Monday, August 04, 2003 I need to sleep. I also need someone to pat me on my head and to say it's alright that they'll mother/parent me until the cows come home. I'm a brat, no pretensions about that. I'm still marginally awake now but come after lunch I'm sure I'm going to drop dead for staying up last night to finish this report I'm polishing up now. Typing is a lot harder at the moment and my brain thinks faster than my hands can respond. On the nice side tho', I'm finally able to open Reins' pressie and if God be willing I'll go home early to sleep tonight. Gran is preparing bird's nest - she says I need it. kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at 11:30 AM [link | | ] ... a beauty, a warrior, mine, my sole desire ... Sunday, August 03, 2003 My handphone is at the doctor's. Will not get it back until Thurs. Will not be able to respond to SMS or calls unless I dig up that silly other old phone of mine which I'm loathed to use. Communicate by email, as long as I'm awake I'll be checking every now and then yo. Or call me at the office. kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at 11:20 PM [link | | ] ... a beauty, a warrior, mine, my sole desire ... We bid our last goodbyes. I will love her and miss her always. ------------ Pupil-san, you are soooo not blaming that on me too are you? And you can't say I made cha insane, you had the potential and your uncle *nudge nudge* just brought it out in you. Hmm, why don't you share my Jap textbooks, that way you'll save on $ there because you won't need to buy supplements. Can't help you in the flute department tho. Had a bit of a slight debate with mama. Not serious but I dislike my relatives with a vengence. Thinks Sirius Black and his family? Mind you I don't pretend to be in the right in fact I probably am in the wrong but the relationship has always been sour from day one. I'm a lousy critter. Throw one stone at me and I return it with a nuclear missle - very unlike what I should be but I find it hard to smile and walk away where relatives are concerned. With friends I'll just cut you off until we're ready to talk on a superficial basis but with relatives I don't know why I tend to get my pound of flesh with interest in the most painful way possible. Objectively it is all childhood grudges but I can't seem to let go. I hate being mocked. Perhaps it is true, I'm a total lout. *shrugs* Second point was, what's the cure to shyness? She has a new colleague who is so shy she cries when she gets sharp words from the others -which is not so unlikely given the stress at work. I disagree with my mum that she has to do something so her subordinates will be nice to this girl under her wing. I told her she could ask her girls to be nice to this new girl but unless the new girl makes up her mind to be rid of her shyness, it's going to be a bad bad idea. Mama asked me what could cure the girl and to me it's simple: patient needs a new motto in life but she has got to make up her mind about it if not those who try to help her will end up resenting her clinging onto them and leeching off them. Having been there and done that, I can tell you, if you act shy and cute and uncertain and fret about why you aren't as cool as so and so friend and as hip and so and so friend, you just make your friends flee from your presence even if they remain concerned about you. You are who you are - if you don't like yourself, no one will honey. Friends can help you up to so far but you're the one who has to push the button. Seriously, three years of playing cheerleader is even with affection for the aforesaid friend, extremely painful since she never wanted to cheer up. I think I gave up when I reached the point I wanted to hit her on the head - stop telling me you want to change when all you really want to do is whine and make me sit down to humour you. I know changing oneself is not easy. Bizzare and unbelievable as it sounds, I used to be good and shy and horribly uncertain - briefly until I decided the fangs needed flesh to sink into and I was sick of chewing on my own gums. Literally woke up one day and started acting the opposite of what I would have usually done. It's extreme but that's the only way to break the rut. My classmates and teachers were shocked for a while but hey, you can always "change" yourself at a more convenient time e.g. between jobs or school etc. etc. or pretend to smoke pot and blame it on the zen the fumes induce. *runs off to terrorise the world* The solution to being miserable: insanity, good old insanity. Ototo-chan, I know you're busy and I don't want to impose too much but any luck with the "FIC" and my scans? See ya on Saturday gutter-ers? We need to raid the temple library - both branches!!! ~ runs off to do work (another 170 pages to go) ... kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at 10:56 PM [link | | ] ... a beauty, a warrior, mine, my sole desire ... Saturday, August 02, 2003 To Kill a King was a nice movie. I must admit though, I was a little sad to see Charles' head fly. SF, you feeling better? Em, glad you found your phone back. Heh heh, until I read your blog I wasn't too sure why it was your mum answering my SMS-s to you. Thanks for the movie recommendation Ange. Ganbette, okite kudasai Alex *ducks tomatoes* ------------ To my dearest teacher who has taught me music for the last 20 years. Dear Ms L