Missing scene from “Highway to Hades”
Disclaimer: The characters Hercules and Iolaus belong to Renaissance Pictures. This story is written for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made from these stories.
Summary: What does Hercules do for 24 hours as a non corporeal being? Does Hercules have fun or is he stuck bored stiff in the Underworld for 24 hours..what does good ole Herc do to spend his time?
Author’s Note: This story takes place within the series timeline. The premise for this story was taken from the Iolausian library monthly story challenge for February 2001 which goes something like this: At the end of Highway to Hades, Timeron borrows Herc’s body so he can have his wedding night with Daphne and Herc is left temporarily as a spirit. How does he spent his 24 hours as a non-corporeal being? How does he communicate with Iolaus or does he? What if Iolaus gets in trouble and Herc is so upset he can’t concentrate enough to make it move? Maybe Herc’s being a spirit comes in handy in helping Iolaus of said situation? Write the story.
CHAPTER 1 (The first 12 hours)
In the underworld, Hercules and Timeron meet. Timeron who is now a shade needs a body so that he can complete his honeymoon with his newlywed wife, Daphne.
Timeron, the shade shakes Hercules’ hand “I want to thank you Hercules for lending me your body for 24 hours so that I can be with Daphne.”
“Think nothing of it. I only wish you could have gotten your own body back..” Hercules looks at Hades.
Hades shakes his head sadly “Sorry, Timeron..those are the rules..you get 24 hours in my nephew’s body..I’m afraid that’s all I can do”
Hercules takes a breath and says “Okay, Timeron let’s get this over with..”
Both Timeron and Hercules close their eyes as the body exchange is made. Timeron suddenly feels himself inside Hercules’ body. Timeron looks around in wonder and flexes Hercules’ muscles and proclaims “Wow, Hercules is very strong.” Timeron blushes as he looks between his legs as he thinks Hercules is very virile.
Hercules feels suddenly lighter as he is now a shade. Hercules has to fight the urge to float and he has to concentrate to keep his feet on the ground. When Hercules reaches to shake Timeron’s hand, Hercules’ hand goes right through Timeron’s. Hercules finds it very discomforting to look at his body with Timeron’s green eyes shining out of it. When he sees Timeron examining his body..especially between Hercules’ legs, Hercules blushes.
In a flash of light, Hades sends Timeron (who is now in Hercules’ body) to the mortal world so that he can have his 24 hours of delight with Daphne.
Hades looks at his nephew and is piqued with curiosity “So, nephew, what are you going to do with yourself for 24 hours?”
Suddenly a loud voice which seems to permeate from everywhere booms into the Underworld, it’s the voice of Zeus.
“Hades! Come up to Olympus now..we’re having an emergency family meeting!” Hades frowns as he hates it when Zeus conjures him up to Olympus.
“Well, nephew it seems you have the Underworld all to yourself for 24 hours..make the best of it..” Hades vanishes in a grey ether of smoke.
Hercules gives himself a good look and realizes he can’t do much of anything so he decides to concentrate on where Iolaus is. Hercules closes his eyes and sees Iolaus with Xena and Gabrielle
(The window opens to the mortal world as Hercules transports part of his shade to the mortal plane).
Gabrielle points out to Xena “Xena..we’re outnumbered..there’s no way we can rescue Salmonius from the slavers..”
Xena looks around the compound before barking orders to Gabrielle and Iolaus:
“Iolaus, you take the western perimeter”
“Gabrielle you act as lookout and make sure nobody sees Iolaus going in”
Xena points to herself as she gives herself the hardest and most dangerous role:
“I will take on the slavers themselves.”
Gabrielle gives Xena a quizzical look “Xena, are you sure you can handle these slavers..there are so many of them!”
“Yes, Gabrielle..you just make sure Iolaus gets to the slaves and releases Salmonius!”
“Everyone know their cues?” Xena asks as she looks at her sundial “We will all meet here in exactly 2 hours..is that clear?”
All in unison, Iolaus, Gabrielle respond “Yes, Xena..2 hours gotcha!”
Gabrielle whispers nervously to Iolaus “Are you sure you know the way to the dungeons..it’s awfully dark down here..”
“Yes, these slavers captured Herc and I not too long ago..oh look Gabby..there’s Salmonius..” Iolaus grabs Gabrielle and pulls her along the wall and they sneak up behind the guards. Iolaus gives Gabrielle instructions “Gabby, you take the bozo on the right and I’ll take the one on the left now on the count of three..one..two..three!”
Gabrielle uses her staff and knocks the guard off his feet and then she uses the end of her staff to give the guard one mean thump on the head. Iolaus butts heads with the guard on the left and then kicks the guard in the groin. The guard goes down hard. Two more guards come up behind Iolaus..Gabrielle yells “Behind you Iolaus!”
Iolaus swivels around in time to see an invisible force smash the guards two heads together and then this same invisible forces throws both guards against the wall as if they weighed like feathers. Gabrielle and Iolaus stare at the unconscious guards in wonder and surprise forgetting for a moment where they are, Gabrielle exclaims “What was that?”
