Dorothy: n. (dór tee) 1. anglicized version of “Dorothea”, meaning “gift of God” in Greek. 2. Name of the central character in the fantasy novel The Wizard of Oz by Lyman Frank Baum 3. Psycho-bitch.
Dorothy. The very name sends grown men into spasms of terror. She’s the type of women who can make straight men go gay (which would explain a lot in this series). When she’s not cruising along in her solid gold Cadillac or matching golden space shuttle, she is tagging behind “Miss” Relena. She can frequently be heard talking to herself because she has no real friends (for who could ever learn to love a beast. . .uh, bitch). Furthermore, most of her rantings are nonsensical. She goes off in these long, pointless stories which only make sense to a sober Russian Prime Minister (good luck finding one). She also loves saying things like “the spider enters the lion’s web” or “the Sanc Kingdom will fall like a house of dominoes.” What I still don’t get is how she could just take over command of the friggin White Fang Death Star (whoops, I mean Libra) without anyone objecting! No wonder those dumbasses lost their crappy war! I can just imagine the board meeting they had at Bandai when coming up with good ol’ psycho-bitch:
Animation Director: So, how can we make the bitch even bitchier?
Screen Writer: I know! Lets make her get off at the sight of people getting blown up in an orgy of explosions!
Creative Consultant (in a drunken stupor): I like caaaake.
Animation Director: Good point. Let’s also make her wear the same god-awful dress every episode. It cuts down on the budget.
Sreen Writer: It’s agreed. Pass out the brewskies!
Animation Director: I thought we already did. . .
Creative Consultant: caaaaaaake. . .
If you watch the show, you know that I am intentionally leaving something out. Well, it was all leading up to this anyway. No profile of Dorothy can be complete without mentioning (shudder) her eyebrows.
Hitler had his mustache, Napoleon had his height, and Black Beard had his, uh, black beard. Dorothy wins the prize however. Forged in the sixth layer of hell, Dorothy’s eyebrows can only be described as demonic. They give off a grayish hue, suggesting that Dorothy is not a real blonde. Upon closer inspection of the picture below, the reptilian qualities become apparent. You would also notice how her eyebrows jostle out of her skull, not unlike the antennae of the rare South African grasshopper. What purpose do these protrusions serve? Modern science can not yet answer that. Perhaps she beams messages back to her home planet of Qzlion with them. Or maybe she uses them to gore prey like a moose’s antlers. Of course they can also be used in some type of undocumented mating ritual. Whatever.
