A Letter To My Mom
Dear Mom,
I just want you to know that I love you very much.
And I am so very sorry that I was not a better daughter.
I hope and pray that you was able to forgive me.
I just want you to know that I tried my whole life
to be some-one that you could be proud of.
But in my heart I feel that I some how failed you .
And for that I can't even begin to tell you how sorry
I am for letting you down.
Mom I know that you had a really hard life,
and I also know that your kids never made it any
easier for you. And for that I am very sorry also.
Mom I want to say Thank You! for always
being there for me, and for all the sacrifices
you made for us. I know now that it could not have been
easy trying to take care of so many kids.
I hope you did know that we loved you very much.
I'm just sorry that I never told you that as much as
you wanted me too. I also want you to know that you
did not die in vain. For your death did teach each one
of us a very valuable lesson. You taught me just how
important it is to say the three words that I always
seemed to have trouble saying. And how important it
also is to hug the ones I love. So for that Mom I just
want to say Thank You! But I also want to say that
I am so very sorry that I didn't learn that lesson
before you left me. I really don't know why I could never
hug and tell people I loved them before. It's not that I didn't
want too. I just never could seem to do it.
Oh Mom I miss you so much! I would give everything
I have ,to get just one day with you. For I promise you
I would not make the same mistakes as I did the first
time. I would hug and tell you just how much I miss
you and love you.And I would also tell you how
sorry I am that I did not tell you that a lot more
when you was alive. But I know that no matter how
much I want that to happen it will never be..
So I will just have to live with my regrets for all
my mistakes I did back then. And do my best to
not make the same mistakes with others.
And Mom I promise you that I will do all that I
can to try and make you proud of me. Even though
I know that right now your probably very disappointed
with me for not being able to get on with my life.
And for that I am also very sorry. But Mom it is
just so very hard to do that. I just don't know how to
get past all the pain. I try really I do, but I just
can't seem to forget. How do I forget all the things
that happened between us? Yes I know that all
the things we shared was special and I don't have to
forget them.I know that we had a very special
relationship, and I was very blessed with that.
But I can't seem to forget the time we had after
we found out that you was dying.
Tell me how can I forget all the fights we had then?
Yes I know that you was in a lot of pain, and that
you was very scared. And believe me I wish with
all my heart that I would have handled you in a
different way. I know now that I should have done
a lot ofthings differently. That is one regret I will
always have to live with now. I also know that
the doctor said that the reason you was so mean
to me was because you was in so much pain
and you knew that no matter what you said or
did to me that I would never leave you. But that
does'nt make it any easier Mom. How do I forget
all the hateful words you said. Or how can I forget
the look in your eyes when you looked at me and said
"I hate you" ?
Trust me I don't blame you for saying that to me.
I blame myself for being to nice and not throwing
your nurse out on her butt. If I would have done
that I know that a lot of the things that went on
would not have happened. And I know that getting
rid of her the day you died was really to late.
And for that I am sorry! That is just another regret
I will have to live with. I have so many regrets of that
time Mom that I can't seem to get past them. I close my
eyes and I remember them as if they just happened.
I hear the screaming of the family begging me to not let
you die. And the looks on there faces as I had to tell them
you was gone. I feel as if I failed you all in so many ways.
That it's hard to get on with my life.
I just want you to know that I'm trying. And I will
keeping trying for as long as I live. Because I know that is
what you would want me to do. And I also know that one
day we will be together again. That is the one thing that
makes me keep trying. I miss you Mom so very much!
Until we meet again I just want you to know that
I truly did love you so !
And I will never ever forget you !
