Know Your Enemy

The History Of The Huns


In the year 493 A.D. (approx) the nomadic tribes of the great Siberian plain began their bid for a place in the New European Superleague. Now this wasn't really welcomed by the Sports governing body at the time, FIFAUM, as the supporters of the main tribal team, D.O.B. Rangers FC, had a terrible reputation for crowd violence and trashing away joints, notably after Rangers Vs Dynamo Krakow in 421 A.D. The tribes were called Hunadonii by the Romans (Roma FC) meaning in Latin "right ugly bastards" (Pope JPII will back me up here), this name came about due to the mutilation rite amongst the tribes where new born infants were scarred by deep sword cuts to the face, this of course was to prove how brave they were (you can see the mental process hasn't evolved any).

Unfortunately the Huns made it to the Superleague due to a controversial away win over Venicium Rovers. Augustus Tiberius the Rovers goalie was adjudged to have slain the Huns forward, Spoodikee Ferguson, in an unfair manner (upward thrust of the sword point between the gonads), Tiberius was off permanently and upstepped Glasbarda McCoist to score the only goal of the game (after six re-takes). True to form the Rangers' support went on the rampage after the game, burning Venicium to the ground and sowing the ploughed earth with salt.

They progressed to the final of the Superleague when they faced Dalriada Celtic at Grand Old Paradise Park in Scotland. Here they were comprehensively gubbed 5-1 by the team in Green led by Dr Johanus Venglosius. The usual disgraceful crowd scenes followed, rape, pillage, mayhem, sash singing etc. Until order was restored by the police (IX Legion). Most of the Huns were forced onto the ferries home but a section broke away and after further mayhem set up a raiding colony in the hamlet of Govan. Here they multiplied and preserved their ancient folklore (body and facial mutilation, rape and pillage etc) and even formed their own football team in memory of their ancestral commitment to D.O.B. Rangers FC (who went bust in 1233 A.D.). To this day the old ways are followed by the supporters of Glasgow Rangers (for it is they) and the proud tradition of mayhem at foreign away fixtures is honoured also.

There you have it the facts speak for themselves. Also note that the original Mongolian features of the Hun' ancestors can be clearly seen in the majority of their descendants and newly aquired followers.


More will be added to the history soon

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