In a low voice that only Gabrielle could hear, Iolaus whispers “Thanks Herc for watching my back!”
Iolaus quickly picks the jail lock and rescues Salmonius and the other slavers from the slave pen.
(Meanwhile at the slavers headquarters, Xena is vastly outnumbered)
Xena gives her famous war cry “Adadadada!” as she lands on the table where the slavers are all assembled. Instantly, Xena uses her chakram to knock the majority of the slavers out of commission. As Xena catches her chakram, one of the slavers grabs Xena around her legs using a whip..Xena goes down. This slaver has the strength of a demi-God and Xena is fighting a losing battle as she finds herself pinned under the beefy arms of a very hygienically-challenged half God..
“Hello, Xena..so we meet again.. I am Bachius..son of Bachus..you know you killed my father..I knew capturing Salmonious would bring you here..”
Xena snarls “So this was a trap!..should have known that only you could set such a stupid one..I’ll have you know that as we speak your slaves are ALL escaping!”
Bachius snarls back “I don’t care about the slaves..I’m not a real slaver..I only want to kill you..you killed my father and now I will kill you!”
Suddenly a voice rings out from nowhere “Not today you won’t!” Suddenly an invisible forces throws Bachius the demi-God halfway across the room. Xena gets up and throws her chakram which hits Bachius straight into the back of his head leaving him completely dead. Dazed at having seen an invisible being throw Bachius across the room, Xena cries “Is that you, Hercules? Where are you Hercules?”
In a rather resigned voice Hercules answers “I can’t talk with you right now..Iolaus needs my help! I promise I’ll explain later..”
Xena scratches her head “You’d better explain this one, Hercules!” She goes to meet Iolaus, Salmonious and Gabrielle at their designated rendez-vous point.
Xena sees Iolaus, Gabrielle and Salmonious at the rendez-vous point. Xena normally not a very talkative person is still unhinged by seeing an invisible Hercules sling Bachius halfway across the room..
“Iolaus..ah..I don’t know how to tell you this..but Hercules..ah..I mean..I didn’t exactly see him..I mean..he was invisible..ah..he flung Bachius..across the room..and he wasn’t even here..”
Gabrielle also adds in her 2 cents “I didn’t know it was Hercules..but I saw an invisible being smash two guards’ head together..then this being flung the guards against the wall..he..it..saved Iolaus’ life..was that Hercules?”
“Okay, Xena, Gabrielle it’s a long story” Iolaus sits down and explains the whole escapade involving how Sispyus fooled Timeron..and how Hercules is now a shade in the Underworld while Timeron borrows his body to have his honeymoon.
Xena gives Gabrielle a smile as she whispers to Gabrielle “Timeron might have Hercules’ body..but this Daphne is getting to know Hercules on a biblical level..”
Gabrielle disagrees “Well, technically no..I mean Daphne is still making love with Timeron..it is Timeron’s soul inside Hercules’ body..”
Yes, it is Timeron’s soul inside Hercules’ body” acknowledges the Warrior Princess “but it’s Hercules’ body parts that’s orchestrating the honeymoon if you get my drift..believe you me, Hercules has one gorgeous body!”
“Ahh..” realization dawns on Gabrielle as she understands Xena’s point “You’re right..ah..Hercules is a very good-looking man..”
Xena whispers conspiratically to Gabrielle “You don’t know the half of it!”
Iolaus returns from hunting and lays two rabbits into the pit for cooking as he sees Xena and Gabrielle obviously whispering about something juicy “Okay..okay..girls..what are you talking about?”
Xena and Gabrielle both give Iolaus the “Who me? innocent look “Nothing..Iolaus..ah..just wondering how Hercules must feel being a shade in the Underworld that’s all..!”
Iolaus preoccupied with cooking dinner does not notice the undertone in both girl’s speech pattern as he turns the spittle roasting the two rabbits on the pit “I don’t know..it’s been close to 12 hours already..Herc has 12 more hours in the Underworld..he can’t sleep..I wonder how he’s going to spend the second 12 hours while we sleep?”
Xena whispers to Gabrielle “I don’t know what Hercules, the shade is going to do..but I have a pretty good idea what Hercules, the body will be doing” Gabrielle and Xena giggle.
Luckily, Iolaus is too busy eating what he has catched and setting dinner for Xena and Gabrielle to notice. “You know, Xena..Gabby..I’m starved..fighting slavers sure gives a guy an appetite!”
Xena looks around and notices Salmonious missing “Where’s Salmonious?”
“Oh, Sal..he decided to go into the nearest village to sell an idea he has..he told me..he wanted to thank you guys for rescuring him from the slavers. Frankly I think Salmonious went to the inn to take a bath..those slavers really did stink..anyway I think after I eat I’ll turn in. It’s been a long day.
Iolaus cleans up camp and gets into his bedroll for the night. Gabrielle and Xena go into the lake to wash up and bathe before turning in for the night.
