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"Are you sure you don't want Joel's autograph instead?"
"Billy drives like an old grandma."
"Cash? He's a...um a pit bull?"
"Watch out I might have rabies!"
"You have beautiful handwriting..."
"How you doin' babygurl?"
Person: "Can I have a hug?"
Paul: "Only If I can hug you."
Person: "Do you know that you're in the best band in the world?"
PAUL: *Nods* "I know."
"You look familiar."
Paul: "St. Paul is not gay!! He's very, very straight."
Aaron: "Ok, buddy, whatever you want to believe."
Paul: "You're really starting to hurt my feelings."
"Are you sure you're not from Waldorf? I swear I've seen you so much before."
"I'm the bass player. No one has a crush on the BASS player!"
"People always ask me for a 'Paul Hug'....what the heck is a 'Paul Hug'?"
"I dropped an anvil on Benji."
Interviewer: If you couldn't be in a band, what would you do?
Paul: I'd be a farmer.
"I wasn't popular in school. I liked to pretend I was, and I would go sit with the cool kids. Then they'd tell me to go fuck myself, and I would realize what a loser I was."
"You know what toy I wish I still had? Nintendo Techmo Super Bowl. I was the fat kid growning up, and when you're the fat kid, you love video games. And Twinkies."
"I used to take piano lessons when I was a kid. One time, I farted during a lesson, and my teacher never came back to my house."
"I met this girl once, she was an awesome boxer. She always came out of fights clean. Then I found out that she wasn't exactly a girl..."
"This cute girl tripped me in the hall back in high school, and everyone thought it was funny. So, the next day, I tripped her on her heels and I don't know what happened to her. I think she died... I don't know."
Paul: Dude, I never drink beer. Never.
Joel: You just did.
Paul: Oh.
"Barbies? No... I never played with Barbie dolls..."
"Look, I know a crossdresser when I see one." (on Justin Timberlake) | 
