"Akron In Reverse, Part II: Surprise! Surprise!" Written by Jennifer Cleckley (RottinKid@aol.com) and Jerry D. Withers (Furrball T. Cat)(jerrywithers@hotmail.com) -0- It was a Friday night that Miranda and RuBarb happened to meet on their way to band practice. It was a nice night, and not a bad one to be walking, but the kitten found it rather amusing that Miranda was hoofing it, too. The mink's preferred mode of transportation was a souped-up skateboard that had, now that she no longer needed it, recently taken the place of her wheelchair in her experiments in customization. "What happened to your wheels?" Rue queried with a slight smile. Miranda grimaced a bit, and shrugged. "Father took them away. One of the Feds told him about my flying with it," the young mink said with a chagrined grin. "The F.A.A. wants me to pass another pilot's license exam before he'll give them back." They reached the Carrottes' house, and walked up the walk. Miranda started to reach for the doorbell, the ring on her finger glimmering in the evening's light, bringing to mind Leo's impulsive, and rather public, proposal. "How does it feel, Miranda?" RuBarb asked impulsively. Nigel had yet to ask her... but she was certain that he would... "Oh, I don't really mind it so much," she shrugged. "It's the bother of having to go through it all over again just so I won't be considered an air traffic safety hazard..." "Huh?" Rue asked, and then broke up laughing. "No, Miranda, I meant _that_..." and she pointed to the mink's ring. "Well, I still am getting used to wearing a ring, and it's really nice to know that Leo cares so much, despite his groupies..." Miranda started. "But?" "But it's quite a big step... I'm kinda nervous about it, despite our having a leisurely engagement." "I guess that's only natural," RuBarb started, and would have said more if it wasn't for the door opening just then. Leo stood there with a welcoming grin on his handsome face, and pulled them both in. "Hallo, m'luv," he uttered giving Miranda a brief but intense kiss. "Hallo, Rue." He then gave RuBarb a very brotherly buss on the cheek, and started leading them to the kitchen. "Practice is goin' to be a smidge late, so Lizzy's on the phone negotiating the nightmare of parents everywhere." "No! You mean Lizbeth is trying to get my Mom to agree to a co-ed sleepover?" Miranda quipped. "How'd you know?" reposted Leo in surprise. "So far she's promised to lock us in separate rooms, so she's bound to capitulate, eventually." Miranda sighed slightly. "Why is practice going to be so late that we have to turn it into a sleepover, anyway?" queried the bespectacled mink. "Yeah," added RuBarb, as she looked about the warm, cozy kitchen, "and where's Nigel?" "YES!" Lizbeth uttered triumphantly, as she began to dance about the phone. "She agreed!" "Well, that's good," observed Miranda drolly. "What'd you promise? To chain us to the walls?" "Wot? NO! Mrs. Mink just told me to make sure that you don't practice for your honeymoon, wotever THAT means," Lizbeth mused with a shrug. "'Auntie' Reg was a smidge easier, to be honest." "And Nigel's absence from the kitchen is part of the reason why we're goin' for a sleepover. Y'see, something happened on this date, when we were still in England. Remembering it tends to make dear Nigel a smidge melancholy," Lionel quickly explained. "He's up in the loft, remembering." "What happened?" RuBarb asked. "That's something you've got to get Nigel to tell you, Rue. We'll fill Miranda in. Why don't you go on up, and see if you can pry Nige out of the loft? He's sure to tell you all about it if you ask him," Lizbeth replied with a sigh. "You take the lift, we'll start dinner, and tell Miranda all about it." "Okay," ventured RuBarb, as she walked to the lift. She pushed the button, and was whooshed away. Meanwhile Miranda was about to ask, when another question intruded. "You guys cook?" she asked. "Only vegetarian pizza. For more exotic recipes, you've gotta see either Mum, or Nigel," Leo replied. "Even then we tend to cheat a smidge. After all, if you 'ad to wait on us to actually do some of this stuff, you'd starve." -0- RuBarb entered the loft, padding around in semidarkness, her eyes quickly adjusting to the silvery light. Obviously the loft was intended for the trio to gather, and have gatherings. A stereo system was arranged on some shelves, with speakers ranged about the room for a more even sound. Chairs and couches were placed in cozy groups for ease of chatting, and relaxing with friends. There was even a window seat where one could watch the stars. Nigel was taking up about half of it, gazing up at the moon with a contemplative expression. "Nigel?" ventured Rue, as she padded across the room. "Hm? Oh, it's you," Nigel said, starting at first, then his expression warming. She gazed into his eyes, wondering how anyone could find them unnerving. True, being an albino meant that Nigel had red pupils on light salmon irises, but there was a warmth, and kindness that always showed in those eyes. Nigel got up, and came over to grasp her hands. He then led her back to the window seat, and sat with her. "I was just remembering some things..." He gazed into her eyes again with the shy smile that always made Rue melt, and then added: "And counting my blessings." The way he said it, and the way he looked into her eyes when he did made it perfectly clear that he considered her one of them. RuBarb was speechless for several long minutes, touched by her rat's sentiment. Finally she found her voice. "Uhm, Nige? Can I ask you something?" "You're wondering why I'm sulking up here?" Nigel guessed. At her nod, he sighed, shaking his head. "It's a long story. Should take up the time that my siblings need to cobble together a pizza. Though... You won't get *too* upset, will you?" "Why would I get upset?" "Cos I haven't told you about it, earlier." "Hm... Good point. But I won't get upset. Some things you need to tell in your own time, not by someone else's time schedule," RuBarb replied. Nigel squeezed her fingers, gently, as he flashed her a brief smile. "Well," he sighed. "The main problem was with a girl. Alas, it is true that I had a crush before I met you, RuBarb, and when I was still attending SoHo Prep with my siblings, my taste did not run to vegetarian carnivores. Her name was Jessimyn DuVrees. *Lady* Jessimyn DuVrees. At the time I thought the sun rose, and set in her eyes..." -0- "It started with this bloody snob of an aristo named Lady Jessimyn DuVrees," Lizbeth uttered, taking out two premade (by their mother) pizza crusts and plopping them onto the pans. "She was this little delicate fluffball of an albino bunny that Nigel went gaga for." "Waitamin! Rue wasn't Nigel's first crush?" Miranda asked, as she grated the cheese. "Nope. Lady Jessie was. Not that she deserved his attention," observed Leo. "For weeks Nigel just watched her from afar, as he scrimped and saved, even taking a paper route to add to his savings. Y'see he was planning on asking her out, fancy night on the town, with a posh restaurant and trip to the theatre." "All the while, Lady Jessie was doin' the do's wot aristos do, gettin' in with all the nobby snobs, an' wot not. She was even on the SoHo basketball team, since it was so fashionable at the time. After all, she didn't 'ave to do anything more than bounce the ball a few times, and hand it to me," Lizbeth grumbled. "So Jessimyn is becoming the proper aristo Lady under the tutelage of both our teachers, and our classmates, and all the while our Nigel is both studying, and trying to scrape together enough bob to take her out for a posh dinner and then to the theatre. Then comes the fateful day," Leo uttered... -0- "I had dressed in my second best for school, that day, trying to make a good impression. Just after the final bell of the day, I went up to her, bowed, and very politely asked her out. Jessimyn looked at me like I was something utterly vile that was scraped off a sewer worker's shoes, and asked me who I thought I was asking _her_ out. She then, in no uncertain terms, told me exactly what she thought of me. 'Low born, no name, adopted out of pity Cockney rat', was the least of her descriptions," Nigel said, through gritted teeth, as he clenched his hands. "Nigel..." "That was my introduction to the fact that someone could be so beautiful outside and so... well, *ugly* inside..." "*Nigel*..." "Needless to say, Rue, that didn't do any wonders for my self-esteem, which was already low to begin with. For a long while after that, I even began to question just why Mum and Da adopted me in the first place. In other words, I was crushed..." "Speaking of *which*, Nigel..." "Oh, I'm sorry, Rue, you were saying...?" "You're crushing my fingers..." RuBarb said slowly, and it was then that Nigel realized he hadn't let go of her hands when he started clenching *his*! "Oy!" he replied, quickly releasing Rue's hands, and cringing in complete embarrassment. "I'm sorry, luv... I hadn't realised..." "No, Nigel, that's okay," Rue sighed. "I don't use them except to play the bass and hold pencils and stuff, anyway..." she laughed weakly. This was yet another side of Nigel she had never seen before. She shook her hands until the feeling returned. "Nige," RuBarb asked softly, "you never really got over it, did you?" Nigel replied by simply smiling wanly. "I didn't think so..." She sighed and rested her head on her rat's shoulder. "I don't know, Nige. Will we ever be as happy as Leo and Miranda are? Or Lizzy and Adam? Those guys have got that being happy stuff down pat; and look at us. I mean, sometimes I wonder just what the heck it is you see in me, anyway; gosh knows, you don't deserve the way I treat you sometimes, any more than you deserved the way what's-her-face treated you..." "Lady Jessimyn, and let's not talk about her any more," Nigel said, wrapping his arms around Rue and holding her close, running his hands through her hair. "Your treatment of me, though, has never been truly malicious. You are less prone to slash first and ask questions later, nowadays, though there have been times when I've been truly insensitive." Nigel chuckled, as he nuzzled her hair. "We've become quite good at the art of kissing and making up," he whispered in her ear. Rue giggled, murmuring an agreement. "To be honest, though, I really don't know what exactly it is I see in you..." "What?" "Perhaps it's not seeing anything *in* you, but more like seeing *you*, if that makes any sense..." Nigel mused. "I see you as a wonderful person, who has a lot of patience, and can be understanding, when her temper's on its leash. I see that you are a caring soul, who'd willingly sacrifice anything for her friends should they need it. I guess what I see in you is you. A wonderful toony being whom I've come to care about very much." Rue bowed her head, half-closed her eyes, and drawled, "Aw, shucks, 'twern't nuthin'." Nigel looked thoughtful, as if he had just come to a decision, as he reached into his shorts pocket. "I was semi-planning on saving this for the next dance," he said, with a chuckle, "and being rather public about it... But this, I think, is far, far better." "Nigel, what are you talking about?" RuBarb asked, puzzled. "You asked if I thought we could be happy together," Nigel said, placing a small velvet covered box into Rue's paws. "My answer is yes. Now what is your answer to _my_ question going to be, Rue?" RuBarb's hands shook as she opened the box, revealing the beautiful emerald ring that lay inside it. Stunned, the kitten stared at it for a long moment, before turning her emerald green eyes back to her rat. Nigel slipped from the window seat to kneel before her, taking the ring from the box, and slipping it onto her finger. "Rudelle Barbara Purrenstein, would you allow me the great honour of becoming your husband? Will you marry me?" Rue's scream could be heard clear down in the kitchen. Leo looked up. "'E's either proposed to her, or showed her 'is toenail clippings again." "I do hope you're kidding, Leo," Lizbeth uttered with a sigh, as Miranda looked slightly grossed out. "'Course I was, Liz," the blond bunny assured everybody with a grin. "Nigel couldn't be that crude, even to Roddy." "Good thing," Miranda quipped. "We all know what would happen if he tried it with Rue." All three winced at the thought, then stiffened at a strange slithery sound. They turned, and watched in amazement as the wallpaper in the dining room slid down the walls to land with a *fwump*. "Think she's accepted?" queried Lizzy. "Mmmmmmmm.... could be," Lionel mused. "The wallpaper gets steamed off the dining room, and he says 'could be'?" Miranda asked no one in particular. "Care to do the honours?" Liz asked. "Don't see why not," Leo uttered, going to the intercom. He clicked it on, and said, "Don't s'pose you two could unclench yourselves long enough to go on a wallpaper paste run, could you?" Liz grabbed a glass of water, and sipped it lazily while Nige and Rue eventually emerged from the elevator. As they were within speaking distance, Miranda slyly remarked, "Practicing for our honeymoon, were we?" Lizzy did a spit take that completely doused the poor pair. Nigel sighed with the stoic reservation that only the British can exhibit, and gave both Liz and Miranda a cool look. "Certainly not," he uttered, calmly walking between them. Then, JUST as calmly, he shook himself vigorously, getting both mink and bunny profoundly wet. "Don't need to have to elope, don't you know?" he added ever-so-casually, causing his sister to wince sheepishly. Nigel reached behind his back as he smiled merrily, and handed Liz and Miranda towels, before he brought out a blow dryer, and applied it to Rue, who looked rather amused at the whole episode. "That wasn't the ONLY reason, brother dear," Lizbeth sighed, drying herself off. "After you see all the stuff that our parents will plan to put you through, you might just decide to slip off for a private ceremony yourselves." "And ruin their fun?" Nigel asked mildly. "Uhm, what's this about reasons and eloping?" Miranda asked, as Leo chuckled. "Let's just say that dear Lizzy knows more about 'practising for the honeymoon' than she's willin' to admit," he said with a sly grin. "And let's completely drop the subject, shall we?" Liz uttered, getting up. "You two need to get wallpaper paste, so's we can fix the dining room before Mum and Da get home, or it's curtains for us." -0- Once Nigel and Rue had returned from the Acme Home Warehouse, the group carefully planned their strategy. "Okay, how do we do this?" Miranda asked, a little uncertain about participating in this. "The way the bloke at the store explained it to us, it should be a piece of cake," Nigel smiled. "One of us spreads the paste on the wall..." He quickly gauged the size of the project. "Let's see... I think Leo can handle that part... and we'll need at least two of you to hold the paper steady at the bottom -- Miranda, why don't you and Rue do that?" "I've got no problem with it," the mink smiled. "I guess I don't have to be tall for that." "My thinking exactly," the albino rat noted with a chuckle. "And let's see... that leaves Liz and I to handle the final part." "Which is?" Rue asked. "Putting the paper on the wall, of course," Liz giggled. "Like Nigel said, it should be a piece of cake." "Wait a minute," Leo interrupted. "If you four are gonna be busy with all that, what do *I* do once I get the paste up?" "Ah, yes," Nigel stated solemnly. "Lionel, dear brother, once you have the paste in place, so to speak, you have the most important job of any of us." "And that would be...?" "What else? You keep a watch out front and let us know when Mum and Da come home!" "Ahhhh..." Leo laughed. "I s'pose I can do that, no problem!" "All right, troops, are we ready?" Nige asked, as he stood next to the barren wall panel. The other four Loonies snapped to attention. "Close enough for pub rock... 3... 