The following are sound clips in wav format from various shows, albums, and movies featuring Gary Burghoff. Sounds will be added and/or replaced from time to time. If you are running Windows 95 or later and are unable to play the sounds, check if you have audio compression installed. Go to the "settings" on the start menu, then "control panel" and "add/remove programs." On the "Windows Setup" tab, double click on "multimedia"; make sure "audio compression" has a check next to it.

Behind the Waterfall

Clip 1 (38 k)
Mr. Connors: "More often than not the search proves more valuable than the treasure."

Clip 2 (208 k)
Mr. Connors: "What? And who might be interrupting my prayers? Oh. Oh, it's you, Patty. Well, why would you be talking to me? Well you know I'm just a poor cobbler. What can I do? Ah, I see. But..but why me? Well I..I'll do my best. Aye. I've always had a lot of faith in you too."

Clip 3 (123 k)
Mr. Connors: "Given enough time a pixie will get you so confused that you start looking for happiness in all the wrong places. And once you get pixieled, unless someone else helps, well, you could stay lost forever."
Alex: "So how does it help to put our coats on backwards?"
Mr. Connors: "Well don't you see? It confuses them. He he he. They can't tell whether we're coming or going. He he..."

Clip 1 (102 k)
Arnie: "Aw, you poor guy, fired in the prime of life."
Lenny: "Hey, it could've been worse, huh? He could've had a heart attack and dropped dead like George."
George: "I'm not dead."
Arnie: "Yeah, that's true, Guy. You've gotta keep this in perspective. It's not just George, we could all be dead."
George: "I'm not dead."
Arnie: "Poor George."
George: "Maybe I'm dead."

Clip 2 (102 k)
Arnie: "I just want my wife back! You guys know what it's like going back to an empty apartment every night? I mean this is the time of night I put my kids on my lap and read to them. And tell them a story, tuck them into bed, kiss them good night!"
George: "Your youngest kid is sixteen."
Arnie: "So what?"

Clip 1 (76 k)
An excerpt from the song "Pennies From Heaven (Vocal)"

Clip 2 (74 k)
An excerpt from the song "Sing, Sing, Sing"

Clip 3 (56 k)
An excerpt from the song "Medley (Back Home Again In Indiana, Chicago, Way Down Yonder In New Orleans)"

Clip 4 (71 k)
An excerpt from the song "Rockabye Your Baby With A Dixie Melody (Vocal)"

Clip 1 (146 k)
Bob: "He's really not a bad guy. I mean he couldn't be. Not if Polly's in...Not if she's interested in him. I don't have a chance."
Nick: "I'm not sure. If Polly's the paragon you claim she is, how could she fail to recognize your worth?"
Bob: "What worth?"
Nick: "You teach. You give the young the wonderful gift of learning. That's an evergreen gift. Einstein. Newton. Copernicus."
Bob: "And Gauss."
Nick: "And Gauss. You are important."

Clip 2 (168 k)
Bob: "Uh, may I see that one please?"
Nick: "It's a lovely stone. I proposed to my wife on Christmas Eve. It's worked out very well."
Bob: "Really? It's not very big, is it?"
Nick: "Well, it's not the Hope Diamond, but then again this one has no curse on it."
Bob: "Well I-I'm not sure."
Nick: "Can I show you something other?"
Bob: "I'm not even sure I can afford this one. Anyway, it's the girl I'm worried about."
Nick: "Ah, She may say no."
Bob: "Oh, she'll probably say no. If I ever get up enough nerve to ask her."

Clip 3 (125 k)
Bob: "Polly, you mean if..if I said you shouldn't marry Rod, you wouldn't?"
Polly: "Well I would certainly take into consideration what you had to say."
Bob: "You mean if I said that he wasn't good enough for you, that he's just a playboy, you deserve better, you..you wouldn't marry him?"
Polly: "Ah, is that what you're saying?"
Bob: "Hm? No..no, no I wouldn't say that..."

Clip 1 (39 k) (from "Fade Out, Fade In")
Radar: "Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly, Company Clerk."

Clip 2 (144 k) (from "Abyssinia, Henry")
Radar: "I have a message. Lt. Col. Henry Blake's plane was shot down over the Sea of Japan. It spun in. There were no survivors."

Clip 3 (90 k) (from "The Incubator")
Hawkeye: "Radar, ya know I have the impression that we woke you about three thirty this morning."
Radar: "No, it was ten of four."
Trapper: "Did we say why?"
Radar: "Ah...You said you wanted to sacrifice a virgin."
Hawkeye: "Did we?"
Radar: "I was too sleepy."

Clip 4 (156 k) (from "The Kids")
Radar sings a war lullaby to a Korean orphan at the 4077th (lyrics)

Clip 5 (89 k) (from "Fallen Idol")
Radar: "Well I'm very concerned about something which concerns my life here."
Hawkeye: "What's the trouble, Andy?"
Radar: "Well, I don't think that this place is turning out to be that great an experience for me. I mean I work under terrible pressures and there's lots of death and destruction and stuff but other than that I don't think I'm getting much out of it."

Clip 6 (62 k)
Radar: "Could you sign this please, sir?"
Henry: "Just exactly what am I signing?"
Radar: "Uh, this week's activity and personnel report."
Henry: "Didn't I sign it?"
Radar: "That was last week."
Henry: "Oh. Is it now already?"
Radar: "Yes, sir."

Clip 1 (138 k) (from the '75 season)
Gary is asked for his suggestion for the audience match "Young and _____." After he starts singing "Young and Foolish," the guy with the buzzer gives Gary his opinion of his singing...

Clip 2 (58 k) (from the '75 season)
After host Gene Rayburn reads the question involving "Weird" Sylvester, Gary jokes about writing such questions.

Clip 1 (50 k)
Gary Burghoff: "So why does the pet taxi driver always slap an extra charge on the elephant? Because he travels with a trunk..."

Clip 1 (132 k)
Lady Esmeralda: "There are many reasons why a man may lose his mind. Often it is a voice from a past life or it may be the torment of self-hatred. But sometimes that man may be in the pitiless grip of the devil and be possessed by an evil too powerful to resist."

Clip 1 (89 k)
An excerpt from the song You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown

Clip 2 (111 k)
An excerpt from the song "Kite"

Clip 3 (119 k)
An excerpt from the song "Dr. Lucy (The Doctor Is In)"

Clip 4 (114 k)
An excerpt from the song "Book Report"

Clip 5 (85 k)
An excerpt from the song "T.E.A.M. (The Baseball Game)"

Clip 6 (117 k)
An excerpt from the song "Little Known Facts"

Clip 7 (80 k)
An excerpt from the song "Suppertime"

Clip 8 (120 k)
An excerpt from the song "Happiness"