'Front' interview
Attitude/January 2000

The Divine David, not so much agent as wing commander provocateur of the portentiously titled alternative arts, has a new TV series starting this month. “I am interviewing people with problems: they may be psychological problems, like the dog with an oedipal complex, or they may be as simple as noises in people’s heads”. Obviously it will all be too exciting for words. But Front is far more interested in the personal progressions of the Divine one, who has surprised the rareified community of his native Manchester by marrying – marrying! – Tina The Toilet Slut in a public ceremony at the Green Room theatre. Cripes.

“I’ve made mistakes in the past and I don’t mind admitting them,” states his royal Divineness, “But this time itr’s for keeps. A lot of people will think that we are making a mockery of the celebration of marriage but I would like it to be known that we are fully aware of the solemnity of the occasion.” The romance of David and his new spouse wasa something of a two week whitrlwind, but so itvching was he to, ahem, consumate his new found friendship he could barely wait a moment longer. “I wanted it all to be legal in the eyes of cod,” he says ever the mystery monsieur.

But who on earth is this Toilet Slut by the name of Tina that has robbed the hand of the permier performance artiste of his epoch? Time for an introduction. “Let me explain my position,” coos the rarified bride, “I was actually married with three children and drove a refridgerated van throuought thre day, byut on meeting David I was…” he trails off. Stuck for words, perhaps? “Exactly. I am interested in gender dysphoria. I like to ‘feminise’ – a word I aquired from a psychiatrist in the Manchester suburb of Gorton. It essentially means wearing womens underwear.”

This sounds like a marriage made in gender dysfunction heaven. Does David not consider himself to have embraced the mainstream by entering into such a holy union, though? “I have spent so much time building up my career,” he finnishes, “that I feel I am owed a little happiness.” Toast to that, if you will.

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