2... 1... GO!!" he shouted. With almost frightening speed, the group went through their paces exactly as planned; first Leo spread the paste on the wall in record time; then Miranda and RuBarb aligned the paper along the baseboard with pinpoint accuracy, while Liz hoisted the brooms, ready to hand one to Nige at a second's notice. Unfortunately, as Leo passed by the front window, he noticed Sir Rupert's Bentley pull into the drive. "They're here!" he shouted. "REALP!!!" replied Nigel, who jumped in response... unfortunately, he wound up sticking to the wall; and Liz, in a panic, and not waiting for Nigel, proceeded to finish the job all by herself, covering poor Nige with the wallpaper! The girls managed to get the equipment into the elevator _just_ as Rupert and Lillian stepped through the front door. "Hi, Mum, Da!" Liz greeted them. "Hello, Lizbeth," Rupert greeted her in return. "Good evening, ladies." "Evening, Sir Rupert," Miranda and Rue chorused politely. "Hello, boys," Lillian said. "'Ello, mum," Leo replied. From behind the wallpaper, Nigel said, "mmmmmfffmmmmmfffff..." There was an embarrassed pause while Lilly and Rupert looked first at each other with a curious glance, then at the Loonies, and then finally at the freshly pasted dining room wall. Walking over to it, Rupert asked casually, "Dear, do you know if there are any house doctors who make calls this time of night?" "Why do you ask?" "I'm not sure, but either our son has managed to get himself stuck behind the wallpaper, or our dining room is developing a rather nasty boil!" "mmmmmmfffffmmmmmmm..." "Yes. I suspected as much," Rupert noted wryly. He then exited the dining room briefly, only to return a split second later with his favorite fencing sword. Quicker than Miranda could gasp, Rupert wielded his foil with the aplomb of an expert, cutting a perfect outline of Nigel into the wallpaper. The paper then *fwumped* onto the floor, revealing a very embarrassed Nigel (who was still stuck to the wall). "Er... good evening, Father," Nigel said, with his usual cheese-eating grin. Rupert eyed him calmly. "Hello, son. Is there something we should know about?" "Yes, there is, as a matter of fact, but this isn't it..." Rupert turned his gaze heavenward. "I can't wait to find out what it *is*, then..." he muttered. "Would I be correct in assuming the state of the dining room wallpaper has something to do with it?" "Why would you ask that?" "Nothing I can put my finger on, per se," Rupert said with a wry sort of disdain, "but when we left earlier this evening, I could have *sworn* that the pattern was right side up." Nigel looked to his right, and then to his left, and sure enough, the wallpaper had been pasted on upside down! "Eep!" the girls remarked as one. Leo casually noted, "That's one down and nine to go..." "Why didn't you just call the animators?" Lillian inquired. The Loonies gave her their best cheese-eating grins. "Never mind, I'll do it," she giggled. "Wait!" Rupert halted her. "Can someone give me a hand with Nigel here?" "Hold on, let's not be hasty!" Nigel remarked frantically. "Let me," Rue volunteered, and grabbing his hands, they pulled Nigel off the wall with one mighty yank, oblivious to the terror in his eyes. "YOWWWWWWWW!" he screamed, as bits of his fur still clung to the wall. "Ay! Go easy on the material!" "Quit complaining, it'll grow back," Rue noted dourly. "Okay, Mrs. C., go for it." "Gladly," she smiled; and putting her finger and thumb to her mouth, let fly with a loud whistle. Immediately, a giant paintbrush appeared from out of nowhere and repainted the dining room walls with the proper design. "There, that's better," Lilly noted with satisfaction. "Why on earth didn't *we* think of that?" Miranda asked. "Now *what* happened to the wallpaper?" Rupert inquired. Lizzie sniffed the air frantically. "Can we tell you in a minute, Da? Our pizzas are just about to enter the burning stage!" With that, the Loonies made a mad dash to the kitchen to try and head off impending culinary disaster. -0- In the meantime, a mother and her teenage daughter were getting used to their new surroundings on the other side of Acme Acres. The girl was a pretty young albino bunny with red-on-salmon eyes, which were shaded by a pair of light purple-gray polarized glasses. "Mummy," she asked in a delicate British accent, "do you *really* think we'll be happy here?" "That's hard to say, dear," her mother replied. "I know suburbia *is* a bit of a bringdown from what we were used to..." "Oh, fiffle," the girl said gaily. "I don't care about that. Not anymore. I just want to go to a normal school and be like a normal teenager... what did you say the name of that place was again, Mummy?" Her mother fished around in her dress pockets. "Oh, I have it written down somewhere... ah, here it is. 'Acme Looniversity.' And for heaven's sake, dear, I wish you'd stop calling me 'Mummy' all the time. It makes me feel like I should be wrapped up in gauze and chasing Brendan Fraser through the tombs of Egypt!" the older rabbit laughed. "Very well, Mum. Though I don't know about the tombs of Egypt part, but I'd take the rest of that job in a minute if I thought I could get it," the younger bunny smiled. "Acme Looniversity, did you say?" The girl slumped down on her bed. "Well, so much for going to a *normal* school," she sighed, adding, "I don't suspect I'll know anybody there, anyway..." -0- "Cor! That *was* a squeaker, Liz!" Nigel said admiringly, as he pulled the pizzas from the oven and cut them into perfect slices. His sister nodded politely in acknowledgement. "I see Nigel popped the question," Lillian said, admiring the ring the feline was sporting. "So, when are you planning to tie the proverbial knot?" Rupert inquired. "And I *do* hope it's not while we're away." "Not much chance of *that* happening, Sir Rupert," RuBarb grinned, with a sideways glance at Lizzie, who stuck her tongue out at the offending feline. "Now, now, none of that," Miranda giggled. "Well, let's see... we've got 7-4-2000 tied up," Leo mused, pulling a pocket calendar from his jacket and consulting it. "Howzabout Friday the 13th?" he grinned, narrowly missing being the recipient of swats from both Nigel and Rue. "Just for that, brother dear, we're gonna have ours on the 3rd!" Nigel declared. "And steal our thunder? Not on your bleedin' life!" Leo shot back. "Why don't you just have 'em *both* on the 4th?" Liz muttered absently. The room grew strangely quiet for a few seconds as all eyes looked directly at Lizzie. "What?" "By Jove, that sounds like a splendid idea, Lizbeth!" Rupert declared. As the other Loonies eyed her coolly, Liz munched half-heartedly on her pizza and muttered, "Me and my bloody big mouth..." -0- Bright and early the following Monday morning, the girl stood at the entrance of Acme Looniversity, staring up at the grand double doors. The reputation of higher education and lower comedy had even reached the snooty elite going to SoHo Preparatory, and now she was about to be, in the vernacular, an "Acme Looser". "But then," she mused, as she placed a foot on the bottom step, "ANYthing would be better than SoHo..." Just as she had started to make her way inside, her long ears picked up an unusual sound. It was faint at first, but soon grew into the frightening sound of an out-of- control car! The albino bunny's heart contracted painfully as she scurried the rest of the way up the stairs, frantic to get out of the way of oncoming disaster. Just as she collapsed at the top of the stairs, panting hard and clutching her chest, the automotive sounds stopped abruptly, as if switched off. Miranda Mink bolted up the stairs to the panicked bunny, once she turned off the speakers on her skateboard. She had not expected to find anybody there this early, except perhaps Lionel. She sat beside the rabbit-femme, who was seated, herself, on the landing. She was dressed casually, in a cotton blouse and blue jeans; a backpack lay behind her where it had fallen. The girl's breathing slowed as she caught her breath, and looked out at the bottom of the Looniversity steps. "What happened to the car?" she gasped in a pretty English accent. "Car?" Miranda queried. "Uh... OH! There wasn't a car... Just my skateboard." "Your skateboard can sound like a car?" the white rabbit asked incredulously. "Uh... yeah... stereo speakers..." Miranda admitted sheepishly, holding up the offending board. "Handy in traffic, I guess, but it nearly gave me a heart attack... Oh, I'm Jessimyn, by the way. You can call me 'Jessie', if you like." "Miranda," the diminutive mink replied. "And if you know what's good for you, you'll call me 'Miranda'," she added with a grin. -0- Later that day, at lunch, Jessimyn and Miranda had gotten a table together. They sat chatting about this, that and the other, all the while Miranda taking glances at the door. "Expecting somebody?" Jessie asked, knowing that she couldn't be the mink's only acquaintance. "Sure am," Miranda replied, "and there he is." Jessimyn turned around, and could not help but stare. "Oh my, he's a handsome blighter..." "Hands off, Jess," Miranda giggled. "Leo's my boyfriend." "Oh, Leo," the albino bunny gushed comically, to the femmink's chagrin. "Wot's his full name, then? Leonardo?" "No, Lionel." "Lionel? Oh, Lion-el, and therefore Leo. I see," mused Jessie. "Yup. The ever-wonderful Lionel Carrotte," Miranda semi-gushed, herself. Jessimyn's only reply was a startled-sounding *glumph!* She had been drinking her tea, and it now had gathered in her cheeks, making her look somewhat akin to Satchmo. Her efforts to subdue the spit-take were almost as humorous as the take would have been. The tea, which had mysteriously gained volume, attempted to escape from her ears, nose, and even briefly changed the color of her eyes. Finally she managed to get it down her throat, resulting in a very unfunny coughing fit. "Are you all right?" Miranda asked, as Jessimyn caught her breath. "I'm fine... Fine... Just... Just PLEASE tell me you didn't just say 'Carrotte'!" "What's wrong with 'Carrotte'?" Miranda asked, perplexed. "Oh, nothing, nothing at all. I have absolutely nothing against the Carrottes... But I imagine that, even after all this time, they have something against me..." Jessie uttered morosely. "Don't be silly, Jessie. The Carrottes haven't got anything against anybody... at least, as far as I know," Miranda giggled as Leo approached their table. "Isn't that right, Lionel?" "'Ello, luv, isn't what... right?" he asked, before his features suddenly froze as he recognized Miranda's companion. "Leo? Are you okay? You look as if you're seeing a ghost!" "In a manner of speaking, I am. Did you say, 'Jessie'? Short for 'Jessimyn'?" "Yeah, how did you..." Suddenly it was Miranda's turn to freeze as she recalled the conversation from a few nights ago. "Wait a minute. Hold the phone. Stop the bus. Is that as in 'Jessimyn DuVrees'? *Lady* Jessimyn DuVrees?" Jessie trembled in her chair, panting heavily as she clutched at her blouse. "I see you've heard of me. Hello, Lionel..." she said weakly, just before she passed out. -0- "Wha... where am I?" Jessie asked, coming to in the Acme Loo Infirmary, to the sight of Miranda and Leo standing by her bedside, concern showing on their faces. "School hospital. You know, Jessimyn, you really should have that looked at," Miranda replied. "I did, Miranda." Jess modestly parted the top of her blouse just enough so that the scars from her surgeries peeked out. Leo winced just thinking about it. "Eight times, and they said they *still* couldn't find anything wrong! We practically went broke trying to fix it." "Cor! No *wonder* Lizzie distrusts doctors so much!" Leo muttered. "So, what are *you* doing here?" "Transfer student... you're not particularly pleased to see me, are you, Lionel?" Jessie sighed, and Leo thought he detected a touch of regret in her voice. "It's all right, I really don't blame you. Under the circumstances, I wouldn't, either." She hesitated before asking the next question. "Is your sister here?" Leo nodded wordlessly. "I... I suppose Nigel is here as well?" "Uh-huh..." "Oh, no," Jessie muttered. "I'll never be able to face him after all the horrible things they made me say to him..." Miranda looked at Jessie with an air of quizzical skepticism. "They?" "It's... a little hard for me to explain, actually..." "Try me," came a voice at the doorway, and all eyes turned to see Nigel, accompanied by RuBarb. He obviously wasn't happy to see Jessimyn under any circumstances, and it showed in both his voice and his demeanor. "I've got a free period." Rue stared angrily at the fembunny on the bed. "Is *this* the little...?" She let the question drop off into space, unsheathing her claws and causing Jessie to scream before painfully clutching her chest and passing out again. Miranda sighed, "I *really* wish she'd stop doing that..." -0- After Jessie came to *again*, she was, understandably, a nervous wreck. "Is... is she gone?" she asked Miranda. "Afraid not, Jess," the mink replied. "Then could you ask her to put those things away? They ought to be made *illegal*!" "Sorry, kiddo. Standard equipment," Rue muttered. "They came with the chassis..." "Now, Rue, there's no call for sarcasm. At least, not just yet," Nigel advised her. Rue retracted her claws, delivered an icy "HUMPH!" towards Jess, and turned her back, arms folded. "I really didn't think things would be this bad," Jess whispered, tears rolling down her face. "Well, what did you *expect*?" Nigel asked, visibly upset. "'Ello, Jess? Welcome to Acme Loo? Oh, by the way, remember that boy you insulted all those years ago? 