclaus. You've been very naughty-- and I've got a list!" A shudder ran through the room. Before long, there would be another abbreviated fight scene! -- Drawing close to the conclusion -- chapter 7... (thus far untitled) -Alan (October 6, 1999) e-mail: EQ spoofs Anime works "Elfquest" and everything related to it is copyright 1978-99 Warp Graphics. Feel free to distribute this story, but don't put your name on it.