Welcome to
Glenn Royer's

Elf Hate Page!

It Came From the Forest
This page is currently under construction. New material is added constantly, so please keep coming back!

And now...


Glenn Royer's

List of Reasons to Hate Elves

They're uppity.
They have the pointiest ears.
Everybody adores them.
They live for hundreds of years.
They don't grow old.
They're always the protagonist.
They're always up to something.
They live in trees, yet have a highly advanced culture.
They build impossibly tall spires (which should snap like matchsticks according to physics).
They have a god complex.
Every other one is a magic user.
Every leaf is sacred.
They're majestic and mysterious.
They're dark and secretive.
They're aloof and enigmatic.
There are too many types of them!!
Everything they make is "lighter, yet stronger" or "delicate, yet sturdy".
They think they know everything.
Call something Elven and it's better.
They're beautiful but deadly.
The elven attitude.

Some Greate Olde Elven Magickale Itemse

The Elven Lazy Blade of Superiority
Crafted from the finest elven metals(gag!) by the greatest elven craftsmen(choke!), this blade was made for the High Elf Lord Tintillatharian Phi, who was known throughout the elven world and worshipped in nearly every Elven Hooray for Everything Day Parade in the time of Whey-Bac-When. This magnificent sword magically guides its wielder's hand in battle without the unecessary aide of the warrior's consciousness, so that the wielder may instead concentrate on more important things in battle, such as his witty repetoire. However, it is a double-edged sword, and if the uncouth warrior is unable to devise a suitable insult for his foe, he will be struck by his own sword instead.

The Battle Bra of Letharilanitosial
The third of five sisters to be heroically slain by the Dark Midgets of Drangnorth (which started the elven Holy Spat of Letz Gettim), Letharilanitosial was quite popular at royal parties because of her uncanny beauty and natural affinity for high society. Some dwarven historians disagree, however, stating that the extra attention she received was because Letharilanitosial had a disgustingly long name and demanded that it be declared in its entirety when she was introduced. This battle bra was created for her because skimpy wargear was in fashion at the time. Made from a mithril-cotton alloy, the bra imparts the equivalent of full plate mail to the wearer. Furthermore, any unarmed attacks made against the chest area are met with a telekinetic slap in the face.


9 Out of 10 Ghouls agree: Elf flesh tastes most like chicken!
Back to the Home Page. elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf hate hate hate elves hate elves hate elves i really hate elves elf hate hate hate hate hate elf elf elf elf elf elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elves elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf elf hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate elfin elfin elfin elfin elfin elfin elfin elfin elfin elfin elfin elfin elfin elfin elfin elfin elfin fairy fairy fairy fairy fairy fairy fairy fairy fairy fairy fairy fairy fairy fairy fairy fairy fairy shadowrun shadowrun shadowrun shadowrun shadowrun shadowrun shadowrun shadowrun shadowrun shadowrun