'E's here as well, and 'e's really looking forward to seeing you again'? I think not!" "Don't you think I 'aven't regretted saying that to you, Nigel?" Jessie replied, equally upset. "I've been regretting it ever since it happened! I'd have *never* said what I said to you..." "But you would've thought it..." "No, I wouldn't! Honest, Nigel, I've *never* thought that about you." "Well, then, someone else must've been writin' your script that day," Leo exclaimed. "That's not far from the truth, Lionel," Jess admitted. "I'm going to tell you something that might surprise you." "I can't wait," Rue sneered. "Actually, I... I had sort of a crush on Nigel." "WOT?!?" The albino rat was startled. "Well, you sure had a funny way of expressin' your adoration, didn't you?" "I don't blame you for being angry, Nigel," Jessie sniffed through her tears. "It's just that, well, the girls didn't think you were 'right' for me..." "The *girls*?!?" Nigel came close to exploding on the spot. "You mean Lady Agatha and those nobby snobs?!?" Jessie could only nod. "How could you let those snotty little SoHo aristos put words in your mouth like that? 'Specially *those* words?!?" "I was young and stupid?" Jess offered weakly. "I can accept that," Miranda chirped brightly. "I second that emotion," Rue chorused her agreement. "I'm sorry, I don't..." Nigel suddenly paused in his tirade as a thought occurred to him. "Wait a minute... Hold on..." "What is it, Nige?" Leo asked. "Come to think of it, it could have happened that way. Peer pressure is not exactly a respecter of class, at that..." "And you said yourself that she'd been learning how to become, and I quote, 'the proper aristo Lady under the tutelage of both your teachers, and your classmates', or words to that effect," Miranda reminded Leo. "I remember after that, I just wanted to die, I felt so bad," Jessie said softly. "The next day I had my first heart attack..." Suddenly the room seemed to wobble. "What... what's going on?" "It's called a flashback," Miranda said. "Oh, jolly! We haven't had one of those in these stories yet," Leo smirked, as the scene faded to black. A few seconds later, the scene faded right back in again and the wobbling stopped. "Wot the -- ?" "Thorry, folkth," Daffy said, briefly peeking in the room. "We're on a tight budget. No flathhbackth." "Oh, bother!" Leo cursed. "I was *so* looking forward to it!" -0- "Well, I can see I'm not going to have an easy time of it here, either," Jess noted after she had been released. "Yeah, I guess you weren't expecting the Carrottes to be here, were you?" Miranda asked. "To say nothing of RuBarb... I... I'm sorry she doesn't like you..." "Well, I really can't say as I blame her; I'm amazed *you're* still talking to me." "Yes, well, I'm not particular who I hang out with," Miranda grinned. "Anyway, I didn't mean *that*, Miranda," the bunny noted wistfully. "I meant my studies. When word gets out about my condition, do you really think *any* instructor will want to risk teaching me the fine points of being a toon?" "Good point," mused the mink thoughtfully. Then, she stiffened, a smile coming to her. "Wait a minute! I've got it! *I'LL* teach you!" Jessie looked at her questioningly. "You?" "Sure," Miranda replied confidently. "I've been thinking about doing something like this anyway, just in case the music thing doesn't pan out... but we can't do it here, the faculty would never allow it..." "I know. You can teach me at my house!" Jess said, her enthusiasm overriding her common sense. "Sounds good to me," Miranda replied. "After school, then..." -0- "You have a nice place," Miranda noted as Jessie gave her the grand tour of the small house she laughingly referred to as the 'Chateau DuVrees'. "Thanks. It's the best we could do under the circumstances, I'm afraid," Jess replied, a slightly embarrassed smile crossing her features, as she ushered Miranda into her bedroom. "The wallpaper isn't much..." "Wallpaper?" Miranda asked absently, and then took another look. Every free space was plastered with posters and pictures of Brendan Fraser. "Let me guess... they came with the wallet, right?" "Something like that," Jess replied. As Miranda casually glanced around the room, she noticed a photo on Jessie's bureau. "What's this, a class photo?" "Hm? Oh... oh, yes," the bunny replied. "That was taken for the SoHo Prep yearbook. They didn't use it." "Why not?" Miranda asked. The slightly embarrassed smile returned to Jess's face. "Look closely, Miranda." The mink squinted through her glasses at the photo, and only then did she notice that Jess's gaze seemed to be directed towards a certain albino rat she knew well. "Oh!" Miranda placed the picture back on the bureau. "As you can see, I never quite got over him..." "That, and you threw the whole symmetry of the photo off, too..." "Yes, there *is* that..." Jess agreed with a laugh. "Jessimyn? Are you home?" "In here, Mum," the bunny called out. The older DuVrees poked her head in the door. "So you are... Hello..." "Oh, Miranda, this is my mum, Dianna DuVrees. Mum, this is Miranda. She's going to be my tutor." "Oh? Playing French Horn?" "MO-ther..." "Sorry, couldn't resist. Nice to meet you, Miranda," Dianna smiled. "Same here..." "Well, you two will have to excuse me, I've got dinner going at the moment... can you stay?" "Of *course* I can stay, Mum, I *live* here," Jess replied. Dianna took only a beat. "Dialogue by Bob and Ray. I was speaking to Miranda." "Gee, I don't know... I'll have to clear it with my folks first..." "Let me worry about that, dear," Dianna replied. "What's their number?" Quickly Miranda whipped out a pen and a small notebook and jotted down the info, handing it to her. "Here you go, ma'am. It's unlisted." "Thank you, Mandy." "You're welcome." While Dianna made her phone call, Jess pulled the mink over to one side. "How come *she* can get away with a nickname and none of us can't?" Miranda grinned slightly. "That bit doesn't work with parents, Jessie." "Ah-ha..." In the time it took for that conversation to finish, Dianna was likewise wrapping up her call. "Well, it looks like there'll be three for dinner tonight. Are you fond of stroganoff? And I *am* speaking to Miranda, young lady..." "I *love* it!" Miranda squealed. "Too bad," Dianna mused. "I'm making Noodles Alfredo." "I'll survive," Miranda assured her with a giggle. "All right then, I'll call you when dinner's ready." Dianna turned to go, stopped briefly at the door, and motioned to her daughter. "Um, Jessie," she whispered, "Miranda looks a little... well... *young* to be tutoring you, doesn't she?" "Perhaps it's that California lifestyle?" Jess offered. "Hmm... yes..." -0- "All right, teacher, where do you suggest we start?" Jess asked lightly. "Well, the beginning is always as good a spot as any," Miranda replied. "How 'bout we start with a spot of toon physics?" "All right," Jess replied. "Only... why are we outside?" "'Cause this particular lesson won't quite work indoors, that's why," Miranda stated. "Well, it *will*, actually, but I need a bit more room. You ever walk in mid-air before?" "Er... um... no. Is it difficult?" "Naw, it's the easiest part. You just have to remember *never* to look down. Here, I'll show you how it's done." Miranda climbed up a stepladder, got to the top, and before Jess's startled eyes, walked back and forth between the ladder and nowhere in particular. "See? It's easy!" "All right. What happens if you look down?" "Does the phrase 'resounding thud' mean anything to you?" Miranda countered. "I see your point," Jess giggled. From that, the pair continued on to the next item. Jess was impressed that Miranda knew so much about so many subjects, and yet didn't come off like some of those know-it-all professors she had back in SoHo. She thought that perhaps Miranda might make a fine teacher someday, whatever became of her musical career; yet her mum's earlier question kept gnawing at her. The mink *did* look a little young to be so smart. Finally, she decided to go ahead and ask. "Oh, Miranda?" Jessie inquired, almost bashfully. "Yes?" "I was just wondering how it felt, is all..." "How what felt? The resounding thud?" "No, I meant... well, you know... being as old as you are and still getting away with paying kiddie prices, let's say," the bunny giggled. "Oh... that... well, let's call it a blessing and a curse, and leave it there... why did you bring it up in the first place?" "Well, my mum thinks you look a little young to be tutoring me, is all." "Anvil accident as a child," Miranda replied quickly, recapping her weird medical history. "No matter how old I get, I'll *always* look eleven; or to put it another way, as underdeveloped as the Gobi Desert. As I was saying, blessing and a curse. I've learned to live with it. Satisfied now?" "Doesn't really matter to me one way or the other," Jess shrugged. "I've known quite a few tutors who were seventeen, so..." "Yeah... um, Jess, are you any good at keeping secrets?" "Why?" "I... um... have a slight confession to make... and *please* don't tell Lionel, he doesn't know." "Know *what*?" "Well, let's _start_ by saying your mom is very perceptive, okay?" The mink then motioned for Jess to lean in close, which the bunny did. Miranda then whispered something in her ear. Jessie's reaction was to take in a sharp gasp, and then look at Miranda in what can best be termed shocked surprise. "You're *kidding!*" Miranda blushed and shook her head. "You're not kidding... how long have you...?" "Ever since Leo and I first met back in '96..." "And you've kept it from him all this time?!?" Miranda nodded hesitantly. "You... you won't tell him, will you?" she pleaded. "Who, me? Coming from me, I kind of doubt he'd believe it, Miranda... why tell me, then?" "You just answered your own question, Jess. If I were to tell Rue or the other girls, I just *know* they'd spill the beans, and *then* where will I be?" "Sans one boyfriend?" Jessie mused. "Precisely," Miranda replied. -0- "So, Miranda," Rue said as the two suited up for basketball practice the next day, "how's your rehearsals for the snob set going?" "Huh?" the mink asked, briefly startled. "Oh... you mean Jessie..." "I do..." "Really, Rue, that's uncalled for!" Miranda muttered. "Jess and Dianna are very nice folks. Anyway, they're hardly candidates for the snob set now, Rue. They're practically broke." "All that lavish living, I'll bet..." Rue's airily phrased sarcasm was met with an icy glare from Miranda. "Heart surgeries, actually. Remember Jessie said she had her first attack the day after 'the Nigel incident', for lack of a better phrase?" Rue's features slowly changed. "Oh, yeah, so she did..." she recalled. "Poor Jess has had eight of them so far... or didn't you know that?" At that, Rue stared at the mink. "Oh... really? I... I hadn't realized..." she mumbled, thoughts of her Uncle Ambrose coming to mind. After an uncomfortable pause, she added, "Well, now I know how Nigel felt." "About what?" Miranda asked, confused. Rue gave a small smile and answered sheepishly, "Say hello to the poster girl for 'Open Mouth, Insert Foot'. I... I'm sorry, Miranda... That was thoughtless of me..." "Yes, it was. Apology accepted, however. Jess told me when her mom had to sell everything they owned to finish paying off the bills, they barely had enough left to make the trip over here." "Why did they even bother?" "Dunno. Guess her mom just wanted to try starting over." Miranda was thinking back to Jess's earlier conversation. "I can't believe she went through that eight times, and the doctors said they couldn't find anything wrong..." At this, Rue's eyes lit up. "Call me suspicious, Miranda, but did it ever occur to you to ask how that could be?" Miranda looked puzzled for a minute. "No... you think there's something going on we don't know about?" "Either we don't, or *she* doesn't, one of the two." Miranda gave this notion careful consideration. "So what do you suggest?" "I can only draw from past experience here," Rue said, and Miranda leaned in close. "I'd ask myself... what would Rhubella do?" "Ruby?" Miranda puzzled over the question. "I don't know. I guess she'd probably... she'd..." Then she sat bolt upright. "Rudelle Barbara Purrenstein, that is the sneakiest, lowest, most underhanded thing I've ever heard of! I'm ashamed!" Rue bowed her head. "You're... you're right, Miranda. I don't know why I said that..." "No, Rue. I meant, I'm ashamed for not having thought of it myself!" the mink grinned. "I'll do it!!" -0- In the meanwhile, the aforementioned Rhubella Rat was busy in the office of Bugs Bunny, Esq. "Hi, Bugs. You wanted to see me?" "Yeah. Woin't you gonna do some records updating for me?" The question took Ruby aback at first. "Really, Bugs, that's not part of my job description. I'm an assistant coach, nothing more than that. Besides, that's part of Sylvia's job, isn't it?" "Yeah, but she's not feelin' well, an' I figured if anybody else 'round here *really* knows computers, it'd be you. Besides, it's only one record, remember?" "One... oh, *now* I remember! Miranda's... I really thought you were kidding..." "Actually, I was, hee hee hee. However, look at dis." He led Ruby over to Sylvia's monitor. Ruby's face fell. The whole screen was a mess of gobbledygook! "We ain't been able to get *anything* accomplished today! Looks like we caught a virus from somewhere." Ruby studied the screen for a few seconds. "No, forget the virus theory. This looks like crackers to me, Bugs. And not very good ones, either." "I t'ought da toim was 'hackers'," Bugs interrupted, scratching his head. "No, those are two totally different things," Ruby replied, still studying the screen. "I'll explain it when I have more time. Who've you got doing computer security, Bookworm?" "Er... eh-heh... nobody..." Bugs sheepishly admitted. "WHAT?!?" Ruby screeched incredulously. "It never occurred ta us we needed it..." Ruby buried her head in her hands. "Bugs, Bugs, Bugs... Okay, this is a simple crack, like I said, strictly amateurish. I think I can trace it..." With that, she went to work, her fingers flying over the keyboards like a concert pianist as Bugs watched in amazement. In a matter of mere minutes, she smiled. "Problem solved, Bugs. And we can rule out crackers." "You're *kiddin'*! Already? Who...?" "Plucky. He was just trying an AOL disk in the computer lab, and I guess it must have been defective. Screwed up the whole system. You're back to normal now... you should pardon the term." "You could tell all *dat* from... from whatever was up dere?" "Piece of cheese," Ruby grinned. Bugs grinned back at her. "Ruby, dat talent you got may be good for somet'in after all! How'dya like to be our computer security head?" "Gee, Bugs, I don't know..." she replied, carefully considering the offer. "We can find some way to woik it inta yer schedule..." Ruby continued to consider her options. "Well... it's not like Lola needs me all day... and I do have just the one computer animation class... Sure, why not?" Ruby smiled. "T'anks, Ruby. In da meantime, Miranda?" "Sure thing, Bugs." The system working perfectly again, Ruby punched up Miranda's entry in the student records. "Hmm... 