Christian-SOS-Anatomy Of An Argument

How To Spot A Married Man or Cheater
The signs in Red are absolute show stoppers. You should be ready to bolt if you see any one of them.
The other signs merely indicate something could be wrong. But in themselves, they don't mean something is wrong.

The Danger Signs

	Gives you a false name that you can't verify, i.e. one that's extremely common/doesn't match with his age or where he claims to live (with his true name you could do a background check). (Same goes with where he works). Take out your driver’s license, and playfully ask to see his. If he recoils at the idea, He's Probably Married. Also verify his name and age match by doing an Age lookup in the city and state where he lives. If he's been in the state for a while, you should see his name and the right age plus or minus a year. Age lookups often list current and prior addresses and also the relatives of the subject too. All of which can be matched against what he's told you.
	Never gives you his Home Address, or landline. (some people don't have a landline but having neither of these is lethal)
	Gives you an address but you never can see his home. He's either hiding something or he's a lunatic. Break it off if he won't let you inside.
	His Physical Address is really a Concealed MailDrop or PO Box. (Does he live in a shoe? ) Find out how to tell if it's a Real Physical Address.
	Online Dating profiles show he's still playing the field even after meeting you. People Search/Dating Profiles
	Has numerous online dating profiles where he's lied about himself. See People Search/Dating Profiles
	Gives you an address where he doesn't live. (If he Rents. verify his address by Reverse Lookup. If he owns, look up the true owner via Real Property Records).
	Tells you never to call him after 6pm or after normal work or school hours (when he, the wife and kids are at home).
	You only see him when he wants to see you. (Excuses aside, what's the pattern here? Is he juggling a family life?)
	Never talks about or introduces you to his family, friends, colleagues or children. (And if he has no friends, that's a danger sign too.)
	Has a white ring-like discoloration around the wedding ring finger. (Just got divorced or still married? Demand to see the divorce certificate. And avoid him if he says he's in the process of getting divorced. Love can wait.)
	Doesn't like to be seen with you in public places (or in certain public places.) (Excuses aside, what's the pattern?)
	Never sees you on holidays. (Time to be with the wife and kids).
	Facebook/Myspace Profile Has a Photo of You and Him with You Cropped Out.
	Facebook/Myspace has lots of recent postings on his wall by women, but no responses (he's sending them personal messages you can't see rather than posting them on his wall).
	Facebook/Myspace Profile lists him as single and not in a relationship. (Could also be an oversight)
	Blocks You From Seeing Whether he's online. (Sometimes this is just the default privacy setting)
	When you call, you're never able to get him on the phone-he always calls you back (could be a phone or voicemail designated solely for his trysts).
	Gives you only his cell phone, beeper or work number. (Hard To background and you won't get his family)
	Gives you an address where he and a woman live (Better be his sister) See Age & Relatives See also Real Property Records (His wife might be on the deed).
	Calls you only from his cell phone.
	Says he frequently goes out of town. (keeps you from calling or seeing him when he's busy with his spouse or other girl friends). Common excuses are that he's a traveling salesman, businessman, etc.
	Calls you at unusual hours or very set hours. (A married man must plan around his family)
	Calls erratically, or is not consistent. Calls you from various different locations (never seems to call from home or work).
	Avoids being photographed with you.
	Avoids discussing his past. (Fewer lies to remember).
	Pays only in cash (so his wife won't see strange bills, or you won't see his real name or address on his Credit Card or Driver's License).
	He chooses not to post a picture of himself online, or he posts a picture that may be very dark and difficult to pick him out of a crowd.
	All his online chats occur either during work hours or late at night (when his wife is asleep).
	Never answers his phone when he's with you, but always looks at it to see just who's calling. (another girlfriend perhaps?)
	Calls you generic pet names off the bat, like honey or dear or sweetie (so there's no chance of getting your name mixed up with his wife or other girlfriends).
	You are unable to verify his profession, or many other things he says about himself. Go To Consumer-SOS.com, choose your state and then choose People Search To background him.

More Signs Your Spouse or Lover is Cheating On You

For More see Spotting Married Men

	Husband started out hurt and disappointed but then gets angry and accusing.
	Wife becomes unloving and defensive. She closes up.
	Husband senses it and gets angrier. Unable to appreciate his wife’s feelings, he becomes more concerned about being right and vindicated.
	Wife retreats inwardly. She is unable to appreciate her husband’s feelings and gives in so he’ll stop his verbal attacks. She also gives in so she can be self-righteous and the better person. Deep down she knows she won’t forget about this and she’ll just take it out on him later.
	Husband is no dummy. He refuses his wife’s concession so she can’t lord it over him later. He also wants to be self-righteous and the better person. He then tells her to stay at home, not because he loves her, but so he can rightfully remain indignant and not lose power.

	See your spouse as someone who loves you and would never willingly hurt you.
	See your spouse as someone who has been hurt and not as the adversary.
	Try to resolve the matter rather than be right, give in, or compromise.
	Be sensitive to how you phrase things (more of “I feel” “I heard” and “it appears like” and less of “you said”, “you told me” and “you don’t…”)
	Learn Your Spouses Communication style. (Don’t expect them to communicate or process just like you do).
	Check with your spouse to see if you heard it right.
	Avoid defensive posturing. (look the person in the eye, and no crossed arms, no head shaking or back turning, etc).
	Lower your voice, slow down and give the other person some physical space.

An Actual Argument (The Boat)

What Was Really Being Said

What To Do Next Time

Overview

The Basics

The Specifics

1. Don’t Zone Out Until It’s Over (Repeat Things Back To Each Other)

Bad Ways To Say Things

Using “You” Statements

Statements That Pin Down The Other Side Without Giving Them Room To Explain

Any Statement That Blatantly Tells The Other Side They’re To Blame or The Object Of Scorn

The Contract Of Commitment