(The next morning, they find a scroll next to their bedrolls)
Dear Xena,
I’ve headed for Corinth to help Jason take care of Alchemene. This morning when I got up to bathe at a lake, a messenger came by with an emergency scroll..Alchemene has a fever and so I’ve gone to Alchemene’s house..if you need me for anything, you can find me there.
Iolaus
After spending the morning caring for Alchemene, Iolaus decides to head for the nearest tavern to get himself a tankard of ale.
CHAPTER 2 (The last 12 hours)
Joxer, the Mighty decides to head for Corinth to get a drink. He sees Iolaus sitting by the bar. He saunters over to Iolaus and strikes up a friendly conversation with the Golden Hunter.
“Iolaus, fancy meeting you here in Corinth..” Joxer looks around the tavern as if searching for a missing person. “By the way, where’s Hercules?”
Iolaus gives Joxer an annoyed look “Joxer, I don’t always travel with Hercules you know! I do have a life!” Iolaus sees the hurt look and Joxer’s face and backs off.
“Look I’m sorry Joxer..I’ve just had a rough night and I shouldn’t be taking it out on you…I’ve come back to Corinth because Alchmene is ill..Jason needed an extra pair of hands to help her out..”
Joxer scratches his silver helmet in bewilderment as he asks “Well if Hercules’ mother is sick..why isn’t Hercules here to take care of his mother?”
Iolaus does not want Joxer to know that Hercules is a shade to protect Hercules from potential predators who might take advantage of Hercules in his present vulnerable state..predators like Ares..who might look for Hercules’ body and kill it rendering Hercules a permanent member of the Underworld “Ah..Joxer..Hercules is very busy right now..taking care of something else very personal..”
“You mean something personal that’s more important than his own mother? I always thought that Hercules was kind of a Momma’s boy..” continues a very puzzled Joxer.
“Look Joxer..unless you have something important to say to me..I have to get back to Jason’s and help out with Alchemene..”
Iolaus finishes his tankard of ale in one gulp and throws a dinar on the bar and is getting ready to leave.
“No, wait..Iolaus..I did have something important to tell you. Don’t leave just yet!” pleads Joxer.
“Alright” Iolaus thumps his foot on the ground impatiently “This had better be good!”
Joxer sits right beside Iolaus and starts his long tale “The past 12 hours..have been incredible..there’s this invisible force..no one knows who it is..it has smashed the heads of several warlords..slavers..thugs..I mean this invisible “hero” has thrown any number of warlords, slavers and thugs into prison. I was in Athens..two powerful warlords were eating outside..suddenly their bodies were lifted in the air..something smashed their heads together and Cradus and Gladius were out like a light. Then something lifted these bodies in the air and threw them into jail. It was incredible. All over Greece, travelers have been talking about being rescued from thugs by some invisible creature..always the same MO..smashed heads..throw bad guy into the tree..then the bodies are carried to the nearest magistrate..very very strange..do you think it’s one of the Gods? If so which one? Iolaus what do you make of all of this?”
Salmonious walks up to the bar and starts to talk with his mouth full of food “Iolaus, Joxer, you won’t believe what I saw at Ares temple..!”
Joxer looks at Salmonious with disbelief “What were YOU doing at Ares temple?”
Salmonious exclaims “Well..ah..Ares didn’t like the action Ares doll I was selling in the marketplace..he said that the Ares doll was..ah..too small..”
Iolaus gives Salmonious a puzzled look as he folds his hands on his chest “No, I don’t want to know..alright..too small?”
Salmonious studies the wood grain on the bar as he answers “Well yeah..Ares says that the Ares action doll was anatomically too small..Ares says he has a reputation to maintain with the ladies..”
“Anyway..Iolaus..Joxer..about this invisible being that Joxer was talking about..you know the one who beat the slavers..the thugs..etc..well this invisible being also beat up Ares..there I was..Ares was about to choke the life out of me..and then this voice came from everywhere at once..it said “No not today Ares..you will pick on someone your own size..” The next thing I know this invisible being throws Ares across the room..Ares looks around and growls “Who are you? Show yourself!” And the only response he got was a whack on the head..Ares went flying out of his temple and he took the wall out with him..there’s now a big hole in Ares’ temple..anyway I did the only wise thing I could think of..I ran for my life!”
Iolaus rolls his eyes around and in a low whisper he says “So now I know what you’ve been doing with yourself, Herc..nice going!” Iolaus salutes the invisible Hercules “To Herc..my best buddy..and thanks for saving my skin today..I would have been bacon if it weren’t for you..oops..sorry Herc..didn’t mean the bad pun with bacon..considering you were once a pig!” Somewhere in the Underworld, Hercules bellows with laughter as he quips “Only you, Iolaus..can come up with such bad jokes..only you..!”
Hades returns to the Underworld “So, Hercules..had fun as a shade? Zeus kept me on Olympus for 24 hours whining about Hera..I don’t know why I bother..but Zeus is my brother..well anything exciting go on here in the Underworld while I’ve been gone?”
Hercules looks to the floor and says “Not a thing..Hades..not a thing!”
THE END