'Name: Mink, Miranda B.'... hmm. I didn't know her middle initial was 'B.'. Wonder what it stands for?... Address... yeah, that checks out..." Ruby scrunched up her face, and then reached for the telephone. "When in doubt, call the folks," she sighed, dialing the number on the screen. An answer came immediately. "Oh, hello? Mr. Norka? Hi, it's Rhubella Rat from Acme Loo. We met earlier... yes, that's me ... no, nothing's wrong, I just need to verify some info in Miranda's school records... let's see... middle na-- 'Bogojavlensky'?... Oh that's right, I forget she's Russian... okay, birthdate, July 4th, 1983... what's that? It *isn't*? Well, that's the info she gave us, sir. What is it really?" Ruby listened, and then her mouth dropped for the second time that day. "*Really?* Hoo boy!... yeah, I think you *would* have to talk to her about that..." -0- By now, Lionel knew the route to the Norkas' house by heart. As he walked up the sidewalk, he almost bumped into two familiar figures heading the other way, each carrying a small box of electronic listening devices. "Oops! Beg your pardon... 'Ello! It's Krumhorn and Blagdorff, innit?" "And you said he wouldn't remember us," Federal Agent Sam Krumhorn noted wryly to his partner, Federal Agent Max Blagdorff. "Funny, I don't remember him," Max countered with a grin. "Lionel, isn't it?" "That's right. Wot's with all this stuff, then?" "Curious sort, isn't he?" Max asked. "Well, now that the Norkas are U.S. citizens, we don't need to bug their house anymore, so we had to remove all of it. Can we interest you in a miniaturized parabolic mike? They're great fun at parties if you know where to put them, and we can cut you a deal..." "Knock it off," Sam grumbled, "or I'll tell *you* where to put them..." "It's a tempting offer, but I'll have to pass. Anyway, we have all the techno stuff we need, thanks. Maybe you can sell them to Radio Hack..." "No can do, kid," Sam replied. "Why not?" "Who do you think sold it to *us*?" "I might have known... Anyway, I take it Mr. and Mrs. Norka are home?" "Oh, yes," Max sighed. "We couldn't keep them away. They wanted to know where we'd hid it all in the first place." "Curious, eh?" "More like fascinated," Krumhorn chuckled. "Well, we gotta get going. See you later, Lionel." "Righty-o!" As the two Feds returned to their car, Blagdorff turned to Krumhorn with a worried expression. "I'll bet this has got something to do with Miranda..." "I wouldn't be surprised, Max. You think he knows yet?" "Judging by his expression? No. But I suspect the Norkas are gonna tell him anyway..." -0- "So, Lemuel..." "That's 'Lionel', sir..." "He knows, he's just giving you a hard time," Amanda Norka smiled pleasantly. "Pay no attention to him." "So, I take it this is in connection with my daughter's upcoming nuptials, young man?" "Yes, sir. We want to make it a double wedding, seeing as how my brother Nigel and RuBarb are going to be married on the same day..." Viktor rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "You really believe in planning far into the future, don't you?" he chuckled. "I don't know as it's *that* far into the future, sir," Lionel grinned. "After all, we are talking about July 4th, 2000..." Viktor's face froze. "Um, we *are*, aren't we?" His gaze went from Viktor to Amanda, whose pretty face likewise turned serious. "At the risk of repeating myself... um, *aren't* we??" "Oh, dear... you're serious, aren't you?" Amanda asked, a look of consternation on her face. "You... you mean you really don't know...?" "Not unless someone tells me, mum," Leo replied. "What don't I know?" "Young man," Viktor asked calmly, "just how old do you think our daughter *is*, anyway?" "From what I gathered, she'll be seventeen on our wedding day. Why?" Amanda sat down next to him, and put a hand on his shoulder. "Leo, dear, I have this feeling Miranda hasn't told you _everything_ about herself." "Oh, my... this could turn out to be *very* serious, couldn't it?" "I'm afraid it could, young man," Viktor sighed. "More than you know..." -0- Lionel sat for a long time, unable to say a word. "Viktor?" Amanda asked with a worried expression. "Is he in shock?" "I don't know what else you can call it," he replied with a weary half- smile. "Young man, are you all right?" Slowly, Leo snapped out of whatever trance he'd been thrown into. "Huh? Oh... I'll survive, sir," he finally replied. "I... I don't know what to say. I feel so foolish..." "Don't blame yourself, son," Viktor reassured him. "You probably aren't the first lovestruck toon this has happened to, you certainly won't be the last." "And you had no idea she'd done this?" Leo asked, perplexed. "She never said a word to either of us," Amanda said. "If Rhubella hadn't called us to verify her registration information, we never would have found out." "*Thank* you, Rhubella," Leo muttered. "Miranda's really *fourteen*? Are you sure?" Despite the severity of the situation, Amanda had to laugh. "Trust me, Leo, I was there." Leo smacked himself in the head. "Oh. Right. What am I thinking?" A thought occurred to Leo suddenly. "So, *that's* what you meant when you said if I was willing to wait that long for her... you thought that I knew her real age... But, why would Miranda *do* such a thing?" "You would have to ask her, Lionel," Viktor replied sadly. "Understand, I do not condone what she did, far from it. But on the other hand, I *can* sympathize with her; after all, she is still my little princess. She must have had her reasons; a new school, trying to fit in, that sort of thing. We never did stay in one spot long enough for her to make lasting friendships with others her own age, and I'm afraid her mother and I must bear the blame for that. Add to that her former condition, and..." "Say no more, sir," Leo sighed. "I'm beginning to get the idea. Under those circumstances, I'd do - or say - anything to make friends, too. You know, I've heard of girls knocking two or three years off their age, but I've never heard of any girl going the reverse... unless they were trying to sneak into bars or something; and frankly, your daughter doesn't seem like the type to do *that*." "Under the circumstances, we'll take that as a compliment," Viktor noted. "I meant it as such, sir... I guess she never figured on my entering the picture, though." "Lionel," Amanda pleaded hesitantly, "please don't hate Miranda for..." Leo raised a hand to silence her. "Mrs. Norka... Mr. Norka... don't get me wrong. I couldn't hate your daughter. I love her. I fell in love with her the first time I saw her, wheelchair and all; and as long as I've known her, I've only grown to care for her even more. Crazy as it sounds, I still love her, and I still want to marry her. We'll just have to wait a little longer, now," he added, sightly disappointed, "but I can't imagine spending my life with anybody else... you've heard of love at first sight, 'aven't you?" Viktor and Amanda exchanged a knowing glance. "I believe that we have had *some* experience with that, Lionel," Amanda chuckled lightly. "I could tell," Leo replied. "Very observant," Viktor acknowledged. He then rose from the couch and paced briefly, stroking his chin and acting as if he were coming to a final decision. At last, he stopped and faced Lionel. "Young man, I am going to ask you something, and I would advise you to think very carefully before you give me your answer. Your future happiness - and Miranda's - will depend on it." "Yes, sir..." "Very well. Are you prepared to deal with anything people might say about the two of you?" Leo thought briefly of Lizzie, and how well she handled herself in the same situation a couple of years ago. It wasn't just that firm British resolve in the face of possible adversity; heck, *all* the Carrottes seemed to possess that. No, this was a special quality; something that was only the exclusive property of those who knew when they had finally found their soulmates, and would, if need be, fight heaven and hell to hold on to them, no matter what. Something called 'true love'. Liz and Adam had it; Nigel and Rue had it as well; and he believed he and Miranda did, too. "I think we can deal with that if and when it comes up, sir," he replied confidently. "Don't fool yourself, young man; it *will* come up," Viktor advised him somberly. "Some people *do* love to talk, after all..." "That's because *some* people don't know enough to mind their own business, sir," Leo said calmly. Viktor smiled and cautioned Leo, "Hold on to that outlook. You may need it." The sound of the front door opening and closing caused him to pause. "Is that you, princess?" "Yes, Father," she replied, heading towards her bedroom without as much as a backwards glance. Viktor gave her just a couple of little beats. "Miranda Bogojavlensky Mink," he said calmly, yet with enough force to cause her to turn around quickly (and Leo to mouth the name 'Bogojavlensky?'). "Yes, Father," she said quietly, entering the living room. "Leo! What are you doing here?" "Wot? Can't a guy have a cozy chat with his future in-laws?" "Well, sure... I guess..." Miranda replied, and quickly turned to leave. "One moment, Miranda," Viktor said, in a tone of voice that stopped her cold. "I believe Lionel has a question or two to ask you." "Oh? Such as...?" "Well, Miranda, I've been giving it a lot of thought," Leo said, pacing back and forth before stopping, "and well, I can't wait for the double wedding." "Huh?" "I talked it over with your parents, and they said if we want to get married tonight, they'd have no objection!" Amanda started to say, "We said WHAT?" but a quick tap and a wink from Viktor was enough to let her know what Leo was up to. "Ah, yes, that's right, dear," she said quickly. "How was that?" she whispered. "The Schloscar committee will let you know," Viktor whispered back. "Well, Leo, this is so... sudden..." Miranda gasped. "I... I..." All at once, her lower lip trembled, and she blurted out, "Leo, I'm sorry, I can't!" "But why not? There... there isn't someone else, is there?" "No... no, of course not..." "Well, then, wot's the problem?" Miranda stood rooted to the spot, not knowing which way to turn or what to do. Finally, with tears forming in her eyes, she cried out, "Because I'm *fourteen*! THAT'S why not!!" She then slumped down on the couch, her head in her hands, sobbing softly. Leo sat down beside her and placed her head on his shoulder. "Miranda, is this true? Are you really fourteen?" "Closer to fourteen and a half. I... I'm sorry, Leo," she sniffed, and resumed crying on his shoulder. "I know, luv," he said, stroking her hair. "I also know you're sorry," he added with a slight smile. Miranda stopped her crying long enough to look at Leo quizzically. "You... you mean you *knew* what my real age was?" He nodded. "And you made me go through the agony of *telling* you?!?" she nearly shouted. "I wanted to hear it from you," he shrugged, pulling a packet of tissues from his jacket and drying her eyes. "How long have you known?" she finally asked, readjusting her glasses. "For about five minutes, actually," Leo smiled. "I... I guess you'll want your ring back, then," Miranda said quietly, starting to slide it off her finger. Leo put his hand on top of hers to stop her and looked deep into her blue eyes. "Nothing doing, luv. I said I love you and want to marry you, and nothing's changed." "But..." "But *nothing*, Miranda. If I have to wait a few more years for you, then so be it. Five, ten, twenty, it doesn't matter. Just... say you'll wait for me?" Leo said hopefully. "You mean that?" "Every word, luv." "Actually, I prefer your original idea, myself," Viktor noted. "Which idea, sir?" "The one of a double wedding on Miranda's birthday, of course." "I don't think Nigel and Rue can *wait* that many more years, sir..." "I was referring to her *next* birthday." "Father, aren't you forgetting something?" "What, that you'll be fifteen then? I know..." "But... but..." "I believe there *is* such a thing as 'parental consent' in this state, is there not?" "I'm not sure, I'd have to look it up," Leo said, surprised that Viktor would be the one to bring up the option. "But, do you mean that you'd have no objections to our getting married then?" he asked hopefully. Viktor smiled. "Don't look so surprised, Lionel. I'm not naive... and neither are you. I've seen it in your eyes... the both of you. I can tell when a couple are truly in love with each other, and you are. Besides, I've read 'Romeo and Juliet'. You'd each be absolutely miserable without the other." He turned his gaze from Leo to Miranda, who was still afraid he was going to read her the riot act; so his next words completely floored her. "In your case, Miranda, marrying young makes much more sense than keeping the two of you apart. I've seen marriages in the old country where the bride was much younger than you are now, and they worked out just fine. If you two still wish to get married then, I have no objections." -0- Leo and Miranda were in their hidden spot of the Acme Meadows, pondering everything that had taken place that afternoon. For the first time, the full impact of it was hitting them. Slowly, at first, but eventually it did hit them. He held her in his arms, but she noticed it wasn't as tightly as he usually did. Nor did he try to engage her in their game of 'Tickle Me.' He just didn't feel right about it anymore. Miranda could sense the reticence he was feeling. "Leo?" "Hm? Oh, sorry, luv. My mind was on other things..." "I could tell," she replied. Miranda lay her head on Leo's chest and sighed heavily. "So, what are you thinking about? Leo stroked her brown hair tenderly. "Oh, I dunno, Miranda. It's just that I'm beginning