This is a hilarious list of archetype players taken from:


1. The Real Man


"Hot Diggity!! Gnoll outpost at twelve o'clock!! CHAAAAAAAARGE!!!"


2. The Real Role-Player


"Don't start yet!! I need my two minutes to get properly into



3. The Loony


"I sheathe my long sword and kiss the ogre on the lips."


4. The Munchkin


"Five arch-devils and two demigods? That's ALL?! I guess I'll only

need to use six of my rings for this encounter."


5. The Coward


"Yikes! Three kobolds!! Retreat! Retreat!"


6. The Troublemaker


"Just before the Mayor gives his speech to the town, I cast

*command-vomit* on him."


7. The Novice


"I just rolled a 2 on my ,to hit' roll. Did I want high or low?"


8. The Tactician


"The archer will move silently into position behind the podium,

carefully aiming at the sergeant. The mage shall remain behind the

door in preparation of a ,sleep' spell which will be centered at the

table around which are the bulk of the guards. Meanwhile, the fighter

and I shall..."


9. The Quiet Type


"I dunno... I lob off another arrow at the monster this round, I



10. The Punster


"You know how many clerics it takes to fix a light bulb? One to cast

,cure light'."


11. The PC Infighter


"Since Ruth's been such a twit, I hit her in the face with my flail

while she's casting her ,find familiar' spell."


12. Joe I-Got-the-Rules-Down-Pat


"No, if you look in the DMG, page 81 paragraph 5, you'll find this

spell won't affect griffons."


13. The Whiner


"Three points?! I take THREE POINTS OF DAMAGE!?! Frank, what the hell

kind of grudge do you have against me?"


14. The Bully


"Are you sure I don't make my saving throw? Are you ABSOLUTELY sure?

Do you want to keep your nose the way it is, Lou?"


15. Mr. Greedy


"So it's not evil? And it's not attacking? So what! I WANT THAT



16. The Cheater


"I roll an... 18! It hits!"[Quickly grabs dice.]


17. The Chastiser


"And you DIDN'T SEE THAT TRAP COMING? Hahahahahaha!! Just how long did

you say you've been playing this game?"


18. The Kamikaze Guy


"I jump off our perch, taking careful aim to land dead center on the

hobgoblin patrol. Just before I hit the ground, though, I set off the

'fire trap' on all my nine flasks of oil."


19. The Good Roller


"Oh, looky here. An 03 on percentile dice. If that door was trapped,

I just found something."


20. The Bad Roller


"Oh, Dang it all!! *Another* critical fumble!!"


21. The Braggart


"The thought of you attacking me isn't even interesting. I could get

off a 'sleep' spell and slit your unconscious throat before you even

get your long sword out of its sheath."


22. The Reminiscer


"Say, y'know, this is kind of like the time our party thief spent

twenty minutes trying to lock-pick an unlocked door."


23. Goody Two-Shoes


"Wait a minute. Even if they are orcs, we just can't kill them when

they're asleep and can't defend themselves."


24. The Overoptimistic Daydreamer


"After we get through this campaign, and have gained about nine, ten

levels, I'm going to buy me the finest battle axe that money can buy."


25. Short-Attention-Span Man


"Hmmm? What? Oh, are we attacking now?"


26. Thermonuclear Man (sub-species of Munchkin)


"All right, I swing at the Orc with my Bastard Sword. (roll) That's a

2, +2 for strength, +3 for specialization, +2 for (blah blah blah). So

that's a 27. (Sarcastic grin) Does it hit?"


27. The GM-hater (subclass of troublemaker)


The person who comes into the game and does his best to think of ways

to react to a situation that the GM hasn't. Having a PC who is

slightly schizophrenic is a good excuse for this. Note: mixes really

badly with the "storytelling" style of GM.


28. The mindless player


GM:"The gaping chasm stretches out before you. It is too far to jump

across." Player:"I jump the chasm."


29. The Crybaby


"You mean the big rock crushed me? My character's DEAD?!? Really,



30. The Cowboy


"I walk proudly up to the King and challenge him to a duel to the

death. Oh yeah, I make sure to call him a wimp."


31. The Psycho Killer


DM: "Okay, you open the door and you see - " PK: "KILL KILL KILL!!



32. The Worry Wart


"Okay, my mage is invisible, levitating thirty meters above the party,

has a Phantom Armour and a Stoneskin on him, a Ring of Fire Resistance

worn, a Minor Globe of Invulnerability up (et cetera, et cetera) Dang!

I have a bad feeling about this..."


33. The Cavern Shyster (more commonly known as Bill Mulhausen)


"Oh, so the Illusionary Medusa I cast at the Archdemon Orcus doesn't

turn him to stone, does it? Well, if you look at the spell

description, it says right here that he gets no save, has no chance to

disbelieve, and I made my magic resistance roll! What do you say to



34. The Pig-eyed Glutton


"Now how do we go about carting off this 800 copper pieces? We're

already loaded down with the four suits of leather armor and

electrum-inlaid toilet seats we found earlier..."


35. The masochist


"I stop running, turn around, slap the minotaur, and tell him to stop

breathing down my neck." (closely related to #3, the Loony)


The major part of this list came to you from Scott Butler.

Further contributions were made by: James Heath, Kathryn L. Smith,

Paul J. Zanca, Dave Cooke, J.D. Frazer and Charles K. Hughes


Compilation by: Ordania-DM.

Lay-out by: Boudewijn H.F.M. Wayers.


Edited by Lawgiver

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