I will remember all our times together. The times we quarreled over composition, the times when I insisted on a dominant 7th chord and you said a diminished 7th would suffice. I will remember the times when we sat down for sushi, the times when you told me of your school days in London. I will remember the duets we played, the times we went to my exams in anticipation and celebrated the results. I will miss you and I did wish I had brought forward our lunch appointment next week by a fortnight but I am grateful for our times together. Remember me as I will miss you. We will meet in the land flowing with milk and honey and where angelic voices sing ... God be willing. As you lie down to sleep the long sleep, and at the risk of sounding like a cheesy ABBA song, thank you for the music you have left in our lives. Your pupil, Kit < edit > Until I saw the body in the coffin I couldn't believe it had really happened. This is another of those "death" years. I don't know why but every 2 to 3 years there will be one particular year when I lose so many loved ones within a short time it feels like a nightmare. The funeral is tomorrow evening - I will go. I was talking to her niece who was basically running the show since my teacher never married or adopted children. It feels so sureal talking about my teacher and learning about what she told her niece of me. I'm supposed to go pick up some music my teacher wrote because her niece says I should probably have them. And twice again this year, my heart breaks. < /edit > kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at 11:04 AM [link | | ] ... a beauty, a warrior, mine, my sole desire ... Thursday, July 31, 2003 I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. Yes you heard me right ... am SOOOO dead. kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at 12:17 PM [link | | ] ... a beauty, a warrior, mine, my sole desire ... Monday, July 28, 2003 Nearly forgot kanji dictionary ... ugh must make list of things to buy on the 9th. BTW Ototo-sama, you'll be proud to know I've not smoked the whole week ^___^ kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at 1:39 AM [link | | ] ... a beauty, a warrior, mine, my sole desire ... Ahhh ... forgot, must pick up cheque book, arrange dinner with old gang (10 years is a long time to not have met up) and buy felt to make Integra plushie. And pupil-san says the dictionary should have my picture under the definition for 'strange' *grumbles* kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at 1:35 AM [link | | ] ... a beauty, a warrior, mine, my sole desire ... Hmm ... got quite a bit of sleep of late these last 2 days although my basketball remains dusty, my room remains horribly messy with my clothes and manga all over the place etc. etc. I did manage to try out the chocolate raspberry cake, or part of it. Not too bad. Need to work on getting an oven and on presentation. Found a manga that predicts what pupil-san will be like 10 years from now. *laughs evilly* Nii, you sound like you got stalkers. Saiyuki whinny Singaporean 15 year olds stalking you? Kami-sama, thanks for the tickets. See ya and Hakkai on Friday and hope you guys enjoy ya dance classes. Call me after class and if I'm around in the office, we might be able to catch a drink or something. I really have nothing much to say about this weekend. It was wasted but that in itself is not necessary a bad thing. Am starting to whine. Lily, if you're reading this. Read the Jap class ML (yes I like my intermediate class enuff to start a ML with them Em, I wish you better classmates in Elem 2 and Inter 1 to 4) - thinking of running our own extra-Jap class (gosh the "DA"). List of things to buy in Kino on National Day - Hellsing volume 2 Hot Tatics 2 Manga Jap advance books - $80 and $60 ones ^ ^;; Postcards Stationary Copic markers Envelopes Envelope seals Drawing papers New nibs etc. You know, my scheme to retire early is not going to work if I don't rein in the newly gained bad habit of shopping sprees. Want more clothes too ... some of my earlier work jackets need to be replaced and I think I'm getting fat *boo hoo* Ah scr*w it ... I'm going to bed and tomorrow can worry about itself (as well as my in-tray, it should really try strangling itself ^__^) kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at 1:35 AM [link | | ] ... a beauty, a warrior, mine, my sole desire ... Sunday, July 27, 2003 Murphy's law dictates that if you have lots of work, lots of homework and lots of things to do, thou shall wake up at 6. 6 pm that is ... and does my head hurt. I can't believe it. Am so dead. Nii, how was the test? ~ watch Kit die tomorrow PS: I just got my doujinshi from Japan - Seras outsemes Integra? Impossible ... ughhhh ... kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at 2:37 AM [link | | ] ... a beauty, a warrior, mine, my sole desire ... ... how long has it been since I wanted her for mine ... how long will it be before she comes? ... oh come my love, oh come my pride, Together we will rule the nite ... |
 This is the Alucard part of a special Hellsing series created for Valentines ... click here for Integra's version We R BB –
     Thanks to Val and Reins for help with the blog's code. Dry your tears milady Call on me if you need I will be your comfort, Oh my love, remember me ...  
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