to get an idea of wot your father was talking about. We'll be in for a lot of gossiping, folks pointing fingers and wondering out loud if we got married because... well... you know... all *that* sort of rot..." Miranda could sense Lionel was becoming uncomfortable discussing it. "Yeah, I see what you mean. That's gonna be a heavy burden, Leo. Do you really think we'll be up to it?" "There's no way I can talk you out of this, is there, Mink?" "Not a chance. If you really _did_ want to marry me tonight, I'd do it," Miranda said softly. "You know what else? I wouldn't regret it. Tell me, how old was Lizzie when she and Adam eloped?" "She was sixteen... just a year older than you'll be, if you still want to go through with this," he smiled nervously. "Oh, Miranda, why does bein' in love have to be so bleedin' complicated?" "Are you kidding? If it was easy, then everybody'd be doing it!" "Point taken," Leo sighed. "Miranda, I'm really sorry I fouled up your life like this... you're still young, you really should be allowed to have a childhood after all you've been through, and I'm taking it all away from you..." "No, you aren't, Leo..." "Not yet, anyway. Wot 'appens once we tie the knot, though? You think you'd be ready at fifteen for... er... well...?" Leo squirmed a bit before resuming. "Assuming that *does* happen, let's say..." "Leo, let's not *rush* things!" she giggled. "I'd hope we'd have the good sense to put that off for three or four years, at least. But if it happens as you said, then we'll deal with it when... and if... it happens." Lionel held his favorite mink just a little tighter. "Sometimes, Miranda, you're wise beyond your years, you know that?" he asked, placing a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose. "If that were *true*, Leo, I wouldn't have gotten myself *into* this situation," she protested. "Well, at least it's not a pickle," Leo smiled. "Agreed. Besides, if the rest of my so-called 'childhood', as you refer to it, is anything like the first half, I'll be *glad* to give it up, believe me!" "As you wish," Leo smiled warmly. "There's still one thing I don't quite understand, though." "What's that?" "Your middle name," Leo chuckled. "What is it again?" "Bo-go-ja-vlen-sky," Miranda replied, sounding out each syllable. "Cor! That sounds even worse than 'Rudelle'!" "Nevertheless, that's my middle name, and please don't make fun of it, Lionel." "I'm sorry, luv. I'm sure your folks had a good reason for it..." "They did, Leo," Miranda explained softly. "When I was born, it didn't look like I was going to survive. I sort of came along a little... ahead of schedule, shall we say?" "Ah, I see. But..." "So, naturally, when I pulled through, they saw it as some sort of a miracle, I guess, so they gave me that middle name. It was my maternal babulya's last name." "Bawhatya?" "Babulya. It means 'Grandmother'. Now that my folks are 'legit', so to speak, Father's been hittin' me with the Russian right and left!" Miranda laughed. "I thought that was 'babushka'..." "That's a hat, Leo," Miranda giggled. "Oh. But what exactly does it *mean*?" "I already told you. Grandmot..." "No, the other thing, that 'Bogajavlensky'..." "Just what you wanted, a language seminar," the mink smiled, spin- changing into a long white lab coat. "Okay, but remember, you asked for it. It's a combination of two Russian words, not unlike a linguist's formula..." "Well, knowing you, I didn't think it was Welsh! Go on..." "The latter half's a form of 'poyavleniye', which means 'appearance'; and the first half, 'Bog'..." "You're not gonna tell me your name means 'girl who looks like she was born in a swamp', are you?" Miranda gently put a hand on Leo's shoulder, and looked deep into his eyes. "'Bog' is our word for 'God', Lionel," she said softly. Leo remained speechless for quite some time. When he finally found his voice again, he asked, "So your middle name means..." "Literally, 'the appearance of God'. Of course, even *I* don't think that highly of myself, so I go with the figurative." "Which is..." "Father tells me it's something close to 'angel'," Miranda smiled and waited for a response. "What... nothing?" "No," Leo replied. "I... I get it... I'm just thinking... 'Miranda Bogojavlensky Carrotte'... I'll have to practice it some, but I think I can *definitely* get used to saying that, no matter what it means." He smiled, pulling her close and kissing her warmly. Breaking off the kiss, he added, "Besides, it beats the heck out of 'Britney'!" "EEEEUGGH!!" Miranda said, looking extremely disgusted and threatening to pummel him into a pulp. "Don't SAY that!!" "Aha! Methinks I've struck a nerve!" "I'll strike more than a nerve if you ever call me *that*!" -0- The next day (being Wednesday), things had settled back down to the usual routine for the gang, with the exception of Miranda's tutoring of the new girl. Jess was amazed at the knowledge that the mink seemed to possess, and proved to be a quick study. That, and Miranda's age, which for the moment was known only to Ruby, Leo, Jess, and the Acme Loo student records (not to mention Miranda's parents). They met up in the hallway purely by accident, for it seemed that they all had the same final class of this day. It was something new that had been added this term. The Carrottes had lived long enough in Acme Acres to have learned a few things, and RuBarb and Miranda were well up on some word usage, but Jessimyn was somewhat baffled. "Shtick?" she asked, perplexed, as they walked into the classroom. "Wot is a shtick? Other than possible bad spelling?" "It's a Yiddish word meaning 'pranks'," RuBarb answered reluctantly. "We have a whole class on doing pranks, then?" Jess asked, looking even more confused. "If *that's* so, why the fancy name?" "No, Jessie," giggled Miranda. "That's just the literal meaning. It's usually used to mean a routine or comic bit, or an attention-getting device." "Oh," Jess murmured. "You mean like that skunk that teaches cookery? I remember her cartoons... And the fact that her pictures made up half the wallpaper in Colin's dorm room." "Sounds kinda like your room, Jess," Miranda uttered with a grin. "Ahem! Yes, well... Would *her* shtick be the fact that she's always acted so boy-crazy?" "Yes it would, actually," said a new voice to the proceedings. They all turned to see a rotund brown feline standing at the teacher's desk. She wore glasses, silver framed with rectangular lenses, a red polo shirt, and blue jeans. There was the sound of three jaws dropping, as the Loonies plus one stared at their new teacher. "Wot are YOU doing here?" Nigel asked, being the first one to recover the use of his jaw. "Teaching, obviously," the cat replied with a smirk. "Uhm... You know her, Nigel?" Rue asked, raising an eyebrow at her fiancee. "Of course, I know her... She's Rottin, The Incredible Werekitty. She's one of our writers!" Nigel said, still staring at this new teacher in utter disbelief. "If you're one of the writers, Ma'am," Jess asked tentatively, "why are you here, teaching?" "Remember when you tried to have a flash-back, Jessimyn, and Daffy said we didn't have enough in the budget to go through with it?" The merry crew nodded along with the albino bunny, as the werekitty sighed a bit. "That's the reason why I'm here. To earn some dough for our effects budget. Would you believe this place pays better than Weenie Burgers?" "You could have asked Mum, and Da to help out," Liz started, but stopped when Werekitty shook her head. "I can't take money that exists within the plot," she said with a shrug. "It might be needed to aid the story, later." Just then the class bell rang, causing an inrush of students. After the tardy bell had rang, and the class had settled down, many students found themselves gazing at a teacher they had never seen before. "Hello everybody, I'm Rottin Werekitty. _Miss_ Werekitty to you... Unless you happen to *like* intense physical pain," Miss Werekitty said with a cheerful air and a bright smile that showed off her teeth. There were some audible gulps at that particular grin, much to Rottin's amusement. "I am to be your guide to the wonderful world of cartoon shticks. You'll be learning what they are, how they're executed, and how you can develop one of your very own." After her speech, she started on the lesson, and what an enjoyable lesson it was too. It was filled with both good examples and bad puns (much to Miranda's delight, and RuBarb's chagrin). In fact, the class went by so fast that time ran out just when the mink was in one of her more simple, yet elaborate, wordplays, which started like this: Miss Werekitty said, "All right, now we study the excruciating pun, or 'excrutiatingus punnicus', if you will. Let's see... RuBarb, you'll be the victim, as it were, and Miranda, you'll do the punning." With that, as the two students took to the front of the class, Miss Werekitty scribbled a question on an index card and handed it to Rue. "This is an exercise in how fast you can come up with a bad joke. RuBarb, you'll start by asking Miranda the question on the card, and we'll take it from there... GO!" Rue studied the card questioningly, shrugged, and said, "So, Miranda, what's up?" Miranda didn't waste a second. "Up? It's a two letter word indicating the opposite direction of down." Groans and chuckles filled the classroom. Rue carried on. "All right, I'll bite. What's down?" Miranda smirked knowingly. "Down? That's something you get off of an elephant." As the class snickered, Rue got this *look* on her face. Hands on hips, she confronted the mink boldly. "All right. *HOW* do you get down off of an *elephant*?!?" *BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIINNNGG!* went the bell. "Sorry, class, you'll have to wait till the next class to find out the answer. That should keep you guessing," Miss Werekitty said. "Class dismissed." -0- After school, the Loonies were setting up in their rehearsal room. Nigel, Leo and Rue were tuning their respective guitars while Liz balanced the sound and played a few riffs on her keyboards. In other words, it was business as usual, except for the fact that their drummer was missing. "Gee, you don't think anything's happened to Miranda, do you?" Rue asked, slightly worried. As long as she had known the mink, it wasn't like her to be late for anything. "Admit it, Rue," chortled Leo. "You just can't wait to find out the answer to that 'down off an elephant' gag, can you?" "Relax, luv, I'm sure she's just... oh wait a minute, 'ere she comes... now," Nigel said, his voice trailing off as Miranda entered the room, followed closely by Rhubella and Jessimyn. "Hi, guys, sorry I'm late," Miranda apologized. "What is *she* doing here?" RuBarb bristled, pointing in the direction of Miranda's two companions. "I gave them a ride, is that so wrong?" Ruby countered. "Not *you*, Rhubella..." "All right, luv, we get the hint," Nigel said, acting as a rather uncomfortable peacemaker. "Jessimyn..." "Um, hello, Nigel," the bunny blushed. "Miranda wanted to know if I'd like to hear you rehearse..." "Try to stay out of the way, then," RuBarb muttered in a low voice. "I'll do my best," Jess replied cordially, yet feeling totally uncomfortable as she took a chair in the corner. "All right then," Leo chirped brightly as if nothing were out of the ordinary. "Anybody got our itinerary for this weekend?" "Yeah," Nige replied, checking his datebook. "Roddo's got us booked in the Grand Ballroom of the Acme Hotel for a convention of..." His voice suddenly dropped off as he read the info. "Well, don't keep us in suspense, Nige," Lizbeth said. "A convention of what?" "A convention of snake charmers," Nigel muttered. "Howzat again?" Miranda asked, looking up from her drumkit. "Snake charmers," Nige repeated with a sigh. "Oh well, at least the money's good..." "For all the exposure we're gonna get out of this, it had *better* be," Rue noted sourly. "Is it just me, Ruby, or does your boyfriend not have our best interests at heart?" "You know Roddy," Ruby shrugged. "Yes, that's why she's asking," Lizbeth said, her sarcasm rising to new heights. "What was it last month? The United Federation For The Return Of The 8-Track Tape? *There* was a winner!" "Please, I'd rather forget *that* one," Miranda grumbled. "They didn't care a whit about us! They just wanted to hear themselves talk, if that's what you could call it. Do you know I heard more smut there than in an internet chat room? For crying out loud, I'm *14*! I'm not supposed to be hearing that kind of stuff!!" she said, her voice rising to what was, for her, a fever pitch. "You're *WHAT*?!?" RuBarb, Nigel and Lizzie gasped. "Oops!" Miranda blushed, glancing at Jess. "I was gonna keep quiet about that, wasn't I?" "Well, it's a bit late now," Jess shrugged. "'Ello! How long have *you* known?" Leo asked. "A couple of days, at least," the bunny blushed. "And you?" "Just yesterday afternoon, actually," Leo replied casually. Lizzie looked at the mink with a small smirk. "Well, at least now *I* don't feel so stupid!" "Glad I could help," Miranda noted. "Anyway, I could have been 24 and I *still* woulda been offended!" "Sorry 'bout that, luv, but there's nothin' we can do about the class level of the audiences, or the lack of same; you know that. At least we got paid, anyway," Nigel noted with a sigh. "Big deal!" Lizzie snapped caustically. "The money's not the issue, Nige. We could have played 'The Best of Air Raid Sirens of World War II' and they wouldn't have listened to us!" The tension in the room was rising thick and fast. "Um, maybe this would be a good time for me to leave?" Jessie asked nervously. "Mind if we join you?" RuBarb asked loudly, motioning for Miranda and Ruby to head towards the stairs, and ignoring how she still felt towards Jess for the moment. If this was intended to quell the bickering, it wasn't working. The Carrottes weren't listening. "Honestly, Nigel," railed Leo, "I'm beginning to think Roderick makes us play these impossible gigs on purpose!" "You think so? Fine!" Nigel reached into his jacket and pulled out the contract they'd signed with Roddy. "You show *me* where it says that, okay?" "With pleasure," Leo growled loudly, snatching the paper from Nigel's grasp with uncharacteristic ferocity. At this, Jessie's nose twitched wildly, and she turned around sharply. *These* weren't the Carrottes she remembered. They never used to go at each other's throats like this. Something was clearly wrong here, and whatever it was, she'd suddenly had enough of it. She knew what she had to do, even if it killed her. "*ALL RIGHT, KNOCK IT OFF, ALL OF YOU!