--Alan -- Humor: Fanfics List... What to Do Today #################################### I. Crossovers 1. I will not write a Ranma 1/2 crossover. 1a. Even if it stars Nabiki. 1b. Even if Tyleet gets to be Nabiki. 1c. Even if trolls end up talking about rice and pickles. 1d. Even if someone gets "Kawaikunee" as a soul name. 2. I will not write a Sailor Moon (SM) crossover. 2a. Unless the SM story fits into the medieval or modern Elfquest stories. 2b. Unless it involves territory larger than a single city block. 2c. If I do write an SM crossover, I will not blame it on the series' "bad reputation." 2d. I will include a name chart for those who saw the dub, the French dub, the German dub... 2e. I will not even think about making Ember part of the Sailor team. 3. I will not write a Pokemon (Pocket Monsters) crossover. 3a. Ever. 4. I will definitely not write an Evangelion crossover. 4a. At least not until I see more Eva episodes. 5. I will not write a Tenchi crossover. 5a. No matter which continuity. (There are at least five different, unrelated Tenchi series...) 5b. I will resist the temptation of making Mihoshi related to the elves. 5c. I will *definitely* resist the temptation of introducing Jink to the Tenchi-verse. 6. I will not create crossovers simply for "relationship potential." 6a. Especially if it involves multiple species. 7. I will not write a crossover involving another American comic. 7a. Unless I like both that and Elfquest. 7b. But not *just* because I like both. 8. I will not write a crossover with Star Wars. 8a. Even if it involves elves repeatedly attacking Ewoks or Gungans or Bothans or... 9. I will not write a crossover involving a sitcom. 9a. Especially not one from over fifteen years ago. 10. I will not create a multiple crossover. 10a. Especially not if it involves time/space/dimension travel. 10b. Especially not if it involves a character just "dropping into" another world. 10c. Especially not if all the characters speak unrelated, hard-to-translate languages. -- II. Original 1. I will write a character study. 1a. Unless it involves New Blood. 1b. Or Wavedancers. 1c. Or Jink. 1d. But Rebels is OK. 2. I will learn to create something other than multiple-volume epics. 2a. Even if it stars Ember. 2b. Even if it resolves the Tyleet/Scouter/ Dewshine dilemma. 2c. Even if it features "the dark elf with the sweet tooth." (Idea not yet included in the 'Quiz movie.) 3. I will not write a self-insertion. 3a. Especially not with "Stormie." 3b. Or "Hoodbearer." 3c. Or "Falconbane." 4. I will not write another story with Foxfur. 5. I will write a story in which Skywise is *not* a bad guy. 5a. I will keep him in-character. 6. I will not write a story in which Strongbow is a bad guy. 6a. I will definitely keep him in-character. 6b. I will realize the consequences of what will happen if I don't. 7. I will finish what I start... occasionally. 8. I will read my email. 8a. I will attempt to answer my email. 8b. I will not ignore people who repeatedly email me. 9. I will post to the mailing list every now and then. 10. I will make efforts to update my webpage. 10a. And eventually improve it. 10b. I will offer more than lame apologies. 10c. I will make the webpage look attractive. 10d. I will create a mirror site. 10e. However, I will not spend copious amounts of time on the mirror site. 11. I will not return to Geocities. 12. I will write stories with tolerable endings. 13. I will not drown the reader in exposition. 13a. Or dialogue. 13b. Or scenery. 13c. Or metaphysical conceits. 14. I will learn to appreciate Skywise. 14a. I will learn to appreciate Jethel. 14b. I will learn to appreciate Tyleet. 14c. I will learn to appreciate Shards-era Dewshine. 14d. I will learn to appreciate Jink. 14e. I will once again learn to appreciate Scouter. 15. I will tolerate adult stories. 15a. I will tolerate slash. 16. I will read others' writings. 16a. I will not whine when mine go ignored. 16b. I will learn from others' stories. 17. I will no longer confine myself to one genre. 18. I will use daily affirmations if necessary. 19. I will visit other EQ sites. 20. I will stop complaining. -- -Alan Updated March 27, 2000 Thanks for reading this. Someday, it may even be updated again! email: ChrOtaku@xoommail.com Elfquest spoofs: eq_addiction.tripod.com Omake Theater: members.xoom.com/ChrOtaku Nega-Hell: fanficoutlet.tripod.com/negahell "IT'S ONLY CLAY!"