Treize Khushrenada

Name: Treize Khushrenada

 Mobile Suit: Tallgeese II, Epyon (Even though he was too much of a wuss to actually pilot the thing)

Ethnicity: Aryan (hmmmmm...add a box mustache and  you got der Füher)

Height: 181 cm

Weight: 68 kg

Turn-ons: Little boys who come to his mansion, saying things that only make sense to a demonic pigeon on LSD who

  just smacked into a wall after being released from a cage by an aristocrat who says strange things that mean nothing

Turn-offs: Being replaced by machines which are faster and more deadly at stupid quote making

Treize Khushrenada. There’s a lot about the fellow worth mocking, but I’ll start with the name, one of those inane creations of Japanese writers -- I use the term generously here -- that are too lazy to find a western phone book or watch an American movie. Instead, they give the poor bastard a number (a French one) for a first name and a permutation of “Khrushev” for the last name. (As if moving the “r” and tacking the “nada” on the end is going to fool anyone.) I’m sure ol’ Nikita is rolling in his grave. Of course, they don’t go so far as to make him Russian, rather, they make him the generic, store brand European that all the other white characters are.

Oh, yeah, and he’s based in Luxembourg, one of those tiny countries that only get mentioned in history books when they get their asses kicked. Why he chooses to base himself in a nation that has less going on then Burkina Faso I haven’t the slightest idea. (I guess we just have to blame it on the writer who was jerking off during geography class.)

Now that we’ve covered the truly important stuff, let’s touch down on the trivialities. Treize is best classified as fascist. He’s so much so that I think the main reason they make him European is so that no one will mistake him for Tojo (For once I’m dead serious). He thinks war is a splendid little thing and people should spend more time doing it. (He also rants and raves about chivalry from time to time, for him this seems to mean wearing pretty costumes and laying off the robots when killing other human beings. Fascism with a human face, perhaps?)

The theology of Treize is equally disturbing. It goes like this. God likes people like him. He’ll even help them knock off a few enemies if he’s in a good mood. Treize is also big on human sacrifice. No altars or priests, but that’s pretty much the gist of half his nonsensical speeches. (He even uses the word “sacrifice” when talking about the assassination of some hapless jerk.)