*" she shouted, clenching her fists and shaking ever-so-slightly. That got their attention. The Carrottes stopped their bickering and looked curiously at their former SoHo schoolmate. Miranda eyed her with concern. "Jessie?" the mink asked. "What's wrong?" "Okay, I'll confess I didn't know you all that well at SoHo, but you three have always gotten along spot on, am I right?" The Carrottes could only look at her in stunned silence. "And you always used to love to make music just for the sheer fun of doing it, correct? Don't deny it, I've heard the stories. Now look at you! You're letting something as meaningless as a lousy piece of *paper* tear you apart!" she screeched, before collapsing in a heap before their startled eyes! The Carrottes stood stock still. Like her or not, they each knew she was right. This *wasn't* what the Loonies were about... and it took *Jessimyn DuVrees* to point it out to them? Totally ashamed of themselves, their attention immediately turned to the albino bunny at their feet. Miranda scurried to her side in a flash, tears forming in her blue eyes. "Jess? Are... are you gonna be okay? You want us to call a doctor?" "Call him *what*?" Jessie managed to smile. "It's... it's nothing, Miranda," she said, catching her breath. "I almost gave *myself* a heart attack there for a second... I'll be fine... I just need to sit down..." Rue looked at the fallen bunny curiously. "Are you *sure*?" she asked. "That's not exactly standard practice..." "I know, RuBarb, but it works for me," Jess whispered as Liz and Miranda helped her to a chair. As a footnote, she managed to pant weakly, "Note to self... stop doing that..." "Jess, is there anything we can do?" Leo asked softly. "No more infighting, you three?" The Carrottes looked at each other sheepishly. "Guess we did get carried away there," Nigel smiled, scuffing his feet. "Or should've been," Leo added with a smirk. "Now, boys," Lizzie mock-scolded them, but it was obvious she was directing it at herself as well. "We'll hammer out the peace treaty later," Jess noted, pleased that order (for the most part) had finally been restored. "And to get back to your question, now that you mention it, there is something else you can do, Leo." "Name it." "May I see that contract for a minute?" Jessie asked. "What for?" "I was studying contract law when I left SoHo Prep. It was either that or lay in the hospital and watch the telly all day; and I could only take just so much of dear old Auntie Beeb, so I started hitting the books. Who knows? I might be able to spot something you missed." "You might as well," Leo shrugged, handing the paper over to the albino bunny, who promptly whipped out a large magnifying glass from her purse and began to read Roddy's contract. She had only gone a third of the way down the first page when she nearly dropped the glass in shock. "Good lor!" declared Jessie. "I'd say this fellow Roderick has put the screws on you lot, but good!" "And what does *that* mean, exactly?" RuBarb asked. "Look here, RuBarb," Jess said, pointing out a codicil. "He's got this one clause in here that states he gets ten percent..." "So? That's standard management contract stuff. Nothing wrong with that," Nigel said. "Ah, but wait, there's more! There's a sub-clause attached that says that if you fail to show for any concert, regardless of the reason, he gets sole possession of both the band instruments *and* the 'Bloomin' Loonies' name!" "WHAT?!?" shrieked Lizbeth. "You're making that part up, Jessie!" "I don't like to say I wish I were, Liz, but there it is." She pointed out what appeared to be a thick black line, but upon closer examination, turned out to be that hidden clause in very fine print! "Good gravy, Marie, she's right!" said Miranda in disbelief. "And it gets worse," Jess added. "It couldn't possibly," declared RuBarb. "I'm afraid it could, RuBarb," sighed Jessie. "There's a sub-clause that's attached to the sub-clause that states that if that happens, he can legally prevent you all from forming another band!" "For how long, Jess?" Miranda asked nervously. "Let me see," Jessie said, peering through her magnifying glass again. "Would you believe ten years?" she finally replied, with a tone of total exasperation in her voice. "And if I gather correctly, he's not above seeing that sort of thing would happen on purpose. Believe me, I know his type." "But... but why?" Liz asked. "I don't know the whole story between you and Roderick, but spite sounds as good a reason as anything else, don't you think?" "Nigel, I can't believe he let you talk us *into* this!" raged RuBarb furiously. "All right, I made a mistake, and I'm sorry," the albino rat sighed as he slumped down into his chair and stared at the floor, ears at half-mast. "When I see Roddy, I'm going to beat the pemmican out of him, I really am," muttered Ruby. "Yes, well, hold off on the prizefighting for a while, won't you? Believe it or not, there *is* a bright spot to all of this," Jessie advised them. "Jessimyn, there couldn't *possibly* be!" Liz said dispiritedly. "Oh, but there could," she replied casually. "Nigel, let me ask you a question." "Go ahead," he moped, still staring at the floor. "Whose signature is that at the bottom?" She pointed to a name on the right hand side of the contract. Nigel didn't even look up. "It's mine. Why?" "There you are, then," Jessie smiled. "The contract's no good!" "WHAT?!?" the Loonies declared in shock. "Just what I said. It's worthless. Now let me tell you why," the albino bunny continued, explaining her reasoning simply and clearly. Despite her health, there was something about the possibility of turning the tables on the 'bad guys' that seemed to rejuvenate Jessie. The band's jaws threatened to drop through the earth's crust and emerge in downtown Sydney, Australia. "Jess, if... if that's true..." Nigel replied hopefully. "If, nothing, Nigel. It *is*!" Jessie declared. "Now... who feels like practising, eh?" The Loonies didn't need to be asked twice, and buoyed by Jessie's news, tore into the practice with a renewed enthusiasm, interrupted only by the sound of Miranda's watch beeping around six o'clock. "Oops! Gotta run, guys," the mink said hurriedly, grabbing her skateboard and heading towards the door. "Wot, not gonna stick around, luv?" Leo asked. "Could get interesting..." "Sorry, Leo. Places to go things to do and all that. Besides," she smiled, "I've had all the 'interesting' I can take for one afternoon. Later, guys!" And bidding goodbye to the others, Miranda left. Once outside, she rolled her way home quickly and, dashing to her bedroom, parked herself in front of her computer. Maybe RuBarb was right. Something about Jessimyn didn't quite add up, and she was determined to uncover it, even if it meant losing her friendship in the process, a prospect she wasn't looking forward to. "She's never going to forgive me for this," Miranda muttered anxiously, as she opened her email account and began typing furiously. She didn't want to take this route, but she had no choice, she told herself. In the meantime, the remaining Loonies were having a conference. Jess could pick up snatches of "I don't know," "Do you think it's a good idea?", "Are you nuts?!?" and other snippets of dialogue, most of which seemed to be directed at Nigel, but she had no idea what they were talking about. From the tone of the conversation, it was abundantly clear the other Loonies felt the same way about Nigel. Finally, the Carrottes and Rue broke out of their huddle and approached the bunny. "Um, Jessimyn," Nigel said cautiously, "we 'ave a proposition for you." "Really, Nigel," Jess smirked. "I'm not that sort of girl. Go on..." "All right. It's obvious that we need a manager in the worst way, and up till now, that's exactly what we got with Roddy." "And?" "We could do better," RuBarb stated flatly. "I won't belabour *that* point with you, RuBarb," Jess smiled. "Please continue." "As you wish," Lizzie said. "You're absolutely *sure* our contract with Roddy is no bloody good?" "One hundred percent," Jess replied. "Now, if Sir Rupert or Lillian had signed it, it would have been a different matter, of course." "Of course," Leo conceded. "Anyway..." "Let me guess," Jess said, getting to the point. "You'd like me to be your manager instead of Roddy, correct?" "Well, let's say it wasn't a unanimous decision," Rue blurted out. "So I gathered. And I don't blame you for having reservations, RuBarb; I would, too, under the circumstances," Jessie admitted. "Among other things, excluding the obvious, of course, I've never done this sort of thing before. On the other hand, it _would_ give me some *practical* experience with this contract law stuff..." she mused thoughtfully. Finally taking a deep breath, she said, "It's no use putting it to a vote right now, seeing as Miranda isn't here... tell you what. I'll try it for a couple of months and see how it works out, all right?" "_If_ it works out," Rue muttered uncertainly. "Yes," Jessie replied. "First things first, though. I need to find Sir Rupert." Meeting their questioning looks, she added, "It's just some legal stuff. Shouldn't take more than a couple of minutes. And secondly..." "Yes?" the Loonies asked. "Where can I find this Roddy character?" Jess asked distastefully. -0- At the same time (adding three hours), over in the Beacon Hill section of Boston, Millie Purrenstein was casually observing her husband. "Harry," she said, as she sat reading the latest copy of P-Sychology Today, "you've been pacing back and forth all afternoon..." "Oh, have I?" the big cat replied absent-mindedly. "I hadn't noticed..." "Well, how could you not?" she countered, giggling. "You've worn a trench in the carpet!" "I have?" he asked in astonishment. Looking up, he suddenly discovered that either the carpet had grown up to his eyebrows, or he'd lost a few feet in height. "Hmmm... that reminds me, Millie," he mused sullenly, "I've got to mow the lawn tomorrow." "You did that last night, dear," the petite blonde rat smiled. "Harry, what's wrong with you?" "It's... Rudelle," he finally said with a sigh. "I can't help it, dear. I keep thinking something terrible's going to happen to her, and I won't be able to stop it..." "Harry, all parents think that way about their children. It's perfectly natural," Millie cooed, wrapping her arms around her husband (at least, as far as they could reach). "I keep forgetting I married a psychology major," Harry chuckled. "Ah, you're right; it's probably nothing..." The ringing of the phone interrupted his thoughts. "Who could *that* be?" "You want to ignore it?" Millie asked. Harry shook his head and activated the speakerphone. "No, I'd better answer it... hello?... Rudelle! What a pleasant surprise! We were just... what do you mean, something's happened?" The color literally drained from Harry's face, and he sat down. "Are... are you okay? Nothing's broken, is it?" "Relax, Father, I'm perfectly all right," RuBarb laughed. "Honestly, you worry too much." "I was just telling him the same thing," Millie sang out. "Nobody likes a kibitzer," Harry replied with a smirk. "So, to what do we owe the pleasure of this call, then?" "Nigel and I are engaged!" "In *what*?" Harry asked suspiciously. "Father, he's asked me to marry him, and I've accepted!" "Oh... I see..." Harry replied, somewhat absently, yet secretly relieved that it wasn't more serious than that. "Harry, is that all?" Millie whispered. "I... I'll find out..." "That isn't what I meant, and you know it..." "Oh?... Ohhhh... Rue? Are you still there?" "I think so, unless I'm somewhere else," Rue replied. "Well, congratulations, dear," Harry said. "Thanks, Father... um... can I speak to Millie for a minute?" "Ah, pre-nuptial jitters, second thoughts, and all that?" "No, of course not," Rue chided Harry. "Well, a father can always hope..." "FATHER..." "I'm kidding, dear," Harry apologized. "Rue? What's wrong, outside of your father's alleged sense of humor?" Millie asked. Rue proceeded to explain the history of Jessimyn and Nigel up to the present day, including Jess's uncovering of Roddy's skullduggery. "...And that's it. Mill, I... I just don't know as I think having her as our manager is such a good idea..." "Because of her past relationship, or lack of same, with Nigel, you mean?" "Yeah..." "Um... yeah. Well, from the way you described him, this Roddy character doesn't sound like much of a bargain, either..." "Well, that's true, yeah..." Rue considered. "You want my advice, dear? Here it is," Millie said. "This Jessimyn girl doesn't really sound like she poses any threat, to you or to the band. Has she let on what she hopes to get out of this?" "Outside of practical experience in toon law? Nothing that I could tell," RuBarb said. "Yes... well, whatever happened between her and Nigel in the past is just that - in the past. From the way you described it, it sounds like they both know that." "So, you're saying..." "It's just so much old baggage. You may as well drop it." There was a small pause, and Millie quickly added, "And not on her head, either!" "How did you know I was thinking that?" "You're kidding, right?" Millie smirked. "Rue, you forget I was your closest confidant at St. Switchhit's. I know you better than you know yourself. If Nigel and the others trust her enough to let her manage them, the least you can do is give her the benefit of the doubt. If anything, it sounds to me like she just wants to try to make up for her past mistakes." "*That's* gonna be a pretty tall order," Rue declared cynically. "I just hope you're right." "Have you ever known me to be wrong?" Millie smirked. "Well... um... no..." "There you are, then... oh wait a minute, your father wants to talk to you some more..." "So, Rudelle, when's the big event?" "We're shooting for a double wedding, next 4th of July." "A double?" "Yeah, Leo and Miranda wanna get married that day, too, seeing as it's her birthday," she said, deliberately omitting Miranda's age. "Well, when you figure out the logistics, let me know, won't you?" "Believe me, Father, you and Millie will be among the first to know," Rue laughed. "Just as soon as we find out ourselves." -0- Roderick and Danforth, of course, were laughing up their sleeves to beat the band (if you don't mind a mixed metaphor). "We *DID* it, Danforth!" Roddy cackled. "It took a while, but we *finally* put those Carrotte peasants in their place!" "I have to hand it to you, Roddy," Danforth agreed. "This was the most devious plan of all time!" "And the best part is, there's no way they can get out of it!" Tears were coming out of Roddy's eyes, he was laughing so hard. So much so, that he couldn't see where he was going, which explains how he suddenly and quite unexpectedly bumped into Rhubella. "Oh! Sorry, babe!" Ruby decided to make a grand show of hiding her hostility towards her boyfriend, at least for the time being. "Well, *you* guys look like you're in a good mood! Whadya do, put one over on some of our 'Acme Loosers'?" "Like you would not _believe_, babe!" Roddy chuckled. "Well, that's nice for you, I guess," Ruby smiled, reaching into her pocket and handing Roddy a thick business envelope. "Oh, this came for you. I promised I'd deliver it to you." "Thanks, Ruby. Hm... wonder what it is?" Roddy tore open the envelope and pulled out a document several pages in length. "Let me see... oh, it's a summons... A *SUMMONS*?!?" he exploded. "What the...?" "Let me put it this way, babe... you're being sued!" "What? But who...?" "Try 'Sir Rupert Carrotte' acting on behalf of Nigel and Lionel Carrotte, Lizbeth Fox, RuBarb Purrenstein and Miranda Mink, bucko!" Roddy looked up to see a familiar red glowering in Ruby's eyes. "But... but... I don't get it!" "Then let me explain it to you, Roddy, old bean!" The voice came from the doorway and belonged to Nigel. "What I didn't know, and you failed to take into account, is the fact that in Cartoon California, you have to be either 21 or have your parent or legal guardian sign one of these documents. Since I haven't even reached 19 yet, and since neither Mum or Da signed it, this piece of fishwrap's no bloody good!" He produced the contract and tossed it to the floor. "Our manager explained it all to us..." "But... but *I'M* your manager..." "Not *anymore*, you're not!" Roddy turned around to see a pretty, yet fragile looking albino bunny standing in the doorway. Despite her frailty, she still moved like she had enough confidence to take the two Preppies on in a dark alley and win. "And who's *that*?" Danforth asked. "The name's DuVrees, gentlemen. *Lady* Jessimyn DuVrees." "What are *you* supposed to be, some sort of barrister?" Roddy snorted. "Not just yet," she replied. "At the moment, however, I *am* the new manager for the Bloomin' Loonies. Now we can do this the easy way, or not. Your decision." Jess's eyes narrowed. "However, *do* bear in mind that if you choose to do it the hard way, you stand to lose more than just pretending to manage a rock and roll band, which, admittedly, you have been doing - and very badly, at that." "Whaddaya mean 'pretending'?" Roddy sneered. "Such as?" Danforth gulped. "Oh, let's see... there's the matter of a long-term loan the LonToon Bank made to Perfecto Prep a few years back, payable on demand, with interest." The bunny smiled. "I trust you have the necessary cash to pay it back?" Roddy fumbled through his pockets. "Well... um... not at the moment..." he replied clumsily. "Ah. I see. Well, then, I guess when the bank hears about this, they'll have no choice but to foreclose on this property..." Roddy nearly had a conniption. "NO! WAIT!!" he screamed. "Not THAT!!! I'll do ANYTHING!!" "*Anything*?" Jessie grinned sweetly, all the while thinking, 'Including taking acting lessons, you dolt?'. "Anything!" Roddy repeated in desperation. Jessie glanced from Nigel to Ruby and back. "I don't know. What do you two think?" "I think I'd like to beat the pemmican out of them anyway," Ruby muttered. "Now, now, Ruby, let's be fair about this," Nigel said, in a sweeping gesture of graciousness. "While there was evil intent here, surprisingly, no real harm was done; none of his codicils had a chance to take effect, after all, and even if he'd tried, the contract was never legally binding in the first place..." "Oh, thank you, Nigel," Roddy sighed in relief. "Besides," Nige grinned wickedly, "*I* want a piece of 'em, too!" His eyes glowed even redder than Ruby's, as he pulled his trusty cricket bat out from behind his back, ready to strike at any given second! "YEEP!!!" Roddy and Danforth screeched in terror. Danforth instinctively threw his arms around Roddy, much to Roderick's annoyance. "I always suspected as much," Nigel grimaced, debating whether or not to put the bat away, and finally opting for the path of less violence. He bent down, picked the paper up off of the floor, and tore it into pieces. "Why don't we just be civilised and say this never 'appened? Forget all about it, ay wot?" "I'm for that," Danforth agreed a little too hastily. "Might as well," Roddy grinned sheepishly. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that... would you let *go* of me?" he growled at Danforth. "Nothing gained... for *you*, maybe," Ruby growled. "I still have a few things to say to you, Roderick..." "Um, yes," giggled Jessie. "Well, I guess my job here is done. Now all that's left to do is deal with the paperwork..." "Wha-what paperwork?" Roddy asked nervously. "Oh, come now, lads. You didn't really think *that* was the contract Nigel tore up, did you?" She smiled benignly, producing the real thing from her purse! "And remember, we'll be watching you..." As she sauntered out of the room, she leaned close to Nigel. "You were right, Nigel. They *are* as stupid as they look!" she said bluntly... and audibly. -0- Miranda sat poised impatiently by her computer, waiting for the results of her secret inquiry to the London hospital where Jess had been a patient. It was a long shot, she knew: drawing on her own experiences, she'd sent them a rather convincing email passing herself off as one of Jess's doctors in America. To her astonishment, they bought it! When she finally got the reply, she couldn't believe her eyes. She pored over the electronic missive word by word, line by line, looking for the slightest little flaw, and finding none. Although it did confirm her suspicions, she still wasn't happy about having pulled this stunt in the first place. Finally, taking a deep breath, she made a printout, but she wasn't happy with it and printed it again, leaving the first one lying casually by her computer. She then folded the email up and put it in her jacket, knowing full well that the letter meant one of two things: one, either dear, sweet, Jessimyn DuVrees had lied to everybody... or two, that she just plain didn't know *what* she was talking about. She also knew that it was time to talk to an expert; and she knew just the one to consult... -0- "'Ay, so where's Miranda?" Nigel asked, as the rest of the Loonies, with their soon-to-be new manager, were seated for a 'victory' dinner at Carrottes. "You'd have thought she'd be here for this!" "Here she comes," Leo said, gesturing towards the entrance. Miranda made her way to the group wearing a serious expression. "So, Miranda... hear any good jokes lately?" Silence from the mink. "Maybe not..." "Miranda? What is it?" Rue asked. "Guys, I have a confession to make," she admitted. "I knew it. She's 'The Mole'!" Jess declared. "The what?" Rue asked. "British TV show. You Yanks'll never get it," Jess half-smiled. "What's wrong, Miranda?" The mink fished around in her jacket and produced the email. "Jess... guys... forgive me; I did an absolutely horrible thing..." "Well, that's okay, luv, a little 409 and nobody'll ever..." *WAP!!* Leo got hit by both Nige and Liz. "AY! It's only a joke!" "Well, this isn't," Miranda sighed. "But what *is* it?" The mink bowed her head and spoke quietly. "I... I decided to do an unauthorized background check on our manager-to-be... something about her just didn't seem right..." "I *knew* it..." Rue seethed under her breath. "Wha... what are you saying?" Jess asked, as confused by this as anything. "When you mentioned you had eight surgeries and they couldn't find anything wrong, I did what _you_ should have done around the second or third one; namely, I got suspicious... so I managed to get hold of your British medical records, Jessie," Miranda continued, reaching for a napkin. "You've got about as much of a bad heart as this!" "What?!?" Jess was flabbergasted. "But... but I don't get it... then what...?" "It's something I know about all too well," Miranda said. "It's called 'misdiagnosis'. But in your case, it was deliberate! I'll explain in a minute." As the albino bunny stared in disbelief, the mink added, "What you had were *panic* attacks, not heart attacks!" "That... that's not possible!" Jess declared, almost in shock. "Oh, but it is," chimed in a new voice, which the rest of the gang recognized instantly as Prof. Wile E. Coyote. He made his way to the table and sat down next to Jess. "When Miss Mink showed me your records, they confirmed it. Miss DuVrees, the reason the doctors in England couldn't find anything wrong with your heart, was there *was* nothing wrong to find in the first place." "But... but all that time in the hospital in London..." Jess protested weakly. "The surgeries... *Who* would want to do that deliberately?" "Blame that on your physician," Miranda continued somberly. "My guess is, he probably saw you as an easy way to pad his pocketbook." "That figures," Lizzie snarled. Wile E. picked up the explanation. "It seems that your so-called doctor merely put you under, opened you up for a bit, closed you back up, and then sent your mother the bill without ever actually doing anything else." RuBarb looked dumbstruck at Jess for a few seconds before speaking. "As you'd put it, 'Good Lor!'" This made Rue's years at Switchhit's seem trivial by comparison. "I don't _believe_ this," Jessie said, also dumbstruck. "Are you telling me that all that time, that leech was sucking Mum and Da dry over a condition I never had in the first place?!?" "Jess?" Miranda said hesitantly, reaching out a paw. "I... I'm afraid there's more to it than that..." All in the room could tell Miranda didn't want to be the one to break whatever news she was about to break to her; but as her closest friend, she had no choice. She handed the bunny yet another printout, this one from the LonToon Times' website. "I'm afraid your father was in on it... I'm sorry..." The color drained from Jessimyn's eyes, and her mouth just hung open as she struggled to read the news item. Finally, she found the words to speak; but they weren't the words the rest of the group were expecting. "I... I should have known..." "What?!?" Nigel asked. "'Dear old da' was terribly shallow, I'm afraid," Jess admitted. "Up through my early days at SoHo, I guess you could say it rubbed off on me." "Not that *I've* ever noticed," Nigel quipped lightly; but the sarcasm was tempered by understanding. "Touche, Nigel. I should have known something was up with Da when I'd had my last attack in London, and he couldn't be bothered to visit me in hospital because he was out buying yachting clothes! And he's never been on a boat in his life!" Jess declared quietly. "I guess it was then I'd realised what mattered most in life, and it wasn't being this damnable little fool that I'd been." She cradled her head in her arms and sobbed quietly. "How could I have fallen for a scam like that?" "Very easily?" Rue offered gently, any lingering hostility towards the bunny permanently forgotten in the light of this surprising revelation. "You're right, RuBarb. You're absolutely right," Jess said, wiping her eyes. "Well, I guess you lot don't need *me* for a manager..." "WOT?!?" Leo shrieked. "Isn't it obvious? How on earth am I supposed to look after *your* best interests when I can't even look after my own?" "Now, Jessie, that's entirely the wrong attitude to take," Lizzie offered. "Well, then, could you tell me what the *right* one is?" "Let's start with the basics. A) There's nothing really wrong with you. Some rabbits just scare more easily than others, but you've turned it into a way of life." Jess gave this some thought. "Ironic choice of words, but I suppose that *is* true, yes," she giggled slightly. "Continue." "Okay. B) It's not going to do you any good to get upset about it..." "What are you saying?" "Jess, you can stop being the victim now. You've studied toon law. What would you recommend to someone in your position?" "Well, let's see... I'd gather all the facts I could, consult with my client, and then... I'd sue the pants off the suckers!!" Suddenly, Jess hesitated. "But... I couldn't sue my own father..." "Sure you could, Jess. This is California. It goes on all the time here!" Ruby noted. "It... it does?" "Well, not exactly *all* the time... just sometimes... and mostly with the showbiz crowd." "Ah, yes. So I've heard... Miranda? Where are you...?" Jess asked as the mink suddenly got up from the table, visibly upset. "Jess... I... I'm really sorry about invading your privacy like that..." "Oh, fiffle!" the bunny replied. "Look, Miranda, you did what you thought you had to do." "Then you're... you're not mad?" "Well, a _little_, per'aps. On the other hand, you did it for a good reason, so I can't be too mad at you for that, I guess." "Well, what was I so worried about, then?" the mink giggled rapidly. "All things being equal, I'd say things can only get better," she added as a shadow cast itself over the table. "Miranda Bogajavlensky Mink..." The voice of Viktor Norka seemed to ring through the restaurant. He had a paper in his hand, and he was not amused. "Oh, no..." Miranda wilted in her seat, recognizing her original email printout. "Um... hello, Father..." "Hello," he replied simply, showing her the message from London. "Is this your doing?" "Er, um... yes, Father," she finally admitted. "I can..." "Come with me, young lady..." "...explain..." She paused, let out a deep sigh, rose from her seat and joined Viktor. "Father?" "You may consider yourself... what is the word?" "Grounded?" the Loonies suggested. "Thank you... grounded for the next month, young lady!" Viktor admonished his daughter severely. "HUH?!? A *MONTH*?!? But... but..." Miranda sputtered, but she knew it was no use. Once her father had said it, then it was law. With a forlorn look back at the Loonies, she accompanied Viktor out of the restaurant. "Well! What do you make of that?" RuBarb asked. "Offhand, I'd say I'm glad Roddy's not our manager anymore," Nigel quipped. "This woulda been a heck of a time for that no-show clause of his to kick in!" "Yes, it would," Lizzie noted, "considering we've got that gig this weekend." "Well, we'll have to continue this party some other time, then," Jessie smiled. "Anybody know how to get to Miranda's house?" "I can take you," Ruby offered. "What have you got in mind, Jess?" "I'm going to have a talk with her father and try to straighten this out," the albino bunny said. "I guess a manager's work *is* never done..." With that, she bade her goodbyes to the remaining Loonies. As she and Ruby started for the door, Rue called out, "Jess, hold up..." "Yes, RuBarb?" Jess asked. "I have to be honest, I sort of... um... talked Miranda into doing that..." Rue hesitated. Jess folded her arms across her chest and gave the feline a piercing glare that seemed to penetrate her polarized glasses. "I *see*..." she said severely. "So this is as much your doing as it is hers, is that it?" "Yeah, only more so... I'm sorry, Jess..." "Anything else?" "Well... would you mind if I went along? See, I... I just don't think it's fair Miranda should have to take the rap for this..." Jess's face scrunched up into a scowl, but finally, she couldn't hold it any longer, and broke into a warm smile. "Apology accepted, RuBarb..." "Thanks... oh, and Jess?" "Yes?" The cat smiled and held out her paw. "My friends call me 'Rue'..." "As you wish," Jess smiled back. "Come along then, Rue." As the trio headed for the rat's Prowler, she asked, "Um, Ruby, you don't play drums, do you?" "I did in the Perfecto jazz band, yeah..." "Close enough for rock and roll..." -0- "I gather Mr. Mink is an old school disciplinarian, then?" Jessimyn asked as the Prowler made its way to Miranda's residence. "Yeah, and his last name's 'Norka'," Rue corrected the bunny. "Russian." "Ah, old school *and* Old World, then," Jess replied, enlightened. "What exactly is he, a professor of some sort?" "No," Rhubella said. "He was involved in the Russian nuclear program. Now he designs video games." "Talk about your odd career switches," Jess giggled. "No argument there, Jess. Not that any of that info will help you get Miranda off the hook with him," Ruby cautioned the bunny. "Perhaps not, but every little bit helps," Jess agreed, as Ruby parked her car in front of the house. "Hmm... nice place." "It is, actually," RuBarb acknowledged. The trio made their way up the walk to the front door. "Um, Jess, any idea how you're going to talk our drummer out of this?" "Honestly? No, but I'll think of something..." The opening of the door cut Jessie off. "Oops. Here we go... *Dosvedanya*, Mr. Norka," she said, addressing Viktor in fluent Russian. "A simple 'hello' would have sufficed, young woman," he smiled in response. "Certainly more than the 'goodbye' you just gave me. And you are...?" Jessie blushed briefly at her faux pas, but made a nice recovery. "Lady Jessimyn DuVrees, sir, although 'Jessie' or 'Jess' will do..." Viktor rubbed his chin in deep thought for a second before recognition hit him. "Ah, yes, my daughter made some inquiries about you earlier today," he said somberly, as if to apologize for Miranda's improper behavior. "Rest assured, she will be appropriately punished if you wish..." "Actually, sir, Miranda's the reason why I'm here. You see, she was sort of acting on my behalf..." Viktor raised an eyebrow. "With your full knowledge and co-operation?" Jess hesitated before answering. "Well, not exactly, sir. Just the opposite, in fact... Rue?" "What?... Oh, yeah... right... to tell the truth, I kind of put her up to it... sir..." "So this was your doing, Miss Purrenstein?" Viktor asked. Rue nodded sheepishly. "I'm afraid so, sir. We were curious as to why Jessimyn could have so many heart attacks when nothing was wrong with her in the first place, and, well, I guess you know the rest." Viktor scratched his chin and spoke slowly and deliberately. "Let me see if I understand this, then. You're telling me that you gave my daughter the idea of breaking the law because you were concerned about this young lady's health?" "That's about it, sir," Rue replied. "Although I hadn't really thought of it in those terms..." "He *is* right, you know," Ruby chided the feline. "And what, Rhubella, is your part in this?" "Nothing, I'm just the driver." "How's that again?" Viktor asked. Ruby only answered with a smile and a shrug. "Never mind. I'd probably be a lifetime figuring that out, anyway." Jessimyn continued, "Mind you, I didn't care for her methods..." "I can understand that," Viktor mused thoughtfully. "And what about the results?" "To be honest, Mr. Norka, I would have preferred a much different outcome; but at least now I know the truth about myself, and I wouldn't have if Miranda hadn't..." "Snooped?" "Yes, that's as appropriate a term as any, I suppose," Jess admitted. Viktor paced slowly as he spoke. "I trust that all of this has some bearing on why you're all here, then." In response, the trio nodded as one. "Yes, I thought so. Would this have something to do with that *other* hobby of hers?" Rue looked confused. "*Other* hobby?" "Rue," Rhubella said, "I think he means other than practicing email fraud." "Oh. Like the band, for instance?" "*That* hobby, young lady." "Oh," Rue replied sheepishly, and then turned to Rhubella. "Why do I have the feeling he's gonna send me to my room without supper?" she whispered. "You feel it too, huh?" Ruby whispered back. Jessimyn became marginally defensive at that point. "One moment, sir, if I may. The band is hardly a hobby, as you would put it. Miranda can tell you that herself." "So could her bankbook," Rue added with a smirk. "Really?" Viktor inquired, one eyebrow raised. "Certainly," Jess replied, going on to explain that The Bloomin' Loonies still managed to turn a small profit, despite Roddy's prior mismanagement. Viktor appeared somewhat dubious. "If they're doing as well as you say, she could bring home a little bit more - what is that phrase? Oh yes... 'mad money' than she has." "Sorry, no can do. We're on kind of an allowance," Rue said. "We only get a small percentage of cash to spend on ourselves, and after our manager... that would be Jessie, here... gets 10 percent, the rest is divvied up between in-house expenses and our savings accounts. We're not allowed to touch either of them." "The 'in-house expense' notion I grasp," Viktor replied. "I have to deal with the same thing over at the software company. Only in your case it would be..." "Guitar strings, polish, cables, the occasional tubes for the Marshall amps, drumsticks, etc., you've got it," Rue continued. "So why aren't you allowed to touch your savings?" "The savings? Those are for college," Jess answered. "From what Nigel tells me, it's been that way from day one... at least, since they moved here." "Again, check her bankbook," Rue interjected. "To be honest, Nigel's idea is brilliant," Jessimyn said, with a slight sigh. RuBarb got the impression that the albino bunny still regretted giving into aristocratic peer pressure. "I'll be following the example, and putting most of _my_ earnings aside for schooling, as well. Law school is ever so expensive, as are most colleges, nowadays." "I have to agree: It is a good plan," mused Viktor, thoughtfully, "but it does not excuse Miranda's actions." "I think I may have a solution. Mr. Norka, I have a proposal for you," Jessie declared, squarely facing the elder mink. "I'm sorry, Jessimyn," Viktor replied with a slight smile, "but I'm not that kind of male." The albino bunny's eyes glazed, briefly, stunned by the joke. She then blinked and recovered her composure. "Well, Mr. Norka, I'm not that kind of girl, so I guess we'll both have to live with the disappointment," Jessimyn retorted with a perfectly straight face. Viktor laughed. "That was good," he chuckled. "Now what is this solution of yours?" "I propose an alternate punishment. Because of Miranda's foray into a less-than-honest application of her intellectual gifts, I, now, will have to undertake some difficult legal actions. Before I embark on this course, I will, of course need to do a lot of research. The Aristocracy is notoriously difficult to take legal action against. So, as an alternate punishment, as opposed to the month-long grounding, my humble suggestion is having Miranda aid me in my legal research, and help me build my case," Jessimyn explained, sounding rather like a barrister, already. "Hmmm... Most interesting," observed Viktor. "And what would this research entail?" "Long, boring hours in law libraries paging through dusty tomes; and searching for precedents, and legal actions against aristocrats that were successful." "Ah. I think I may see a flaw in your solution. Would not a good deal of this information be found on the internet?" queried Viktor. "Possible, but slightly doubtful that as much information as you may think would be contained on a computer database for the whole world to have access. After all, this IS the English Aristocracy we are talking about. They are believers in fostering the myth that they're higher lifeforms than the rest of Toonkind," Jessie replied with a self-deprecating smirk. "And are they?" "Between you and I and the wall, sir, not really. They just like to think that. Actually, they're just as screwed up as everyone else. They just won't admit it." Viktor slowly paced back and forth as if he were taking this into consideration. Finally, he stopped. "Very well, then. Perhaps this *will* teach her a lesson, at that." He allowed the merest of smiles to cross his features. "Besides, what kind of a father would I be if I were to deny her a chance to add to her college fund?" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small signalling device, which he then activated. A green light blinked on and off down the hallway until Miranda appeared. "Yes, Father?" she asked demurely, barely noticing her friends at all. "I have come to a decision, young woman," he said with a definite finality. "I will lift your grounding *if* you help your friend Jessimyn with her legal research." Miranda weighed her options carefully. She didn't take long. "Very well, sir," she replied. "I accept." "Thank goodness *that's* overwith," RuBarb said with a breath of relief. Pulling the mink to one side, she half-whispered, "Boy, I'd hate to be in *your* shoes!" A loud "*Ahem!*" from Viktor interrupted her. "Yes?" "Need I remind you, Miss Purrenstein, having put Miranda up to this in the first place, that you *are* in her shoes, so to speak?" he noted. "Oh... yes... of course... sir." "And I'm sure Jessimyn will want to get this chore overwith as quickly as possible, wouldn't you agree?" "Well, yes, certainly..." she answered hesitantly. "So, I feel it's only right that you... *assist*... my daughter in her research, don't you?" Viktor smiled warmly. RuBarb suddenly realized that her goose was indeed cooked. "What have I gotten myself into?" she muttered. "Oh, come now, Rue, it won't be *that* bad," Jess smiled. "And remember, as your manager, I can arrange for this not to interrupt the rehearsals. I doubt you would've received the same consideration from Roderick." "Small comfort," Rue pouted. "Besides, it'll give us a chance to get better acquainted, ay wot?" "Do I really have much of a choice?" Rue sulked. "Not unless you'd like your father to know about it," Viktor reminded her. "You *wouldn't!*" Rue gasped. "Wouldn't I, though?" Viktor grinned, producing a cell phone in one hand, and one of Harry's business cards in the other! Rue's goose was now past cooked and into charbroiled. "Very well, sir..." -0- The foursome left the Norka residence and headed down the driveway towards Ruby's Prowler, the mink and the cat resigned to the inevitable. Actually, Miranda was looking forward to it, but decided it would be better if, for the moment, Rue didn't know that. Jess tried her best to cheer the feline up. "Well, look on the bright side, Rue. With the three of us doing the research, it couldn't *possibly* take as long as it would with just Miranda and I." "I know," Rue sighed forlornly. "I guess I deserved it, too." "All right, then. I'll let you know when to start, all right?" "You mean you're not going to start right away?" Miranda and Rue asked in unison. "Coke, 2, 3, 4..." Ruby said lazily. "Of *course* not," Jess smiled. "We still have that gig to get through, remember? Unless," she added, "I can find something better in the meantime, that is." "But..." Miranda started, unable to finish her sentence. "I never told your father we'd start *immediately*, did I?" Jess grinned. "After all, I *did* want to buy you as much time as possible! It's one of the more distasteful parts of this job, I'll admit..." "Hey, whatever works," Rue said, satisfied that the legal ordeal wouldn't be occupying their time for the rest of the week; and yet, as they reached the car, the others couldn't help but notice that something else was preoccupying the feline's mind. "Rue," Rhubella asked, "something wrong?" "Well, yeah, something *is* bothering me," RuBarb admitted. "It's... Miranda." "HUH?!?" Miranda asked, startled. "What did *I* do?" Rue explained, "Sorry, short stuff, but this has been driving me nuts all day, and I can't *wait* for tomorrow's shtick class!" "Ah," the mink said, finally getting it. "You want to know the ending to that elephant joke!" "Right! So far, I know that 'up' is a two letter word indicating the opposite direction of 'down', and 'down' is something you get off of an elephant, according to you." "That's right," Miranda replied. Rhubella and Jessie looked at each other and cringed in anticipation. They had both heard this joke years ago, but obviously it was new to RuBarb. "She *wouldn't*!" Jess whispered. "Yes, she would," Ruby whispered back. Rue continued, "But for the last time, *HOW* in the love of Pete Puma do you get down off of an *elephant*?!?!?!?" Miranda smiled beatifically and said, "Okay. First, you need a very big stepladder..." "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Rue growled... FIN. For now at least ;) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Akron In Reverse, Part Two" Copyright (C) April 17, 2002 by Jennifer Cleckley with Jerry D. Withers. All rights reserved. This is a work of fan fiction, and is not meant to be taken for long walks on the beach without asking first. All TINY TOON ADVENTURES characters, names and related indicia (C) 2000 by Warner Bros. Animation, Inc./Amblin Entertainment. RuBarb created by Jerry D. Withers (C) 1996-2002. Miranda, Viktor and Amanda (Norka) Mink created by Jerry D. Withers (C) 1998-2002. Agents Krumhorn and Blagdorff created by Jerry D. Withers (C) 2000-2002. Harry Purrenstein created by Jerry D. Withers (C) 1997-2002. Millie R. Purrenstein created by Jerry D. Withers (C) 1998-2002. All rights reserved. Nigel, Lionel, Lizbeth, Sir Rupert and Lillian Carrotte and all related indicia are created and copyright (C) 1998-2002 Jennifer Cleckley. Jessimyn and Dianna DuVrees created by Jennifer Cleckley (C) 2000-2002. All rights reserved. "Akron In Reverse, Part Two" is a Rottin-Furr Production. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~